Just as a note, I am not racist or bias in anyway. The stereotypes shown below are shown merely as a source of simple entertainment.

No real reviews yet, but I'm enjoying myself while I'm writing, so I'll just keep on while nobody reads it. This chapter will focus on Final Fantasy II and its awesomeness. We have the Emperor, who is arguably the most badass villain ever made!

Emperor Mateus: So…you are emitting two conflicting views of Me. Where do your loyalties truly lie?

With you of course. I totally want to see you rise to ever new heights! Can I be your Empress? Please?

Emperor Mateus: Ha ha ha…such spirit for one so young. If you truly wish to stand by My side, then impress Me. Show Me my opponents as the fools they are.

Your wish is my command, Emperor!

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

Fang woke up beside Aerith, who was still fast asleep…and naked. He sighed in contentment and rose from the bed. He didn't bother waking her, because he knew she would be able to manage that on her own.

He left his room and saw that the hotel was bustling with activity. Garland was chasing a hapless Maximillian, who was trying to get away with the knight's multiform sword. Firion was running down the stairs, holding all of his weapons in a bundle. Many other people from across the Final Fantasy series were there.

Cloud stalked by, glaring hard at Fang. Fang noticed this and wagged his finger at the blonde, which just made him growl and push past him.

Ignoring the people around him, Fang walked over to Marilith's room and knocked, although he was scared as to what he was going to see.

"Terraform! We have to get back to the studios again today!" Fang called. There was a thump from inside, and a faint hissing.

The door then opened to reveal…Terraform. Only he looked completely different. He had hair. And it wasn't the hair he had originally. His new hair was pitch black, and longer than his shoulders. His bangs were so long and thick, they covered up one of his eyes. The other eye was now green and not brown, and the pupil was slitted like a cat's.

"How do you like my new look, Fang?" Terraform gloated, flipping his hair back happily. Fang shrugged.

"Nice, dude. Nice. Although I have to admit I didn't expect the fiend to follow through on her part of the deal," the muse replied.

"She did. And I think I'm in love. You coming, girl?" Terraform called back inside. Fang stared as he first saw the naked chest of Marilith come gliding out of the door, followed by the massive coils of her reptilian tail.

"Don't get so familiar with me, boy. Remember, when you are with me, your will is of no concern," Marilith hissed angrily. Terraform blanched and nodded, while Fang chuckled at his friend's expense. "Now, I must return to the studio. I will see you all….later."

"Now where the heck is Kamec?" Fang asked rhetorically, scanning the hallway.

"Hey, that rhymed! You are a poet and you didn't realize it!" Terraform quipped, causing Fang to stare at him incredulously.

"Did you just...?" Fang started.

"What?" Terraform asked innocently. Fang sighed at his friend's stupidity and they continued searching the hall for Kamec.

Then a man dressed in black and purple robes and silver hair glided by. When he passed the two muses, he stopped.

"If you are looking for your friend, he is in Jenova's room," the man, who was really Emperor Mateus, informed them. "But be warned, he is not entirely sane at the moment."

"Thanks!" Terraform called, and the two muses went to the room in question. Unlike the other rooms, the door to Jenova's room was made of dark grey steel, and its handle was a small wheel in the center. On the upper half of the door was Jenova's name in the same dark grey color.

"That looks….awfully ominous," Fang commented. Terraform shrugged and opened the door, which opened with an equally ominous squeal.

Inside was a massive, glowing blue tank that contained an unknown liquid. Suspended inside was Jenova herself, the silver strands of her hair floating aimlessly in every direction.

Chained to the wall halfway up to the ceiling was a whimpering Kamec.

"Jesus, man, what happened to you?" Fang asked. Kamec was battered and bruised all over, with several minor scrapes and cuts marking his body. His clothes hung on him in tatters, as if a wild beast had clawed him.

"It's…IT'S….IT'S TOO HORRIBLE! WAAAGH!" Kamec howled. "GET ME OUT OF HERE BEFORE SHE WAKES UP!"

"Oookay then…" Terraform commented. "Come on Fang, help me get him down."

With Fang's help, the two muses freed Kamec and lowered him to the ground….and then he promptly collapsed. Fang sighed and then they slowly dragged him outside.

Before long, Kamec, although still scarred for life, was now dressed presentably. Then the three muses descended the stairs to the lobby. When they got there, they were escorted to the studios by the Warrior of Light.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

"All right, we are here. Show us what you got for us!" Fang announced.

Director: Very well. We were just about to start filming Final Fantasy II.

