Lessons in Humanity
Chapter 3: Friendly Machinations
Deep underneath the Urahara Shop, within the secret basement that city officials obviously have no clue about, the ex-Shinigami Kisuke Urahara sat in a circle with Ichigo Kurosaki, Orihime Inoue, Uryu Ishida, and Chad. Rukia and Renji had long since left for the Soul Society, since they were going to get in serious shit with the crazy old guy with the shifty eyes, and figured it'd be safer if they made it look like they had just been hiding there. Tessai and Jinta, meanwhile, were trying to find Ururu's off switch; ever since the Arrancar had shown up, she had been trying to hit them and blow them up with her missile launcher.
"Mr. Urahara, what exactly happened to that little guy?" asked Ichigo. Rather than running around, Wonderwice Margera had settled down after capturing the hat of Kisuke Urahara, and both his mask and hole were gone. Seeing as both were symbolic of Arrancar, and Hollows in general, this was akin to things like E. Coli outbreaks or Diet Cola that isn't worse for you than regular Cola. The first because it's really fucking scary, and the second because it's just not possible.
Off to the side, two of the four Espada who had come through with Ichigo and friends were sitting quietly, facing one another. "That fool Grimmjow should keep that little girl busy a while longer, Yammy." Off in the distance, one could barely hear his taunts. "C'mon you little bitch, I dare you to hit me! Lessee if you can even get close! Ha, I bet even a runt like you could put up more of a fight than that fucking Ichigo!"
"Hey, Ulquiorra, what happened to Wonderwice? I mean, one moment he looks like an Arrancar, and his reiatsu is like ours, and the next it's like he's a…"
"Yes, I know. I have no idea what happened. The hat he grabbed is not special in any way, unless he can hide special reiatsu. Even so, I see no reason why he would expect Wonderwice to grab his hat and put it on, seeing as how it did nothing until it was on his head. Anyway, this is just something else to report to Lord Aizen once our mission is complete."
"Hey Ulquiorra, you really gotta stop talking about him like that. It'll ruin everything if they figure out he sent us here."
"I know, but my explanation should buy us enough time until we are to complete our mission. Lord Aizen needs us to remain inconspicuous, but I will not abandon my loyalties."
Yammy sighed. "God man, why do you have to be such a fucking robot?"
At the same time, Urahara was creating his own plan. "I'm not sure what happened with him. I don't know if you noticed, but when his mask fell off and his hole closed up, his reiatsu changed as well. More than anything, his reiatsu now feels more like that of a Shinigami than that of a Hollow. I may have created the Hogyoku, but I didn't create the Arrancar, and I'm sure I didn't learn everything about what can happen to a soul whose barriers are broken down. It could be that, given enough time, the artificial Arrancar will completely transform into Shinigami.
"In the meantime, each of you should have one of the Arrancar stay with you. That way, you can keep an eye on all of them in case they act up. I'll let you choose which one you want to watch."
"So in other words, we have to baby-sit some of the strongest other-worldly monsters in human form?" asked Uryu.
To everyone's annoyance, Urahara shouted "BINGO!" in response. Grimmjow took that moment to use Sonido to cross the length of the basement and hit him solidly on the head. "NO ONE BABYSITS ME! YOU FUCKING LUNATIC!" He would have gone on (and on), but Tessai and Jinta, shocked at his attack on Kisuke Urahara, left Ururu alone for a moment. The missiles headed towards the small gathering of human teenagers and a guy who's a hell of a lot older than he looks, and only Grimmjow was able to dodge.
As the missiles exploded, they raised a curtain of dust, as they always do. Slowly it cleared, revealing a much more serious-looking Wonderwice, still wearing the hat. He stood there, in the middle of the cloud, with his hand held out as though to stop an attacker. As ineffective as that sounds, Wonderwice made it work somehow.
"I'll look after Grimmjow. He's gonna be a handful for sure, and I'm not sure you guys can handle him." said Ichigo. "Oh, you think you can handle me Kurosaki? Fucking pussies, try saying some of this shit to my face!" Once more Ururu fired a number of missiles at Grimmjow.
Orihime spoke up for the first time in a while. "Um, Mr. Urahara, is it okay if I take care of Ulquiorra? I'd really feel more comfortable if he was the one I was watching." This idea, of course, hit an immediate and sudden wall.
"Are you crazy? What if he kidnaps you again?"
"Orihime, there's no way you'd be safe with him!"
"Are you alright Orihime?"
"Crazy-ass bitch, you are fucking insane!" This dialogue was cut off by more explosions. "Ah come on you crazy bitch, either hit me or stop shooting! I can barely get a fucking word in edgewise!" In response, Ururu corrected her aim and Grimmjow got thrown into a rock formation.
Orihime responded with some of the best logic in the universe: crazy girl logic. "It's alright, really guys! I mean, if he's there, I know he's not going to be able to kidnap me, because last time he kidnapped me while I was heading home from the Soul Society, and if he's with me I know he's not going to hurt anyone else!" She then smiled, completely oblivious to how far away from the point she was.
If the boys hadn't just gotten back from inter-dimensional war, they may have argued more, but even their insane stamina was running low. After fighting Nnoitra, Ichigo hadn't dared sleep at all while in Hueco Mundo. The horrible fate of the Fifth Espada gave him nightmares. He briefly thought back to the end of the battle and shuddered. The other two hadn't had any chance to heal between the time they all split up and the time they left, so they were still very weak. So, in a horrible lapse of judgment, they decided to let Orihime keep the freaky kidnapping robot in her house.
"How about you Chad? Which one will you pick?" asked Orihime, treating the Arrancar like a little kid would treat a pet in a pet store, instead of as semi-human monsters bent on world conquest. "I'll take the big one." said Chad.
"Well then I guess that leaves Uryu with Nell. Alright then, I'm gonna head home now. C'mon Grimmjow, I'll show you where my house is."
"Would you like a Gigai for your Arrancar?" asked Urahara jokingly.
"No thanks, I just wanna get some sleep."
"I live alone, no one will mind!"
"He'd only need one if he went to school."
"Wouldn't their masks and holes show up on a Gigai?"
"WE ARE NOT YOUR FUCKING PETS!"
So, one by one, the teenage heroes of Karakura Town left the shop and headed to their respective homes. Finally, only Uryu and Nell were left. The reason Uryu stayed behind was to ask Urahara some questions.
"Mr. Urahara, I assume you're going to take care of the other one?"
"Yep, I'll look after him until I can figure out what happened."
"I'm pretty sure you're not telling us everything."
"Well, how could I tell you what I don't know?"
"Well, if you find something out, tell us as soon as possible. Also, if you could, try to make a special Gigai to hide their Arrancar traits, alright?"
"Will do! Have a good evening Uryu!"
Uryu and Nell climbed up the ladder and began to leave the shop when Uryu thought of something he hadn't before. "Nell, where's your hole?"
"Oh, you mean I never thowed you guyth? Ith down here!" Before Uryu could object or even figure out what she was doing, Nell showed him an area that would likely up this story's rating.
"ARGH! I'M BLIND!"
