December 17
Tim's eyes opened slowly, he shivered…for a few blissful moments he didn't remember why he was laying on top of his bed cover, wearing only his boxers. Then it hit him, the memory of last night's humiliation; how was it possible for him to have read the situation so badly? All the years he'd worked with Gibbs, you'd think he could figure out what people were really thinking.
She had walked out of his life without a second glance and left him to pick up the pieces...again. He should be better at dealing with rejection; it happened often enough that his skin should be thicker than it seemed to be. Tim pulled the cover over himself and tried to stop shivering, .he looked at the clock, 04:12, another ninety minutes and he'd have to get ready for work…Oh no! How was he going to face Tony? Then he remembered, it was Saturday, and they weren't on call this weekend. Thank goodness, he had two days to get his head together, to learn how to be a much better actor than he had ever been before.
Tim felt as if he spent the rest of the day in a trance, he showered, shaved, put on clean clothes, and drank coffee…endless cups of coffee. He didn't eat, couldn't, just the thought of food made him feel sick to his stomach, his phone was switched off, and he intended leaving it that way, if Gibbs wanted him, he'd have to come get him. He sat at his computer and tried to play a game, but he couldn't concentrate, every game was another reminder of Maxine…Eventually he called a cab, grabbed his car keys and went to pick up the Porsche from the restaurant; with the car safely back home, he decided to go for another walk, nowhere in particular, just away from his apartment and his memories…
It felt like his life was starting to unravel, Maxine had been his ray of hope during a tough spell at work. He had hoped, after Somalia, that he had proved his worth as a field operative beyond any doubt; he understood that the cyber world was often the place to find evidence, leads, traces of wrongdoing...But why did it always have to be him who stayed behind? Tim had tried to get Gibbs to see how he felt, but the Team Leader saw Tim working the computers, and Ziva and Tony in the field as the best use of his resources...mostly Tim understood the logic, but it didn't mean he had to like it.
Maxine understood, or at least he thought she did, talking through his feelings with her had helped him to control his emotions at work, because there were times, as he watched the others disappear into the elevator, leaving him with yet another online search to run...oh yes, there were times he wanted to scream out loud that he was better than this...
He'd been walking for a while when he started to notice he was getting strange looks from people he passed on the street, did they know? No stupid, how could they?
He looked up at the sky, dark blue…when did that happen, how long had he been walking? He noticed another thing, he was cold; and was it any wonder? He'd been in such a hurry to get out of his apartment he hadn't put on a coat, his lightweight jacket was no match for a December night in DC. Giving himself a mental slap on the head, Tim turned on his heels and headed home.
The apartment was warm, and for a few minutes he luxuriated in the heat suffusing his body. He made another pot of coffee, and it was then that he noticed the used cups scattered all around the apartment. His mother would go crazy if she saw this mess...his mother. She was expecting Maxine to be with him when he arrived for Sarah's party. Tim slumped on his bed, he'd have to call, tell them he was flying solo, as usual; tomorrow; he'd call tomorrow. No, that wasn't fair, his mom had enough to deal with figuring out sleeping arrangements for all the guests, it was only right he gave her as much notice as possible. Coffee first, he rinsed a cup and poured in some fresh coffee, ignoring the missed calls on his phone he selected the number and hit dial before he could change his mind.
"McGee residence."
Tim had hoped his dad would answer; there would have been a lot less questions. "Hi Sarah, how's everything going?"
"It's total mayhem Tim, Mom's racing round cleaning everything that doesn't move, Dad's taken refuge at the Officer's Club for a few hours. I keep telling them to calm down, but you know what they're like."
He certainly did, his mom and dad had a place for everything, and liked everything in its place. Organising a short-notice party would be throwing them for a loop of colossal proportions.
"Don't I just...Sarah..."
"Oh Tim, please don't say you can't come."
"What! Miss my little sister's engagement party? I'll be there Sarah, I promise, only..."
Sarah waited; she knew from long experience that you had to let Tim tell things in his own time, especially important things.
With a deep sigh, Tim told her the minimum he could get away with. "Maxine, she won't be coming to the party, we...things aren't good...Would you tell Mom?"
"Sure...but Tim, what happened? I thought everything was going great."
"Me too, Maxine had other ideas; she's gone and I can't see her coming back. Time to move on again; I've done it before, it's just...it get's harder. Look Sarah, I really don't want to talk about it right now...I'll see you Wednesday, it'll be good to be home."
They exchanged farewells and Sarah went to find her mom, she couldn't believe that Tim's heart had taken such a beating again. She had found such joy with David that she wanted everyone to be happy, especially her big brother. She had been looking forward to meeting the woman who had captured her brother's heart, but if Maxine couldn't see what a great guy her brother was, then Sarah was glad she wouldn't have to meet her after all.
Tim switched off his phone, one call was about all he could deal with today, he finished his coffee, cold and unappetising as it was and dragged himself to his feet. All he wanted to do was curl up under a blanket and try to forget everything, but the years of being told to tidy to his own mess had made it impossible for him to rest when his place looked so disgusting.
He spent the next hour tidying up, collecting dirty cups, washing and drying them, putting them away in the kitchen cabinet; his clothes from last night were next, jacket and pants in the closet, everything else in the laundry basket. Tim picked up the velvet box and stared long and hard, what should he do with the ring? He'd never even asked about a returns policy at the jewellery store, he had been so sure he was doing the right thing; that Maxine would at least think about his proposal. What should he do with the ring? It was too soon, he'd think about that some other time, right now he wanted it out of sight so he buried it at the bottom of his sock drawer.
He surveyed his handiwork, the place looked better, but he still felt like crap, worthless, stupid...alone. There was no point staying up any longer, he got ready for bed and after staring at the ceiling for an age he eventually fell into a fitful sleep.