"This ought to be good," Terraform commented.

The Dark Knights Take 1:

Tired and breathless, Firion, Guy, Maria, and Leon found themselves in a clearing. They had been running all night, but they all knew that they couldn't run forever.

Firion gasped in surprise and horror as multitudes of Imperial Dark Knights began bursting out of the woods around them. They were surrounded.

"Firion!" Maria cried, rushing to his side and grabbing her bow. Guy readied his fists, and Leon hefted his sword. Firion growled and lifted his lance.

"You've come a long way from Fynn, but you have nowhere left to…oh for the love of God, where the hell is Keenan?" The leading dark knight began. The knights began to chatter in confusion as they looked around for their companion.

"Why is he always la…"the knight began again, but then another dark knight came charging in on a horse…and then stumbled on a rock and both horse and rider began to tumble down the hill.

"OH GODDAMMIT F***ING SON OF A BITCH OW MY SPINE OW MY RIBS WHO THE HELL PUT A OOMPH!" screamed the knight as he and the horse rolled over and under each other, breaking many bones in the process. Finally, the knight hit the ground and let out a gurgle. "F***!"

"Keenan….can't you see we are trying to show the players how evil we are by killing these rebels? How are they ever going to take us seriously after what you just did?" the leader of the dark knights demanded.

"What rebels?" Keenan asked from his position under the horse.

"Those rebe…oh goddammit," the knight sighed after he saw that Firion and the others were long gone.

Director: You are the worst knights I've ever seen. Keenan, I'm docking your pay!

"SCREW THIS JOB!" Keenan shouted in anger.

The Dark Knights Take 2:

Tired and breathless, Firion, Guy, Maria, and Leon found themselves in a clearing. They had been running all night, but they all knew that they couldn't run forever.

Firion gasped in surprise and horror as multitudes of Imperial Dark Knights began bursting out of the woods around them. They were surrounded.

"Firion!" Maria cried, rushing to his side and grabbing her bow. Guy readied his fists, and Leon hefted his sword. Firion growled and lifted his lance.

"You've come a long way from Fynn, but you have nowhere left to run! By order of the Emperor, all who oppose him shall be put to death! You peasants never learn do you?" the leader of the dark knights announced. "Knights….ATTACK!"

Firion motioned for his friends to stay back as the first dark knight charged towards them. Confused, but trusting Firion, the others did so.

"SHIELD BASH, BITCH!" Firion yelled, and a holographic shield appeared in front of him. The second the knight's lance touched it, the shield pushed forward and staggered the knight and Firion followed it up with a flurry of sharp knives that soon killed the knight easily.

Director: Cut! Firion, this is Final Fantasy II, not Dissidia!

"What you mean I can't use shield bash?" Firion asked indignantly.

Director: No.

"THIS GAME SUCKS!" Firion screamed into space.

The Dark Knights Take 3:

Tired and breathless, Firion, Guy, Maria, and Leon found themselves in a clearing. They had been running all night, but they all knew that they couldn't run forever.

Firion gasped in surprise and horror as multitudes of Imperial Dark Knights began bursting out of the woods around them. They were surrounded.

"Firion!" Maria cried, rushing to his side and grabbing her bow. Guy readied his fists, and Leon hefted his sword. Firion growled and lifted his lance.

"You've come a long way from Fynn, but you have nowhere left to run! By order of the Emperor, all who oppose him shall be put to death! You peasants never learn do you?" the leader of the dark knights announced. "Knights….ATTACK!"

Firion motioned for his friends to stay back as the first dark knight charged towards them. Confused, but trusting Firion, the others did so.

"Jump!" Firion cried, jumping extremely high in the air before coming down like a meteor. However, he wasn't able to hit the ground before a dark purple figure streaked across the air faster than the eye can see and grabbed him in the middle. Firion screamed as their momentum carried him all the way to a large tree…breaking his back like a twig.

"What…the hell…was that….for?" Firion questioned. His voice died in his throat as he saw who had tackled him. Standing in front of him looking no worse for wear….was Kain Highwind. "…eep!"

"That is my move," Kain affirmed simply. Firion nodded weakly and then fainted.

Director: Kain…you are on the wrong set…..

The Dark Knights Take 4:

Tired and breathless, Firion, Guy, Maria, and Leon found themselves in a clearing. They had been running all night, but they all knew that they couldn't run forever.

Firion gasped in surprise and horror as multitudes of Imperial Dark Knights began bursting out of the woods around them. They were surrounded.

