9:00PM
I felt cold inside the Packard. I don't know why, but being in that old car always makes me feel as though I'm freezing even in the depths of summer. I clamped one hand on my coat's zipper to keep warm while the other was rested firmly on Arnold's thigh. He drove fast, fallowing the ambulance as best he could. Like him, I would have loved to ride with Phil. But there was no room after Gertie wedged her way in.
"I hope he's ok," I sighed. Looking at the heavenly colored emergency car made me think of Merriam. She had only been in one of those once, and I could not burn the memory out of my mind.
It was a warm and sunny Saturday in summer. I had plans with Arnold to get pizza so my mood was naturally elevated. I danced around the house as I thought of it, wondering what it would be like. It didn't matter that this would be our umpteenth date or that by the age of 18 I should have toned things down. I just couldn't seem to rid myself of the girlish practices of writing poems about my beloved, and trembling each time I read them aloud.
Oh Arnold, I scribbled feverishly, How I long to be in your arms as the wind moves your hair like wheat, to feel my heart flutter as we kiss, and to suckle at your sweets. I smiled evilly as I penned my feelings down on paper, feeling excited and ready for the release that was bound to come.
"Ohhh!" I quivered as I threw the diary down as the calm washed over my body. It relaxed my every nerve.
"Hay Merriam, have you seen my white belt?" Bobbed yelled just outside my door, "I can't close this huge deal with out it." I got up from the bed stormed out.
"Criminey, can't I get some quite around here!" I spotted Merriam walking to Bob in slow and jagged movements. Drunk before lunch, nice one Merriam, I thought. Normally she waited till the afternoon.
"Maybe Olga has it," she slurred; "So why don't you ask her while I get another smoothie" I noticed that she seemed even more wasted then usual. Not only was Merriam's speech sluggish, her steps seemed jerked and shaky, like she had to force herself to budge across the hall.
"Hay Olga," Bob said, "Got my belt?"
"My name is Helga!" I glared.
"Do you got it or not! I have this vary important meeting and I have to look my best or else I won't sell!"
"Why would I have it Bob?"
"Don't play games with me kid!"
"Kid! I'm 18!" I shaped my brow into a deep V. I saw his face turn russet red as he continued to screech at me, his eyes boiling out of his sockets with rage. His hair melted down to his scalp with sweat.
I watched his face cook for a little while longer before noticing my mother. She was crawling along the walls feeling the paper as she went. Merriam gripped on to corners, looking for the railing that was right beside her.
"I think I fount it! WAAA!" Before anyone could catch her, Merriam fell head first down the flight of stairs. I could hear her smashing on the steps as she dropped, some of her bones cracking on the hardwood. Bob rushed to her just in time to see her crash on the stair's landing.
"Funny, I don't feel a thing Mr. Postman," Merriam giggled. Looking at her bruised and busted body, Bob shouted,
"Cripes Olga! Call 911!" Now I was scared. Never in my life had I seen my mother go beyond her everyday buzz, and this was way beyond. I walked slowly to her pile of mangled limbs, amazed that a simple stair fall could produce this. She looked liked a Picasso painting, only battered and bloody.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" Bob demanded. I heard him, and yet I hadn't heard him. His words passed through my mind like air. I tried desperately to comprehend them but it hard; each one drew a bigger blank then the last. Suddenly, the room grew fuzzy. My vision blurred like TV snow. Yet, just as suddenly, I snapped back into the moment.
"PHONE! NOW!" I ran to pick up my cordless and dialed, not sure what to do next. I breathed heavy as I waited for someone to be reached. I could heed the old windbag yelling, but his words were fading out again. All I could hear was the annoying ring on my phone
"911 emergency, what's your address?" I shook as I gave it, and then, in panicked gasps, I explained what happened. I noticed that the woman at the other end didn't say anything as I talked, and that irritated me.
"What's your name dear?" the woman finally asked.
"Helga… Helga Pataki."
"Ok Helga, I want to you leave your mother as is until the ambulance arrives. Trying to move her could worsen things."
"That's it! That's all you're going to say!"
"I'm sorry, but that's all you can do. The ambulance should be there shortly, goodbye!" As the cheerful woman clicked off, I felt afraid. My mind fluttered with a thousand ideas of what would happen next: body castes, hospital visits, and what if Merriam really had to go to rehab this time? She was quite good at faking sobriety around those who cared to address her growing problem, but could she do it now with all her bashes and marks? Could she escape rehab? Could I survive being alone with Bob?
Hearing the blare of the siren, I rushed down to find my mother being rolled on a stretcher into the back of the medical van parked on the front lawn.
