Chapter 3: He Said What?

I never realized that getting ready for bed was such an involved process. I mean, for me it's just a matter of going home and dropping my clothes on the floor (Yeah, I sleep in the nude…I have since I got my own place. I walk around in my apartment with no clothes on too. I guess I like not having my movement restricted. And I can always throw on a yukata if the bell rings…which it never does. My friends don't come to my apartment. We go out.) Byakuya's routine is a little more involved. It starts with a trip to the closet. The closet is nearly as big as my apartment and has a neat row of shihakushous and another of an assortment of different colored yukatas.

"Choose one."

"Huh?"

"A yukata…choose one…to wear."

I almost say 'huh' again, but decide the better of it and choose a gold toned one. It looks nice against my brown skin and contrasts well with the black tattoos. Shit…I think he smiled that I chose it. I'm starting to get nervous and the feeling worsens as he stops in the dressing area and starts to undress. He slips out of his shihakushou and neatly puts everything in its place as I stand there, slack-jawed and trying to remember what I'm supposed to be doing.

"Honestly, Abarai, do you daydream in your spare time too?"

"Uh, sorry, Captain."

At home, when I undress, I do so with some amount of poise…but it's hard to be poised when I'm looking at his, slender, naked body out of the corner of an eye and trying like hell not to get an erection. I pinch myself hard where he can't see and my eyes water a little, but I manage to calm myself as he wraps a yukata around himself.

"You're too tense," he says, "but this will relax us and then we can talk. Oh…will you bring us the bottle of sake from my dresser?"

How in the hell did he end up so close to me, so close, he practically says it in my ear? What, did he teleport? I hurry up and set my clothes over a chair, then slip into the gold yukata and grab the sake and a couple of glasses. I follow him to the back of the room where he has a hot tub. He removes his yukata and drapes it over a chair, then while I'm trying to catch my breath from that, he slides that pretty white body of his down into the steaming water.

Okay, we have been to the officer's club baths, but the hot tubs are larger and there are lots of guys around. The lady officers have their own section on the other side of the building, but we can hear the chatter all the way on our side. It's all in good fun and everyone takes a naked dip there…no big deal. The experience is very, very different in this context.

The hot tub is smaller and he has it on a lower setting…so we will be able to talk. But it also has the effect of leaving everything beneath the surface a bit more visible. I slide in and disrupt things a little. At first, he just sits quietly, almost as though he's forgotten I'm there. He's letting down after working so hard and I can almost see the tension drain out of him. Those big gray eyes get wider and start to look sleepy and his usual frown is replaced with a tired, content expression. He is positioned so that he can look out through the window and there's a lovely full moon to look at outside tonight. He looks classy set against the backdrop of that moon, the way it lights his skin…he looks like he's glowing. He catches me smiling and pretends not to notice. Instead, he focuses on that moon and sighs softly.

"So…what is it that has you so out of sorts?" he asks, sliding down lower and letting his eyes close, "You've been like this for days. I tried to ignore it, thinking it would subside on its own…and then I thought that relaxation would help, but you are quite relaxed and still look like you're only half here. What is on your mind, Renji?"

I sure as hell can't tell him the truth now…like this. I don't think he would kill me or anything, but it would sure throw some cold water on what's turning out to be a really nice evening…

"I was thinking that it might be the upcoming Captain's Exams. Although, I don't see the need for anxiousness as you are more than qualified and are also quite well prepared. As unfocused as you have been during most of the time, your dedication to preparing for the exam has been commendable."

"Yeah…well, I think that even knowing that I am prepared…Captain…it's a big step."

"Hai…I remember taking that step myself. But I have given you all of the preparation that my grandfather gave me. You will do well, Renji."

The way he's looking at me now gives me a very warm feeling inside. It's a proud look I've seen him wear when looking at Rukia…

"Well, I don't think I'll embarrass you or anything, but I want to do better than passably."

"I have no doubt you will," he says, stifling a yawn, "You have trained until your ban kai is under exceptionally good control."

"But I still couldn't beat you. Not in all of the times I've tried."

It's a sore spot with me. I've had this milestone for so long, I just can't seem to let it go. He sits there with his eyes closed, saying nothing for a moment. Then his eyes open again and he gives me a curious look.

"That is a commendable goal…and certainly, I think that, given time, you will come up with a workable strategy to use to defeat me."

"Really?"

He's never said that before. I chew on that while he pours us each a glass of sake and we take sips as we relax.

"Of course. You know I've said quite a few times that no matter how strong the defense, something will eventually break through it. And you, having watched and learned from me for so long, will certainly eventually learn something you can use to undo me. You are quite a capable fighter…more capable than I realized before…"

"Thanks, Captain."

