Hi again;
Happy thanksgiving! I'm grateful for so many things and one of them it's you, thank you for reading my stories ^^
Why did you think it was the end? Well, it's not... the ending it's not even approaching!
NOTE 1: Everything in bold italics, it will be the character's narrative, I mean, like an internal dialogue, their thoughts.
NOTE 2: The "X" it's to mark the beginning of a new scene, I mean, a change of scenario and everything between parentheses () it's to describe the scene.
I hope it's clear and thank you in advance if you have the time to leave a review!
Chapter 3
***Emily's diary***
Do you know how much I miss you? Do you know how much I regret everything? Do you know how much I wish I could go back in times and stop you? Do you know how much I want to rewind in time and make it better… make it right….?
I know how much you loved me… I know you gave your life for me… I know your love for me was it really that big… if you only knew I felt the same… if I only knew you loved me the same…
A month ago you weren't in my present life, you were a scar I wanted to forget and now… now you're a scar I want to keep it open because I can't let you go…
(New year's eve)
Sitting in the bar of an unknown place, looking at her locked necklace, the Christmas' gift of Alison; Emily was caressing the locked in shape of a heart as she drowns her sorrow in alcohol. She opened it and she chuckles with sadness as she stares at the two photos inside the heart: one of them, Alison put it, it was a picture of the Fields and the other one, Emily chose it and the brunette's crying increases as she stares at the little photo of Alison, she has been keeping her locked in her heart's necklace… inside her real heart and till now, she's able to see how important the girl was for her but it's too late…
Bartender. – "Are you ok…?"
Emily doesn't reply she just takes her drink and drank it in one shot.
Emily. – "Give me another one…"
Bartender. – "I think you drank enough…"
Emily says with a bitter voice. – "I'm not asking you, I'm telling you give me another… "
They stare at each other for a moment but the bartender realizes Emily was stubborn enough to don't let it go so in the end he just sighs with resignation and gives her another drink. As soon as he re-filled Emily's glass, the glass was already empty as Emily was drinking as she has never done it before… Drink after drink, Emily was very intoxicated with all the alcohol in her system but no matter how much she was drinking, the pain… the sorrow… the lost… the guilt… the regret were still there… she couldn't get rid of it and she just snaps and gets angry. The brunette smashes the glass on the floor…
Bartender. – "Hey! That's it! Leave!"
*X*
Intoxicated by alcohol, Emily gets angry as she sees all the people smiling, having a good time, just celebrating new year's eve. She can't think of a reason to celebrate a new year; yes her father's alive but at what cost?
Under the influence of alcohol, Emily's hallucinations take charge of her mind; the brunette panics as she stares at her hands and she pictures them with blood…
Emily cries. – "Your blood is in my hands…"
The brunette recalls her last exchange of words with the blonde, she remembers how cold she was, how harsh she was with her and she can't take it; she can't imagine herself living and feeling this guilt. So, she decides to don't live like this… carrying this sorrow in her chest…
It took her a long walk, but she finally arrives to a bridge; she grips on the handrail and she waves back and forth; her heart beats fast each time she waves forth, towards the dark waters under the bridge. She bites her lips, she looks up at the moon and with tears in her eyes she confesses something to the sky…
Emily. –"It's wrong, I know but I can't think I can live with this sorrow, with this pain…" (She snaps and yells to the sky) "It's all your fault!"
The brunette closes her eyes, trying to find the courage to do what she thought it would bring her peace when someone approaches and starts talking to her…
A guy. – "Really?! You just got more time with your father and now, you're thinking on quitting!"
How does he know?! Do I know him?! … The brunette turns her head towards the young guy standing at her side; she narrows her eyes, trying to focus her blurry vision, but she can't remember if she knows him…
The guy lean his arm on the handrail of the bridge, he stares at the reflection of the moon in the water as he says…
The guy lean his arm on the handrail of the bridge, he stares at the reflection of the moon in the water as he says…
A guy. – "I can't believe it! She just gave you a gift and what do you do?! You waste it, you waste 'time'!"
Emily gets angry. – "Gift?! GIFT?! How can this be a gift when it cost her life! She shouldn't have had to die…"
The guy stares at her and replies. – "You don't decide who lives or who dies… you should just be grateful for the 'time' you had with her…"
Emily snaps. – "Grateful?! Grateful for what?! I don't care about time! Time is bullshit! Time is nothing to me!"
The guy says with a serious voice. – "Careful with your words…"
Emily looks up at the sky and she points out towards the sky as she yells…
Emily. –"Are you hearing me TIME?! You're bullshit! You're stupid! Insensible! You ruin everything!"
They guy snaps. – "Everyone always complaining about 'time'… I don't have 'time' to do this… 'time' pass too fast… 'time' pass to slowly… if I only had more 'time'… why?! Why you're not able to accept it's your responsibility how you manage 'time'?! Why 'Time' has to be always the 'bad guy'!"
He points out towards Emily and says to her. – "You dare to insult 'Time' without understanding it; there are constants in life you can't avoid: death… death is a force more beyond your understanding, not even 'time' can stop death…"
Emily. – "If I were 'time'… I would…"
The guy smirks with a challenging look. – "Really?! You think you could defeat death?!"
