A/N: thank you so much for reviewing and following my story! You're the best.

This chapter is a little longer, but please don't get used to it. Sorry for the grammar/spelling mistakes and for the last part of this chapter haha :P. Enjoy!


It was around five in the afternoon when I opened the front door of the apartment and collapsed on the couch after a long day at work. I've been waiting for Cosima's text all day, but haven't heard from her yet. I'm doing my best not to make assumptions or take it personal, but the further the day progresses , the more I'm growing convinced that she doesn't want to meet me tonight. I can't even remember how many times I've grabbed my phone today to call her, only to realize that I didn't have her number. Would she really do that to me? Give me false hope and let me wait all day, even though she already knew she wasn't going to text me? If she's capable of treating me like that, then she has certainly changed. I know my distrustful thoughts are a direct result of the constant bullying I had to endure when I was a child, but actions like this doesn't make it any easier for me to separate the past from the present. I picked up the new issue of Scientific American from the coffee table, crawled under a blanket and began to read, until the familiar buzzing sound of my phone demanded my attention. My heartrate sped up and I quickly looked at the screen.

From: Ed
Shall I bring us some Chinese on the way home? Watch a movie tonight? X

I couldn't deny the feeling of disappointment that unfolded in the pit of my stomach. I hate to admit it, but seeing Ed in the kitchen this morning, clad only in his boxers, it didn't have the same effect on me like it always had, and I suspect that it has something to do with running into Cosima last night. I love Ed and he loves me, but apparently, Cosima still stirs something in me that Ed isn't capable of. I don't know what it is. Attraction? Connection? A deeper kind of love?

To: Ed
Sounds great! X

Ed was probably still at the clinic, because I received his reply only a second later.

From: Ed
I'll be there at 6. How was your day? X

My fingers started typing a response, but I got distracted when another message from a number I didn't recognize, popped up on the screen.

Hi! This is Cosima. Do you still wanna go out for dinner tonight?

Tears of relief were threatening to spill from my eyes as I read her message. I quickly added her number to my contacts list and began to create a reply.

To: Cosima
Yes of course, but we can always plan something else if tonight doesn't fit your schedule?

I anxiously waited for her response, but didn't have to wait too long.

From: Cosima
I've made a few arrangements. Il Pescatore? Around 7?

I felt the urge to scream in happiness and jumped to my feet to pour myself a glass of water, while my fingers created another text.

To: Cosima
Perfect. See you there. :)


"Delphine?" Ed asked, looking me up and down. He was standing in the doorway, holding a bag of Chinese food in his hand. Merde.

"Wow, you look beautiful babe, but isn't it a bit much for a movie night at home?"

He was right, the slacks and blouse I'm wearing is a bit too formal.

"I uhm," I said akwardly as a wave of guilt rushed through my veins. "An old friend just invited me to dinner."

"An old friend?"

"Yes, she was my lab partner when I worked for DYAD at the time. We ran into each other at the reception last night."

I'm sure I'm blushing madly right now. God, I hate lying to him, but I couldn't possibly tell him that I'm having dinner with an ex-girlfriend in an hour. He doesn't know about Cosima, about our relationship. He doesn't even know about my bisexual tendencies. It's not like I'm keeping it from him on purpose, it just didn't seem very important… until now perhaps.

"That's great honey. What's her name?"

"Cosima," I whispered, feeling very uncomfortable to tell him the name of my ex-lover. "I'm sorry for ditching you tonight."

"No babe," he said as he walked up to me. "It's fine. You need to make friends in this country."

He curled his arms around my waist, swept my straightened hair to the side and pressed a few kisses against the skin of my jaw.

"Hmm, you smell good Delphine," he hummed, moving his lips to my ear. "I know that smell babe. You're ovulating. I think you need to cancel those plans with Cosima and come to bed with me."

I rolled my eyes in annoyance and released myself from his embrace to grab my coat from the couch.

"I'm not ovulating," I stated, picking up my phone from the dinner table to check it for new messages. "And don't say her name again," I wanted to add, but kept my mouth shut.

"Yes you are. You can't fool me," Ed chuckled as I began to read a new text that was sent by Cosima.

