AN: All the usual warnings for bad language. Sorry I left the last one on a cliffhanger! Don't worry, reviewers, your questions will be answered eventually, I promise! Thanks for leaving your comments and adding alerts and favourites, and I'm glad you're enjoying it so far.
September 3rd
Sammy? Are you there?
I'm so, so sorry for that last entry. I told my Dad what you said, how that ghost talked about me, and he freaked out. He snatched this book away, and he told me he'd burnt it after warning you to back off. He made the fire and everything, but I guess he couldn't bring himself to throw it in, cause here I am.
I think it's cause he knew the spirit was my Mom – he said he hadn't told anyone ever that she was pregnant. Imagine that, eh, Sammy? It's crazy, isn't it? That we could have been
Nah, screw that. You're my brother. It just sucks that you're stuck in zombie-land and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
Sorry I haven't written you in the last few months. I seriously thought this thing was dead and gone, but when my Dad
Look, the thing is, my Dad left me this morning – just took off, left baby, left my stuff, and the book. Didn't say why, or anything. But I promise you I wouldn't have left you so freaked out with no one to talk about it with so long if I'd known. You have to believe me.
Did you get any further with your psychic stuff? Looking back, you did actually do one kinda psychic thing – you wrote about those lakes, said you dreamed about them, before you ended up having to go to Pamela's. Then you wrote about the lakes there. Could've been coincidence, but whatever, man.
Sure hope you get this.
Hope you didn't stop looking for my replies.
I have six months left
I'm sc
September 4th
September 5th
I knew it. I'm too late, aren't I?
September 6th
September 7th
September 8th
I'm not sure you'll still want to talk to me anymore, Dean. I'm a freak now. I don't know who you think I am, but I'm definitely not your brother. I'm sorry.
September 9th
Just give me a chance, Sam! Tell me what's wrong.
Your writing's different. Did you ever fix that hand?
September 10th
Yeah, I fixed it, but I haven't written in a long time so I'm kinda out of practise.
It got worse. I didn't think it could, but it did – they've started hunting us, Dean, and it's totally my fault. I'm this weird freak and I
I have visions, of people about to die. It's always demons – killing, or causing the death, or just standing by watching, laughi
I can't do this anymore. I know what this means now, and I'm sorry, but you don't wanna associate with me.
September 11th
Shut up, Sam, before you angst yourself to death. Just tell me what's wrong already!
Looks like it's not me who needs to try a little sharing and caring this time, eh?
September 12th
I can't, Dean. What your
What Mary said about me was right – I have got demon blood in me. All the demons, they search me out now. It's like a switch flipped and they started hunting me down. They all say the same thing – even when I'm holed up in a house or a bunker somewhere, salt lines all around, I can hear them howling outside, and they always say the same thing.
They say they're coming for me, Dean, and that sooner or later, I'm
That I'm going to
I left Jo and Ash cause they got hurt enough already.
Your Dad was right. I'll go bad Dean. And even if I don't, everyone who even knows me dies.
You shouldn't talk to me.
September 13th
I'm not even gonna start with the bullshit about 'fate' and going darkside or whatever you wanna call it – it's just too nuts for me to think about, so cut it out, alright? And why the hell would you leave your only backup behind! Go back to your friends, man!
Fine. You don't wanna share? I'll share. Yup, me, Dean Winchester. I'm gonna show you I trust you Sammy.
Two days ago marked the anniversary of this terrorist attack in New York, where loads of people died. I don't know if you know about that, but it was . . . Terrifying. Everyone remembers where they were when it happened. I don't scare easy, but it scared the shit outta me. But me and my dad, we just never really talk about that kinda thing, you know?
I did the minute's silence – I was in a bar, these kids were talking all the way through. Afterwards I told them to show some fucking respect . . . With my fist in their faces. Yeah, I know – irresponsible, reckless, blah blah blah. Whatever.
I didn't know anyone who died in that attack, or anyone really affected by it (aside from being quietly scared shitless, like we all were). But I felt personally offended. Why? Because of you, Sam. Because it doesn't matter how scared I was when it happened, you've got it worse. You are, right now, living in a constant state of fear on an epic scale. I couldn't stop thinking of you sitting it out somewhere while bombs went off outside, and having to just grit your teeth and deal with it.
It really
It shook me.
So, there. There it is. My big confession.
So why the fuck would you even start with this bullshit about me not being safe to talk to you? You're my friend now, Sam. You're stuck with me. And I'm stuck with you, through thick and thin, because of this freaky book.
You can choose not to write me back all you want, but I'm gonna write to you, so you might as well read it and reply. End of story.
You won't get rid of me that easily, kid.
September 14th
That was beautiful, Dean.
September 15th
Shut it Sam.
- Got you to reply, though, didn't it? Dean 1, Sam 0. Suck on that!
September 16th
Alright, fine. You win. But I'm still worried. And I'm not going back to Jo and Ash. They've suffered enough.
I need to find out more about this demon blood. I'm gonna try another demon – not Wrath again, obviously – but it shouldn't be too hard to find one willing to talk. The hardest thing is probably stopping them talking, these days. Gloating and laughing and telling me all this shit I don't wanna know, how I'm 'destined for greatness', their 'boy king' or whatever. I wish they'd all shut up. For good.
To be honest, I don't wanna find out more – all I want is to run and hide. But, maybe if I talk, they'll tell me more about your deal?
I'm sorry I let the time slip away. After your
After his message, I didn't know what to do, I was so freaked cause he was right, or so I thought. I don't know if I still think that. Whatever, the point is that I let time run away, and you're paying the price with less and less time, so I'm sorry.