"Firion!" Maria cried, rushing to his side and grabbing her bow. Guy readied his fists, and Leon hefted his sword. Firion growled and lifted his lance.

"You've come a long way from Fynn, but you have nowhere left to run! By order of the Emperor, all who oppose him shall be put to death! You peasants never learn do you?" the leader of the dark knights announced. "Knights….ATTACK!"

As the knights charged, Firion prepared to face them. Then all of a sudden, he heard something from behind the trees. Something was snapping the trunks like a twig and approaching at a high speed. It was also screaming something that sounded vaguely like….

"K K K K K K A A A A M M M M I I I I K K K K A A A A Z Z Z Z E E E E!" At that second, Terraform the muse blazed out of the trees, surrounded by an aura of wind and intense flame. Moving at the speed of sound, the muse zoomed right through every single dark knight charging at Firion, obliterating them in an instant.

Director: Terraform…you are a muse, not an actor…..

The Dark Knights Take 5:

Tired and breathless, Firion, Guy, Maria, and Leon found themselves in a clearing. They had been running all night, but they all knew that they couldn't run forever.

Firion gasped in surprise and horror as multitudes of Imperial Dark Knights began bursting out of the woods around them. They were surrounded.

"Firion!" Maria cried, rushing to his side and grabbing her bow. Guy readied his fists, and Leon hefted his sword. Firion growled and lifted his lance.

"You've come a long way from Fynn, but you have nowhere left to run! By order of the Emperor, all who oppose him shall be put to death! You peasants never learn do you?" the leader of the dark knights announced. "Knights….ATTACK!"

As the knights charged, Firion prepared to face them. Then all of a sudden, Kamec walked out of the forest and stood there proudly.

"It is I, Kamec! I am here to SAAAAAAAVE THE WOOOOORLD!" the muse declared. Firion instantly pulled out a wild rose and threw it at him, hitting him right in the temple and knocking him out.

"IDIOT!" Firion roared.

The Dark Knights Take 5:

Tired and breathless, Firion, Guy, Maria, and Leon found themselves in a clearing. They had been running all night, but they all knew that they couldn't run forever.

Firion gasped in surprise and horror as multitudes of Imperial Dark Knights began bursting out of the woods around them. They were surrounded.

"Firion!" Maria cried, rushing to his side and grabbing her bow. Guy readied his fists, and Leon hefted his sword. Firion growled and lifted his lance.

"You've come a long way from Fynn, but you have nowhere left to run! By order of the Emperor, all who oppose him shall be put to death! You peasants never learn do you?" the leader of the dark knights announced. "Knights….ATTACK!"

"Don't worry friends. I can handle this. I'll just summon Sephiroth here to help!" Firion declared.

"That's impossible. There's no way Sephiroth will ever help us!" Maria cried. Firion just smiled enigmatically.

"Oh my God! I think they kidnapped Jenova!" Firion gasped theatrically in an overly loud voice. All of a sudden, Sephiroth came charging out of the forest, his weapon drawn and an insane look on his face.

"JJJJEEEENNNNOOOOVVVVAAA!" Sephiroth screamed at the top of his lungs.

As the knights were slaughtered behind him, Firion turned to his friends, a cocky smile on his face.

"Yeah, I can do that," he affirmed.

Director: WTF!

Minwu's Introduction Take 1:

Firion groaned sleepily as he slowly faded into consciousness. The last thing he remembered was being nearly killed by the Dark Knights. This…this meant he escaped! He let a smile cross his lips as he realized this.

"Will he survive, Minwu?" came a feminine voice from above. Firion's ears twitched as he tried to figure out who it was. It sounded familiar.

"Yes, you're Highness. He should regain consciousness in no time. I feel strong energy from him," replied Minwu. Firion opened his eyes to see them. At first, his vision was fuzzy, but he was soon able to make out the figures above him. One was a female, and the other was…a…man….wearing….white robes…and a white mask…..

"AGH HELP ME! IT'S THE KU KLUX KLAN! RUN BLACK PEOPLE RUN!" Firion hollered in terror, leaping out of the bed he was lying on and bolting out of the room.

Princess Hilda and Minwu stood in silence for a second. Then Minwu let out an exasperated sigh.

"I should really start wearing something else..." the white mage said, while Hilda began to laugh hysterically next to him.

Minwu's Introduction Take 2:

Firion groaned sleepily as he slowly faded into consciousness. The last thing he remembered was being nearly killed by the Dark Knights. This…this meant he escaped! He let a smile cross his lips as he realized this.