"I don't need this! I can walk!" Merriam yelled, laughing. Big Bob stood by and snarled, too busy to care. Looking at his watch he quickly jumped in his car and drove off, leaving me all alone. This can't be happing, I thought, wide-eyed, my mom's about to reach the loony bin and Bob does not care. He just drives off to some stupid meeting! What he HELL is so freaking important about freaking beepers anyway! My mind swirled with thoughts that raged from anger, to sadness. I continued to watch the E. M. T.'s roll Merriam inside the ambulance. I stared at the flashing lights, totally ignoring the sounds around me. I barely noticed my Arnold coming down the street.
"What's going on Helga!" he asked. I started to say something, but then stopped, too shocked to explain.
"My….my…my stomach is growling. Lets eat already Arnoldo!" I said as I walked off to the pizzeria. I ate in complete silence. No matter what, or how he asked, I just chewed noisily, staring off into space.
"Come on, Helga. It's me, Arnold. Whatever you say will be between just us. Only you and me. No one else has to know." He reached his hand out to mine. I tore it away fast as I stood up.
"Lets go. I'm board," I said, slurping my soda loudly. And like that, I walked out. Arnold tried again throughout the week, but was met with a wall. I simply talked about other things, like my prized wresting tapes. It pained me to keep brushing him off, but I found it hard to do anything else. It was like I programmed to avoid it.
"Are you at least talking to Phoebe about it?" he asked me one night. I rested my arms firmly under my chest, glowering.
"What's it to you, football head. I'm fine. So quit asking ok?" By Friday I was at my worst. Merriam had been hospitalized for nearly a week and had no signs of getting out. It seemed that with her cracked bones and huge black-and-blue marks the hospital would not let her go without a mandatory stay in the hospitals rehab wing. It meant three months alone with no one but Bob. I didn't know if I could stand it.
"Stop asking! I can survive!" I screamed at Phoebe that next Monday. She jumped back, falling on the floor.
"All I asked was were your mother was. You didn't have to yell Helga."
"Yea, well…I'm going to Arnolds! So get lost!" I stormed out of my room, leaving Phoebe to stand alone in it.
It was nighttime when I made to the boarding house. I knocked on the door and waited to be let in, feeling pretty low about how I treated my best friend. I thought about going to her house and apologizing. But I knew that if I did, I would have to talk about Merriam. And I was not ready. It was still so new to me.
At least I'm at the Shortman's now, I sighed, and I hope they ask me to stay for dinner. It'd be nice to have a real family meal for once.
"Oh, hey there Helga," grandpa Phil smiled as he answered the door. "Arnold's in his room." I started toward it before Phil tugged on my arm.
"Mind if I talk to you a minute?" I turned to face him in total silence, my visage blank of emotion.
"I don't mean to pry…but Shortman's said you've been vary unpleasant all week. Now, I don't know why that is, but….Uh…I was thinking… If you ever needed a room to get away in for a couple hours, I'd be happy to lend you one. It's not like you'd pay any rent, I'd just be there for when you need be alone for a while." I could not believe what I was being offered. Phil could have easily rented that space out for extra cash but was choosing to give it to me instead.
"But… I…"
"Just give me a ring when you want it, alright?" I nodded yes slowly, totally stunned by his generosity. "Ok then, you kids have fun. Opps! Gotta go file something in the office." Phil dashed off.
I started towards Arnold's room again, unsure of what to make of Phil's idea. The thought buzzed in my mind. A whole space to be me, a…place that I can…well…who knows what! How can he just offer it to me like that? He doesn't even know why I'd need it!
"Oh, came to not talk to me some more? No thanks Helga," Arnold said coldly when I reached his room. He didn't even look at me as he spoke. He just stood there shelving books. It hurt me to see it. But it hurt more to know I had started it. My week of solid silence caused me to shut out the one of the two people in my life who I really needed. Yet, I didn't know how to begin talk about it.
Bu then I thought I of Phil's idea. If he could do that, then I should at least try to do this.
"Merriam is in rehab Arnold," I sighed darkly, "My mother… is in rehab."
"What?"
I never did mention it to Arnold, but the proposal of the room meant more to me then anything else in the world. I couldn't take it of course; I wouldn't know how to ask. But the idea alone showed that Phil saw me as family. He was able to look past my mean demeanor and take me, as me. No restrictions applied.
Arnold parked the car in the hospital's parking lot. He sighed heavily as he rested his head and hands on the wheel.
"God," he sobbed, "I really hope he's ok." I rubbed my hands around his convulsing back to sooth him, feeling the baby kick wildly as I did.
"Me too, Arnold, me too."