From: Cosima
I don't think I can make it tonight Delphine. I've got a flat tire and I can't fix it myself. I already called Gavin, but he is working until 8.30. I'm so sorry :(

"Merde," I whispered, clenching the phone in my hand.

"Everything allright?" I heard Ed wonder, but ignored him and started typing.

To: Cosima
Lemme pick you up?

I held my breath, until my phone buzzed again. My eyes roamed the screen and I exhaled a sigh of relief when I realized that she had sent me her address.

"Bye Ed," I said hurriedly, opening the front door to leave as quickly as possible.

"Bye sweetheart. Have fun."


I think I'm lost… because I'm driving through an area where I would've never expect to find Cosima. A neighbourhood full of young families. Kids are riding their bikes, playing soccer in the quiet streets and new mothers are jogging behind their strollers, trying to get back in shape while they're listening to music. The houses are pretty big too and I don't think Cosima earns enough money yet to afford a house like this. Merde. I clenched my steering wheel in anger while my brain slowly began to put two and two together. She must have a partner, someone who has a high-paying job. Maybe it's Gavin… maybe one of these houses is his, and maybe he already had kids before they met and Cosima moved in with them. Non, non. Cosima wouldn't do that.

"You've reached your destination," my GPS informed me, putting an end to my assumptions.

I parked the car in front of a house that was a bit smaller than the rest I had seen. A modern semi-detached brick house covered in snow, with a cute front porch and a chimney puffing out smoke. It looked absolutely adorable and reminded me of my aunt's house back in Lille. A pink bike was placed against the garage door and that immediately proved my suspicion about Cosima being in a relationship with someone who already had a kid. The anger is bubbling up inside me, even though there is still a part of me who refuses to believe that Cosima is sleeping with a guy.

I sucked in a breath when the front door opened and a familiar dreadlocked woman in a white coat and black boots stepped outside. The anger in my body faded instantly when she flashed me her gorgeous smile and waved at me.

"Hi Delphine," she smiled as she positioned herself in the passenger seat. "Are you hungry?"

"Oui, you?"

"A little," she said as I started the car and drove off.

It was awkward again. She was fumbling with a button of her coat, while I focused on the road. I wanted to ask her about her house, the pink bike and if Gavin was her boyfriend, but I kept my lips pressed together. I didn't want to create tension between us.

"How was your day?" I asked instead. Very superficial, such great way to start a serious conversation…

"Rough."

"Rough? How so? Did you teach classes today?"

"No," she shook her head, eyes glued to the road in front of us. "I don't work on Wednesdays. I went to the hospital today to visit one of my favorite students. I've been teaching her for three years now and I guess she feels safe and comfortable around me."

"She's sick?"

"Yes. Otherwise she wouldn't be in the hospital right?"

"Right. I mean like… is it serious?"

"Yeah," she nodded, biting her bottom lip. "She attempted suicide, slit her wrists in the bathtub and was found by her roommate. It's really tragic. I bet that guy is traumatized for life."

My hands intensified their grip on the steering wheel and I swallowed thickly as a horrific memory invaded my mind. I had just turned twelve, when Vivienne attempted suicide. It was almost Christmas, and my sister and I had packed our suitcases the night before. We were so happy to go home for two weeks and spend time with our dad. Two weeks away from boarding school, I had never been so excited about anything in my life. I still remember that particular morning as if it were yesterday. I woke up after a very strange dream in which Vivienne and I arrived home on Christmas morning. My dad ran out of the house when he saw us and scooped me up in his arms, peppering my cheek with kisses, and then, out of nowhere… my mom emerged from behind him. She stroked my cheek with her thumb and opened her mouth to whisper something in my ear. "I'll never leave you." I remember glancing at the clock when I woke up. It was around 6 in the morning and a hand-written letter from Vivienne was placed on my nightstand. It was full of apologies, loving words and encouragements to do my best and establish a career after school. I jumped out of bed and stormed into her bedroom, where I found my sister bleeding to death in the bathtub. I still have nightmares sometimes and I still don't like Christmas, and now that I think about it… I don't think I've ever told Cosima this.

"That's…" I whispered, trying to keep my breathing under control. "Horrifying."

