hello everyone, i hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. thank you all once again for the great reviews, enjoy :)
ON THE TURNING AWAY
Chapter 3
Sam sat in the booth, lost in the book Tom Harrison had given him. It was a history of the Native American tribes that had once inhabited North America. He liked the books Tom gave him, and he loved hearing about what the hunter taught in his myths and legends classes. He'd even had the opportunity to sit in on a few lectures and it was at that moment Sam realized how cool school could be. Until then, he'd hated school. He liked his teachers and love seeing the world outside hunting, but the other kids often made the days miserable.
Sam was small for his age, and being the constant 'new kid' made him stick out even more. Add to it the fact that when in Valley he was associated with Dean and Kerri and Sam knew even at his home school he'd always be a freak. He loved his brother, he really did, but it wasn't easy being Dean Winchester's little brother. It wasn't that his brother cast a long shadow, it was that he cast a long shadow of trouble. Sam wanted to fade into the background, to make a few friends and go about his daily business under the radar. Dean, apparently, chose to live his life to the complete opposite. He stood out like a sore thumb, and never, ever left Sam alone.
Knowing Kerri wasn't much better. She was the town weirdo, the one they gossiped about, and while Sam knew it wasn't her fault, being friends with her still put him out in the open. Sadie Miller seemed to have a personal crusade going against the redhead and Sam was drawn into the fight, whether her wanted to be or not. Sam wanted to be normal, every cell in his body cried out for it, but no matter what he did he couldn't make that dream a reality. He was the brother of the town 'bad boy' and the best friend of the town 'weirdo' and that only seemed to seal the twelve year old's fate.
Sam pushed the thoughts from his mind, choosing instead to focus on his book. If he thought about his circumstances he grew angry, and when he was angry Dean seemed to hover more, thinking something was wrong— which only compounded the problem. He just wished his family could see how upset he was, how much he hated hunting. But no, what John Winchester said was gold and god forbid Dean stand up to him. Sam knew for a fact Dean didn't want to quit high school, that he wanted a normal life just as much as Sam. Well, maybe not a normal, normal life, but Dean did want to spend more time in Valley, that much Sam new for certain.
When they were kids it was a fun place to visit, but over the years it had become 'home' and as time passed Sam could see Dean's need for home grow more and more. The blonde tried to push it off, to pretend he was completely devoid of feelings or opinions, but Sam knew him better than anyone, and he could see his brother longed for that small mountain town when they were away. And Sam thought he knew why. Dean wasn't the most social of people— hell even that statement was an understatement. He didn't get attached to people, didn't let people in, because both Sam and Dean knew they'd never see most people again. But Kerri was different— they would always come back to Valley.
Sam's eyes drifted over to the pool table despite himself. He was trying to keep his mind as far away from reality as possible, but Evelyn's laugh shattered his resolve. It was hard to hate his life when there were moments like these— fun times. But those times were growing further and further apart as his father stepped up his game. And now that Dean was hunting, John had even fewer reasons to seek out Tom Harrison's help— or any hunter's help for that matter. His Dad wanted their family to be completely self sufficient, to rely on no one but themselves, and Sam knew that was impossible. They were human, and human beings needed the comfort of others, needed a community, not a small and battered family.
"You ok, Sam?" Kerri asked, her voice making Sam jump— he'd almost forgotten she was sitting next to him.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
"You've been quiet this visit, that's all."
"I've got a lot on my mind." Sam sighed, turning back to his book, though he wasn't really reading it.
"Care to share?"
"Aren't you pissed, Kerri?" Sam blurted out. He needed to talk about this with someone or he was going to explode.
"Pissed at what?"
"My dad, what he's doing to Dean?"
"Oh." Kerri seemed to deflate a little, knowing they were going into uncharted territory. "Sam, that's Dean's choice."
"No it isn't, it's my dad's choice, he's just forcing Dean to accept it."
"Sam—."
"What? Why can't you stop it?" Sam looked at Kerri imploringly, knowing she was the only person who could really get through to Dean. Sam needed her to step in and help him, to pull Dean back from the brink. Sam needed someone to make everything alright.
"Like I said, it's Dean's decision. I promised him a long time ago I wasn't gonna step in his way."
"What if he was gonna throw himself off a bridge? Or shoot himself?"
"That's different."
"How is that different?" Sam snapped back, lowering his voice when Dean looked up. But apparently, his older brother believed Kerri could handle the current crisis alone. They did that a lot, communicating to each other with silent signals more than words, and it both mesmerized and annoyed Sam. If something was about him, he deserved to know all the details.
"He's not trying to kill himself for one thing."
"He's not? So you're telling me you don't remember the black dog? Or the Watcher? Hunting is like throwing yourself in front of a train, Kerri. I mean, you've seen how many times our dads have come home bleeding. Do you really want that for Dean?"
Sam knew what buttons to push when it came to Kerri. She cared for Dean a great deal, more than most people in his older brother's life, but part of her caring was letting him be himself, letting him follow his own path. Normally Sam was fine with that, but when said path turned dangerous or led to an ultimate dead end, the youngest Winchester felt the urge to step in.
Sam's growing pride at getting under Kerri's defenses immediately dissipated when the older girl took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly before speaking. "Sam, I'm not gonna be able to tell you what you wanna hear. You might not understand this now, but Dean has a lot of decisions to make, and it's easier for him if we stand behind his choices."
"How is it easier for him? You're helping him throw his life away."
"No, Sam, I'm not. I'm helping him deal with the life he's got." Kerri answered back quickly, her voice terse. It wasn't often Kerri was pushed to anger.
But Sam didn't care, "and you don't want him to have a different life? A better life? Is that it?"
