Disclaimers: "If we owned this, the series would've turn out to be disastrous. Not to mention it would be yaoi or shounen ai." –Sweet Obsidian Rain

Authors: Dudly, Sweet Obsidian Rain, awin-chan, Eternal.Angel, Kyoka, fantasize.dream., maldita08

We crazy POT yaoi fans hope you enjoy this crack fic from the forum of Dudly-sama!


Recap

"AHHHHHHHH!!!!" Ryoma's screaming voice got Fuji to barge into the women's restroom. Thankfully, no one was in there besides him and his fiancée.

"What?" Fuji said in alarm. "What's wrong?"

"Fuji... I'm bleeding." Ryoma's voice sounded awkward through the stall.


Dudly-sama's Forum Members' Crazy Imaginative Creation Group Presents You:

Molesting the Facts

Chapter Three


Park - Women's Washroom

Fuji asked in alarm, "Bleeding? Where?"

"Er... through... through... Between my legs..."

Fuji couldn't help it. He giggled.

"What's so funny?" Ryoma demanded.

"You're... a girl." Fuji couldn't help but giggle more.

"I know! But what does that have to do with this... this... bleeding?" Ryoma was very frustrated now.

Fuji wondered about how he was supposed to phrase the explanation.

"Now, Ryoma-chan-"

"Are you trying to say that girls bleeding between their legs are normal?" Ryoma exclaimed, quite annoyed and distraught.

"Well... Yes. Listen, Ryoma-chan, females have this... time of the month where they... uh bleed to release—"

"Fuji! This isn't funny! No one bleeds between their legs once a month!" Ryoma really did not want to believe this.

Fuji laughed again, which simply irked Ryoma more.

"I'm sorry to say this, Ryoma-chan, but it's true." Fuji said this with a rather wide smile.

Ryoma looked at him incredulously, shocked.

"Never mind, Ryoma-chan. We'll have Echizen-san explain this to you," said Fuji.

"But what do I do about the bleeding?" Ryoma asked impatiently.

"Create a pad with toilet paper and stick it under the bleeding." Fuji seemed to enjoy explaining this.

"You want me to stick toilet paper in between my legs? Fuji-senpai, are you insane?" Ryoma asked incredulously.

"Nope, but unless you want blood to trail the entire place, then you should do as I say, Ryoma-chan," cheerfully admonished Fuji.

Ryoma did as Fuji said, and walked back out. It felt rather uncomfortable though.

Fuji smiled. "Let's get to your house then, Ryoma-chan."

Groaning and cursing everyone in his life, Ryoma complied. Fuji kept giggling.

"What? It's not funny! How do you expect me to walk like this, Fuji-sempai?" hoarsely asked Ryoma, as he walked in an awkward manner.

"Just walk," Fuji said helpfully. "Or would you rather I carry you?" Fuji peered closely at Ryoma's face.

"No," Ryoma said immediately, having suffered enough embarrassment for one day.

Ryoma blushed and walked faster, further away from the tensai. Fuji smiled sadistically and pondered to himself before walking closer towards Ryoma. Then he abruptly picked up Ryoma, who shouted, "What are you doing, Fuji-senpai?"

"Carrying you. It seems rather painful to walk like... that." Fuji groped Ryoma for a full minute before walking. As Fuji walked, he teased, "Did you already forget my name, Ryoma-chan? It's Syusuke."

The now boy-turned-girl blushed before turning away. "Please hurry... Syusuke. I don't think the toilet paper will last long." Fuji smiled at the use of 'Syusuke', and followed Ryoma's request.


At the Echizen Household

Upon arriving home, Rinko gasped in happiness as she saw the young 'couple'. "Syusuke, thank you for carrying my son home," she gushed.

Ryoma twitched. His mother was on first name terms with Fuji now?

"Ahh, Rinko-san! Ryo-chan here has a problem... With growing up." Fuji cheerfully greeted her.

"Oh..." said Rinko, flabbergasted, "I see, Ryoma, come with me to the washroom then."

Setting Ryoma down, Fuji waved to him as he followed his mother. Now that the tensai was alone, he went upstairs and entered their room to drop off his tennis bag and other belongings. Ryoma entered the room a few minutes later, with a pink face and a disgruntled expression.

Flopping gracefully on the bed, Fuji thought over the many incidents today. "S-Syusuke... Kaa-san says it's time for dinner." Ryoma stared at the floor.