"I know right? I gave her one of my Jane Austen books so she can read something that isn't school related."

"That's really nice of you Cosima. I'm sure she's very thankful to have you as her teacher. Do you know why she did it? Tough childhood?"

"Nope. Lots of friends, loving boyfriend and supportive parents, but she's schizophrenic. I find it so fascinating you know, the biological aspect of it," she explained, gesturing her hands now. It's a sign that she's feeling more relaxed and comfortable. "She's supernice and so driven. Probably the best student I've ever had."

We kept driving and talked a bit more about Hannah, Cosima's student, and twenty minutes later, we were sitting in a cozy restaurant, scanning the menu and sharing a bottle of sparkling water. A thousand questions swarmed through my brain, I wanted to ask them all, but didn't have the guts to open my mouth.

"Hi ladies, can I take your order?"

A young blonde waitress stood beside our table, locking her blue eyes on mine. I looked at Cosima who roamed her eyes over the woman's body, not even trying to do it discreetly. She's always been a flirty kind of person and I guess she still is. She gave the waitress a wide grin and ordered the grilled salmon after I ordered the lumache alla romana.

"I've to use the restroom. Is that okay?" Cosima asked, putting her glass back on the table.

"Oui, of course."

She stood up, pulled her phone from the pocket of her coat and turned around. I took the opportunity to take in the feminine curves of her hips and butt as she walked away from me. She's definitely the type of woman who grows more and more attractive as she gets older. It's a little unfair, but I'm not complaining, because I'm the one who is spoiled with a beautiful view tonight.

"Sorry Delphine," she apologized when she came back.

"Don't worry," I smiled, feeling butterflies in my stomach at the sight of her.


"Delphine?" she asked, looking me in the eye as she took another bite of her salmon.

"Yes?"

"I know why you wanted to meet me tonight, but I'm not sure what you're expecting of me. I think you deserve answers, but I'm not comfortable with going into details."

"I understand," I whispered, admiring her courage to start the serious part of this night. "I just want to know what happened to you after I was shot."

"Okay," she noddded, swallowing a sip of water. "I handed the research over to Evie Cho, witnessed the murder of Kendall , flew to the island, created a cure with Susan and was brought to Revival with Charlotte."

"You were in Revival?" I exclaimed, eyes wide.

"Yes, after you left."

"Merde."

"Mud told me they helped you recover and that you were transferred to Sardinia two days before I got there."

"Oh God, Mud," I said, rolling my eyes tho emphasize how I felt about the girl. Cosima let out a hard laugh and the beautiful sound of it made me blush a little. God, what's happening to me?

"I'm sorry for not trying to contact you. My sisters and I went through something horrible together and I didn't really feel the need to get back in touch with the people who left us along the way. I mean, the whole road of processing it all was hard enough and demanded all my energy."

"You don't have to apologize Cosima. I understand," I whispered. "I truly do."

"Thank you."

I looked down at my plate and felt a little more confident to ask her some personal questions.

"Did you seek professional help to process everything?"

"I did," she nodded.

"Bon."

"Did you?"

I shot my head up and locked my eyes on hers. Her question surprised me thoroughly. Cosima never seemed concerned about my mental wellbeing when we were together. I'm sure it wasn't because she didn't care. She just had a lot on her mind at the time.

"Delphine?" she asked, looking a little concerned. "I know it traumatized you too. Can you please answer my question?"

"Oui," I admitted quietly. "I've had therapy for a while."

"Good," she smiled, and I could literally see the weight falling off her shoulders at my answer. "That's good to hear."

"So you're cured?"

"Yes! Yeah, I am, and apart from the long-term consequences, I'm super healthy again."

"Consequences?"

"Yes. I may be cured, but I almost died. The disease has damaged my body forever Delphine," she whispered, averting her eyes from me while a flush crept up her face. She's clearly embarrassed about it, and I don't know why.

"You mean your lungs?" I asked cautiously, not wanting to increase the embarrassment she was already feeling over this.

"Yes, amongst a few other things like…I mean like… I still have those clonic seizures every now and then."

