We Should Get Drunk More Often
Chapter 3: Ideas
"So I was at that party last night," Stan began.
Kyle hummed as he looked up from his book, removing his glasses.
"I couldn't get laid."
"Why not?"
Stan gave Kyle a 'really?' look, "I'm fucking married!"
"Oh shit yeah."
"Nice one Sherlock."
"Did you tell them it was an open marriage?"
"Yes! They said they were going to tell you that I was trying to cheat and that I should be fucking you!"
"Well you… could…"
That statement really knocked the wind out of Stan's sails, "What?"
"If we're horny, then why not?" Kyle said, he actually sounded quite nervous, "I mean… no one's going to want to help us cheat and it's not like we haven't had sex with each other before."
"Not with both of us sober."
"Still…"
"I think it's a good idea though," Stan admitted, "At least we'll actually get some action then."
"Not tonight," Kyle said, "I have a test tomorrow, but we can do it tomorrow night. I've been getting horny myself."
"Cool… yeah…"
Stan woke up with a pounding head. This prevented him from having the fastest thought process in the world but he eventually registered that the bed he was in kinda wasn't his.
He was also very naked, so he prayed to God that he'd scored. Fucking at fifteen was something to brag about. Fucking at fifteen also sounded like a TV show.
He looked to his left to find his best friend, also very naked.
"Wake up Kyle," Stan shook the Jew awake.
"Fucking Christ," Kyle groaned, his voice hoarse "My head's pounding."
Kyle sat up and looked at Stan quizzically, "Why is my ass sticky?"
"Uh…"
"Hurts like a bitch too."
"Kyle…"
"What?"
"I think we might have fucked," Stan said as he settled back into the pillow.
"Oh," Kyle didn't sound too worried, "That explains why I'm buck-naked."
"Last night was really gay wasn't it?"
"Anal intercourse with another man is pretty gay dude," Kyle deadpanned.
"At least it's you of all people," Stan smiled, "You're my best friend and you always will be. I know that I can trust you to be cool about this."
Kyle smiled back, "Same to you dude."
They were interrupted by a loud pounding on the door.
"Are you two quite done in there?" Bebe sounded pissed, "Because I'd like to sleep in my own bed!"
They rushed themselves dressed and opened the door to see Bebe looking pretty pissed off.
"Sorry about that," Kyle rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.
"If you want, we can wash the sheets for you," Stan said, feeling a bit guilty.
"Yes, please do," Bebe frowned.
"Can you keep this whole thing quiet?" Kyle asked, "We'll get destroyed at school."
"I would if you weren't a fucking screamer," Bebe smirked at him, making Kyle blush "Seriously Kyle, we could hear you over the music which was turned up to full volume!"
"I wondered why my throat hurt."
Stan smiled as he woke up, the conversation last night would conjure that dream. They'd laughed about it later that day after having gotten back to Kyle's place.
"What are you smiling about?" Kyle asked as he turned over, one eye still buried into the pillow.
"Just remembering what happened after we fucked the first time."
"It was pretty funny," Kyle grinned.
"See? Being married isn't so bad."
"I never said it was."
Unfortunately, Kyle had class and had to get up, so they couldn't joke around for the whole morning like they would on a Saturday in high school.
They were talking as they got to the door, the landlord was outside, when Kyle opened it.
"Kiss me goodbye," Stan whispered, "We've just got married remember?"
Kyle rolled his eyes and pressed his lips to Stan's, "See you later."
"Yeah, later."
The landlord was looking incredibly giddy, Stan was honestly finding it a bit creepy.
Stan was the one who had class the next day, so Kyle took the chance to go across the hall to Kenny and Cartman's place.
"How're you doing Kyle?" Kenny smiled.
"I think I love Stan!" Kyle blurted before clapping his hands to his mouth.
Kenny smirked, "I could tell from last night, you're quite a screamer."
Kyle blushed, feeling an immense feeling of déjà vu.
"It's about fucking time one of you guys realised," Kenny shrugged as he turned to look into the flat, "HEY CARTMAN! KYLE'S REALISED HE HAS A BONER FOR STAN!"
"IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME!" The reply came.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Kyle frowned.
"You two have been fucking for years," Kenny explained, "Even if you're drunk, you don't fuck your best friend that many times."
Kyle folded his arms as he took a seat on the couch.
"You two have always been very touchy-feely."
"Well we're really close."
"You look at him like a lovesick puppy."
"No I don't!" Kyle glared, "Do I?"
"Sorry Jewboy," Cartman said as he walked into the room, "Kenny's right."
"Do you think he knows?"
"The only person who doesn't know that you want Stan to fuck you into the floor for eternity is Stan."
Kyle sighed, "Good."
"You have to tell him," Kenny frowned, feeling sorry for the Jew.
"No," Kyle shook his head, "I can never tell him."
"How fucking cliché," Cartman sighed.
"He'll hate me and think I'm disgusting, we're getting an annulment after college anyway and as much as I actually want to stay married, I'd much rather have him as my best friend."
"Fucking Christ Jewfag!" Cartman huffed, "No one fucks their best friend sober if they don't want to do it forever! STANLEY MARSH IS IN LOVE WITH YOU!"
Kyle pulled his ushanka off and ran his hand through his hair, "You really think so?"
"You were so fucking loud last night," Cartman rubbed a hand across his forehead, "He was loud too when he fucking came."
"We both agreed it was the best sex we've ever had."
"That's because sex is always better with feelings," Kenny said.
"You guys really think Stan likes me?"
Kenny walked over and laid a hand on Kyle's shoulder, "He probably doesn't realise it, but he definitely does. Talk to him, this is Stan we're talking about. Even if he doesn't love you in a gay way, he loves you as his best friend. He's never going to leave you like that, if he doesn't want it, you'll stay best friends."
"I'll speak to him," Kyle decided, "I just hope you guys are right."
This will probably be around seven chapters long, maybe a little shorter. After this (if I'm still not over my writer's block for my other projects) there will be another slavery kind of thing, similar to Gods and Clods but with a few differences (speaking of Gods and Clods, I'm honoured to say that someone drew fanart of it. It's called Jewish Slave and is by torukouno13 on Deviantart). The other one I'm thinking of is an omegaverse with Stan and Kyle, so tell me what you think of that idea. I have an omegaverse fic on AO3, I'm just not sure what the reception would be here, I haven't seen a South Park omegaverse on FFnet. Make sure to tell me what you think of those ideas.