September 17th
Jeez, thanks for reminding me, kiddo! Way to lower to mood.
September 18th
Well the mood was already pretty low with the whole demon blood boy king thing, Dean! And don't call me kiddo – I've worked it out, I'm only like, maximum 4 years younger than you!
Sorry though. I shouldn't have brought it up.
September 19th
4 years? God, you're a freaking child! Not to mention the fifty-year age gap, eh?
Don't worry, Sam, five and a half months is a long time. I'm sure we'll think of something by March 2nd – just don't do anything stupid, okay?
Good luck with your demon hunt, though. I'm a little freaked about what you'll find, but . . . Whatever. I'll deal.
September 20th
You'll deal? Well, I guess one of us has to, cause I'm sure not.
It didn't take much to catch one – in fact, she surrendered pretty easily, she said she wanted to talk to me anyway. Obviously I don't trust her as far as I could throw her, and I took all the precautions (so stop worrying).
She said her name was Ruby, which sounds like bull-crap to me, cause I've never met a demon with a human name before. I've never stopped to ask them their names much, but when they're monologuing at you furiously before they try and kill you, they usually let it slip.
Then she said something crazy.
I have demon blood in me, Dean – you know that already. She said if I was gonna
She said that I was humanity's last hope. That's why they call me 'boy king' or whatever, cause I can save everyone. But she said first, I have to become more powerful. I mean, no shit. I'm strong but I'm not that strong, and my death visions aren't exactly world-saviour-standard amazing.
She said there was only one way to do it, and that was to
She looked different to all the others. Smarter, more human. I don't know whose side she's on, but everything she said made sense – like, too much sense. Up until the point where she said that if I wanted to become stronger, I needed to
She said I needed more demon blood. She said I need to drink more.
I don't know what to think.
Help
I don't know
What am I supposed to do, Dean?! How am I supposed to live with all this?
Please don't throw the book away.
September 21st
Sam, how many times have I told you, I'm not giving up on you. So I had a little look at this whole 'boy king' thing.
Sorry pal, but you're not Earth's saviour. In fact . . . Well, demons lie, Sam. The only reason me and Bobby have ever found for someone drinking demon blood is so they can
Please for fuck's sake do not freak out, okay? Demon blood, it can help . . . Strengthen a vessel.
I think you're Lucifer's true vessel.
Don't trust that Ruby chick, alright? Throw her out. Run away, or kill her, if at all possible, just do not trust her.
September 22nd
I confronted her. She said you were lying. I wish I could say I wasn't confused about which one of you to believe, but I was, for a while. She asked to meet you, so I showed her the book. That was when I knew you were right.
She reached out to touch it, and she drew her hand back – it was like she'd got sprayed with holy water, with a side of iron rounds. She was shaking her head a lot, saying it was impossible, saying something about (hang on let me get the spelling right)
There was this one word, it was like – 'Enochian'. Any ideas?
September 23rd
Enochian – Bobby says that's angels, Sammy! Touched by an angel, eh? Maybe they're what powers this thing!
September 24th
Oh God. Dean, we are so, so screwed.
You don't know yet cause they don't walk among you but angels are NOT good, they are NOT helpful, they are just as bad as demons, if not worse. If there's angel mojo involved here, then we have to stop using the book. They could be tracking me, and if I'm supposed to be
If I'm his
Dean, you don't know what they did to him. Remember the guy – the Michael Sword? Michael's vessel? Everywhere you go, you hear different versions of that myth I told you, but each has its own specifics. Specifics, as in – like, how they tried to make him say yes. Awful stuff, Dean – shit you couldn't even imagine. Torture, if the people who're telling the story wanna be kind. I've heard much worse. But, he'd been to Hell, so whatever they had, he could deal with it, right?
This place is like Hell on Earth, but I know it pales in comparison. Every demon I met up until a few months back told me so – they said what they'd do to me if they managed to drag my soul down with them, describe these awful
What I mean, is
If they're tracking me by this book, with the Enochian . . . Whatever, they'll find me, try to force me to say yes, to agree to be Lucifer's vessel. Then what choice do I have, Dean? Say yes, and have freaking Lucifer in my head, or say no, and be subjected to the worst
Look, I need some time to think this through. I need somewhere to run to, actually, but that isn't happening. I can't withstand the torture he can. I can't even deal with my own day-to-day life right now.
September 25th
I say you find the fucker who tagged our journal, and you gank the bastard. I don't know how, but if there's a summoning ritual, there's gotta be a killing one. Here's no way they're getting to you – not on my watch.
September 26th
Thanks Dean, but your watch is kinda 50 years ago. Besides, how do I know which angel did it? Could be Michael himself, for all we know.
September 27th
Your psychic friend – Pamela, right? (you've gotta show me a picture, man). She might be able to help?
September 28th
Sure, she'll definitely help, what with me accidentally bringing demons upon her home last time. It's like, as soon as we did the séance, the floodgates opened, and they all came for me. Me, Jo and Ash left right off – I left like half my stuff there – but they left a good chunk of her house destroyed. A good chunk of the hunters inside, too. I split up with Jo and Ash after I figured out that'd keep happening around me.
She's alive, though. I guess I'll have to steal a car and get back to South Dakota, and then try and not get shot as soon as I step onto her porch.
September 29th
See, Sammy? I've always got the smart ideas. No hard feelings, though – I'll be the smart one, you can be the tall one.
September 30th
I do have other attributes, you know. Like big feet for kicking your ass. It's item no. 1 as soon as time travel is invented.
September 31st
Can't write much. Dad back. More to follow. Big news.
Let me know what you think :)