"You don't understand, Sam, and you apparently never will. There is no different life for us, no way out. We're the children of hunters, Dean's a hunter, there's no turning back from that. No forgetting."
"I don't believe that."
"You will someday. Don't push Dean, Sam, this is hard enough for him as it is."
"Yeah right. He's the perfect son, nothing in his life is hard. I mean, he doesn't make up his own mind, ever. It's whatever Dad says, whatever Dad wants. You think you're helping him find his own way but you're not, you're enabling my father and his stupid crusade."
Evelyn and Dean chose that moment to come back over to the table. The little girl slid into the booth before Dean, huffing and grumbling about Dean not playing fair. And Sam could relate. Even when Dean intentionally tried to 'throw' a game, he still ended up winning.
"You're getting better, Kid." Dean began, ruffling Evelyn' hair in an attempt to get her out of her current mood.
"Dean, you lined up four different shots for me and I missed them all."
"At least you noticed I was lining them up on purpose. It's not always about making the shot, you have to know what your opponent's thinking, too."
"I still lost."
"That's because I'm awesome," Dean smirked. "It's hard to compete with pure awesomeness."
"Whatever." Evelyn finally smiled, punching Dean in the arm as the food arrived.
The four sat in silence for several long minutes, each enjoying their meal— well, trying to at least. While Dean had succeeded in cheering up a momentarily down Evelyn, Kerri was another story. She just picked her her food, pushing it from one side of the plate to another. Sam was starting to feel bad for what he'd said to Kerri, what he'd accused her of, but he needed someone on his side, someone he knew could get through to his brother. And at that moment, the only person fitting the bill was Kerri.
Dean reached across the table, taking a few fries from Kerri's plate as he ate his dinner. When he managed to sneak a few more without her stabbing him with a fork Dean's brow furrowed. "Are you ok?"
"Yeah, just not all that hungry I guess." Kerri answered half heartedly, pushing her plate away. "I think I'm gonna head outside for some air." Kerri abruptly pushed away from the table, moving to the door before anyone had a chance to say anything.
"What did you say to her?" Dean asked, turning his attention to Sam.
"What makes you think I said something?" Sam defended, though he knew Dean already had his number.
"Because she was fine before I went to play pool and after a few minutes with you she turned into mood central."
"So."
"Sam."
"She's not helping you, Dean." Sam spat out, throwing a fry at his own plate. He was tired of everyone acting like nothing was wrong. "You're dropping out of school, Dean, and she's not doing anything to help stop it."
"One," Dean began, lowering his voice when the Miller men at the bar turned toward them. "I am not dropping out, I passed the tests and so officially, I finished. And two, it's not Kerri's place to step in, and she knows that."
"She's supposed to be your friend."
"She is, Sammy. This isn't easy for her either, you know. But last I checked, this was my life."
"You tell that to Dad recently?"
"You're really pushing your luck, you know that, Sam." Dean answered angrily, pushing himself up from the seat. He threw a couple dollars on the table before motioning both Sam and Evelyn out of the booth.
"I'm not done." Evelyn tried to protest, but one look from Dean had her obeying the order.
"You two head over to Anna's store, I'm gonna go get Kerri."
"We're old enough to walk ourselves home, Dean." Sam answered back dejectedly, following his brother out the door.
"Nowhere else, Sam, do you understand me." Dean cut in front of him, staring him down with such ferocity that Sam had to obey the order.
"Yes, Dean."
"Smooth, Sam." Evelyn spoke up when Dean left, turning toward the candy shop at the end of the street.
"I didn't do anything wrong, Ev."
"I didn't say you did, but you need to change your tactics."
"Kerri's the only person that can get through to him and you know it."
"Yeah, but she's not gonna go against what he wants, there in lies the problem."
"I feel like we're losing, Evelyn. I mean, if my dad can get away with pulling Dean out of school what's he gonna do next?"
"We'll figure out a way to fix it, Sam."
"He's gonna take us away, Evelyn, I can feel it." It was a fear that had been eating at Sam since Tom and John's last fight. Now that Dean was out of school he had more time, for both hunting and looking after Sam. They didn't need Valley anymore. It had happened with Bobby only a few months before hand, and now Sam could feel a rift growing between Tom and John. His father was getting more and more obsessive with each passing year, and now he was taking Dean along with him.
Both Bobby and Tom had tried to talk John out of his suicidal crusade many times over the years. It was like talking to a brick wall, Sam knew that, but he still appreciated their efforts. But recently, the older hunters' 'talks' had taken on a much more dangerous quality— one that was creating chasms in once strong relationships. Bobby had said it bluntly but right 'if John wanted to throw himself off a cliff, that was his business, but there was no way he was talking his boys over the edge with him.'
Unfortunately, John didn't share those views. His boys would be hunters like him, would find and kill the thing that took his wife— no questions asked.
"He'd never do that, Sam." Evelyn answered back quickly, shaking her head as her eyes grew. "He wouldn't take you away from here."
If Sam didn't know any better he'd say there was real fear in the older girl's eyes. While the possibility of their departure angered Sam, it downright terrified Evelyn. Sam decided it was better to drop the subject. "You think Keith's got the new video game hooked up?"
"Why're you asking, ready to get you butt kicked." Evelyn smirked, picking up the pace as they made their way to Anna's store.
"Why do you always think you're gonna kick me and Dean's ass at something?"
"Because one of these days, Sam, I'm gonna find something I'm better at than you guys."
"Keep dreaming, Ev."
"It might not be now but trust me, even it if happens when we're sixty and playing shuffleboard, I will one day beat you at something."
Sam just smiled at the other brunette— they'd still be arguing about who was better at what when they were eighty.
