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Chapter 3
Morgan looked at JJ, trying to come up with a way to explain to her what had happened. "Derek, you can trust me." She prodded.
"Trust? I can't trust anyone." Morgan said softly, still unsure how to proceed. "Do you really want to know what happened?" He asked pointedly.
She nodded, knowing that was the right course but slightly terrified as to what the explanation would be.
"I guess it's just as easy to show you as to tell you." He said, though he knew it was a lie. He still hadn't talked about it with anyone. Five months, thirteen days later, the wounds had healed, but his soul hadn't. He quickly removed the t-shirt he had been wearing, exposing his reality to her.
She gasped involuntarily. There on the perfect skin of Derek Morgan were welts and scars, revealing more than words ever could express. He had been tortured, that much was obvious. "How?" She sputtered.
"It was the Eric Whitaker Era." He began softly, "the kid was pompous, goaded the unsub though we knew it wasn't a good idea. I went out to grab the team dinner and..." He stopped. She wasn't sure if he was unable or unwilling to continue.
"What happened?" She asked as she sat down on the corner of his bed, unsure whether she really wanted to know the answer.
"It was a week and a half before they found me." Morgan replied, his memory in full force but unable to express the terrors he had seen.
They sat in silence for almost twenty minutes, neither knowing or caring what to say next.
"I know what it's like" JJ said, finally breaking the silence.
"What what is like?" He asked.
"To feel like you should have been able to stop it--that you should have been in control, I know what that's like." She said honestly.
"JJ, you don't have to--" He tried to stop her, knowing the personal direction the conversation was headed.
"I want to." She stopped him, pleading with him to understand. "I didn't call because at first I was afraid what Will would do if he found out, and then after a while it started to be because I was still hoping that he would change back--back into the guy I fell in love with."
Standing up, she lifted her shirt a little to reveal several long crudely healed scars above the bottom of her ribcage, "This is from not going to the hospital out of fear when your husband cracks your ribs, and this..."
"JJ, stop. You don't have to show me, it's okay." Morgan tried, "Just because I showed you mine doesn't mean you have to do this."
Continuing on like she hadn't heard him, she let her shirt fall back into place before sitting backon the bed and removing her shoes. Showing him the heel of her left foot, she pointed to at least ten circular scars of varying depth---one looked fairly recent, "And these are from..."
"Cigarettes. Those are cigarette burns." Morgan added, suddenly feeling the need to hit something.
"Yeah, they are." JJ admitted. "And don't try to hide them, I know you have them too..."
"I...I.." Morgan stuttered, amazed at what the woman in front of him had endured. "JJ, please....please tell me that's all that asshole did to you." he begged, though knowing the sickening truth.
"You know...you know there's more. There always is." JJ said solemnly, reaching out for him, "Come sit down, and tell me about one of your scars--I told you two of mine, and I only know one of yours."
Sitting carefully on the other corner of the mattress, he ran a hand over his neck, "I haven't even told Garcia about this..."
"Derek" JJ started, giving him all the space he needed between them in the room, "I haven't told her about any of my experience either. I wouldn't have showed you some of my scars if I was afraid you'd tell someone--Hotch has only seen the burns on the back of my neck, and he flipped, I'm not about to tell Garcia anything about what we've been through."
Silence filled the room for several long minutes before he spoke again. Pointing as best he could to the long, jagged scar on his left shoulder blade he whispered, "He kept me in the basement, it was some kind of old bomb shelter with all these smaller metal rooms in it. He--Logan Wooten--did this with a box cutter when we heard Hotch break the door down upstairs, they almost left without finding me until Rossi noticed the hidden basement door beneath the stairs."
Her heart broke for him as he revealed how close to death he had come. There were some secrets she still wasn't ready to share, though she supposed it was the same for him. They were silent for another moment before she pulled the neck of her turtle neck down low to reveal a large round white scar around her collar bone, "This is from where he choked me and his watch pressed so hard into my throat I started coughing up blood when he finally let go."
"You thought you were going to die." He finished for her softly.
Nodding, she let her shirt collar fall back into place, and leaned her head onto his shoulder, "But at least we made it--we survived."
He nodded slightly, and said softly, almost whispering "I'm not sure it was better to survive." She nodded again, the comfortable silence filling the room once more. His short sentence encompassing more than either of them were able to describe.
"At least we've got each other." She concluded softly.
"Yeah. We do have each other." He smiled and put his arm around her, promising himself one thing I will never let anyone hurt her again.
"Derek?" JJ asked, a small smile on her lips. "Wanna order pizza? I mean you did make us miss dinner."
He laughed loudly at that, and suddenly realized how long it had been since real laughter had escaped him. "Yeah, but you're buying." He teased lightly.
An hour and half a pizza later, he could tell that she was starting to drift off to sleep.
"We'd better call it a night." He said, softly suggesting that their bonding could wait until the morning.
He saw the slight look of panic that she immediately masked. "Oh, yeah. Ok. Goodnight." She seemed to stutter as she walked slowly towards the door. Suddenly he realized her predicament. She was too stubborn to admit that she wasn't ready to stay alone, but the thought of being alone in the darkness--it was something that he still had a difficult time with.
"JJ?" He asked as she whipped around gratefully. "Would you like to stay here tonight?" He asked, smiling softly at the grateful look that washed across her features.
"Yeah, I'd like that." She said softly, then smirked slightly "but if you think I'm going to hop into bed with you, you're mistaken--I'm not easy," she teased her eyes sparkling mischieviously.
"You are definitely far from easy." He agreed, reaching into his ready bag for his flannel pajama pants, "Are you going to sleep in those clothes?"
Looking down at her slacks and turtleneck, she sighed, "No, I guess not. Do you think I could---?"
"Here" he interrupted, holding out a clean t-shirt to her, "Just wear this and give it back in the morning before breakfast."
"JJ?" Hotch asked, when he saw JJ sneaking out of Morgan's room just after sunrise the next morning--the unwanted surprise causing a pit of jealously to form in his stomach.
"Oh, hey Hotch." JJ smiled at him as she opened the door to her own room and entered. He was shocked at how beautiful she was when she smiled, really smiled, and felt his heart break at the realization that it wasn't him who caused the smile--it was Derek Morgan.
Hours later at breakfast, he avoided Morgan as best he could. The younger man hadn't done anything wrong, but Hotch could barely stand in his presence. Instead he chose to chat with Emily who was animatedly sharing details of her new daughter.
"JJ!" Emily said excitedly, "come look at a new picture that Brian e-mailed me of Meri!" She commanded.
JJ looked at the photo of the small girl sucking on her own hand and smiled softly, "What a beautiful little girl." Trying to extract herself from the conversation she unconciously tightened her grip in the pale blue t-shirt in her hand, "I've got to find Morgan, have you seen him?"
Lost in her own thoughts, Emily barely even registered the question, "I think he said something about going on a walk, needed to clear his head."
"Thanks, I'll try that small park a few streets over." JJ answered.
Walking briskly, it took only minutes to find him, sitting on a park bench and staring out at those in the park. "Hey." She smiled as she sat down next to him.
"Hey." He smiled back at her.
"I brought your shirt back." She said lamely, joining him in the peaceful morning activity.
"Thanks." They sat in silence for a while, content with the quiet morning and the handful of people that were exercising in the park. "I haven't been on a date since it happened." He admitted, "I haven't shared a room with a woman since either."
They were engulfed in silence once more as JJ tried to decide what to say. "Well, I guess we'll need to get you back on the horse." She said smiling.