"But you're sure you're cured?" How naive of me to think that she would be completely healthy after being cured. Of course her body is damaged, she had suffered a life threatening illness for God's sake.

"Yes. I'm not sick anymore. Honestly."

"Bon. I have to say Cosima, you look really good. Your body is… it looks very healthy."

"You mean you like my bigger ass and boobs?"

Exactly.

"No! I just didn't expect you to look so healthy after being sick for so long," I explained. "Anyway, what about your sisters? Are they cured too?"

"Yes. Sarah and I cured all the Ledas around the world."

"That's fantastic Cosima. You're such a brilliant scientist."

"Well, I couldn't do it without you and Scott," she smiled, giving me a subtle wink.

"Is everyone doing okay?"

"Kinda," she whispered, inhaling a big breath. "Mrs. S. died, but I don't wanna go into details."

"Oh, I'm so sorry," I said, focusing my eyes on my plate again.

"Yeah, well. That's life."

Her words sounded harsh and I knew that she didn't want to discuss it further.

"Can I try one of those snails? I've never had them."

"Yes, of course." I nodded, lifting a shell with the tong before pulling the snail out with a snail fork. "Here."

I stretched out my arm to give her the fork, but she kept her hands on the table and leaned in. She parted her mouth slightly when the squishy meat touched her lips, making me very uncomfortable and triggering my curiosity at the same time. I wonder if her lips still taste the same, if her way of kissing has changed over time, and if she would allow me to kiss her tonight.

"Hmm," she hummed in approval as her eyes bored into mine. "This is pretty good."

"Are you still in touch with Scott?" I asked quickly, trying to shift my attention to something that was less sexy.

"Yeah, he works for the police actually. Something to do with data and DNA. Who would have thought he could be such a badass eh?" she chuckled, chewing on her snail. "Oh and he's married to Lauren, has a two-year old girl named Elsie, and is anxiously waiting for his second daughter to show up. Lauren is due in March."

"That's wonderful. Scott as a husband and father? I can't really picture what that looks like."

"I know right?," she laughed. "I never thought he had it in him. You know… the whole babymaking thing. I mean, with Elsie, I blamed it on beginner's luck, but then he did it again."

"So you're still mocking him?" I giggled.

"Of course, but he knows I love him."

"What about you?"

"Me?" she asked, eyes wide, clearly shocked by my question.

"Oui. Are you still with Shay?"

"No, Shay never contacted me again after you threatened to kill her," she sighed, shaking her head. "I'm single. I don't date."

A cocktail of emotions rushed through my body at her answer. Confusion, relief, happiness… hope?

"No? Not once in those seven years?" This couldn't possibly be true. Cosima not dating anyone? Cosima, whose heart is capable of falling in love so easily?

"No, not once," she laughed bitterly. "My trust in other people is broken Delphine."

I took a deep breath and my heart clenched in pain, because I know I'm one of those people who took advantage of her trusting nature.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, trying to make eye contact with her.

"Oh no, don't be," she smiled. "I'm very happy as a single woman. I don't need a relationship in order to live a happy life."

"That's good," I said, suddenly feeling even more curious about her relationship with Gavin. "So, who is Gavin?"

"Gavin?" She looked at me with an amused expression on her face. "You thought I was dating Gavin? Oh my God, that's hilarious."

"Non!"

"Yes, you did! Your eyes are giving it away. It's super obvious." She burst out laughing and pressed her hands against her chest while my face burned with humiliation. "I'm gay Delphine. I thought you were aware of that."

"Merde."

"Gavin…," she began to explain. "Is a very good friend of mine. I met him at work and he's fucking Sarah. Holy shit Delphine you're so naive and cute."

"He's Sarah's boyfriend?" I aksed, my tone full of surprise.

"Yeah, for three years now. I was the one who introduced him to her. What made you think I was dating him?"

"Your necklace," I whispered, a little irriated with her look of amusement.

She stopped laughing abruptly and the smile on her face instantly faded when the words left my mouth. She took the silver initial between her thumb and forefinger and began to fumble with.

"It's for my dad," she said and I noticed that her bottom lip started to tremble. "I also had a 'S' that referred to my mom, but I lost it somewhere in the snow last week. Sarah has promised to buy me a new one."