I'm blushing, but I can blame it on the hot water if he notices. We stop talking and close our eyes, sliding down, up to our necks in the hot, bubbling water. I don't close my eyes all of the way, but instead steal glances at the beautiful man sitting across from me, well within reach. I can imagine smiling at him, reaching across that distance and pulling him into my arms…and while he's still startled and staring at me, I'd put my mouth on his and push my tongue into his mouth to keep him quiet. I can just see those pretty, dark eyes hazing over…and mayhem entering them as he smiles and parts his thighs, bringing his privates into contact with mine. He'd look down into my eyes and thrust those powerful hips forward and back, moving the water around us as we rub together in all of that hot water. I'd lose it then, falling under his spell, letting that sweet, pink tongue make mine its slave. I'd let his hands roam everywhere on my body, while I touched him too…but soon touching wouldn't be enough. I'd see the flare of arousal in his eyes and feel the urgency in his movements and I'd coax him into lifting himself and settling very, very slowly onto me. And as hot as this water is, my captain would be a hundred times hotter inside…achingly hot. His eyes would get softer and more wanting. His hands would clench and unclench as he rises and falls, that pretty mouth opening and emitting delicious sounds of pleasure.

"Renji…" he would say, "Renji…harder…harder, Renji…faster. Oh kami…kami…Renji…"

I'd tell him not to close his eyes and I'd watch the pleasure erupt across his face as I thrust hard into the bundle of nerves inside him, dragging him gasping and panting from pleasure into bliss.

"Aishiteru yo…Renji," he would sigh.

It would take me by surprise to hear him say that he loves me…and I would say it back to him as I hold him there, still deep inside him, sending seething waves of heat through him and making him kiss me so hard it hurts…

I stop daydreaming as the jets cycle off and he stands. It's not a very large hot tub, so he's not that far in front of me…and his serenely soft privates are at eye level. I try not to look and stand, hastily turning and grabbing a towel to wrap around my waist and another to dry off on. He does the same, then climbs out of the hot tub and heads for the shower.

"You can rinse off in here if you like," he tells me.

I take a minute or two to calm myself, then follow him into the biggest shower I've ever seen. It has quite a few heads, so I adjust two and leave the others to him. I close my eyes and let the water run over my head and face, my throat and chest and back…all down my body.

"It looks as though you are much more relaxed now. I assume this means you will have more focus when you continue your work?"

"Ah…yeah, sure thing, Captain. I think you were right. It was just stress."

He has no idea…

"I'm glad it helped."

He finishes and tells me to take my time. He gets out and it feels like the air just left my lungs. I stand under the fall of warm water, just wishing he'd come back and tell me that he knows what has been running through my mind…that it's been on his mind too. But it's all just wishful thinking…just like thinking he'd ever return my affection. I turn off the water and get out of the shower. I take my time drying off and putting the yukata back on.

When I get out into the bedroom, He's lying in bed and it looks like he fell asleep reading a report. His long hair is still a little damp from the shower and the scent of sakura is stronger because he has been in the warm water. His features are calm and I notice that he doesn't wear the usual frown when he sleeps. He looks content…peaceful. I walk slowly to the bed and slip the report out of his hand, then set it on the nightstand and lean over him for a moment to turn off the light that's set in the wall over the center of the bed. As I reach for the switch, I happen to look down and find myself painfully close to the now open gray eyes. They meet mine questioningly and I smile and turn off his light.

"I was still working," he says, reaching up to turn the light back on, but I catch his hand in mine.

"Hey, work hours are over. That can wait until you've had your rest. Sleep, Captain."

He keeps those lovely eyes fastened on mine and pulls his hand gently to free it.

"Very well…I imagine it can wait. We do need ample rest…"

I pull away and take the report with me as I leave the room. I mean to go to bed myself, but for some reason, I can't fall asleep. I go back to my desk and actually work until pretty late before turning out the office lights and stumbling off to bed. I smile as I walk by his door and feel the soft, relaxed feel of his reiatsu as he sleeps.

I wonder what he dreams about…

XXXXXXXXXX

"Did you sleep well, Abarai?" he asks as I walk into the office.

I nod and yawn.

"Like a baby, sir. Why?"

He looks dangerously close to amused. His lips are almost smiling.

"I don't think I've heard a sleeping baby make that much of a ruckus before, but never having had children myself, I'll have to take your word for it."

I smile and shake my head.

"I'll just go and get your tea, Captain."

Did I hear a chuckle? A soft sound of amusement?

I make the tea carefully and return to the office, setting the teacup carefully in his hand and starting back to my desk.

"Abarai," he says quietly.