"Is that so?" he said monotonously, staring at the ceiling. Fuji put a smile on his face, and got off the bed. He said cheerfully, "Let's go eat then, Ryoma-chan." Grabbing Ryoma's hand, the boy dragged his fiancé with him into the dining room.

Arriving, the duo was met with the site of a giggling Nanjiroh.

"Oyaji, stop laughing," Ryoma muttered under his breath, loud enough for his father to hear. But Nanjiroh only continued howling.

Fuji smiled evilly. "Since Ryo-chan is growing up, it won't be too long until we will start to... consider having heirs?"

Nanjiroh stopped his laughing abruptly, and turned to Fuji. Ryoma stared at Fuji. "What?"

Fuji smiled sweetly at Ryoma. "Your mother did say she wanted grandchildren."

"You are not touching my daughter until she's major," Nanjiroh gritted through his teeth, receiving weird looks from everyone.

"Oyaji, you always said I should..." Ryoma started, but was interrupted by his dad's scoffing.

"That was when you were a boy, Ryoma. Boys do kinky things; girls do not. My girl does not."

"...Oyaji, how was I a boy before, and now I'm a girl?" Ryoma chose to ignore his father and asked what had been on his mind since this morning.

Nanjiroh sighed deeply. "It's something really weird... but I think it's tennis-related, so you'll understand."

Ryoma wanted to glare at his father for implying that he didn't understand anything that wasn't about tennis, but frowned instead. "Tennis changes gender?"

"No, that's stupid," Nanjiroh snorted. "However, you transgressed so many physical laws with your tennis- like gravity- that you just... got hit back by Nature."

"So, you're saying that Nature took revenge on me for breaking laws?" Nanjiroh nodded slowly and solemnly.

"Stop laughing, senpai."

Fuji reluctantly stopped laughing. "But... why Ryoma of all people?"

"Because he's a brat," Nanjiroh replied with a smirk. "Since he didn't hit puberty yet..."

"Why because I'm a brat?" Ryoma protested. "Why not Fuji-senpai? He defies the laws of physics more than I have ever done." Ryoma cast a frustrated glance over at Fuji, then scowled at his smirking father.

"As you can see, Fuji-senpai is quite like a girl already," Nanjiroh said, laughing. Ryoma was failing to see what was so entertaining to his father.

"Oyaji, but Fuji still isn't a girl, is he?" He said, trying to make a point.

"Actually, he was about to turn into a girl before we engaged you two together. Because he now has a female counter part, Nature decided to let him go." Nanjiroh tried to keep a straight face when Ryoma glared at Fuji as if it was his entire fault.

"Then why do I have to be the girl?!"

Fuji smiled even more mischievously. "Even if you had stayed a boy..."

Ryoma waited for the end of the sentence; Fuji sure enjoyed having him waiting.

"You would have been the girl either way, Ryo-chan."

He paused for a minute, though he had started to nod, as if he understood. Then a strange realization struck him.

"Oyaji, how do you know all this?"

Nanjiroh coughed on his sleeve, turning his attention away from his daughter.

"Oyaji, stop stalling!" shouted Ryoma angrily, "Tell me already!"

The ex-pro suddenly found the clock on the wall very interesting...

"Nan-jii-chan... would you mind telling us?" Fuji's voice was soft, but it held authority. He wasn't taking "no" for an answer.

He only smirked at the two before saying, "Why not ask Rinko-san? She knows much more than I do."

"Know what, Nanjiroh?" questioned the mother as she entered the living room with a steaming pot of soup.

"How does Oyaji know so much about this?" Ryoma asked his mother.

The woman coughed, "The same thing almost happened to your father. He found out from Sumire-chan, but I have no clue how she knew."

"Ryuuzaki-sensei?" Ryoma's mouth dropped wide open. His eyes held an uncertain emotion in them.

"Yes, that old hag. Go find her if you want to know more." Nanjiroh didn't seem to keen on talking about Seigaku's coach.

"So she knows how to turn me back into a boy?!" Ryoma held himself back from squealing. Being a girl was so very weird.

Nanjiroh shrugged carelessly. "Beats me. Just because somebody knows something doesn't mean they can necessarily undo it."

"I think Ryoma-chan makes a nice girl," added Fuji, kindly. Ryoma pouted at the sentence.

