Disclaimer: Please don't sue. I barely make enough money at RadioShack to support myself. What am I gonna do if you take my life savings as well?

Authors note: All right, I'll give you this one. After the fifth angel, Shinji's thoughts as he's lying in bed waiting for the power to come back on.

Mind Dump: Hope

Man, that fight took a lot of everybody. I'm beat, Misato's passed out, the country's power supply is wiped, and Rei's recovering in the hospital again…

Rei…

Argh! Why do I think of her at weird moments like this? I shouldn't be concerned with her well being, or whether she has any friends, or what's going on between her and my father. But I am.

I was frightened when I first saw her on the hospital gurney, half-covered in bandages yet still crawling toward the EVA in order to do the commander's bidding. I couldn't imagine being so loyal to anyone to go out half-dead to fight a monster like that. I remember catching her in my arms as she tumbled from the gurney and marveling at how she felt so light in my arms as I held her.

I remember feeling… protective… and wanting to fight so that she wouldn't have to.

After the last angel, as her EVA collapsed under the duress, I remembered her words "I'll protect you,"said after we were gearing up for battle. I was astounded that she would go so far to keep her word.

I remember panicking, but it wasn't panic for myself – it was for her safety. I knew what it was like to be in boiling LCL, and no one else should have to go through it. I remember searing pain as I tried opening that plug, and now I have the burns on my palms to match that pain.

Well father, I guess you and I have something in common now.

I don't ever recall smiling before I came to Tokyo-3, but when I'm in Rei's company I smile so much my jaw aches. I tell her, "Don't say goodbye, it's just too sad," but I've gone against that myself, saying goodbye to Misato, to Uncles and Aunts, to Mother…

Why? Why do I tell her to hope when I have no hope myself?

I guess it's because when I look at her, I see someone with no direction and nothing to hope for. I had the benefit of having a family for part of my life, but she has had only my father. I gained Toji and Kensuke as friends during my time here, yet Rei hasn't had any friends all her life. Her only care is piloting EVA.

In that sense then she's even worse off than me. She thinks she has nothing to live for and she only lives for the present, not the future. And that's just too sad… I want to give her hope, something to hold on to. I want to show her that after EVA, there is a life that she can turn to. That's why I'm always happy around her, trying to look on the positive side. I want to show that there is much to live for.

I hope for her.

(End)

Author's note: I think I'm starting to become a Shinji/Rei fan. It's just so easy to picture the chemistry between the two… but I'm going to try to write an Asuka/Shinji piece too one of these days! This was actually the first piece that I wrote for "Mind Dump," but it felt kinda inappropriate to put it first… I don't know why. This vignette still seems elementary, but I'll fix it up one of these days.

The next one is probably going to be a little more abstract… hope you stick around to see it.