"Will he survive, Minwu?" came a feminine voice from above. Firion's ears twitched as he tried to figure out who it was. It sounded familiar.

"Yes, you're Highness. He should regain consciousness in no time. I feel strong energy from him," replied Minwu. Firion opened his eyes to see them. At first, his vision was fuzzy, but he was soon able to make out the figures above him. One was a female, and the other was…a…man….wearing….white robes…and a white mask…..

"OH MY GOD IT'S A TERRORIST! THIS IS FOR 9/11 YOU BASTARD!" Firion screamed, leaping out of bed and dropkicking Minwu clear across the room. Hilda saw it happen and began to roll on the floor laughing.

Director: Firion! Get a hold of yourself or I'm docking your pay!

"Fine…" Firion pouted.

Scott's Death Take 1:

Scott, wounded near death, forced himself to rise and face Firion and his friends. He took something off his finger and proffered it to Firion.

"Here, take this ring…" Scott managed to say. Firion took it curiously and began to look it over. "It should prove…useful…."

"Scott! Are you okay?" Maria gasped, rushing to his side as the soldier stumbled.

"Oh, how tired I am…" Scott whispered, lying back down on the bed. "Please let me rest now."

As Scott closed his eyes, his steady inhaling began to grow sharper and more spread out, until finally his last breath rattled out from his lips.

Everyone bowed their heads and let their tears fall in silence, a motion of last respect to the warrior. Then, all of a sudden, Scott's body disappeared and the blankets fell to the bed as if they had never been disturbed. The group stared in surprise and incredulousness.

"The body disappeared," Firion said simply, stating what everybody was thinking. Then he turned to the blind healer who had been attending to Scott. "The body just f***ing disappeared, I mean you should see…OH SORRY!"

Director: Firion! Out of line!

Scott's Death Take 2:

Scott, wounded near death, forced himself to rise and face Firion and his friends. He took something off his finger and proffered it to Firion.

"Here, take this ring…" Scott managed to say. Firion took it curiously and began to look it over. "It should prove…useful…."

"Scott! Are you okay?" Maria gasped, rushing to his side as the soldier stumbled.

"Oh, how tired I am…" Scott whispered, lying back down on the bed. "Please let me rest now."

As Scott closed his eyes, his steady inhaling began to grow sharper and more spread out, until finally his last breath rattled out from his lips.

Everyone bowed their heads and let their tears fall in silence, a motion of last respect to the warrior. Then, all of a sudden, Scott's body disappeared and the blankets fell to the bed as if they had never been disturbed. The group stared in surprise and incredulousness.

"He has become one with the Force," Maria whispered, turning to look at the others. Firion stared at her wryly.

"Did you really just make that reference?" Firion asked as Guy and Minwu began to laugh.

Director: He has now become more powerful than you can ever imagi…I mean CUT! NO REFERENCES!

Random Battle Take 1:

Firion, Guy, Leila, and Maria were striding across the open plains, on their way to Fynn. It was time to retake the castle once and for all!

All of a sudden, the world began to fuzz out with strange pixilated lines and Firion felt a massive pain in his middle. He screamed in pain and his vision went blank.

When his vision returned, he saw before him several monsters that looked too eager to eat him.

"WHAT THE F***ING HELL JUST HAPPENED! I FEEL LIKE I JUST GOT SPLIT IN HALF!" Firion shouted at the top of his lungs, causing the other three to plug their ears.

Director: Cut! That was the battle transition. Get used to it, you'll be seeing it a lot.

Firion stared incredulously at the director before breaking down and crying like a child.

"Suddenly, the Emperor's rule doesn't seem so bad…" Firion sobbed as Maria patted him on the the pack.

Random Battle Take 2:

Firion, Guy, Leila, and Maria were striding across the open plains, on their way to Fynn. It was time to retake the castle once and for all!

Firion braced himself as the hellish battle transition occurred. It still hurt, but it was better to be prepared for it. Then his jaw dropped as he saw the monsters before them.

There was a massive white dragon standing in front of them, and it was surrounded by several Behemoth Kings.

"Um…those don't look like run of the mill monsters…." Firion whimpered, staring up at the dragon.

"That's….because they aren't…" Leila whispered, her face turning white with fear. "Those are all rank 7 or higher bosses…."

"RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" Firion screamed, and him and the others scattered in different directions as the monsters chased them.

"OH MY GOD ITS GETTING CLOSER!"

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELP!"

"TANNE…I MEAN GOD SAVE US"

"OH NO ITS GOT ME!"

