Disclaimer: Still don't own.

A/N: I'm a horrible review replier but I am seriously trying to turn over a new leaf and be a little more...interactive. Anyways, sorry for the huge delay. Thanks :)


3.

The sound of my footsteps echoed against the thick walls after I stepped off the elevator and then stopped as I met the door which would lead me outside on the roof. I was trying to be brave. I really was. I just didn't know if I was going to make it through the whole conversation without crying or punching him.

Instead of worrying about it, I flung the door open and began walking ahead before I was forced to stop short.

"Smallville?"

He turned, hands shoved into the pockets of his black slacks, a slight wind causing his hair to shift towards his eyes. I had to mentally shake myself so that I would remember my feelings for Clark were long in the past.

"I thought you'd left for the day. What are you doing up here?"

"Thinking," was his single worded answer.

"Oh." I clasped my hands behind my back and walked forward. He watched me place my hands on the railings and smooth my thumbs against the sun warmed metal. For a second, when I heard him move, I thought he was going to move behind me. I waited for it.

"Lois?"

Instead of being closer, he was farther from me, a short angle fifteen feet away. It didn't help my nerves.

"What?"

Given a choice, I would have run. The intensity of his stare was unsettling, the tense shape of his mouth worrying. God, all I wanted to do was run away from that look, and I most definitely was not the type of person to run from something.

"I…there's something," he sighed, his shoulders rising as if he was gaining courage. Again, his mouth opened but this time, no words were able to escape before he snapped it shut and frowned at me, shoulders finally falling in defeat. Another twelve seconds passed before he smiled shakily, his feet moving backwards to lead him away from me and closer to the door. "It's nothing important. I'll, uh, see you tomorrow."


Chewing on a nail, I squinted as the evening sun refused to bow down just yet. Clark's behavior was still on my mind, jittery and not quite welcome even though he was just my friend. If I were honest however, I'd recognize how separated we'd grown over the past five months. I hadn't done it intentionally, or maybe I had. Probably, I had.

"Lois."

I let his soothing voice wash over me one more time.

"You're not late this time."

"No," his voice exhaled. "Not this time."

And it split my heart. Of course, the one time he was on time would be the time where everything was supposed to end. I turned.

"How about we get this over with?"

He frowned. For a superhero, he could be incredibly dense and it irked me. Much like someone else, but I shook that off.

"The broken dates, the avoidance, the big gifts and gestures, the preoccupation when you're with me." I crossed my arms over my chest and let my legs bear my weight as I leaned on the rail. "It's not my first time on the hero merry go round. I know what it means."

I could see him swallow, the bob of his adam's apple moving up and down almost as if he had to taste my words to know I wasn't playing around this time.

"I'm sorry, Lois."

Three words uttered, torn and thick, and I was losing my composure because I believed him. I honestly felt his pain, his confusion, his need for me. My eyelids fluttered as I fought the tears.

"Don't be. Who was I kidding?"

Before I knew it, he was holding my face with hands that could easily crush the life out of me. I drank it in, the closeness of his presence and the feeling of his cape whispering around us like a shell.

"Don't say that." His eyes delicately searched my face, willing my features to trust in him. I felt his thumb brush along the length of my cheek. "You're the Lois Lane." His lips formed a soft smile while the tips of his fingers danced across my hairline. "You are the most special person I've ever known. How can you not know that?"

There it was. A fear of mine, born long years ago and fed with every person who had ever left me behind. And he was powerful enough to deny it, to feel what no one else had. My hands grasped his cape and twirled into fists that would become numb. I was special. I meant something.

"Then why? Why are you doing this?"

"You deserve more than I can give, Lois."

"You're Superman!"

"I'm not human," he said softly, a downward tug of his lips scorching me. "I can never have a normal life."

"Normal's boring. You know me better than that."

"Yeah, I do. That's how I know you deserve it all. Everything and more."

"I don't need everything."

His forehead met mine and I felt his lashes waltz across my skin as he closed his eyes.

"I've been fooling myself into thinking I could have it all. You make everything so much…better. But every day I get closer to you, the more I put you in danger."

"I'm a big girl. I'm not afraid."

I felt his lips kiss my hair.

"That's what scares me." He pulled back slightly. "Lois, I can't lose you. I have to keep you safe, and this is the only way."

"No, it's not."

His lips twitched, smoothly and with a touch of distance I was already dreading.

"For me, it is."

I'll always remember that kiss. I literally felt my heart rip into more than the traditional two pieces. I could sense his unwillingness to let me go and his strength waning every second our mouth was together. There was no doubt in my mind that I was finished. I was done with a love life since no other man would compare. And I would wait. Wait for a better time.

He held me close to him and we listened to each other's breathing calm.

"Thank you." I unwrapped myself from him, not wanting to be the one holding onto something not yet catchable. "We had a good five months, didn't we?"

His hand caught mine and squeezed gently. "Someone else will give you a good forever."

"Right," I scoffed as his hand let mine loose. "The only other man who's put up with me is Clark."

"You ever thought about giving him a chance?"

I blinked, honestly thrown for a well formed loop. There was only thing I could do at the question, and that was to force a tight smile, stay strong, and pretend everything was fine.

"Goodbye, Superman."

"It's not goodbye."

"For now it has to be," and I walked away with the same echoes of my solid shoes meeting solid enforced roof.

"Goodbye, Lois."


It was automatic, and even though I knew this was the last place I wanted to be, it was also the first. That's how it went with us, opposites, never at the same place at the same time, yin and damn yang.

I only had to knock once before he threw the door open. He only had to open his mouth before the string that was keeping me closed unhitched itself.

"Clark...."

My sore tears drowned out the rest, a mumble of words escaped that meant nothing and everything as they hit his shoulder. He held me tight and it reminded me so much of Superman that I had to shut my eyes, but he didn't say anything. He was just there, stroking my back, being the rock of strength when so much of mine had wandered away.

"I'm sorry, Lois," he whispered.