A/N: Huh, not that many people read the first two chapters, or at least not as much as I'd like. It might've been that I posted so early on Sunday and Monday. Oh well! Here's the next chapter! Hope you all enjoy it!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Enjoy!
Chapter: 3
Jason woke up before dawn, again. He didn't know why he kept doing that. Every single day this past week has been up before first light. Although, this was the first time in a few days he woke up with Tori sleeping next to him. She hated sleeping on her back so she was on her stomach, her head not on any of the pillows she pulled to her side of the bed in the middle of the night with her mouth slightly open. He couldn't help but smirk and yank a pillow to his side, she didn't stir, which was a relief. Though January was over, there were still some nightmares that caught up to her afterwards. Jason hated that she suffered through so many nightmares. He hated having to wake her up when she was thrashing around, fear and panic in her eyes once she finally woke up, or the tears afterwards when the phantoms of the past stayed with her through till morning.
Even after all this time it was still hard to forget. Memories snuck up on you when you're asleep. When you're stressed or had a bad day. Jason remembered all the times he woke up alone, afraid, reliving his own murder in his head. Jason shook his head. Erasing all thoughts of the past. He couldn't think about that right now. He instead propped himself up on the pillows he did have and looked around the room. Weapons hung on the walls, various kinds from different places around the world. Some in reach of little kids…and there it was. The reason he woke up. Kids. Yes…he did want them…but at the same time was that really something he could do? His father had been an abusive asshole…what did that mean for him? With a silent sigh, he got up and left the room moving past the kitchen to the living room and out the other side balcony, the larger one that usually had a few chairs on it when it wasn't winter.
It was cold, but he didn't feel it. Instead he just brooded while leaning against the railing. Angered that something he wanted may not be good for him or the hypothetical kid. Whose to say that he won't do exactly what his dad did over the years? Sure, he didn't really remember his father, but he remembered enough for him to have his own doubts of becoming a father. There were two ways fatherhood could go: you could be a good dad, or a bad dad. There was no in-between. Jason knew this. He knew he wanted to be a good father. He knew he wanted to be a dad. But could he handle his pent up anger? Could he keep the kid from grabbing the weapons off the walls…could he remove them without feeling like he was removing the past he experienced after his resurrection? Could he teach his kid to defend his or herself without them wanting to be a vigilante?
He wanted it. Jason knew he did. But he didn't know how to be a dad. He knew how to be an uncle…but that was different…at least he thought it was. Maybe it wasn't…Cordelia, Jonathan and James came over a lot…and they'd never gotten hurt on Jason's watch. But there was still that fear, that icy fear that it would all be different when it was his kid…that he would screw everything up when the kid was his. Internally he knew that Tori would be there to make sure that didn't happen…but would she be mad if it happened and she had to fix everything? Would she wind up hating him? Jason shook his head at himself…he was overthinking this,
"Goddamnit," he growled, before stalking back inside where it was warm and heading to the bathroom. He splashed some water on his face and scrubbed his hands over his eyes. Jason then went back into bed and rolled over to wrap an arm around Tori,
"Bad dream?" Tori mumbled, opening an eye,
"Yes," Jason lied,
"I know you're lying," she replied, "I can hear your heartbeat. It flutters whenever someone lies, no matter how good the liar," she rolled over to face him while rubbing her eyes,
"I didn't mean to wake you," he said, redirecting the attention from him to her,
"I woke up when you did," she said, "You went outside. Brrr," Jason frowned. Why were her ears so good,
"It was nothing," he said,
"Liar," she said, smirking sleepily,
"It's…it's just stupid," he said,
"What's stupid?" Jason was silent, he had two options. He could tell the truth, or try and lie to Tori again…being the smart husband he was, he went for the first option,
"Me being a dad," Tori rolled her eyes,
"You're not a dad yet," she said,
"But…later…maybe…if it happens,"
"Then you'll be a dad," she said simply,
"But what if—," Tori put a finger to his lips,
"Shh. Don't even say it,"
"You don't know what I was going to say,"
"I know you. And therefore I know all your mopey moves, like saying 'what if I'm a bad dad'" she tried to mimic his voice as she said that, "and I already know that's not true,"
"How would you know,"
"Because, you may have been born to a bad dad, but you were raised by Bruce,"
"That's not very encouraging," Jason deadpanned,
"You turned out alright,"
"I died,"
"Okay, then Dick, Tim and Damian turned out alright,"
"So three out of four's okay?" Jason asked incredulous,
"No one's perfect Jason," Tori said with a yawn, "life's not planned out, things happen and sometimes mistakes are made…and you'll make plenty, but how you fix the mistakes is what really matters. It's also how much effort you put into fixing them. I know you are too stubborn to give up on anything, and are always willing to fix any problem you encounter. Therefore I know you will be a great dad," Tori planted a kiss on his cheek before cuddling up to his side and closing her eyes. Jason couldn't help but smile softly and put an arm around her. He figured his pep talk was over…and he figured she was right. The doubt was probably still there. He'd probably wake up again…or maybe not…or something else will distract him from this worrying persistent thought, but for now his doubt had been thoroughly tamed.
A/N: Next chapter on Monday and I'd appreciate any constructive criticism, suggestions and thoughts!
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