'Rachel! Please, wait!' Finn pleaded as he charged after her. After she had exited the classroom he had followed her into the hallway, he couldn't believe he had somehow hurt her once more. He had thought that the song had expressed his feelings, expressed how truly sorry he was. Damnit Finn! She had been leaning against her locker, uncontrollable sobs washing over her body. On the sight of seeing him coming towards her she had turned and she had run. She had run like a silly little girl, too scared to face up to her own feelings, too scared with the thought that she could allow herself to be hurt again. She had run, but he had soon caught up with her, his strides double the size of hers. She loved how tall he was, but this was one time she cursed this attractive quality. They had both reached the school parking lot when he grabbed hold of her arm and spun her around to face him. She kept her head fixed sternly to the ground; she didn't want him to see the pain in her eyes.
'Please Rachel, just look at me will you?' he pleaded. Her gaze didn't move, so he gently placed a finger under her chin and slowly guided her face, so that her chocolate brown, sorrow-filled eyes reluctantly fixed upon his own.
'I'm sorry'. The words that he had found so hard to say were now out there. 'For everything.' He hadn't needed a big, elaborate performance; he had just needed to say it with pure and simple, genuine passion. Rachel remained silent, but her tears had subsided.
'Can we go sit? I have so much to say to you, so much that I need to apologise for.'
'Ok' she let out a small whisper. She allowed him to place his hand on the small of her back and guide her towards some benches at the edge of the school field. They sat down; she placed her hands in her lap.
'I think I want to start with how sorry I am Rach, not only for the other night, but for the past few months. I've been a jerk.' He gave her a sideway glance and continued. 'You know I'm not too good with words, I suppose that's why I thought I'd sing back in there, as it's so much easier to express what I feel through music'.
'Yes I know. It was beautiful Finn, thank you.' He was surprised by her revelation. He thought that she had hated it. Even when she was so obviously hurting she still had the courage to be courteous towards him. His heart melted a little. It gave him the strength to continue.
'I've messed up Rach. Back in February when I broke up with you I was so hurt and angry and I should never have finished it. I think I was so angry that you had gone to Puck that I thought history was repeating itself. I was scared Rach. I couldn't understand why you had done it to me, why after all I had been through last year that you had chosen him of everyone.'
'Finn I-'
'No please. I'm not getting at you Rachel, but it needs to be said to explain fully what I mean and feel.' She looked up at him; he caught the slight glisten of the gold star he had given to her. He smiled. She was still wearing it after all this time and all they had been through. Hope once again returned. 'I guess I used that against you as a means to mask the guilt of my actions. I should never have lied to you about sleeping with Santana, and I feel so ashamed that I held such a small thing against you. I suppose it was easier for me to feel the self-pity of your actions then to face up to how I behaved. The more time passed, the more I convinced myself that you had done such a bad thing to me. I guess it was easier to punish you than to hate myself. And then the whole Quinn thing…' He was sure that he had felt her shudder beside him. But he needed to continue.
'She was a distraction, she reminded me of what I was like before, before I met you. It felt good for a while. But I know now that I was in denial. I was in denial over still caring about you, about still loving you.' His voice dropped to a soft murmur at the last words he spoke.
'But you forgave Quinn after everything she did to you, but you couldn't me? You know how much I loved you'.
'I know.'
'You said you'd never break up with me, you broke that promise and broke my heart' she confessed, though she needn't had, he knew full well how she was feeling.
'I'm so sorry. I was selfish and childish, and made it all about me. I was so fixated on being hurt I was getting blind to what was really going on. I suppose when I heard Jesse was back on the scene I woke up. I had been silly letting you go, and then here I was, faced with the extreme possibility that I was going to lose you for good that I realised just how selfish I have been.'
She sniffed, he wasn't aware that whilst he spoke, her tears had once again resurfaced. She determinedly turned towards him, looking him straight in the eye, she began to talk.
'When I told you that I was dying inside everyday I had to see you with her I really was. It was like every time you held her hand, spoke her name or kissed her in front of me a knife was slicing through my heart, cutting away at it until there were only small pieces left' She knew she sounded overly dramatic but she didn't care. He smiled inside, he loved dramatic Rachel. Others found it annoying but it made her, her. 'The small pieces left still had that small part of love for you Finn, and the hope that one day you would wake up and realise. Do you know how hard it was to go to the Prom the other night? To see you together, dancing and holding each other? That was supposed to be us Finn.' He dropped his head, he agreed with her. It should've been Rachel in the pretty dress next to him, Rachel on his arm as they entered the gymnasium, and Rachel in all of his memories in the future.
'I had felt relieved when Jesse had joined me that night, he is fun and he took my mind off of you. Sure he was horrible to me last year, but I can forgive'.
'Rachel, please. I want to make this right between us. I'm going crazy inside, I'm tearing myself apart by the way I acted. I want you back Rachel, because I don't belong with anyone else. I love everything about you, and though my promises may never be enough again, I really hope that one day you can trust me once more.' And with his confession, Finn Hudson broke down in tears. Sobs uncontrollably rushed through his body. Rachel cradled his head in his arms.
'Finn, its ok, I'm here. And do you know what? I always will be. Because those small parts of my heart that held the love for you since the day we split, they have been growing bigger and healthier everyday. And though I can't say that it will be better right away, I know we can get there. Because you are right, you don't belong with anyone else and neither do I'.
He gently moved away from her embrace, and looked into her own tear stained eyes. There was hope. They would be ok. He leant forward and softly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, their big, beaming smiles mirrored back to one another. And that's when he tentatively leaned forward and placed his lips upon hers. She trembled at first; it was the thing she had been dreaming of ever since that fateful day and now it was actually happening. After a few moments of revelling in their joy they reluctantly pulled apart. He looked down at her polka dotted t-shirt, which was wet from his tears.
'Oh damn Rach, I've got your top wet!'
'Do you think I care? A little tear stain is nothing compared to the dye of a slushy' and she cheekily stuck her tongue out at him. He stood up and held out his hand to her, which she took without any doubts.
'Can I walk you home?' he asked to which she agreed. They walked along hand in hand, every now and then glancing at each other, both slightly in awe that here they were, together once more. And Rachel had been right, it was going to take time, but there was no doubting that in the end they would get it right.
Thank you for reading!
I have really enjoyed writing again after nearly 2 years, and maybe there will be some more in the future.
Prom Queen is airing in the UK tomorrow, and though I have watched it about 6 times I will watch again!
