A/N: I don't own Persuasion. I really do appreciate reviews even if it is constructive criticism. I want to know what you think of my story.
Chapter Three: Something Lacking in Your Life
"There are moments when it's too quiet. Particularly late at night or early in the mornings. That's when you know there's something lacking in your life. You just know." –Frank Sinatra
The next day, I walked downstairs with Josh and Tony to discover Marietta and Gretchen sitting in the breakfast nook eating breakfast with Kevin and Maya. Okay, Kevin was the only one who was really eating, but they were all drinking orange juice and the girls were at least picking at toast. "Oh, Anna," Gretchen said. "You're awake. You missed quite the dinner last night. Alex Wentworth is so funny and amazingly gorgeous."
Kevin rolled his eyes. "Alex and the Crofts are lovely people. Hopefully you'll get a chance to meet them in the near future."
"I met Sophia yesterday," I said. "She had called me about some stuff she'd found in the house that she was wondering if I wanted. She's giving me all of the books that Dad left in the house."
"And where are you going to keep all those books?" Maya said, looking up from the piece of toast she'd been ripping up since I entered the room.
"Either in my apartment or in your basement," I replied calmly. I knew that a storm was brewing and that she was going to blow up at any moment. The reason was probably that Kevin hadn't paid enough attention to her the night before or she was angry that Gretchen and Marietta were at her breakfast with her husband. When my sister is mad at her husband, she doesn't like having other people around; she likes having the freedom to just blow up at him. But if there are other people around to blow up, then she takes her wrath out on them. And now I was going to get it because I was the last person to enter the room other than her children and Maya will never yell at her children in front of Kevin or his family.
But she has no problem yelling at me anywhere or everywhere. She once started yelling at me in the middle of the Gap because I disagreed with her about which outfit she should wear to a business luncheon with the wives of some of Kevin's business associates. I told her to wear something more conservative while she wanted to wear something glamorous and showy. She didn't seem to understand that these women were in their forties and they wouldn't be comfortable if she was wearing glitter and sequins from Forever 21. I also threw in that I think she's too old to be shopping at Forever 21 anymore, and then she blew up. Apparently, I might be too old for Forever 21 and be better suited to "the old ladies' clothes" at the Gap and the Limited, but apparently she's still young enough to shop in the juniors' department and wear the same clothes as fifteen-year-old girls. My little sister screamed at me because I can't keep my "goddamn nose" out of her business. The whole scene was vaguely reminiscent of when she was seventeen and she cussed Sarah Russell and me out in the middle of Chicago in front of everyone who might be trying to walk into the Louis Vuitton store on the Magnificent Mile. That was the kind of explosion my sister was headed for that morning at the breakfast table.
Her eyes were glowing like coals as she said, "Those books are not coming into my house. You can keep them in your damn apartment or in some little storage unit thing, but you are not keeping all of Wally's shit in my house. I do not want any of those books in this house."
"Maya, darling," Kevin said coolly, rubbing her hand with his. "Please don't swear in front of the children."
"I'll say whatever I damn well please in front of my kids. They're not just your goddamn kids, Kevin; they're mine too. I don't know if you remember this but I did have to go through labor to bring those brats into the world."
I took the "brats" in question into the kitchen to get some breakfast for them. As I took cereal out of the cupboard, Josh's little voice chirped up. "Auntie Annie, what does damn mean?"
My sister doesn't deserve her kids. They're so good and sweet and innocent. And she swears in front of them. Gretchen and Marietta followed me into the kitchen, presumably to get away from the sounds emanating from the breakfast nook. "Anna, do you think they're going to get a divorce?" Gretchen asked me.
"If Kevin knows what's good for him, he'll grab the kids and run," Marietta told her sister. "She's not stable. No offense, Anna, but your sister is completely nutso."
I sighed. "I've been related to her for twenty-five years. I've noticed that she and I aren't completely sane."
"Listen, can you try to calm her down?" Gretchen asked me. "Kevin is supposed to play golf with Alex Wentworth this morning and I'd hate for Alex to come in while those two are in the middle of a huge fight. Marietta and I will get these little guys their breakfast if you'll diffuse that situation for us."
I gave her a skeptical look that must have conveyed my thoughts that they just wanted me to do this so they could impress this supposed wonder-boy Alex Wentworth.