Rinko brushed the topic aside and thought of something else to talk about, "So, Ryoma, how was school?"

He ignored his mother's question. "But Oyaji is being over-protective now that I'm a girl. And I want to play on the Boys' Tennis Team." Ryoma was being the stubborn brat again, "Syusuke, we're leaving." Ryoma picked up his tennis bags and headed out the door.

"Oi! Brat! Where are you going?" Nanjiroh shouted across the room.

"Where do you think?" said Ryoma loudly, before slamming the door behind him.

Fuji stared after Ryoma before picking his stuff up and running after him. "Hey! Wait up!"

"Ryoma-chan, don't you think you're overreacting? He asked, as he caught up to Ryoma. Ryoma's eyebrow twitched.

"No! Wouldn't you feel the same way?" Fuji put a hand on his chin and pondered it.

"Hm... Perhaps," he relied, all too calmly.

Ryoma glared. "You're the one who wants to bang me up. I don't want children and I don't want to get married. If you really want to have sex with me that badly, then you better hope I turn back into a boy! Even accidents can happen if we use protection!" Ryoma covered his mouth. Oh dear god, he was losing it.

Fuji only widened his eyes in surprise, never thinking that his fiancé would react this way. "Is that really what you think, Ryoma-chan?" Fuji's voice was slightly softer.

"N-No!" He lied.

"Ryoma," said Fuji, his voice hardening a bit, "Tell me the truth. Please."

Ryoma swallowed at the sound of Fuji's voice, trying to figure out what exactly he could say. "Well..." he paused lightly, his face falling. "I just want to be a boy, Syusuke. I don't want to be a girl."

"I see," Fuji pulled Ryoma in for a kiss. "Then I'll have to respect your decision," the boy said as he released his fiancé.

Ryoma was blushing slightly when Fuji released him. Fuji was being so nice... Ryoma hadn't expected Fuji to say that, at least, part of him didn't. "Thanks," he muttered quietly, his voice shaking slightly. Ryoma only looked away from his senpai in shame, and while looking down, he walked forwards by himself, hearing the footsteps of his fiancé following close by. He felt terrible for saying such a thing, but it was the truth - he didn't want to be a girl, but rather a boy.

While lost in thought, he had not realized that a certain tensai had slipped away from his presence.

Ryoma had been walking for about five minutes before he realized that the only footsteps he heard were his own. Hurriedly, he looked up. Fuji was nowhere in sight. "Syusuke?" Ryoma's eyes scanned around, trying to figure out if Fuji was hiding anywhere.

No one; he was alone. Feeling guilty, but not being able to do anything about it, Ryoma continued walking towards Ryuuzaki-sensei's house.

A Few Minutes Later…

Ryoma had arrived at his tennis coach's household. He rang the doorbell, and a girl about his height opened the door.

"Ah, Ryoma-kun! Good afternoon!" Her granddaughter, Ryuuzaki Sakuno greeted as she bowed before inviting Ryoma in. "Do you need Obaa-chan?"

The freshman nodded his head, and Sakuno immediately fled to find her grandmother.

Ryoma sighed. The younger Ryuuzaki still thought he was a boy. Hopefully he would turn back into a boy after this.

Just then the coach and her granddaughter came strolling into the hallway, and the senior greeted Ryoma cordially, "Ryoma, what brings you here?"

"Um... Ryuuzaki-sensei, can I speak you... in private?" he asked as Sakuno buzzed expectantly around Ryoma, wondering why he was there at such a time, no doubt.

Where was Fuji to help him say what he needed to?

"Ryoma-chan!" Fuji suddenly poked his head through Ryuuzaki-sensei's door causing Ryoma to jump in surprise.

"Syusuke? Wha-- how-- you... You!"

"Me?" Fuji innocently pointed at himself in question before hugging Ryoma tightly.

"Now, what did you have to say to me,Ryoma?" Ryuuzaki asked.

Ryoma hesitated, not sure how to say it, quite exactly.

"Ryoma-chan was wondering if you knew how to reverse the effects that... changed him into a girl," said Fuji bravely, yet bluntly. Ryoma had to admit that sometimes, Fuji's ability to say anything was really helpful.

A gasp was heard from Sakuno. "C-change Ryoma-kun back into a girl?"