"Did something happen to your parents?"

"They died," she whispered as a single tear trickled down her cheek. "In a car crash. Three months after my sisters and I gained freedom."

"Merde Cosima, I'm so sorry." I automatically reached out and curled my hand around hers, squeezing it gently, and I let out a breath of relief when she didn't pull away.

"I guess I'm literally an orphan now," she chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. "You know, when I was a kid, I used to have these recurring dreams about them being killed at sea, my dad trying to safe my mom, their bodies freezing to death in the ice cold water. Kinda like Jack and Rose right? But it wasn't like that Delphine. There was nothing heroic or romantic about it. A truck crashed into the side of their car and it killed my mom instantly. My dad was brought into the hospital, but after a week of no brain activity, I begged the doctors to take him off life support, because I knew he didn't want to be kept alive like that."

"Shit," I said quietly. "I'm so sorry for not being there for you."

"It's okay Delphine. Sarah was there with me when I made that choice for my dad, when I sold their furniture and the houseboat, and when I had to pick out their coffins, and she was there during the funeral. She even held me in my sleep the first few weeks."

I felt even more sorry for her now that I know that she doesn't have a partner to support and love her. Of course Sarah is always there for her, but a sister's love is so different from the kind of love a partner can give you, and the fact that Cosima doesn't have that makes me feel incredibly sad. Does she even remember what that kind of love feels like?

"Okay," I whispered, not sure if she wanted to keep talking about it. "So, are you still in touch with Helena and Alison?"

"Yes of course. Helena has twin boys. They're six already and growing so fast. Alison and Donnie are still the same. Kira is fifteen now, and a rebellious teen. Sarah is lucky Gavin is so patient."

We continued to talk about her sisters, about my former job in Berlin and interesting scientific theories, until Cosima began to yawn. I glanced at the clock and realized that it was 11 already.

"Are you tired?"

"Yes, you?"

"Oui, come on," I said, standing up as I grabbed my wallet from my purse. "I'll bring you home."


The drive back to Cosima's house was relaxed and silent, and it felt as though we had never been apart. Being in her company tonight, made me realize that I've never stopped loving her.

"You have a very nice house Cosima," I complimented as I parked the car in front of her garage.

"Thank you," she smiled. "I would've never picked this neighbourhood if it were up to me, but I really like it now. The people here are so nice."

"You didn't pick this house yourself?"

"No," she shook her head. "My parents left me a generous amount of money after they died and I was in San Fran at the time. I decided to ask Alison if she wanted to buy me a house and furnish it, so I didn't have to do it myself when I came back to Toronto. I was way too upset to care about those things, maybe that wasn't such a good idea, but I seriously love this house now."

The silence that followed was awkward and I noticed that Cosima didn't know how to say goodbye to me. I turned my head to the side and locked my eyes on her beautiful brown orbs. She let out a heavy sigh, unbuckled the seat belt and shifted in her seat.

"It was nice talking to you Cosima," I smiled. "Merci."

"Yeah," she whispered. "I know I've told you that I didn't want to continue this after tonight, but I…"

She didn't finish her sentence and licked her lips, before she slowly leaned in, giving me time to stop her. A shaky sigh left my mouth as she cupped my face in both hands, pulling me towards her and pressing her lips against mine. Her lips were soft, full and so incredibly warm, the feeling made me moan in appreciation. She pulled back after just a few seconds, even before I could kiss her properly, making me nervous all of a sudden. But before I could open my eyes and analyze her facial expression, she tilted her head to the side and claimed my lips again, a little more urgent this time. I kissed her back with the same eagerness, curling my fingers around the back of her neck to hold her in place, while she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and pushed her upper half against my chest. I loud out a satisfied hum at the feeling of her breasts pressing against mine and a soft moan escaped my throat as her tongue flicked over my bottom lip, teasing me for a moment before she pushed it between my lips, encouraging me to open my mouth for her. My heartbeat quickened, my sex clenched excitement and the sound of Cosima's soft moan filled the car when I parted my lips to let her in. She wasted no time and began to explore tentatively, sliding her tongue over the roof of my mouth before she let it touch my own tongue. She tasted like salmon and something quite unique that was exclusively Cosima. Our kiss gradually grew more passionate, more insisting and bold. I allowed her to take the lead, a little stunned by her unexpected action and my body's reaction to it. She pulled back after a few minutes and began to kiss my jaw, until her lips reached my ear.