"Anna, we do want things to look good to Alex, but that's not the thing," Marietta told me firmly. "This is about Kevin and Maya; we're worried about them."
"You just said she was unstable," I reminded her.
The older Musgrove sister sighed. "Yeah, but we have to think about what's good for the kids."
I sighed and rolled my eyes. "I'll handle them but I don't understand what you two want."
"We want Kevin to be happy," Gretchen told me as she took Tony from me. "Just try to keep the peace for a while until Daddy can talk to Kevin and help him figure out what the best route would be."
I went back to the breakfast nook where Kevin and Maya were now screaming at each other. My sister was accusing him of abandoning her and neglecting her. "You don't love me anymore!" she screamed as I walked into the room. "You're just keeping me around because it would look bad if people reported that you divorced Wally Eliot's daughter. I'm the daughter of an actor and you're just a lowly music executive. You don't care about me or the children. You just want to get away from me and start a new life with someone younger and prettier. You just want to be able to say that you're married to Wally Eliot's daughter. Kevin, you don't understand me or love me. You don't understand my illness at all."
Her illness; the only illness she had was hypochondria. I could see the frustration in Kevin's eyes. "You think I don't love you? Good God, Maya, what will it take to get through to you?" He shook his head and ran his hands through his light brown hair as I cleared my throat.
I stepped further into the room and took a deep breath. "I have been sent to remind you that Alex Wentworth will be arriving to play golf with Kevin shortly and you probably won't want to let him know that you've been fighting," I said in my best first-grade teacher voice.
"Who gives a damn about your precious Alex Wentworth? Let him know that my husband is an abusive asshole," Maya replied firmly. "I don't care what he thinks of us."
Oh, but that was a lie; I wouldn't call her on it, but nevertheless it was a lie. She cared more than words what he thought about her. Kevin glared at his wife. "Look, Maya; you can play your games and lie to yourself if you want, but let's get one thing straight. I love you and I love our children."
Just then, I heard Gretchen's voice in the kitchen saying, "He's in the breakfast nook with Maya and Anna, just through that door."
Alex Wentworth was about to come through that door and I was terrified. My sister and her husband were fighting and I hadn't seen the man in eight years, not since I told him I wouldn't marry him. I knew my looks had gone downhill since then and I wondered what he looked like these days.
"Alex is coming," Maya said. "You can go play golf while I take care of our poor son and his broken arm."
"He broken his collarbone, Maya," Kevin replied calmly. "And Anna is here; she can take care of things."
It's funny; people always just assume that I can take care of any situation. They also assume that I want to take care of all of their problems. But I have problems of my own and just as I thought that, one of my problems walked into the room. I slipped to a corner of the room where I would be out of sight.
When we were nineteen-year-olds, Alex Wentworth was the absolutely gorgeous Greek god every girl who saw him immediately desired. Now, at twenty-seven, he was more gorgeous than ever. His black hair was still wavy although now it was a little longer than it had been when we were in college. Then his hair had been shorter but now it was long enough that sometimes it fell into his eyes. He was as tall as ever and more muscular than he'd been in college. In short, he was even better looking than he'd been eight years ago. And I wasn't. In my opinion, my looks had gone downhill since college. My dad had actually told me that on a few occasions. He liked to remind me that Liz was prettier than me. Apparently, people prefer blondes to people with dark brown hair.
Kevin talked to Alex for a few minutes before Maya decided that she was being neglected and she needed to call attention to herself. "Alex, have you met my sister, Anna yet? She was babysitting our little boys last night and was therefore unable to come to dinner."
I stepped out of my corner as this and Alex looked at me. For one brief second in time our eyes met but he quickly looked away. "We've met before," he said briefly. In those three terse words, I knew that I was not forgiven for my actions eight years ago. Of course, I didn't really deserve his forgiveness but that was neither here nor there.
"Anna never mentioned it," Maya said, shooting me an accusing look.
"It was back in college," I replied. "We took a class or two together; it was nothing major."
His eyes briefly flitted to my face and I knew that he was grateful to me for keeping what had passed between us all those years ago a secret. But I also wasn't forgiven. Alex would never forgive me and I was doomed to die an old maid because I would never stop loving him.
