Oh buggeration. I have loads of art homework to do. But I simply do not feel like doing it. It is the holidays…I want to write this!! Stuff Art. :P.
Anyway, I continuey.
Just a Hunch of Course
Thursday June 12th
8.20am
Dave might be able to sleep in till one in the afternoon but there is no chance in Slim's Giant Knickers of even having a lie-in in The Nicolson House Hold.
Why Libby feels she has to sit in my bed every morning is beyond me. And why does she have to bring so many toys? Last time I checked the head count was eight. And that is what some of them literally are. Just heads.
3 minutes later
Although she has made a type of hybrid toy by gluing them back together.
Unfortunately other things have been glued to the Hybrid Toy. Such as the car keys and one of my old lip glosses.
2 minutes later
I am surprised Libby didn't stick her elbow to her toe by accident or something. Then we would have had to go to casualty. And that would break up a boring day grounded. And suspended.
3 minutes later
Technically I should be as busy as a bee. Stalking
2 minutes later
What do stalkers do anyway? Apart from following I mean.
1 minute later
How would I find out where Dave is? I am not sitting outside his house 24/7 waiting for him to come out.
I am not that desperate.
4 minutes later
I can feel something cold and squishy by my ankle.
I am scared to look encase it is one of Libby's 'fwends'
2 minutes later
What normal person puts mouldy, cold porridge in a sandwich bag?
I said, "Erlack! Erlack! Libby that is disgusting,"
"It's naiiice, bad boy!"
"No, it isn't,"
"Yes, it is,"
"No,"
"Yes,"
"No,"
"Yes,"
"No,"
"YES!"
And that is when the bag of porridge came swinging through the air and exploded in my face.
9.45pm
It is like mission impossible trying to get this porridge out my hair. I've been trying to get it out for about a squillion years now.
I may be forced to kill Libby.
10 minutes later
Vati cam knocking at the shower door. Erlack a Pongoes. Vati at the door. And me in my nuddy-pants. Erlack! Erlack!
I said, "Go away! I'm trying to shower!"
He said, "Georgia, you've been in there for an hour now! You're wasting water! There'll be none left!"
What planet does he live on? 'There'll be none left'. Encase he hadn't noticed the Earth is 75 percent water. We learnt that in Geoggers. So it is le fact.
I told him that, I said, "Vati, the Earth is covered in 75 percent water. No way can I use all that,"
He started grumbling on about bills or what ever nonsense so-called grown ups talk about. It's only an excuse to not give me squillions of squids for spendaroonies. The reason why he is upset it because he doesn't want me to flood the house like he does at his 'job' at the water board.
Then Mutti said, "Georgia, if you don't come out, you'll end up looking like a prune,"
4 minutes later
Gadzooks! Mutti is right for once. I look like one of Granddad's wrinkly old chummies. I may be taken to the house of the Elderly Insane. Oh poo.
At least my hair is nice and cleany now. And smells of strawberry shampoo.
And Libby's gone off to the torture centre or nursery as some call it.
6 minutes later
I wonder whether Doctor Libby will be doing any hybrid experiments on the Toddly-type Folk?
Midday
Mutti came buzzing into my room. She was all tarted up.
I said, "Mutti, has the mutton dressed as lamb fashion come back?"
Mutti said, "Have you got any blue eye shadow?"
I said, "No,"
But then she started rustling through my drawers and cupboards. I had to stop her. Because she might find something in there which isn't necessarily mine… err… i.e. hers.
I told her that bright green would look lovely with her outfit. I didn't. I made her look like a prozzie, only not as nice. But live and let live I say.
2 minutes later
But anyway, the nub and gist is that Mutti has gone. So I've got the house to my selfy. I'm all aloney, on my owny. Yessssss.
3 minutes later
So I can get back to the important matters at hand. Such as this Stalking Fiasco I am being forced to do against my will. What I do for luuurve…
5 minutes later
I am going to casually walk around down town and casually bump into Dave the Laugh. Hopefully. I have a habit of bumping into him anyway. Not literally, I hope, because he might get knocked out by my nunga nungas.
2 minutes later
And because I am being casualosity personified I am going to go au natural on the make up front. So I am only wearing foundation, concealer, mascara, eye liner and lip gloss to enhance my natural beauty (!).
4 minutes later
Are boy entrancers going too far?
