7th April 2011
Hey journal! Just a quick update as it feels like all I've been doing lately is school and singing lessons. Mason has got me doing an extra three vocal lessons a week and he's asked me to record three demo songs to get a feel for my 'style' so I've spent a lot of time in the studio recording. In between all the singing I've been studying my butt off for the end of semester exams. The last thing I want is have to retake Drama Theory next year!
It was actually on my way out of a lunchtime study session this afternoon that I noticed something unusual. Jade walking down the corridor in what could only be described as gym gear. She was wearing a turquoise long sleeved sports top, black running pants, black sneakers and she had her hair tied up into a ponytail.
So what I'm about to admit is a little creepy - okay maybe very creepy. But in all the years that I have known Jade I have never seen her wear anything other than her usual dark and gothic clothing. I was instantly fixated. I genuinely couldn't take my eyes off of her. And I know that this is way out of order but I decided to follow her and see where she was going.
Being the oh-so-sporty person I am, I had no idea where she was headed until she reached a dark gray door near the dance studio with a sign that says 'Fitness Suite' above it. Before today, I didn't even know that Hollywood Arts had a gym and apparently not many of the other students know about it either because there were only two other people in there besides Jade.
I wonder why she's spending her lunch hour in the gym of all places? Jade has never struck me as the gym type. She's more interested in the Arts and Music and Acting than Sport. Maybe she's on some kind of 'get fit to make Beck jealous' exercise plan? Or maybe she's just going there as its somewhere else to go rather than sitting with our friends?
I watched Jade run on the treadmill through the small circular window in the door for about fifteen minutes before I suddenly came to my senses and realised just how creepy I was being. When did I become so obsessed with her anyway? Why do I care what Jade is doing at lunch?
15th April 2011
For the past few days I've been following Jade to the Fitness Suite at lunch and watching her work out. I know, I really know that I shouldn't be doing it. Today she was cycling and her legs looked amazing in the navy blue leggings she was wearing. She was cycling so fast I seriously wondered how she was still on the thing and I found myself completely in a trance.
I could only have been watching her for ten minutes when without warning she jumped off the bike. It was so sudden and before I knew it her eyes locked with mine. There was zero chance of me being able to hide and when she approached me, she was furious.
"Why are you spying on me?!" Jade swung open the door and hissed in my face.
"I— I'm not. I was just..." I stammered, trying my best to think of an explanation. My cheeks flushing red with embarrassment.
"Just what?" She questioned angrily. Beads of sweat pricked her forehead as her chest moved up and down as she struggled to regain control of her rapid breathing. Her expression was panicked and her eyes frantic somehow as though I'd walked in on a big secret of hers.
"I'm sorr-" I began to apologise.
"Save it!" Jade snapped, storming past me and out of the gym.
So yeah, I've pushed Jade even further away with my weird stalker-ness. Points to Tori for being a pervy moron. Anyway, I think I'm going to keep my distance from Jade for a while and hold off on the creepiness. Seriously what has got into me?
20th April 2011
Ok I'm officially worried. I know I said a week ago that I'd stop with the Jade stalking and I have.. sort of. But I've realised that Jade doesn't just go to the gym at lunch, she goes every morning before class starts too. It feels like every time I walk past the fitness suite she's there again.
I mean, I suppose there's nothing wrong with exercising and trying to get fit. It's healthy even. But it's just so out of character, I don't know.. something feels off. I want to talk to her but she's still mad at me for spying on her last week.
Today in Drama, Sikowitz called Jade, Cat and Robbie up onto the stage to perform a scene and I'm going to come off creepy again by saying this, but Jade has always had curves. Like in a good way... Alright she's hot, Jeese! But today when she stood up on that stage next to Robbie and Cat, she looked skinny. She still looked pretty of course, Jade always looks pretty. But it was impossible not to notice that she's lost weight. A lot of weight.
22nd April 2011
After dwelling over everything that's happened recently I decided that maybe I was overreacting a little bit last week. So what if Jade's lost weight? She can do what she wants— it's her body. I felt bad about the creeping on her too and I wanted to apologise. So since she was evidently not going to talk to me in class.. or at lunch.. or at any other time. I decided the best thing to do was to speak to her in some place I knew she was definitely going to be.
"Hey." I greeted Jade casually. Appropriately clad in a pair of Trina's gym shorts, I stepped onto the treadmill next to her.
"Why— are you— here?" Jade panted, her face red as she ran up a particularly steep slope in hill-mode.
"I just thought I'd get some exercise. Check this place out. I've never been here." I performed my fully rehearsed speech. "Actually I was checking it out a few weeks ago when you saw me. That's why I was looking in the window— to check it out."
"Of course you were." Jade replied obviously not falling for it. Luckily she was too out of breath to argue back so I started jogging slowly.
"How have you been?" I asked. Jade glanced at me suspiciously and I smiled. I genuinely just wanted to know.
"Fine." Jade sounded annoyed. My face fell. Was she ever going to drop her guard and give me a chance to resolve some of the unnecessary tension between us.
"Jade. I just want to be your friend. I know we haven't always seen eye-to-eye but I do miss you, you know?" I turned the speed down on my treadmill to a walk. Jade did the same.
"Whats got into you recently?" Jade looked at me almost humorously. I felt my cheeks flush red again.
"Uh— what do you mean?" I stammered.
"Why do you suddenly care about me? You never used to care about me." Jade accused harshly. She seemed genuinely perplexed that I asked her a simple how are you, and that hurt my feelings a bit. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. How could I explain that I've always cared about her in ways that I hardly even have the guts to admit to myself.
"I'm just saying that I'm here for you and if you need someone to talk to about Beck or anything then you can talk to me." I told the truth whilst also avoiding the question. Jade looked pensively at the screen on her treadmill. I could tell I'd hit a nerve by bringing up Beck but just for a second I thought I'd won her trust.
"I wouldn't talk to you if you were the last human being on the planet Vega." Jade glared at me before walking away. I felt a sting in my heart and my face heat up as a mixture of anger and sadness overwhelmed me. I hate her. *sigh.* I wish I could hate her.
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