Emily nods
The guy laughs very loud. – "You, foolish girl! You have no idea what are you saying!"
Emily. – "Off course, I do… I just know if I had time… if I could control time, I could make everything better…"
The guy challenges her. – "Uhmmm… really… so what would you do if you could control 'time'?
Emily. – "I would rewind it and redo last Christmas…"
The guy. – "Are you sure that redo it, it will not make it worse? Are you sure that the outcome will not be the same? Are you up to live with the consequences of messing with time?"
Emily. – "Nothing can be worse than this…"
The guy smirks. – "Don't be so sure… it can always be worse… time doesn't change anything; you can't change fate, you can undo, redo, rewind all you want but in the end, like I told you before, there are constants you can't change… you can't change the 'time' of death of anyone… you can't conquer death… but you're very stubborn and no matter what I could say, you will keep blaming 'time' for it… isn't it?"
The guy stretches his arms and he says as he walks towards Emily…
The guy. – "Well, you want control 'Time', so I'll give you control over me…"
Emily.- "What?!"
They guy softly pushes his index finger against Emily's front-head and the brunette fades.
Time says as he looks at the unconscious brunette. – "Don't regret it…"
*X*
The light of the sun come through the window of her room... the sound of distant noises coming from downstairs. The scent of fabric softener... the sound of her mother singing Christmas' songs… everything looks so familiar. Emily slowly opens her eyes and she doesn't remember how she got back home; she tries to recall what happened but the last thing she remembers, it's her talk with that guy in the bridge… bridge… Emily slaps her face…. What I was thinking?!... She sighs as she realizes she didn't do it, she didn't quit on life and she feels relieved because the last thing she wants to do it's to cause pain to her parents.
She gets out of bed and she goes downstairs, she was on the stairs when she heard a voice she thought she would never hear again; she rushes towards the kitchen and she trips when she arrives…
Pam. – "Oh, Emy, are you alright?! Emy….?"
Emily can't reply to her mother, she can't find her voice as she can't believe what she's staring… Who, she's staring…
Alison raises an eye brow. – "Em… is there something wrong?"
Emily mumbles with a smile as she wraps her arms around the blonde. – "I can hear your soft voice... you're here, YOU'RE HERE!" (She hugs her and she snugs on her as much as she can) "Hmmm... vanilla..."
Alison blushes, she doesn't know why Emily looks so emotional; maybe it's because Christmas… she thinks, even then, it doesn't matter, she smiles and she wraps her arms around Emily…
Alison smiles. – "I'm happy to spend Christmas with you…"
Emily breaks the hug and stares at her with a confused look. – "What?!"
Pam. – "What do you mean by 'what'? Today, it's Christmas Emy… jesus, you're really so clueless that you don't know even what day is today?"
Alison chuckles and she resume her cooking. Emily stays in silence as she's processing all the information… It's Christmas again… lost on her thoughts, Alison notices how Emily stays in silence and the blonde shows a concerned look.
Alison says as she softly grabs Emily's hand. – "Em… are you really ok?"
Emily looks at her and she smiles as she stares at her beautiful blue eyes; she can't stop smiling and without thinking it twice, she cups Alison's face and kisses her in the lips. The blonde freezes and her eyes gets bigger, she blushes and her face gets red as a tomato…
Pam puts a hand on her open mouth. – "Oh my!"
Emily says as she brushes her lips on Alison's lips. – "This time, it'll be different…"
Alison blushes. – "Huh?"
Emily smiles and she says as she looks at her into the eyes. – "This time… it'll be different; I promise…."
The shadows of snowflakes through the windows... the smell of vanilla... the faint breathing of the person she loves... this is how it was supposed to be, it's what Emily thinks but can she really starts again? Can she really undo what fate has planned?
From outside the house, someone was watching, Time was staring at Emily, from outside the house and he jumps when someone touches his shoulder…
Time smirks. – "Always so cold…" (He looks at the black hoodie and he raises an eye brow) "What?" (He teases) "Did I make you feel something? Anger… maybe…." (Smirks)
Death. – "You know I don't feel anything… that's my nature… to be neutral…"
Time. – "Uhmmm…."
Both forces of nature stare at the brunette and talks between them…
Death. – "Why you rewound it? Why are you doing this?"
Time shrugs. – "Who knows…" (Smirks) "Maybe I wanted to mess with you… make your work a little more difficult…"
Death. – "At some point, she has to realize that some people are meant to stay in her heart but not in her life…"
Time. – "Is she still in your list?"
Death nods. – "Yes…"
Time. – "She'll not let her go… she'll not let you to take her with you…"
They exchanges looks and then death walks as he says…
Death. – "This is not the 1st time you play 'this game'… you have done it before, but no matter how many times you do it, no matter if you let her rewind in time over and over… you can't stop me… sooner or later, I'll always collect the soul of my list…"
The black hoodie leaves and Time turns his head in direction of Emily again…
Time smirks. – "I can't stop you but maybe she will…"
We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard the damn poets urging us to 'you can't rewind in time'. But what if you could? What if you could go back and redo, undo what was done? Would you make it better or worse? Would you be able to stop the unavoidable? Sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes over and over to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves that even the biggest lost, even the worst most intractable pain... it's all part of the big design…
