A/N:I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thank you for all the support of my rewrites to this story

"Where have you been?" Kate interrogated Ana as she stepped through her apartment door the next day and through her keys on the counter. The whole Grey family was there. As she looked to their reactions, she only wished she could somehow become invisible, the looks of pity sat on their faces. That was the last thing Ana ever

"I was at Escala, I had to take care of a few things over there." Ana explained with sadness to her voice. How could she tell the family that were trying to grieve in their own way that you were finding it impossible to let go?

Kate said nothing, she just pulled her best friend into her arms, her baby bump touching Ana's stomach as she did so.

"I'm fine, Kate. I'm really sorry that I kept you all waiting. How did you even get in here?" Ana asked,

"Well, I did use to live here, Ana" Kate told her amused. It was the apartment she and Ana got when they'd first moved to Seattle, Ana had moved back in when Christian died. It didn't feel like home though, there were still memories that she had here with Christian. Memories that she couldn't rid herself of. She remembered when she and Christian had gotten back together, he'd made her that playlist, given her the car, blackberry, and even an Ipad back. They'd had some vanilla ice cream that next night. She remembered everything she shared with Christian all too well. How was she supposed to forget when everything she saw was just a reminder of the man with the Grey eyes, whom she loved so much?

"Sorry, I forgot you still had your key. " Ana told her as she went to sit down on the couch next to Grace, who gently placed a hand on Ana's as a gesture of kindness

"So, Ana, what have you been doing with yourself? It's been a while since we were blessed with your presence. "Carrick spoke up, his blue eyes, both compassionate and sad

"I've been working a lot. "Ana said, debating on whether or not to say the last part.

"That's good. Work will keep you busy..

"It does. " Ana told him vaguely "So, where's Mia?"

"She wasn't feeling up to company today. As you know, she and Christian were the closest. She wanted to be alone, well with the exception of Ethan, who wouldn't let her go alone. "Grace cut in to answer her question before anyone else.

"I'm sorry, Grace. I can't imagine how this has been on any of you." Ana said with sympathy. Sure she'd lost the man she loved, but Grace and Carrick lost their son. They'd nourished and cared for him from the moment they'd found him and adopted him. They had been Christian's parents in every way. A parent should never have to outlive their children. Mia, and Elliot, they lost their brother. They were all close, how could they possibly move on from this. The only difference is they didn't vow to move on. They were going to mourn for Christian forever as where Ana, was trying to take the next step.

"Hey, you lost him too." Grace told her with a look of concern.

"I know." Ana said as a tear fell from her eyes. She excused herself to use the bathroom, but rather than going to the bathroom she turned to her bedroom. She went to her dresser, where she opened a drawer and pulled out a framed picture of her and Christian

"I vowed to let you go last night, I did. It was my intention. "Ana said as she sat on her queen sized bed and touched his smiling face. Christian this is so hard, how do you let go of the person that you love more than anything else in the world, how do you do that? Because if I'm being honest with myself I don't know if I have that kind of strength. I can't, how do I, what do I do? God, we weren't a perfect couple, we fought and sometimes I felt you were too protective, but if it meant that I could have you back I would accept your over protectiveness and your need for control in a heartbeat. "

"You okay?" Kate's voice came in the room

Ana shook her head. She was far from okay. Kate didn't need to hear another word before she was rushing to Ana's side and throwing her arms around her to comfort her. "Shh. It's okay, Ana."

"Not it's not. He's gone and he's not coming back. I know that we've known that, but there was never a body, I thought somehow, and some way that he could come back to me, but he's not coming back is he?"

"I'm afraid not, Ana, but I promise you that it's going to get easier." Kate tried to soothe her, but it wasn't working. The fact was Christian was gone, and her heart would be forever broken.

"How do I move on Kate? How do I move on when Christian consumed so much of me? I love him so completely, even to this day, but Kate I can't have him. Why did God take him from me? Why? What did I do to deserve this? "

"You didn't do anything, Ana. I don't know why God does the things he does, but they all happen for a reason. Everything that happens in this life has a cause. And whether its good or bad, it happens. You have two choices, you can either let it define you and destroy you completely, or you can learn a lesson from it and regain your strength. You're so strong Ana. Had the roles been different, and it was Elliot who would have died, I'm not sure I could have gathered the strength to get out of bed, let alone move on with someone new."

"I'll never have that again. It's a once in a lifetime thing. Did you know that he asked me to marry him?"

Kate gasped and covered her mouth "When?"

"It was before the crash, I told him that I had to think about it, and I never got the chance to tell him that my answer all along was yes."

"Oh, Ana, you poor thing. " Kate almost yelled, as Ana laid her head on Kate's lap and she let it all out, she began to stop and rather than say a word about how it would get better, Kate held her best friend in her arms and let her cry. She knew it was exactly what Ana needed.

"It hurts so much, I can't contain my feelings anymore. He was my lifeline and my very reason for living and breathing. I can't, no I don't want to live in a world where he isn't here. Please tell me what to do Kate, how do I get better? What do I do with all I need to say?"

"I have an idea." Kate said as she moved Ana from her lap and pulled out her ipod.

Ana stared at her in confusion. "What are you doing?"

"Ana You have so much grief built inside you and you need to let it out. Now my idea isn't going to stop loving Christian, and It isn't going to help you through your pain, but it can ease your mind and help you move forward. Here "Kate said putting a notebook and pen in front of her. " Write him a letter. "

"A letter?" Ana asked, what good was a letter going to do when she couldn't send it to him?

"I know it sounds stupid, but Ana write him a letter, get your feelings out there and then let it rest. It's the only way you're going to truly move on."

"I guess it couldn't hurt." Ana said with honestly. Maybe it would help her finally be able to let go of Christian.