"Shit Delphine," she whispered. "You smell so good."

I almost snorted at the familiar compliment and turned my head to brush my lips over her cheek.

"I've missed you so much," I admitted softly as my fingers unbuttoned the top button of her coat. "I want you Cosima."

Her body tensed against me and moved back into the passenger seat, before she curled her fingers around the door handle.

"I.. I," she stuttered with a shocked expression on her face. "I have to go."

"Cosima wait!" I shouted, but she already stepped out of the car, closed the door behind her and walked up to the house.

"FUCK!"

I smashed my fists against the steering wheel and reached inside my purse to grab a cigarette. I glanced at the house and saw Cosima standing in her livingroom, gesturing wildly. Was she talking to someone? Had she lied about not being in a relationship? The person she was talking to, suddenly came into view. A girl, with long dark hair reaching her hips, walked across the room and pulled on her jacket as Cosima grabbed her wallet and handed her some money. The girl hugged her and walked out of the house only two seconds later. She walked around my car and stared directly into my eyes as she unlocked her pink bike. I almost screamed in shock when I took in her young and oh so familiar face. She flashed me her canines and waved at me in the exact same way her older sister always did when we were together. This is surreal. I'm looking at a teenage Cosima, around the age of sixteen, and she's smiling at me. I returned her smile and took another drag from my cigarette while the young girl disappeared into the darkness. 469G30, I realized… Charlotte Bowles. Mon Dieu, my heart. I wasn't prepared for this, I thought I had seen all the clones by now. Her presence makes me wonder if she's living with Cosima. And is she isn't, why was she at the house while Cosima wasn't there?

I moved my car off her driveway and felt physically ill when I saw Cosima closing her curtains… literally shutting me out of her life.


"Ed," I whispered, pressing my naked body against his sleeping form. "Wake up."

"Hmm? What time is it?"

I curled my fingers around his upper arm, tugging gently as I sucked his bottom lip. He immediately understood the hint and crawled on top of me as my tongue entered his mouth. My body was highly aroused, stimulated by Cosima's kiss, her taste, her smell and the feel of her soft skin.

"Fuck," he groaned into my neck, pulling his boxers down.

"No, please," I whined, not wanting to feel his erection. "Use your mouth."

"Ugh Delphine, you know I don't like that. You always get too wet during cannulingus."

"Please Ed. I won't ask it again this year."

"Yes you will," he snickered, kissing his way down my body, until his head was positioned between my legs. I closed my eyes and let out a content sigh while my brain began to fantasize about Cosima, Cosima's head between my legs, her tongue parting my folds, dragging it up and down slowly, teasing me a bit before pushing it inside and swirling it over my clit, until I'm screaming her name in pure pleasure.

I bucked my hips against his face when his tongue tentatively touched my most intimate part, and I quickly realized that it wasn't the same. His licks were rough and unpractised, whereas Cosima always took her time to slowly coax my body to its peak. She knew exactly what she was doing during sex.

It took me a while to reach orgasm, and while I was trying to regain my breath, Ed aggressively pushed my legs further apart. I yelped in surprise and overstimulation when his manhood smoothly entered me without meeting any resistance. I began to count backwards from twenty and felt him shudder on top of me when his climax crashed into him. He rolled off me, lifting my feet towards the ceiling.

"Keep laying like that for at least fifteen minutes babe," he said in a hoarse voice. "Frank told me that it keeps the sperm in longer."

"No way, I'm tired," I whispered, rolling onto my side so I didn't have to look at him.

"Fine whatever. Oh, by the way. Frank and I booked tickets to Vancouver for this weekend. We're going skiing."

"Okay."

I closed my eyes and thought about Cosima, about how beautiful she looked in that dress, if she were able to sleep after what had happened between us, and if she wanted to see me again. I couldn't stop thinking about her, until sleep washed over my tired body and turned my thoughts into beautiful dreams.