I look back at him, wondering what I did wrong this time.

"I must ask you a question."

Oh…oh shit! Don't tell me I called out his name during that sexy dream of him I had!

"Yes, Captain?"

Here it comes…

"Renji…this is going to sound a bit strange, I think…so do not take it the wrong way. But…do you sometimes have dreams with…?"

He stops as the door opens and a courier comes in. He has requisitions to sign and a few forms he needs me to gather…and by the time the courier leaves, he's absorbed in his work again. I go back and start working intently, trying to forget the beginning of that sentence. If he figures out that I'm attracted to him, then there will never be another night like last night…and I want last night to repeat itself. I mean…I want more…but if I can't have more, I could live for occasional nights like that…so close to him. Even if he never touched me, I'd think it was the best just being in his presence like that.

No…I seriously need to have sex with him…eventually…

But for now, I'll take these sweet little interludes, the unbidden thoughts that invade my mind…the lovely fantasies. It's really heavenly, being with him like this.

"Renji?"

"Hai, Captain."

"You seem more focused today. You accomplished a commendable amount of work. I think that our relaxation was a helpful thing."

"Yeah…I enjoyed it too, Captain."

"I am pleased to hear that. And as it made you so much more productive, I think it might be enjoyable to take a long walk tonight and relax together again…if it is acceptable to you."

I honestly think I've died and gone to heaven…

"Yeah…I would really like that."

"Hmmm…"

I have to really fight myself all afternoon. I'm really looking forward to tonight, but I don't want to screw it up by losing focus and not getting the required work done. Somehow, the promise of getting to walk next to him under sakura trees, to sink down into that hot water across from him and steal glances at him, makes me work harder, and by the time the day ends, I'm having to look for things to do, because I've gotten to the end of my work. That's never happened before.

We're just getting ready to go for our walk when a late courier brings in a load of shit…new information for the mission we are going on in Hueco Mundo. I look at it resignedly, thinking there's not enough time between now and the start of our mission for us to sift through all of this intelligence. Byakuya looks at the pile and then back at me.

"I will have dinner brought in for us."

He whispers his order to a hell butterfly, and some time later, his own staff from the manor shows up with a beautifully prepared dinner for the two of us. I can't keep the smile off my face. He likes spicy and he knows I like sweet…so both are present on the table that is set for us in the center of the squad room. We shuffle the papers a bit so that we can work and eat at the same time, and linger over dinner and dessert as we chip away at the mountain of papers together. We finish and his staff comes to take the table, chairs and dishes away, then we retreat to our desks to finish up a last few things. We take a walk to a nearby park, mostly to stretch our legs and breath some fresh air. It's late when we get back, but he still motions for me to join him in his room. We undress as before and we slip into the hot water to relax again. There is quiet between us as we let the tension drain away. We were talking a lot about work stuff, so our tongues are pretty tired, but I see him looking over at me with that look he had on his face earlier.

"Renji…I was going to ask you before, but was distracted by the courier."

"Yes, Captain?"

"Do you ever have dreams of being…kissed…by a man?"

I don't know what holds me together. I know I'm blushing. Thank kami we're in the hot tub!

"Well, erm…" I stutter, not knowing what to say.

I try to hold on to my composure, but feel everything crumbling.

"Captain…I can explain…"

"I'm sorry for asking, but I was curious because last night, I dreamed a man kissed me."

Wait…what?

"And it occurred to me that I have never even wondered about what it would be like to kiss a man. I was with Hisana, of course. But I wonder now if this dream means I am interested in a relationship with…a man."

"Are you attracted to someone, Captain?"

Please, say yes…and let it be me…

"I don't know. You see, it has just never crossed my mind. But I heard that you have dated women and men…and it made me curious…"

"So maybe your curiosity led to your dream. You should explore it."

"Well…I don't know if I want to. I don't know what it would be like."

"To kiss a guy?"

"Yes."

I hold my breath and then let it out…

"Well…you can kiss me…to see if you like it."

It gets really, really quiet and I watch his mind turning the idea over. But finally, he looks at me and nods briefly.

"Very well…if you wouldn't be offended…"

I shake my head and move closer to him. I lean forward and feel his slender hands settle on my chest as I tilt my head and bring our lips together. I keep it gentle and relatively innocent. I don't want to shock him. I sit back slowly and admire the pretty blush on his cheeks. I try not to notice welcome sight of his erection under the water. He is quiet for a while as I move back to where I was before.

"Arigato," he says finally, "That gives me much to consider…"

I'm smart enough to keep my mouth shut as we finish hot tubbing and showering. I wish him good night as usual and go off to bed, biting my lips.

I'm scared to death about tomorrow…