1 minute later
I might have a fair bit of entrancing to do.
2 minutes later
But then again it makes me look like I was looking for him. Which I won't be. Because I am being casual.
And also if there is a lot of snogging they may fall of and get stuck to his face. Although Dave will probably think that is funny. He is the Laugh after all.
Free as to short free things in free land, just not so cheap…yeah.
12.30pm
Wearing the Boy Entrancers.
2 minutes later
It's odd being out of school on a school day. It is vair, vair quiet apart from Elderly Loons and Blunder Boys bunking off.
15 minutes later
No sign of Dave. Although as I walked down the high street I did get three beeps from some cars. Which is a plus.
2 minutes later
You would think that seeing as Dave was the one who suggested I stalk him, that he would make himself easy to find. You would think that, wouldn't you?
10 minutes later
Went into Boots and brought a nice new lip gloss. It is called Plum Parade. Tastes gorgey and is a sort of purpley-pink colour. Or would it be a pinky-purple colour? Who knows? Who cares?
Still haven't seen Dave the LaughyLaugh. But then, if I had seen him buying make up in Boots I may have been a little worried.
8 minutes later
Ah, this reminds me of when I was stalking the Former SG. When I had particular horn and red bottomosity for one. Happy Days.
Then the devil himself appeared. Not Dave. Robbie. The marsupial man.
"Hi, Gee, why aren't you in school?"
A year ago I would have died knowing Robbie remembered I went to school. That I was trés young. But now I am not that bothered. It is funny how you can luuurve someone so much then they just become another friend.
"Hi, Robbie. I'm suspended at the moment so I am Stalag 14 free,"
Amazing. No stupid brain or nothing. I have already said it, and I will say it again, it is vair, vair funny how you can be in luuurve and then not.
Robbie said, "Not you, as well! Tom was suspended for a day yesterday. Is it a trend or something?"
I said, "No, err…me and Dave had a bit of an argument and ended up storming out of school but we got Tom, Jas and Rosie in deep merde too,"
He said, "Oh. I heard about the argument. Are you and Dave cool now?"
I said, "Yep, we are as cool as two short cool things in cool land,"
Robbie laughed. It was nice to hear him laugh. Last time I saw him I made him cry. I wonder whether he still likes me? I am a boy entrancing magnet.
Robbie said, "I was hoping to talk to you actually,"
Uh-Oh.
He carried on, "I am jetting back to New Zealand again, in a couple of weeks,"
I said, "What about Lindsay?"
He said, "What about Lindsay?"
"Aren't you and her…you know?"
"I didn't think you liked Lindsay.," he said, "If you mean are we going out again, the answer is no. As I said, I have someone in New Zealand,"
Oh yes. Wilma the Wombat. She triumphs over stick insects.
He said, "Anyway, I'm having a last leaving gig in a couple of weeks. It will be at the usual club. I am not sure the day yet. I'll get Jas to tell you nearer the time,"
I said, "Wow, ok,"
He said, "I best be off. I have some stuff to do. It will be cool if you can make it to the gig. I'm going to miss you when I go back to New Zealand. Your completely mad ways. Write this time, yeah?"
I said, "Of course, anyway, I need to go, err…need to get back, grounded,"
Robbie said, "Oh, of course, good luck with you and Dave,"
I nearly went then my mouth said without meaning to, "What do you mean me and Dave?"
Robbie said, "Oh. Well, he was the reason why you split up with Masimo, wasn't he? You two will be good together, I've always thought that, that is why I- err, yes, anyway, need to be off, S'later,"
Home
2.30pm
Didn't find Dave. He is obviously trying to display glaciousity and avoid me.
2 minutes later
I would phone him to find out where he is, but I have too much pridnosity.
5 minutes later
Phoning Dave.
"Hello?" the voice said. It wasn't Dave's voice. It was quite possibly a Vati-type voice.
I said, "Hi, can I speak to Dave, its Georgia,"
"Who?"
Merde. Why couldn't he just call Dave down?
I sighed, "Just tell him it is his stalker and he'll know what I mean,"
"DAVE! Phone for you…stalker,"
Dave came onto the phone, "Hello, Kittykat. How's it grooving?"
"Like two grooving things at a groovathon,"
"Nice to hear it. So, Sex Kitty, I see you are starting to take your stalking duties seriously?"
"Well, that is the problem…how can I stalk you if I don't know where you are?"
