The light dims without regret
'Til now you're nothing more than a silhouette
But just hold quick, you're fading right
In a cold trick of the light
I'm just so sick, I thought you might be here
But you di-disappear
"Stiles, I'm.. I think, I don't know how to say this because we aren't really together in the first place but, I'm going to stop seeing you." Stiles felt the bucket of ice water in Lydia's words ruin his day. No pun intended. It was like his world stopped in the moment, he couldn't believe the words coming from her mouth.
"What? Why?" Stiles couldn't imagine what he did wrong. All summer they'd grown close, Stiles had accepted that she wouldn't love him like he did her, and that was okay. But now it seemed that Stiles would be denied even her friendship.
"It's nothing against you, I just want to be normal Lydia for a while, that and Aiden keeps asking if we're a thing." Stiles wasn't used to seeing Lydia awkward or anxious and yet in that moment he was too close to breaking down that he just mumbled acceptance and stormed away ignoring Lydia's apologies and pleas for forgiveness.
He found himself unable to breathe before he could make it the boys' locker room. Stiles breathe was torn from him and left him to fall against the nearest bank of lockers to sit. Stiles started counting backward, doing his breathing techniques and praying that he didn't black out in the school locker room.
He was lucky Scott found him not two minutes later and dragged him to the Nurse. Bless having a Werewolf best friend.
I wake up tonight, feeling paper thin and I'm paper white
You say, "Just come back to bed"
Voice sounds strange, but I soon forget
Stiles shot up from his bed in a fright, a scream on the tip of his tongue before he stopped it. He sat up in his bed and leaned forward on his arm as he unlocked his phone to call out of habit. She was the one thing that kept back the nightmares. He paused on her contact photo for a moment.
One month and seven days without her.
The nightmares weren't something he could avoid without her, no matter how many prescription drugs he took or questionable herbs Deaton gave him. The only time the nightmares stayed away was when Stiles was with Lydia. For whatever reason she kept his nightmares at bay, maybe it was the tether or maybe it was just her.
Whatever it was Stiles was thankful for it.
Stiles held his phone like a lifeline as his heart raced in his chest. No matter how much or how often he stared at Lydia's contact photo, a candid picture of her smiling at him in his lacrosse sweater and boxers. It was totally out of context, but it used to help his anxiety.
Really they had spent the night tracking yet another rampant omega in the pouring rain and when they had gotten back to his house Lydia demanded a shower. She rifled through his drawers for a pair of boxers and his Lacrosse jersey and disappeared into the shower.
When she returned they sat down to a night of research, the picture a result of Stiles white lies. Pretending to snapchat Scott, Stiles made goofy faces, pretending to send snaps while his camera was trained on Lydia.
Thinking about the picture helped Stiles relax.
"Come back to bed Stiles."
Exhausted and raw as he was Stiles didn't question the voice and fell back into his bed. Stiles prayed for dreams of decent night's sleep, only to find more nightmares of Void to greet him in his sleep.
And you've been wishing but you don't know how to stay
And I've been broken but I'm better every day
So don't stop, no stoppin' it yet
What if the one true love's the only one that you get?
Lydia was terrified. She wasn't used to being the vulnerable one. She wasn't used to a man literally falling over themselves to meet her demands. That's why Stiles Stilinski scared her. He represented every aspect of a man that Lydia didn't deserve. If only she'd realized it before she shattered his heart and broke his trust.
Lydia wanted nothing more than to just go back to their lazy summer of late night movies, ice cream and cuddles, but instead she was forced to lay in her bed and cry because she had been foolish enough to think that Aiden was any competition for Stiles.
Stiles hadn't been the same after they 'broke up.' He looked sort of numb to the world and he looked like absolute crap physically, as if he hadn't slept in days. Lydia couldn't help but feel guilty for what she said. Aiden hadn't even proved to be a trustable person let alone a considerate boyfriend, meanwhile Stiles had been faithfully loyal their entire childhood.
She just prayed he would let her talk to him.
With that thought in mind she climbed out of her car and marched right up to the Stilinski's home. After sitting across the street for nearly half an hour trying to build courage Lydia finally knocked forcefully on the Stilinski's door.