Kevin and Alex left the breakfast nook and headed off to play golf. After they left, I found myself entrusted with my nephews again while Marietta and Gretchen rushed off to gossip about something and Maya took to her bed with a "horrible headache that just might kill me." I just love my sister's tendencies towards the dramatic. She goes off thinking that she's dying while I take care of her children. She needs to hire a new nanny, but in the meantime, I get to take care of her little darlings. Maya always claimed to be the perfect mother but she really couldn't stand taking care of her children. She liked the status associated with being a mother but she wasn't actually interested in raising her children.
I spent the morning playing with my nephews. Mostly we played in the sandbox although when they were getting tired closer to lunch, we went inside and played with their building blocks. Maya never came downstairs although occasionally, she would call my cell phone and demand that I do something for her. I must have fluffed her pillows twenty times and brought her fifty classes of water. During one visit, she told me to make sure that Kevin didn't marry a hooker when she died. When I asked her what she was dying of, she laughed. "Don't you know, Anna?" she sighed and pulled the blankets closer to her chin. "I think I have a brain tumor."
So this week she was dying of a brain tumor. When I visited her over Memorial Day weekend, she had septicemia. But then I told her that was blood poisoning and she changed her mind. My sister never has the same disease for more than three or four days at a time. Her brain tumor would soon be replaced by something more dramatic and attention-grabbing. That was the way Maya worked; she lived off attention. She thrived when people were noticing her. She once cried because she hadn't talked to anyone in four hours. I think half the reason she has children is because they'll pay attention to her. But then she ignores them and I take care of them. It really doesn't make much sense.
Two days later, I was babysitting Tony and Josh while Kevin was at work and Maya went shopping with Mrs. Musgrove, Marietta, and Gretchen. Josh was sleeping and Tony and I were watching Thomas the Tank Engine, but Tony was getting restless. He started climbing all over me and before I knew it he had wrapped himself around my neck and was pulling my hair. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. I tried to pull myself into a standing position but I couldn't. Knowing that the door was unlocked, I just yelled, "Come in! It's open."
And then Alex walked in. "Sophia sent me over with some books from Anna's father's library. Where do you want them?"
I looked up at him and took a deep breath. "Just put them in here and I'll take care of putting them away."
"Good heavens, Anna," he gasped. "Are you all right?"
"Once I get Tony off my neck, I'll be great," I replied, taking a deep breath. My nephew had a firm grip on me and I was starting to have trouble breathing.
Alex put down the box of books in his hands and hurried over to me. "Tony, please let go of your aunt's neck."
"No!" my nephew yelled. "I'm having fun."
"Anthony, I'll give you one last chance. Please let go of your aunt. You're hurting her and it's not good for your arm."
"But I'm sick of sitting still," he protested. "I want to play."
"I'm sure your Aunt Anna will be quite happy to play with you if you let go of her neck," Alex told him. "Now let go or I'll have to pull you off."
"Pull me off," Tony replied fiercely. "I don't want to move."
"All right, have it your way." With that, Alex reached around my neck and disentangled the little boy from me. Suddenly, I felt Alex's gentle fingers probing my neck. "Are you all right, Anna? Does anything hurt?"
"I'll be fine, Alex," I replied hurriedly. "He's a three-year-old boy; how much damage can he do?"
"That's the spirit," he said. "Just keep him calm and let him do simple things that won't bother his collarbone."
"I know," I replied. "We were outside in the sandbox all morning and we're inside resting while Josh takes a nap and Tony refuses to take one."
"I'm too old for naps!" the three-year-old in question protested vehemently from the couch. "Only babies take naps."
I sighed and Alex laughed. "I'll bring the rest of the books in and then take off so I don't distract him anymore. And don't let him kill you."
I smiled and sat back down on the couch next to Tony. Alex brought the rest of the boxes inside, tickled Tony, and then left without another word to me. It was official; he hated me. Not that I shouldn't have expected that; eight years ago, Alex asked me to marry him and I said yes. Then, Sarah talked me out of it. I wrote Alex a nice little note and that was that. I never saw him again.