Dave said, "Well, isn't that what the point is? You've got to find me,"
I said, "Well, I've found you. You are in your house. I can hardly barge into your house can I?"
"You wouldn't want to at the moment. It is mayhem at Bedlam. Nash found a frog in the garden and wanted to keep it as a pet. But it jumped out of his hands and dived underneath the fridge. The Kitchen's gone mad and everyone is scrambling around like loons looking for it. Apart from Imogen who is standing on the table screaming,"
I said, "Sounds like something that would happen at our house,"
Dave said, "I am going to escape under all the chaos anyway. I am supposed to be under house arrest because of the suspension-situation type fandango,"
I said, "Well, where are you going?"
Dave said, "You must use the PANTS to find the way,"
"Dave,"
"Well, I can't tell you…but I can give you a hunch,"
"A hunch?"
"Yes, a hunch,"
"Then tell me your hunch then,"
"Well, it is just a hunch of course but I might be meeting the guys from school. I have a hunch that they will be coming out at normal time. And I have a hunch that normal time is about 3.30pm,"
"So you want me to meet you at 3.30pm outside the school?"
"Of course not, Miss Stalker. It is a hunch,"
"Oh, yes, right, so you might be outside the school at 3.30pm?"
"It's just a hunch of course,"
"And you'll deffo be there?"
"Just a hunch, nothing more,"
Outside the Centre of Bordomosity
3.30pm
Dave isn't here. Typico.
2 minutes later
Found Rosie and Jazzy-Spazzy though. They were waiting for the rest of the Ace Gang and the boys.
Rosie said when she saw me, "Forsooth and lack a day, it is the little scape-watsit,"
I said, "Ode to ye Ro-Ro,"
Jas said, "Well, what's going on with you and Dave now?"
Rosie said, "Yeah, missus, will I need the beard?"
I said, "Well, the thing is-"
But I never got round to telling them because the school doors opened and the boys came charging out. It was like a stampede. You could practically feel the ground shake. We were being tossed around like little pebbles as they ran past us.
Rosie was shouting, "Saveth ye selves! Saveth ye selves! Lack, you be crushed by the tide-us,"
Eventually as the boys stopped stampeding like a load of buffalo, Jools, Rollo, Dec, Ellen, Mabs, Edward and Tom came drifting up to us. Ellen was virtually hanging off Dec's neck. She has no pridnosity. Still, it is nice for her to have a proper boyfriend. Even if it is one who thinks stammering is cute.
Tom said, after practically being eaten by Jas, "Ah, so here is Ms. Get-us-all-into-trouble,"
I said, "Well, yeah, I'm sorry about that, at least you only had a day,"
Tom said, "Yes, and I am also in detention for a billion years,"
Jas said, "I know, I'm in so much trouble because of her,"
But Tom smiled so I am in the blue.
3.45pm
Walking back. Once again, me and Rosie were goose-gogs extraordinaire. Why the happy couples have to snog constantly, I will not know. That's all they do at school. I swear in Monday's Maths Dec and Ellen had the text book in front of there faces a bit too long.
Rosie said, "So what is up with you and Dave then?"
Suddenly all the snoggers were as agog as two gogs. They even stopped snogging.
I wasn't quite sure what to say in front of his mates so I said, "Oh, well, you know,"
I had turned into Ellen.
Rollo said, "Actually we don't know. All we know is that you to had a huge tiff,"
I said, "Well…err…it's not really your business,"
Rollo said, "Of course it is. Now tell us-"
And then we heard a "Hello! Groovesters!". It was Dave the Laugh. Rollo went silent.
Dave came and joined us. It all went strangely quiet.
Dave said, "Oh dear. Silence. What makes me think you've been talking about me? I am flattered, of course. It must be hard not to talk about some one as gorgy as me. But I am afraid, especially you, boys, I am simply not interested. I do not swing that way,"
Dec said, "Oh shut up," he pointed at me, "We are silent because we're worried that you and her are going to start arguing!"
Dave laughed, "What ever made you think that?"
Dec said, "The fact you were shouting at her for all England on Tuesday!"
I said, "Well, it's sorted now,"
Everyone looked at us.