"DON'T BITE…DON'T BITE ME….AGHAGH MY CROTCH!"

"DIRECTOR! HELP US PLEASE SCREAM CUT!"

But there was no answer. The three muses looked around and suddenly spotted the director chained to the tip of the highest tower of Fynn….screaming for his life.

"Wait, if the Director is up there, then who is running the camera?" Terraform asked. The three muses turned to look at the director's chair.

Sitting in the director's chair was none other than Emperor Mateus.

Emperor: Ha ha ha. It is as I expected. In time, all shall be begging for my reign!

All of a sudden, a random teenage girl who was dressed like an emo sprinted over to the Emperor and knelt at his feet.

"Oh I worship you your highness I'm begging you to rule us all you are the ultimate badass I want to have your babies can I suck your…" The emo fangirl began.

Emperor: Ha ha ha. It has already begun. Now, if you will all excuse me, I have some business to attend to .

The Emperor rose from the seat and began to glide away, but not before motioning for the girl to follow him. The emo fangirl grinned and licked her lips hungrily before following the Emperor out of the Studio.

The three muses watched him go. Then Kamec burst into tears while screaming about how everyone else got the real girls.

"Um…did the Emperor ever say cut?" Fang asked.

"MY LEGS! I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"

"I'll take that as a no," Terraform concluded.

Random Battle Take 3:

Firion, Guy, Minwu, and Maria were striding across the open plains, on their way to Bafsk. It was time to destroy the Dreadnought once and for all!

Firion braced himself as the hellish battle transition occurred. It still hurt, but it was better to be prepared for it.

The monsters were normal this time around, thank the Lord. The memories still stung in his mind.

Firion took out his lance, Maria took out her bow, Guy readied his fists, and Minwu….had nothing.

"Minwu, how are you supposed to attack if you don't have any weapons?" Firion asked, looking at the white mage curiously.

"Watch and learn, kids!" Minwu replied. He ripped open his robes to reveal sticks of dynamite strapped all over his body. Maria cast a quick fire spell on them.

"ALLAH ALLAH ALLAH ALLAH ALLAH ALLAH!" Minwu screamed, charging at the monsters and shaking his head around like a crazy person. Firion stared wide-eyed as the white mage exploded upon the monsters, killing them instantly.

Then Maria cast a Life spell on the dead white mage, who promptly got back up and began to conjure up more dynamite out of thin air.

"As long as I have phoenix downs, I can do that over and over!" Minwu exclaimed happily. "Just like I did at the Twin…I MEAN OH SH**"

The Director sighed as he watched Minwu run for his life out of the room pursued by a murderous Firion.

Director: I really hate these guys sometimes.

Meeting with Cid:

Firion and his group walked into the Poft Pub, looking for the man named Cid. They needed an airship ride to Kashuan so that they could finally lay their hands on the Goddess Bell.

"Excuse me, sir, but do you know where I can find Cid?" Firion asked the Bartender, who chuckled at the question.

"Which one?" the man asked. When Firion gave him a confused look, the bartender shrugged and pointed upstairs.

"Weirdo," Firion muttered as he opened the door to Cid's room….to see a puzzling sight. There was a ton of men in there, none of whom he recognized. "Who the hell are they?"

They, in fact, consisted of Cid of the Lufaine, Cid the Engineer, Cid Haze, Cid Pollendina, Cid Previa, Cid Del Norte Marquez, Cid Highwind, Cid Kramer, Cid Fabool IX, Cid the Al Bhed, Cid the Hume, Cid Demen Bunansa, and Cid Raines.

"I guess when he asked which one, he meant it," commented Maria while Guy snickered.

Director: Dammit I asked for ONLY Cid the Engineer!

Mythril:

Gasping, Firion entered the blacksmith's house carrying the Mythril. Behind him followed his friends, who were equally tired. They hadn't expected to do this much just to get their hands on a lump of metal.

"Aha! It seems you've arrived….with Mithril!" Tobul, the smith, cried happily as he rushed out of his room.

"Yes, we have come with the Mythril," Firion replied, emphasizing the last word peculiarly.

"Splendid! Now, if you'll just hand the Mithril…" Tobul began.

"Mythril!" Firion cut across him. Tobul flushed at this blatant disrespect.

"Excuse me?" The blacksmith snapped.

"It's pronounced Mythril, not Mithril!" Firion answered irritably.

"No, young man, I'm sure its Mithril. That's how it was pronounced all my life," Tobul shot back.

