The pain of having Naruto leave me is excruciating; it physically hurts thinking about how he'll never look at me as the only one for him. Not hearing from him has also taken its toll on me. But no matter how much I feel dead inside, it's just not in my nature to mope around.
Sadness doesn't heal pain.
Sakura struts into the living room, looking absolutely flawless. There was so much happiness that radiated from her. I don't think I've ever seen her smile like this in years. Her whole demeanor is different from what it usually is, and it is awe-inspiring.
"You look great." I state. She must really like this guy, whoever he is. I'll have to screen him to make sure he's even good enough for her.
She smiles even brighter. "Thanks." She sits next to me, and places her hand on my thigh. "Are you sure you're going to be alright?"
I wave her away. "I'm going to be fine. I think I just need some time to get used to all this." I wish I could get over the fact that he's out of my life. But after three years together, I just can't expect to forget about him in a few weeks. "You on the other hand need this. Its been forever since you got laid."
She places a hand on her hip. "I wonder whose fault is that?"
"Honey if it weren't for me, you'd still be a virgin." I usher her to the door. "Now don't stay out too late and don't give it up right away. If you're good enough, he'll ask for a second date."
"And then can I give it up?" She jokingly asks.
"Of course, just not the back entrance. Now go." I breathe a sigh of relief after I hear her car drive away. Sakura wouldn't be too proud of me if I told her what I have plans to do. I'm not exactly proud of myself either, but I can't waste time mourning a dead relationship.
I look at the clock to see that I only have an hour to get ready. He has a strict schedule, and I don't want to miss him.
When I turn the shower water on, filling the room with steam, my mind instantly thinks about the past. Images of Naruto's hands wandering my body spring up as the hot water hits my body. As I try to focus on something else, the images become more vivid. I can feel his rugged body against mine, and hear him whispering seductively about how bad he wants me. My upper back slumps against the cold marble as I let out an involuntary moan. My eyes roll back, as if he was actually here pleasuring me. Nothing is happening, yet my body is on fire.
I take a deep breath and exhale quickly to snap out of this daze. Seizing the moment of clarity, I turn down the temperature of the water.
That felt way too real for comfort. My legs are trembling immensity. I look around the shower to make sure that I am the only one in here. I try to pull myself together as I finish washing up. I knew I still missed him, but I didn't think it would be to the point where I start hallucinating about him.
If I knew where Naruto was, I would go see him and beg for forgiveness. Instead, I have to settle with meeting a man who barely gives me the time of day. Its almost comical how I gave up something good and stable for something flaky and not well rewarding.
I hate that this is the life I chose, but there's no going back.
As I was pondering what to wear, my phone starts ringing. My heart fluttered and nerves kicked into overdrive. Surely, I was just seeing things. There is no way he would call me after what I did to him. Or would he? I doubt that he's ready to forgive me. I hope he is, but I can't be too hopeful. I tried my hardest to down my excitement when I answered it. "H-hello?" My voice wavered due to my nervousness.
I heard a familiar chuckle. "Hello Sasuke." It wasn't the voice I was hoping to hear.
Instantly, I was filled with rage. "What the hell do you want?"
"I just wanted to thank you," He replies nonchalantly. "Thank you for finally letting Naruto be with someone much better."
Its only been a few weeks, there is no way he could have moved on that fast. "What are you talking about?"
The bastard laughs again. "Oh I think you know exactly what I'm talking about. Ever since you told the truth, he's been with me."
I felt as if someone had kicked me in the gut. It's one thing for him to move on, but to be with Sai of all people, that's just harsh. "You're lying."
"Why else would I be calling from his phone?"
"..."
"He wanted me to relay a message to you; He no longer wants anything to do with you. Enjoy the rest of your life." He hangs up, feeling real proud of himself.
The feeling of my heart sinking to my gut is nauseating. My body collapses on the bed, in shock from what just happened. I can't believe that he is willing to break up with me, but won't do it in person. He must really hate me. I guess I really can't blame him.
It would be easier to handle if I heard it from him directly. I want him to look me in the eye and tell me that he no longer wants to be around and that he no longer loves me. I don't want to hold onto the small chance we could still be together. I'd rather he cut me off completely than linger on hope.
Maybe it's better this way. I'm sure I would be an emotional wreck if he told me in person. It wouldn't be a pretty sight.
I stare at my reflection as I was applying eyeliner. I'm trying to handle the news in stride, but I knew it would take some time before it really settles in. My mind takes forever to process things that don't actually cause me any joy or have benefits.
I laugh in spite of wanting to break down in tears.
I wasn't good enough for him anyway.
:::...:::...:::...:::
Everything in me says that this is a bad idea, yet it's still not enough to keep me from walking toward the VIP section. The guard looks me up and down with a sly smile on his face. I try my best not to look repulsed by the subtle action.
"What can I do for you?" He asks in a lusty tone.
"I'm here to see Nagato."
He tilts his head back slightly as he chuckles. "I'm afraid I can't let you do that."
I sigh and pull out my phone. This idiot must be a newcomer. I dial a number and hand the phone to the muscular idiot.
"Yeah...I didn't know boss...I'm so sorry for the misunderstanding." He hands me my phone with a sheepish smile. He moves out of the way of the entrance. "You can go in."
As soon as Nagato sees me, he banishes his entourage away from his table. "Out of all the places you chose to come to, it had to be this one." I exasperate.
He smiles. "This place is special, don't you remember?"
I remember all too well. This is the place where Naruto introduced me to Nagato. It was an innocent gesture, one that unfortunately culminated in a lengthy affair. "I told you, I never wanted to come back to this place." I look away from him.