The door swung open with a cold hard, "What?"
Lydia swallowed slowly and glanced over the man in front of her. He looked visibly paler and definitely more sickly, his usually spiked and lively hair was matted and flattened. "I-I'm here to apologize." Lydia forced her eyes to the ground in same.
"Oh?" Stiles dry, harsh tone sounded slightly amused. It irritated Lydia that he was revelling in this moment, but she smashed his heart on a whim; for a boy that didn't last a month. "Please." Stiles stepped out of his doorway and invited her in.
Lydia stepped in, following Stiles silently, her mouth drier than it's ever been in her life. She had no idea what she was going to say, how did she apologize to a boy, no a man, whose heart she shattered?
Stiles lead her to his living room.
Lydia couldn't help being disappointed they hadn't gone to his room. They always hung out in his room unless the whole pack came over. But that day Stiles sat on his Dad's comfy chair and Lydia anxiously placed herself in the middle of his decade old couch.
Stiles didn't say a word as he stared Lydia down with a face of indifference and Lydia started to freak out. Why wasn't he freaking out on her? Why wasn't he using his snark and wit to lash out at her? Why wasn't he hurting her back?
"Because he loves you, you don't hurt the people you love." A voice that sounded particularly like Allison spoke in Lydia's head. Lydia started to panic as she reconsidered the last four years all she could remember for the longest time was being rude and hurtful. How could Stiles love her still? All she's done is hurt him. Lydia couldn't control the tears that came rushing down her cheeks as she stared at Stiles.
"God. Stiles. I had this whole scenario planned before I came over today." Lydia smiled at the irony, it seemed none of their plans work like they're supposed too. Stiles face didn't move and Lydia just started rambling.
"I wanted to come here and you were going to get mad and yell at me," Lydia smiled at Stiles's stoic face, her scenario began replaying in her mind, "You were going to call me a bitch, and tell me how I broke your heart and that I deserve to burn in hell. I'd deserve all of it too, then you would kick me out. And I was going to sit on your porch until your Dad comes home."
The thought of Papa Stilinski's disapproving glare, knowing she deserved every bit of it was painful. "Then he was going to get mad at me for breaking your heart and tell me to leave, then I was going to tell him that I love you and I fucking hate myself for all the things that I've done to you, and not just recently. I was going to tell him all about how I started going out with Aiden and checked my phone every five seconds for a message from you, and how I hoped and prayed you would show up at my door one day and.." Lydia paused as she thought for a moment.
"I honestly don't know what I wanted you to do.. Probably declare your love for me and sweep me off my feet. But then I realized that I ruined that. I fucked that up because I thought Jackson 2.0 would be a great guy, then I realized I had the best man ever and I smashed his heart." Lydia's cheeks were stained with tears and make-up as she spoke, her body shook with anxiety and despair. She had lost the greatest part of her life, all by herself too.
"Stiles... P..please say something." Lydia begged helplessly to Stiles stoic face. Stiles remained silent as Lydia sobbed on his couch, the fact that he wasn't even trying to comfort her just made her sob harder.
After taken a few moments to collect herself Lydia stood up. "Okay, that's it. I'll leave you alone now…" Lydia whispered holding back tears as she slipped back on her ballet flats. "And Stiles.. I'm going to regret breaking your heart the rest of my life." Lydia didn't even see Stiles move as she took her final steps toward the door.
"Stay." Lydia barely heard him over the creaking door. She thought Stiles said something, she turned back to find Stiles standing beside his chair staring at her.
"Did you say something?" Lydia asked hopefully, maybe she had a chance.
"Stay." Stiles repeated, "Stay the night. Be here when I wake up tomorrow and I'll give us a chance." Stiles sounded awkward, like he couldn't decide whether or not to trust her. That cut Lydia deeper than his silence, deeper than any insult he could have thrown at her.
It just meant that Lydia would have to prove she was worthy of trusting with his heart again. If that meant staying over the night, she would do it every day of the year. After all, her favorite pillow was Stiles Stilinski.
"Okay. I can do that."
So don't stop, no stoppin' it yet
What if the one true love's the only one that you get?