"Then your life is wrong. It's totally Mythril," Firion countered. Firion's friends backed away from this spectacle, since the other customers began to notice this argument.

"No son, it's Mithril."

"Mythril."

"Mithril."

"MYTHRIL DAMMIT!"

"MITHRIL DAMMIT!"

"MYTHRIL!"

"MITHRIL!"

"MYTHRIL!"

"MITHRIL!"

"MYTHRIL YOU INSUFFERABLE OLD GEEZER!"

"MITHRIL YOU IGNORANT YOUNG WHIPPERSNAPPER!"

"I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR GODDAMNED MUSTACHE OFF AND BIND YOU WITH IT!"

"I'M GOING TO RIP THE PETALS OFF OF YOU PRECIOUS WILD ROSE!"

All of a sudden the argument stopped as Firion turned bright red in anger. Maria, Guy, and Minwu saw the warning signs and promptly ran out of the house, screaming for law enforcement.

A bright light surrounded Firion and he suddenly cast a potent Holy lvl. 16 spell on the hapless blacksmith. Then, the blonde leaped over the counter and began beating the crap out of Tobul with a rubber mallet.

"NOBODY MESSES WITH MY WILD ROSE! I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU UNTIL YOU CAN'T WALK!" Firion roared, but the blacksmith had long since gone unconscious.

Director: Cut! Oh and for the record, the only line that was according to the script was the beginning…*cries*

The Black Knight Take 1:

Firion and his friends finally exited the cave to see the ramp that led to the Dreadnought that was currently in construction. Now all they had to do was get inside and destroy it from the inside out. That would be simple, the guards were no match for…

"Foolish rebels. The Dreadnought has already been completed!" sounded the voice of the Black Knight, who regally strode into sight….only to trip on the stairs and fall flat on his face.

Firion and his friends laughed uproariously as the Black Knight stood back up again to reveal the giant dent in his visor.

"I…can't….BREATHE!" the Black Knight screamed and pulled at his helmet.

Director: *sigh* somebody go and fix that dent…I've spent too much on this freaking game…..

The Black Knight Take 2:

Firion and his friends finally exited the cave to see the ramp that led to the Dreadnought that was currently in construction. Now all they had to do was get inside and destroy it from the inside out. That would be simple, the guards were no match for…

"Foolish rebels. The Dreadnought has already been completed!" sounded the voice of the Black Knight, who regally strode into sight….only to trip on the stairs and fall several feet to the floor below.

On the way down, his helmet fell off, revealing the familiar face of Leon. Upon realizing his helmet was off, Leon squealed and covered his face, running off stage as he did.

"You didn't see that!" Leon cried,

Director: Leon….get your act together or we are getting somebody else to play the Black Knight.

The Black Knight Take 3:

Firion and his friends finally exited the cave to see the ramp that led to the Dreadnought that was currently in construction. Now all they had to do was get inside and destroy it from the inside out. That would be simple, the guards were no match for…

"Foolish rebels. The Dreadnought has already been completed!" sounded the voice of the Black Knight, who regally strode into sight. He stood at the top of the ramp and stood with his sword point down.

"So what? We can still destroy it!" Firion replied, and the group went to face the Black Knight.

"None shall pass!" the Knight said in a steady voice. Firion wrinkled his brow in confusion.

"Of course we will, we will kill you if you get in the way!" he replied.

"Then you shall die!" the Knight said quickly and charged. Guy went to face him with his fists….and was abruptly impaled on the Black Knight's sword.

"OH SH** GUY!" Firion cried, and then screamed again as Minwu was sliced in half…again by the Knight.

"Um….RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" Maria screamed and ran the other way.

"Right behind you!" Firion replied, sprinting back the way they'd come. "Back into the cave!"

"Running away are we?" The Black Knight yelled after them. "Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'LL BITE YOUR LEGS OFF!"

Director: Cut….did you seriously just reference that movie?

The Snowcraft:

"So the only way to cross the Snow Fields is to use this so called Snowcraft of yours?" Firion asked Josef, who nodded.

"Stop asking so many questions, young one!" Josef replied as the group approached a strange blue stone. "Now, then where is that switch…."

Josef fiddled around with the stone for a second before there was a clearly audible click, and a portion of the wall opened.

"Oh, pretty nifty," Firion commented, following Josef inside. He looked around, but saw nothing remotely resembling a Snowcraft. All he saw was a small chest that rose to about his waist. "So….where is the Snowcraft?"

Josef didn't respond, and instead opened the chest and pulled out a giant boat-like vehicle from within. Firion stared in astonishment at the impossible feat.

