Chapter 3

In the next few weeks, the Doctor persuaded Rose to go into the swimming pool with him, and she painstakingly learnt to swim. No more incidents happened again. They were very polite and cordial with one another, but had lost the bond they'd shared before. The Doctor was convinced it was because Rose no longer trusted him, while Rose was convinced that it was because the Doctor had found out her feelings for him and was angry at her. They no longer talked constantly or laughed together. The TARDIS became an unhappy place to be, and in the end, they tried to stay in their own rooms – away from one another as much as possible.

The Doctor could bear it no longer, and one day, approached Rose after breakfast. "Hey!" he tried to sound happy.
"Hello…" She didn't bother putting on any fake cheer.
"Can we talk?" The Doctor's face stayed neutral, but he had a pleading look in his eyes.
Rose shrugged, "k…" She was indifferent – she had now mastered ignoring her feelings for him.
The Doctor wondered where to begin, "Rose?" he began tentatively, "Are you ok? I mean… is everything fine with you?"
Rose shrugged again, "yea." She knew she was being stingy with her replies, but she couldn't help it – the Doctor didn't love her, and the knowledge of this hurt her deeply.
"It's just," he continued, "You aren't… cheerful anymore. You never smile; you never laugh; you stay away from me as much as possible; your eyes are always red – as though you've been crying…"
Rose didn't answer, and looked vacantly at the table, not meeting his gaze.
"You just… don't seem to be 'you' anymore" he stammered. "Was it me? Was it because of what happened in the pool? Is it me?"

Rose didn't know how to explain. She couldn't describe her love of the Doctor to herself – let alone him.
He said softly, "I just want to help."
A surge of anger shot through her. He'd done everything possible to do the opposite of 'helping.' How could he say he wanted to help! He'd caused the whole thing! She jumped to her feet and spat, "you can't help me – I'm 'just a friend.'" And she ran to her room sobbing, leaving the Doctor sitting there totally bewildered. What on earth did that mean? Just a friend?

She lay on her bed, her head buried in her pillow as she cried her eyes out. She didn't know why she was crying. Why she was angry. There were too many reasons. She cried for the fact that the Doctor didn't love her. She cried because she couldn't forget her feelings for him. She cried because she didn't have the courage to tell him. She cried because she was already crying… A few minutes later there was a quiet knock on her door. She couldn't face him now. She just couldn't. She didn't want to have to apologise; even though she knew she was in the wrong. She kept silent. The Doctor came in anyway, and saw her – eyes puffy and red, her face wet with tears, and her hair all over the place. His heart almost burst with sadness, and he practically ran to her; smothering her with a hug. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he whispered over and over again. She choked through her tears, "No no. I'm sorry – it was me… I just snapped at you for nothing I-"
"No it was me."
"Uh uh – my fault entirely."
"Honestly, it was me."
"No really – it was me I-"
They both stopped and burst out laughing. Neither knew why they were laughing, but it didn't matter, because it was almost like old times… almost.

The Doctor was desperate to find out what was wrong, and so he decided to do something he'd sworn to himself that he'd never do. Slowly, in the same way that the TARDIS had done, still holding her, he slipped into her mind…

In an instant, he was immersed in an ocean of sadness and loneliness. It was so intense he almost cried out. It was a sea of total anguish and misery. No wonder she was constantly in a bad mood. But why? What was causing her so much pain? He dug deeper and deeper into her mind; going further and further until he was hit by a much stronger emotion. It was so powerful and immense that at first he didn't recognize it. It surrounded him – crushing him. And then he realized what it was. It was love. Not just love; but a fierce, passionate love, laced with burning desire. It seemed to be… fighting? Yes – fighting with the misery and sadness at the surface. He understood then what Rose was going. She was fighting her feelings of love, and that alone seemed to be causing her this intense pain? If she continued to fight, then the love would totally vanish – leaving nothing but despair in its wake. Even now, as he stood there in the depths of her mind, he noticed the fiery love was dimming. But why? Why was she fighting it? Who was it for? He went further, deeper, slowly and sluggishly. And a word came echoing over the waves of burning passion, reverberating through her mind.
"Doctor."

He reeled back in shock. He was so surprised that he released his hold on her mind, and tumbled back into his own. He remembered now – "I don't love her – she's a friend, nothing more." Oh what an idiot! He'd said it aloud, and she'd heard. He knew he was the one who was making her fight her love. He remembered the total agony in her mind; the total blackness, with not hope. He let out a dry sob, forgetting she was there, "Oh how can you bear it?"

"Bear what?" Rose asked, confused.
"The total misery," the Doctor said before he could stop himself.
Rose had no idea what he was talking about.
"Why do you fight it?"
"Fight what?"
"Your love…" he said softly.
Rose froze. "What…?" she breathed. How did he know? "How do you know? Did the TARDIS:- "
The Doctor realized he'd said too much – and now he'd have to tell her. "No, not the TARDIS… it was… ah… I did it. I looked inside your mind." He gritted his teeth, waiting for the blow to fall. Rose felt the anger crashing down on her. WHY was her mind always being breached? Could she not keep anything to herself? "WHY?" she yelled, "CAN I HAVE NO PRIVACY!" she pushed away from him and snarled, "Is it too much to ask?" She ranted on for 5 minutes, beating his chest – just lost in her own fog of anger.

The Doctor had known she would react badly. And while she was screaming at him, he'd tactfully ignored it, and sunken into his own thoughts. What could he do? She loved him. And he knew he loved her. He was both overjoyed and scared. He wanted to show her his love. So badly. But it would be dangerous for them both. Could she really handle it? He glanced at her, her hands pounding on his chest now… he made a decision.