Chapter 3 Beca's Denial
Once Lily finished her story silence again, damn that silence. "Lily, I don't know what to say."
"I whisper most of the times, because I still feel shut off. A part of me died that night, I won't lie and say it hadn't changed me, because it had! No one asks for that! No matter what you wear or what you say. No one has the right to force you into anything that you do not want to do!"
Beca stood up and started to pace. "Lily, I am truly sorry for what happened to you, but what happened to me was not rape…"
Lily for once raise her voice and it scared Beca. "So what would you call it!? Did you give that BITCH! permission to touch you!? To invade your personal space!? To enter you!? Or is it the fact that it was a WOMAN! And not a MAN! That assaulted you? What I saw on your face that day was not of pleasure but of pain and shame. You also had a go and threw a punch at CR when you thought she made a drunken move towards Stancy!"
"You don't know what you're talking about." Beca argued.
"ARE YOU SERIOULY ASKING ME THAT!? Really? So… You never told her 'no'? To Stop? ALL OF THIS!…" Lily picked the little clear bags and threw them down. "…All your nightmares! Is the result of you having a good time is it? The result of you enjoying yourself! And not trying to block anything out?" Lily challenged. Beca could not look at her, this was the first time that she saw a different side of Lily. A Lily that she did not really know and feeling guilty that she had to bring her own personal scars out in the open to try and heal hers.
Knowing that Lily was right if it had been a man would she have reacted differently? Would she still be in denial of what happened? Beca sat down, brushing her hair with her hand. "Who would have believed me? I mean a majority of the girls knew how verbal I was with what I felt about her. Especially Chloe... The look on her face…She was so angry with me. Who would have believe me that the I was… I was…" Beca was struggling but she had to do it, had to face up to what happened and call it what it was for her to start moving forward and not slowly killing herself. "…Raped by her, by a woman? I mean I thought it was impossible."
Lily calmed herself down and talked to Beca in a more calmer and sympathetic manner. "You told her no and she carried on. Touching where you did not want to be touch. It makes it rape."
Beca let a tear drop as she was finally coming to terms with what happened six months ago. "I would have believed you and so would have the others." Lily comforted the promising DJ. "Chloe looked so hurt, when she walked in."
"I know, I also know how she feels about you." Beca turned to her with a puzzled expression. Before Lily explained. "I was next to you when she told you her regret about not experimenting enough. Remember?" Lily smiled.
"Yeah and when I turned over you licked me on my nose…Why?"
"Because I'm insane." They both laughed. "You need to talk to Chloe, explain things to her, give her a chance and she will understand. Apart from you I only told Chloe on what happened to me. Talk to her."
"I haven't spoken to her since that day, remember? Then the whole Jesse shit kicked off."
"You have to start knocking down that wall of yours and let us in to help you."
"Where do I start?" Lily reached into her pocket and took out her mobile to give to Beca. "Here…Give Chloe a call, she here in LA." Beca gave Lily a puzzled look. "You should know Chloe by now, that when it comes to you she always worries about you."
"So, you really didn't come here alone?"
"No, Fat Amy, CR, Emily, Stancey, Chloe and even Aubrey are here in LA. The rest had moved on but they wished you well. I had to talk to you first beforehand. As I had my suspicion on what might have happened to you to act this way. Talk to Chloe, see a counsellor, see your dad, come off the drugs and alcohol and start rebuilding your life and become the DJ/music producer that you have always dreamt of becoming."
Beca looked at the number and back at Lily. "What do I say to her." Lily seeing the panic in her face, held her hand and smile. "You start with hi and the rest will follow."
"Thank you"
"You're welcome." Lily was about to get up and give Beca some privacy, until Beca reached out her hand to stop her. "Please stay."
"Okay" She replied back and smiled being there for her friend as Beca took the first step to start rebuilding her life starting with pressing the dial button.
It only rang once before Chloe answered. "Lily? Thank god! I haven't heard from you since yesterday morning. Did you find Beca? Lily?"
Taking a deep breath Beca replied back. "Hi"
TBC...
"Beca?"