"Wait a second. Wait just a COTTONPICKING SECOND!" Firion snapped. "Did you just pull a giant f***ing ship out of a pint sized box?"

Josef nodded, looking confused at Firion's sudden outburst.

"HOW THE HELL DOES THAT WORK?" the rebel yelled back.

Director: Firion…it's in the script….unlike what YOU are saying!

Leviathan:

Firion stood beside Leila on the deck of the ship, reveling in the ocean breeze that gently lifted their hair before moving on to destinations unknown.

"The Mysidia Tower isn't far from here. It's just between those mountains," Leila informed him, gazing out at the looming mountain pass.

"Sweet, we don't have much longer to wait then!" Firion replied, yawning and stretching his arms.

Before he could finish relaxing, the boat shuddered. Firion gasped and looked over the side of the boat to see that the ocean was churning. Something was coming up from the ocean depths.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING!" Firion screamed as a huge, scaly serpent emerged from the depths and glared at their ship in pure malice.

"It's Leviathan, the God of the Sea!" Leila yelled back. Both of them looked on in horror as Leviathan crunched its huge jaws down on the front of the ship and began to swallow it all up.

"GOODBYE LIIIIIIFEEEEE!" Firion shouted as the gnashing jaws came closer and closer. The last thing Firion heard before blacking out was the Leviathan's triumphant roar.

"OM NOM NOM!"

Director: Wait what? Leviathan, you are supposed to freaking ROAR, not go om nom nom! What the hell brought that on?

"Oh, it's because I planted a pair of speakers in his ear and made him listen to a certain song…" came a high-pitched female voice from behind the director. Terraform, Kamec, and Fang looked to see Rikku from Final Fantasy X emerge from the shadows.

"What the hell is she doing here? The FFX cast isn't supposed to show up until much later!" Kamec whispered to Fang.

"Who cares? Who needs an invitation when you have a rack like that?" Fang replied, causing Kamec to shrug and agree.

"I heard from the director that she was somewhat of a troublemaker," Terraform whispered.

Director: I'm not sure I want to know, but what song was it exactly?

Rikku smiled mischievously and pressed a button on her wristband. Then everybody winced as a very familiar song played over the loudspeakers.

"Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom, nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom, nom nom nom nom nom nom nom…"

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TURN IT OFF!"

"MY EARS! MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!"

"SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE!"

"I FEEL LIKE TEARING MY HAIR OUT NOW THAT I HAVE HAIR TO TEAR!"

"WEEEELLLLLL THISSSSS SUUUUUUU…OH GOD THAT'S A GRENADE I'M SORRY RIKKU!"

"DAMN IT ALL TO HEEEEEEELLLLLLLL!"

Then the music all of a sudden stopped. The Emperor walked into the studio and hefted his staff, which was glowing with a magical force.

"You insufferable fools, being laid low by a pathetic song. Bow at my feet like the insects that you are!" Mateus ordered, since it was clear that he was the one who stopped the music.

Director: Emperor, get back to the set before I….

"I said BOW!" the Emperor repeated with emphasis, and a powerful thunder rune appeared below the director and began to violently electrocute him until he was forced to kneel. As everyone else saw this, they all began to follow suit and kneel before the powerful Emperor of Palamecia. All except for Fang that is.

"Impressive feat dude. I think I'll be going now," Fang said to the Emperor and he began to leave the room.

"You'll not be going anywhere until I give the order," Mateus said ominously, his gaze snapping to the door that Fang was heading for. Suddenly, a matrix of blue and green lines of energy criss-crossed across the door, effectively barring Fang's exit.

"You can't order me to do anything!" Fang shot back, seeing that he had to face the Emperor.

"Ha ha ha. Defiant talk shall get you nowhere. Submit to your ruler!" Mateus replied forcefully, and he extended his hand. Evil lightning lanced out from his clawed hand and struck Fang, who promptly cried out in intense pain.

Kamec and Terraform watched wide-eyes as Fang was being tortured by the powerful magic of the Emperor.

"He totally deserves this," Kamec whispered to Terraform, who nodded in agreement.

"DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!" Fang yelled as the pain and force from the lightning forced him to his knees.

"Lowly worm," Mateus sneered and finally stopped electrocuting Fang, leaving the muse smoking and in pain on the floor. "I believe that I am done here. Farewell, gentlemen."

Director: *sighs in relief* I think I should have made a better choice in casting him.

Kerrigor: Nope. I'm totally glad you chose him.