Flashback
I followed Alex into Don Petrelli's. I know this place was far too expensive for him and I would have been perfectly happy to go to the grocery store and pick up the supplies to make dinner at home; it would have been less expensive. But Alex wanted to go someplace nice to celebrate the end of the first semester. I was transferring to a smaller school at the start of winter semester and we both knew this would change our relationship. But we both readily admitted that it was necessary. UC Berkley was fine for me when I wanted to be a doctor but now that I wanted to be a teacher, I needed to go somewhere else. But Alex told me that was something we could worry about tomorrow. "Tonight is for us, Annabelle," he told me as we sat down at a small table for two that overlooked the ocean.
Dinner was lovely. I had chicken parmesan and Alex had veal Marsala and then for dessert we split tiramisu, my favorite dessert. After dinner, we went for a walk along the coast, talking about our hopes and dreams. Alex wanted to be a neurologist so badly and I was determined to teach early elementary school, preferably first to second grade. "And it'll take me a while to actually be worth something financially, but I don't care. I love you and I want to make you mine," Alex said.
I smiled. "I love you too, Alex."
Suddenly, his fingers were running through my long dark brown hair. "Anna, I love your hair. Don't ever cut it; just leave it long and gorgeous like this forever."
I laughed and shook my long curls. "I'll see what I can do. I love my hair too."
He smiled and turned me so I was looking into his gorgeous dark brown eyes. "Annabelle, I need to talk to you about something serious."
I nodded. "What's up?"
Alex took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his thick black curls. "Anna, you know that I love you. I love you more than anything and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
My breath caught in my throat as I realized what was going on. It was only a few days before Christmas and we were only nineteen years old. We both had two and half more years left in school and then Alex had medical school in front of him. I put my hands over my mouth as he got down on one knee and held out a beautifully simple ring in front of me. "Anna Clarissa Eliot, I love you. Will you marry me?"
End Flashback
I said yes that night but within a week, I had given the ring back to Alex and told him that I was sorry but I just couldn't agree to marriage at that point in time. In truth, Wally and Sarah had talked me out of it. They convinced me that I was too young and Alex wasn't good enough for me. He was too poor and it would take him too long to get the point where he could afford to support a wife and family. Sarah had told me that someone better would come along soon. Well, eight years later, I was still single. I cut my hair after I gave Alex his ring back. I couldn't stand having my long curls reminding me of him day in and day out, so I cut my hair into a bob and haven't grown it out since then. Every now and then, someone will tell me they want to see me with long hair but I always tell them that it's just easier to handle short hair. The truth is that I can't handle having long hair; it makes me think about the man who was in love with my long hair. Short hair is easier; I didn't break anyone's heart when I had short hair.
That night, Maya came into my room in the way she used to before she got married when she had exciting gossip to share. She jumped up on my bed and grinned; I hadn't seen her happy like this in ages. "Guess what Gretchen told me today?"
"What?" I asked, looking up from my book; I had been working on writing a book for the past two years or so. I was almost done with it and I was rereading it to make sure that I was satisfied with it.
"Apparently she was talking with Alex Wentworth and he told her that it was a good thing that we told him who you were because he never would have recognized you. He thinks you've really changed since you knew each other in college. Isn't that weird?"
I shrugged and adjusted my glasses. "I suppose so. But you have to remember we only took a couple classes together my freshman year. That was when I was at Berkley and pre-med. I changed my major and left Berkley halfway through my sophomore year."
"Yeah, I guess I remember that now."
"You were in Switzerland when I was at Berkley," I reminded her.
"Was Alex as good-looking then as he is now?"
I laughed and shook my head. "We weren't really friends or anything like that, Maya. We knew each other but I don't know if I really remember what he looked like then well enough to answer your question."
She slapped my laptop and shook her head. "You're pathetic, Anna. You took at least two classes with him and you never noticed what he looked like. He's so gorgeous; you're too caught up in your books and work to notice boys. No wonder you're still single."
I shrugged. "Say what you want, Maya. I've chosen the life I have and I'm willing to live with my choices."
After my sister left the room, my eyes fell on the book on my bedside table, Flight of Dreams. I wasn't living the life my mother had dreamed I would. And I wasn't happy with the life choices I'd made. I wish I hadn't listened to my dad or to Sarah. Alex had turned out wonderfully. He was a doctor and he was doing well for himself from what I heard. And he was still as gorgeous as ever. And he hated me.
Eight years ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life. And now I was going to pay for it for the rest of my life.
A/N: Please review! I'm sorry it took me so long to update. I've been really busy, but I promise to do better. I hope you liked it.