Ryoma sighed. Maybe not that helpful if he would say it in front of everyone.

Ryuuzaki only eyed at Fuji then at Ryoma. She sighed and gestured the two of them to sit in the living room.

"Fuji, stop joking around," Ryuuzaki ordered before asking Sakuno to leave.

Once there were only the three of them, she sighed. "It won't be easy, Ryoma. You'll have lot of tests to do to get back in Mother Nature's good books."

Ryoma shifted, "What are the tests?"

Fuji put his hand on Ryoma's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze to encourage him.

"They are..." Ryuuzaki looked very uneasy on her chair. "Are you sure you don't prefer to be a girl?"

Ryoma frowned deeply. "I'd rather face a crumbling mountain than have those... Periods? Yeah, I don't care what it can be. It can't be worse. Bring it on."

Sighing, the coach beckoned the couple in and ushered them into the living room. "I'll make the tea," she said briefly before shuffling into the kitchen. The couple settled themselves on the ends of the couch and waited for Ryuuzaki to enter the room. Both were silent and looked away from another.

At last, Ryuuzaki re-entered the room with their cups of tea.

"I have to warn you that there is a deadline," she informed sternly. "Once your body has fully changed into a girl's body, you'll have to accept your fate as a girl."

Jumping up, Ryoma asked frantically, "When's the deadline?!"

"You have a week," explained the coach, "In order to turn back into a boy."

Flopping back down in relief that he still had at least six days left, Ryoma didn't noticed that he was sitting in Fuji's lap.

In an instant, Fuji's arms had snaked themselves round Ryoma's waist.

"Let go of me." Ryoma resisted the urge to jab Fuji in the ribs.

"Can't I hug my darling Ryoma-chan?" Fuji's arms only squeezed tighter. Ryoma gritted his teeth; Ryuuzaki gave them an odd look.

"So…" Ryoma started, "What exactly do I need to do?"

The coach only sighed in exasperation before instructing Ryoma.

"First you must make out with your fiance, then you must tell the truth to everyone whom you have lied to and kiss them on the cheeks, and lastly kiss a girl."

Ryuuzaki turned to look at the couple to only find a pair of puzzled faces. Ryoma paused for a minute; he wouldn't have thought it that easy. Except... he'd have to kiss Tezuka-buchou... and Kaidoh-senpai... Ryoma gulped slowly. Fuji's face was close to his as if he expected that they would make out right at that second.

"Is that really all?"

Ryuuzaki nodded.

"I don't have to make out with him..." Ryoma jabbed a finger at Fuji, swallowing hard. "In public, do I?"

"Unfortunately...yes."

"What!?" That made it a little harder. Ryoma lowered his gaze, his face turning red.

"Ryoma-chan? Are you ok, Ryoma-chan?" Fuji shook the lifeless body he was holding.

"I think the poor thing has fainted." Ryuuzaki announced after a short inspection of Ryoma's facial features.

"Sumire-chan..."

"I told you not to call me that, Fuji!" barked the coach, "What is it?"

"What does 'public' mean in order to fulfill the terms?" finished Fuji.

"Well," she paused for a moment. "It would have to be people other than your own family. At least a few people would have to see you..." She seemed reluctant to say the next thing.

"School's your best bet."

"Oh..." said Fuji, then he smiled sadistically. Ryoma on the other hand, who had awakened recently from his deathbed, fell to the ground lifeless once more. Fuji picked up his fiancé and tried shaking him awake again.

"Ryoma-chan, we should go home now and practice, neh?"

As the coach stood, she reminded the couple again, "Make sure to complete all this in a week."

Fuji nodded as he headed out the door while carrying Ryoma bridal style.

Sakuno scurried back into the room. "Grandma, why were Fuji-senpai and Ryoma-kun here?" Ryuuzaki only shook her head.

"I think you'll find out soon enough, Sakuno."


O W A R I
Authors' Notes:

Sweet Obsidian Rain: Bwahahaha. Stay tuned for what happens next! We do not know how this will turn out since we're still writing this without exactly… planning. xD So just keep reading, ne? (Story Host)

Awin-chan: We'll be keeping to male pronouns for Ryoma, simply to keep things simple. xD ...I don't have much to say, 'cept I really wanted to have an A/N. xD (Beta-Reader)

First Unrevised Date 8.14.07
First Revised Date 8.15.07