He shrugs. "Yeah I know, but I figured since you're single now, it wouldn't matter much."
The phrase is a foreign concept to me. I blinked several times, shocked by the statement. I never thought I would find myself single. "It's not officially over." I clarified.
Nagato raises an eyebrow. "He hasn't dumped you yet?" He was practically laughing at me.
I stood up. "I don't need this right now." I turn to leave.
He grabs my wrist to keep me from going. "Sasuke wait, I'm sorry."
"It's okay, I just-" I stop when I notice a glint of light beaming from his finger. I grabbed his hand to see a gold ring. "What is this?" I questioned angrily.
"A ring." He replies plainly.
I resisted the urge to slap him across the face. "Do not get smart with me. Is that a wedding ring?"
He sighs. "Yeah it is, but-"
I didn't want to hear any of his excuses. "I thought you said you were getting a divorce."
"We decided to work things out." He states reluctantly.
I laugh bitterly. "I can't believe this. You lied to me."
He crosses his arms with a smirk. "Since when did you start caring about the sanctity of relationships?"
"You knew I was going to break things off between us if you were still married."
"Are you seriously mad about this?"
"Yes! You lied to me!"
"That's awfully hypocritical of you, considering you had no problem lying to Naruto for years."
That was a low blow. It seems no matter what I do, I can never escape my past wrongdoings. I grab his glass of wine and dump it in his face. Then, I toss the glass at him and storm off. I ignore the shocked stares and outrage of the bastard's groupies.
:::...:::...:::...:::
I need to clear my mind in order to get used to my new life. I decide to go about that by celebrating at Shushuya.
Word traveled really fast about my single status. As soon as I walked in, a group of guys and some girls rush over, offering to buy me drinks. I waved them all away. I never go for the first wave of people that throw themselves at me. They are the most desperate, and often don't know what they're getting themselves into.
I strut to the bar with a smirk on my face. I haven't felt this great in a while. It's an empowering feeling. Maybe I'm better off single. I can do whoever I want, whenever I want, without having to answer to anyone. I would never have to feel guilty about my decisions.
Some average brunette approaches me in a timid manner. "May I buy you a drink?" He asks shyly.
He was brave enough to approach me, I might as well let him. It's the least I could do. "Sure." I reply with a smirk.
He nods with a glint of accomplishment in his eyes. The kid is far too adorable. "Um...w-what you like?"
"Whatever you would drink." I reply, fascinated with his antics. I don't think I have ever been around a shy guy. I give off a vibe that normally intimidates guys like him.
He turns to the bartender and orders two Kamikazes. I think he's really trying to impress me. "Um, I hope you like it."
"No, its perfect. You have great taste. What's your name by the way?"
"Michio, and you?"
"Sasuke."
"You're really beautiful Sasuke." He blurts out. He gasps and covers his mouth. "Oh, I'm sorry, was that too forward?"
He's so innocent. I will destroy him if we end up spending the night together. I grab him by the collar and press our lips together. His was response was timid, but very eager. I bit his lip softly before parting. He looks completely mesmerized. I write my number on a napkin and hand it to him. "I want you to go build up your endurance, and call me when you're ready for the best night of your life." I whisper seductively in his ear.
Michio looks at the napkin and smiles. "I'm gonna start right now."
I smirk. "You do that." I'm sure he'll grow to be quite the animal in bed.
:::...:::...:::...:::
I wish that Sakura was here to help curb my drinking. She has a way of making people go away. It's like an art form or something. I don't have it in me to refuse anyone who wants to spend any amount of money or attention on me.
I knew I was wasted, but that didn't stop me from accepting more drinks from increasingly attractive people. It would be rude not to accept them.
It would be nice if they would stop ordering straight drinks. My liver is going to hate me later.
Another drink was placed in front of me. I stare at it for some time. "I can't." My limit was reached ten drinks ago. Maybe even before then, I don't know. I've been here for a long time. And I can't leave until I find someone suitable enough to spend the night with. So far, it has just been guys I'd settle for.
The person chuckles. "C'mon its just water."
I look up to tell the person off, but the words left my mind when I saw how sexy he was. He looks like the kind of guy I would have left my ex-boyfriend for; a sort of lead singer of a punk band look. I have a thing for guys who wear eyeliner.
I still hadn't said a thing to this stranger, I was too busy staring deeply into his pale teal eyes. At this point, I'm a little over red heads, but this one was perfectly gorgeous. I think I might have seen him before, but my mind is too messed up to think about it.
He smirks and snaps his fingers to get me out of my daze. "I take it that you like what you see."
"More than I could ever tell you."
He grabs my hand and gently pulls me out of my seat. "This place is rather crass, perhaps we could go somewhere more intimate."
Immediately, I thought 'no I shouldn't go with him'. That annoying moral code Sakura keeps telling me about is going haywire. It would be terrible to go with him, we just met and I'm drunk off my ass. But at the same time, I'm no longer bound to a relationship. If I really wanted to leave with this man, there is nothing truly stopping me.
If Naruto is through with me, then what I do with my life shouldn't matter. I deserve happiness just as much as he does. I've grieved over our relationship, tried to make amends, and waited for what I think is an appropriate amount of time before embracing my single status.
But this moment still doesn't feel right.
I still love Naruto.
"I'd like that."
But I can't go another night without some form of intimacy.
There is no reason why I can't enjoy myself.
A/N: This chapter originally was going to end with a lemon, but I got lazy :/
