Chapter 2: Coping with some Revelations

I hung up the phone.

Crap. That was bad. Now Lucas is going to worry about me. I mean sure I haven't been feeling great lately but have I ever contemplated suicide?

The truth has always been a terrifying thing.

When I look over my track record, everything and anything that I've ever cared about or touched in some way has withered and perished.

I've decided to make a list of all the numerous things that I've achieved in my life so far.

The list:

Kill both of my parents

Check

Make a disaster of the James family

Check

Bare hatred from all sides of family for having taken away the sunshine (i.e. Jimmy and Lydia James, my parents)

Check

Being a burden on others ever since formation of memory

Check

Tolerated but never really loved by anyone from respective family

Check

There's a lot more but those are just the important ones.

Yep, Its official, I am one of the worst people in the entire history of the world. My list just proves it. God, what's the matter, why am I like this? Why did this have to happen to me? Why?

I've decided that I'm depressed and am definitely not having very pleasant thoughts. I need to do something that will make me feel better. Yeah, now would be good, I don't want to fall into a pit of despair.

Oops. Too late, already there. Crap. Crap. Crap.



What does one do when one must get out of the depressing pit of darkness that one currently finds oneself in?

Ah, of course, watch sad romantic movies and allow oneself to wallow for a bit and then get back to facing the upsetting reality that is life. Life is beautiful isn't it?

I get out of my comfy bed and walk over to the shelf that houses all of my DVDs.

"What do I want to watch?"

I shift my gaze over the sad movie section.

Some of my friends call me crazy because I've organized my DVDs in a particular way, which I find very helpful, especially when I need a quick fix and can't spend large amounts of time looking for the perfect DVD. I suppose it's just the way I am. I am known as "tutor girl" at school, and I guess this is just another example of my odd behavior. All of my so called "idiosyncrasies" come in handy which is why I have them. I like being in control because I can't control any other aspects of my life, being organized is just one way in which I can control my life, no matter how insignificant it may seem to others, it is vastly important to me.

I think maybe some Nicholas Sparks might be good for tonight. I pick up The Notebook and A Walk to Remember, two of my favorite movies.

I walk over to my bed and grab my laptop from my desktop. I settle down and get comfy. The movies previews are just beginning.

I love sad movies, especially romantic sad movies. They're my favorite because they're just so haunting and sad but still beautiful, and magnificently elegant. It makes me happy, I think maybe because it reminds me of my parents.

Epic love stories that end but still are eternal. Eternally Beautiful.

In the back of my mind, a little voice whispers, "I can't hold back the demons much longer, once they get out they will consume you, you haven't got much time to live."

For now, I'm going to enjoy the movies, but something deep down is ticking and I haven't got much time until it explodes.



I wake up a few hours later feeling slightly better. Is it still Sunday? Yeah, still the weekend. Ugh. I should not have stayed up as late as I did, I feel awful. I glance at my clock, oh, well at least one think isn't totally screwed up today. As soon as I thought that, I heard my aunt yell downstairs from the kitchen.

"Haley, lunch is ready!"

When I was born, and orphaned in the same day, my grandparents originally took charge of my raising, at least they did until my grandpa had a stroke and about a week later my grandma died in a car crash. Seriously nothing in my life goes well. I was about ten, when I moved into my aunt's house. She was newly married, her and her husband were very friendly yet still somehow I always felt like they were trying to stay away from me and distance themselves from all things related to me. It wasn't the greatest to grow up in an environment filled with uncertainty and anxiety.

I get up from my bed, not even bothering to fix my hair, walk downstairs and plop down into one of the chairs surrounding the kitchen table. My aunt places a plate full of colorful things in front of me.

"Bon appétit."

"Thank you, aunt Sophie."

"You're welcome, now eat up!"

She walked away and up the stairs, most likely to her room.

I look down at the colorful assortment of food on the plate in front of me. There is salad with dark greens and tomatos, and dark purple grapes with vibrant green kiwis, a thick slice of garlic bread and my all time favorite food: Macaroni and Cheese! Yay, my days are always instantly better with the appearance of Mac and Cheese.

After I'm done with my food, I bring my plate to the garbage and empty the remaining contents of it into the garbage can. I rinse the plate and my silverware in the sink and place my plate, fork and knife in the bottom of the sink. Cleaning up completed, I call out to my aunt, shouting that I'm going out. I grab my cell phone, wallet and keys and walk outside. It is absolutely beautiful outside. I walk the few blocks to Lucas's house and knock on his door.

Lucas, much to the envy of teenager everywhere, has a door that leads directly from the outside world to his room. He can come and go as he pleases.

I knock three times and wait for him to answer. The door opens and rather than looking into the eyes of my best friend I am looking at someone's chest. A very tall someone. Very tall indeed.

"Um, who are you?"

I looked up as I asked him.

Wow.



This boy was really handsome. He had short black hair, dark blue eyes that looked like they could pierce into the soul, roman facial features, a body that was that of a Greek God's.

My voice must have held an accusatory tone because he answered in a way that could be interpreted as a tad bit rude.

"Who the hell are you?" he bit out.

"My name's Haley. Do you know if Lucas is here?"

"Lucas isn't here."

"Um, do you know when he'll be back?"

"I don't think that he will be coming back for a while."

"And why, may I ask is that?"

"Because he left about an hour ago, saying that he had to go to Charlotte."

"Do you know when he'll be back?"

"Indefinitely."

And with that, he closed the door in my face.

As I walked home, I realize that he never told me his name.