Director: Wtf? The author shouldn't be talking in this story….

Kerrigor: It's my story! Why shouldn't I be able to talk? In fact…

Terraform, Fang, and Kamec jumped in surprise as a strange girl and a hedgehog appeared next to them. The girl was as tall as Fang, which was a surprise. She was a very pretty Latina with dark curly hair. The muses couldn't help staring at her well-formed body. Behind her was a familiar pink hedgehog with a hammer.

"Come on, Amy, I have some business with the Emperor," the girl said, walking out of the room.

"Who the heck was that?" Kamec asked. Fang and Terraform just shrugged.

Director: Can we get back to filming? We still have to show the Ultima scene….

"Fine, but not much more. I need to rest," Fang replied.

Ultima Scene Take 1:

After fighting the last Gigas, Firion was happy to see that this was the top of the tower. He sighed in relief as he saw Minwu, alive and well, standing before a crackling white door.

"You've come at last!" Minwu said, turning to see them. "I have been trying to break the seal, but I am finding it more difficult than I imagined."

"Do you have a plan?" Firion asked the white mage. At this, Minwu's eyes became very serious.

"I do. I will use all of the strength I have to break it," Minwu replied. "Stand back, all of you!"

Firion and his friends did as they were told, standing over by the entrance to the room. Minwu adopted a look of fierce concentration, and he held his hands out before him.

"KAAAAAAAAA…." Minwu began to roar, his voice rising. A ball of green light appeared in his hands, pulsing gently.

"MEEEEEEEEEEEEE…" Minwu continued. Firion looked at Maria in incredulous surprise. Was he really…?

"HAAAAAAAAAA….." the white mage continued. Firion sighed in exasperation and let his face fall into his hand.

"MEEEEEEEEEEEE…"

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Minwu roared, and a massive beam of green light exploded forth from his hands and completely obliterated the sealed door that was protecting the Ultima Tome.

"I can't believe you just did that…" Firion sighed, walking back up to Minwu.

"Hey, I learned how to do this off the internet! I thought I'd give it a shot!" the white mage replied.

Director: Uh….Minwu? You are supposed to die now.

"Huh? Oh…" Minwu replied, and then dropped dead.

"What the heck?" Firion cried.

Ultima Scene Take 2:

After fighting the last Gigas, Firion was happy to see that this was the top of the tower. He sighed in relief as he saw Minwu, alive and well, standing before a crackling white door.

"You've come at last!" Minwu said, turning to see them. "I have been trying to break the seal, but I am finding it more difficult than I imagined."

"Do you have a plan?" Firion asked the white mage. At this, Minwu's eyes became very serious.

"I do. I will use all of the strength I have to break it," Minwu replied. "Stand back, all of you!"

Firion and his friends did as they were told, standing over by the entrance to the room. Minwu adopted a look of fierce concentration, and he held his hands out before him.

"I summon Terraform!" Minwu cried.

"KAMIKAZE!" Terraform obediently screamed, blazing out of nowhere and smashing through the sealed door.

"Piece of cake," Minwu commented, wiping his hands together in satisfaction.

Director: Cut! Minwu, you can't summon muses…you aren't that good yet.

"Awww," Minwu sigh, chastened.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

As the filming ended, there was an atmosphere of relief. The actors and actresses went back to the hotel, but the muses were held behind for a moment.

Director: I'd like you three to be the other man characters alongside the Onion Knight tomorrow. Our original actors became sick.

"Sweet! Sounds like fun!" Terraform replied, pumping his fist in the air.

"Well, this s…rocks!" Kamec said, altering his sentence after he saw the murderous glare in Fang's eyes,

"Sure, whatever," Fang said, nursing his burns.

Director: Good. I'd like you to drop by the assistant director's office on your way back to grab your scripts.

With that, the three muses set off towards the office in question. Following the directions given to them, they soon arrived at the office. Inscribed on the door of the office was the name, "Terry Leon."

"Terry Leon," Fang murmured. "Why does that name sound familiar?"

"Who cares? Let's just get our scripts and head back," Terraform snapped. Kamec shrugged and opened the door…and saw a very disturbing sight.

Terry and Evanna were both naked and having wild sex on the bed, both of them moaning loudly.

Kamec shut the door, blushing a deep red.

"I think we'll get our scripts in the morning…" Kamec suggested while the Fang and Terraform began to laugh hysterically.

When they returned to their hotel room, this night was actually normal, and the three of them were able to sleep well for the first time in this crazy trip.