Dave said, "Yes, we have decided we are doing some sort of a swapsie-role change watsit. If Georgia decides to take her duties seriously,"
I said to Dave, "Well I am trying, Kittykat,"
Dave looked a bit phased, "Kittykat? No. That is going too far,"
5 minutes later
When we got to the parting bit, me and Dave said S'later to the others.
I said, "Why didn't you show when you said you would?"
He said, "I did say it was just a hunch,"
I said, "You told me you would be there. You practically stood me up,"
Dave looked a bit sorry. He said, "I'm sorry, Kittykat. It just took me longer to get out the house than I thought. The Loony Patrol had hidden all the front door keys. I found them though. I don't know why they thought I wouldn't find them in the biscuit tin. Although, I don't know why they put them in there in the first place,"
It was quite nice walking along with him. We were holding hands. Is this what he meant by stalking him? If it is, it is quite nice. I don't know why he won't just go out with me though. I mean, we are sort of going out. Even the vair, vair dim cannot think otherwise. We have the specific horn and we are free to let our red bottomosity run ad-hoc towards each other. He just won't let it be official.
Then he caught my other hand so we were facing each other.
He said, "So, Kittykat. This is about the right time when you snog me to an inch of my life,"
I said, "Me snog you?"
He said, "Yes, of course. You didn't think it would be the other way around, did you? Miss Stalker. You snog me, my job is to be a vegetable,"
Of course I had more pridnosity than to snog him when he asked. So that is why I gave him a full frontal 6, 6 ¼, 6 ½ and 6 ¾. He went sort-of limp against me. Ha! I am the Queen of Snogging and all the trimmings. It is experience, I guess, with my exotic past of Sex Gods and Luuurve Gods. I am practically a luuurve goddess. I did the little sucky kisses from the base of the neck upwards, like the former SG did when we went out. When I kissed him underneath his ear, he did the moany-thing and kind-of collapsed onto my shoulder.
"Um…Dave?"
"Just…give me a moment,"
Hahahaha. I made him go jelloid! Me, Georgia Nicolson, made Dave the Laugh go jelloid. I truly am a Sex Kitty of first water.
Then he said, still nuzzled into my shoulder, "Phoar,"
I couldn't help smirking, "You liked that, then?"
He said, "I can barely stand. Does that answer your question?"
I said, "So, you still don't want to be my official snogging partner?"
"If this stalking fiasco means I get lip…neck…ear service like that then I'm staying like this. Blimey, Georgia, if you carry on like that, I am going to develop a piece of jelly for a brain,"
I said, "Cheeky Cat!! If you let me snog you all the time like that, you will forget how to snog,"
Then he lifted up his head and looked me in the eyes, "What? Afraid I'll forget how to nip libble?"
How in the name of Giddy God's Pyjamas does he know about that?!
I said, "How in the name of Giddy God's Pyjamas do you know about that?!"
"Jas told Tom who told us. I must say it kept us amused for hours. You are an accidental comedy genius,"
"Jas told you?!"
"She also told us about your nip-nip emergency in the rain,"
Radio Jas must be shot.
And Dave said, "She tells us all sorts. She told us about your nuddy-pants photo shoot in Hamburger-a-go-go land,"
I said, turning beetroot, "You haven't seen them have you?!"
Dave said, "Sadly not. Can I?"
I just looked at him.
"If you ever tell anyone any of that I'll…I'll, I'll snog you until you are stuck in the Twilight land of the vair, vair hopelessly insane," I threatened, "And you'll have the proverbial permanent stupid brain and be stuck in a loony home for the rest of your life,"
Dave said, after a pause, "Sounds utterly scrumptious,"
5 minutes later
Dave walked with me to the bottom of my road.
He said, "Ah. The Parting of Ways," and he gave me a little kiss on my cheek. My lips sort of puckered up expectantly.
Dave noticed and put his finger on them, "Slow down, Tiger! As much as I would like to be the humble snoggee, I still need to walk home,"
Cheeky cat.
Then he said, looking at me, "Oh, bugger the glaciousity approach,"
And he gave me a quick number five.
"S'later, Kittykat!"
And I watched him walk off out the street. Blimey.
Sorry these chapters are a bit shorter than the last few in Gird. It's hard to lengthen until you have all the drama as the plot develops.
But anyway, thank you mucho for your reviews for my first chappy.
Oh, yes, by the by, don't misinterpret the Robbie watsit. He's not going to steal Gee from Dave or anything. It was just something to write.
So, tada!!
