On the ranch the Girl watched the setting sun with a deep frown. She sat on the porch of her Uncle's farm house and toyed with her knitting needles and yarn.
It had been four days since Alexander had left to go on a usual Goblin Slaying Quest.
He had been gone for long periods before but that had always been with some warning, a quick message sent back to the ranch that the Goblin nest he sought was at the edge of the Kingdom. But there had been no message this time.
'I hope he's okay.' She worried. 'He knows more about Goblins than anybody else but…' She set her knitting needles and yarn aside, not getting anywhere on the scarf she had planned to make for the coming winter. 'He says that there are Goblins he's only heard about. Goblin Champions or Lords or something.' She leaned back in her chair, the old thing creaking as she did so. 'How can you fight something you've only heard about and nobody else has ever seen?'
"Dinner!" Her Uncle called from inside the house and she rose, gathering up her knitting material.
'I hope he's okay.' She thought again. 'I'll ask about him when I make a delivery to the Guild tomorrow, they'll know what he's doing.'
The Elf Bard grimaced as one of the Goblins that had chased him passed under his hiding spot again.
'Damn it, why aren't they giving up?' He thought as the Goblin met up with his companion in a clearing nearby. The two Goblins argued in their filthy language before setting off in different directions again still determined to find him. 'Damn.' The Elf Bard mentally cursed as he leaned back on the high tree branch he had climbed up to. When he had left his village in search of adventure he never expected to be back sitting and hiding in tree branches within a week. 'I thank you Old Wood for sheltering this poor Wood Elf.' He thought as he slung his lute over his shoulder and pulled out his dagger and looked at it. 'But I must take my leave of you.' Standing up and naturally balancing on the tree branch, even with his shoes that were made for style not function, he looked at the farthest Goblin that was moving away from him.
He began to lowly hum a few dark elven words, the air getting heavier as he did so. The Goblin he was staring at stopped in place and craned his head up to listen to something that only he could hear. As the Elf Bard continued to hum the Goblin got more and more agitated until finally he screamed out, dropped his sword, and clutched his ears to his head. The Goblin ran deeper into the forest, leaving his brother to stand under the Elf Bard's tree confused at what had gotten into him.
'Close enough.' The Elf Bard thought as he clutched his dagger in both hands and jumped down from his branch. His shadow fell over the Goblin under him and the creature managed to look up in time to see the Elf in bright red clothing fall out of the tree and his shining dagger coming straight for his face. The Goblin raised its dagger to deflect the blade and managed to succeed, driving the blade away from splitting his nose and instead tearing open his right cheek. "Fuck!" The Elf Bard cursed as he tried to pull the dagger back to try and finish the Goblin off only to have to jump back when the creature made to stab him instead.
"Kash! Rurr!" The Goblin growled out as his blood fell to the grass.
"Come on." The Elf Bard said as he nervously stood his ground. When he went on this Quest he hadn't expected to be fighting any of the Goblins, instead he had planned to stay in the back of the group and sing songs to bolster his Party's morale.
But then again he also hadn't expected to encounter a horde of over 50 Goblins and Goblins that could talk.
The Goblin rushed forward and the Elf Bard dodged out of the way of its charge. He tried to stab it in the back but only managed to deliver a light cut as it narrowly moved out of the way.
"Fuck!" He cursed again as the other Goblin, over his panic attack, stumbled upon the scene and raced for his dropped sword. Jumping to the side the Elf Bard repositioned himself until both Goblins were lined up perfectly and he thrust his hand out. With a commanding eleven word a clap of thunder rolled through the forest and an invisible force raced out from his palm. The Goblins, being directly in its path, were flung off their feet and sent flying through the air until they collided with a mighty tree.
Rushing over the Elf Bard quickly brought his dagger down on the throat of the Goblin with the sword, the other wounded struggling to stand with its bleeding wounds. Blood flowed out around the dagger and the Elf Bard could not pull it free as the Goblin grasped at his arm. Leaving his dagger he lunged for the Goblin's sword and swung around just in time to clumsily block the wounded Goblin's back attack. He didn't want to think would happen if he lost his lute.
"Grah!" The Goblin cried, spitting blood in the Elf Bard's face.
"Oh piss off already!" The Elf Bard cried and promptly brought his right foot up to kick the Goblin in the balls.
"YEEEEE!" The Goblin screamed as it dropped his dagger, fell to the ground, and clutched his bruised testicles. The Elf Bard wasted no time in plunging the sword into its back.
"Momma," the Elf Bard breathed as he stood there leaning against the sword imbedded into the filthy creature, "I'm sorry. I know I swore I'd stop cursing and come back a refined Elf." He looked down at his fine red suit, created by his Father who was the village tailor. "Good thing Poppa made this red." He commented as he looked at all the blood. With the fight over the adrenaline left his body and he nearly tripped as he walked over to pry his dagger out of the throat of the Goblin.
'Oh Gods.' He thought as he looked up at the orange sky, only now noticing that the sun was setting. '…What do I do? My party is dead. I've used up my two spells today. And the only friendly person in this Goblin infested forest is probably being roasted and eaten right now.'
"I'm sorry you were involved in this. But all we need is Kin Killer, all you'll do is slow us down." The words of the Goblin Shaman came back to him then. "Come on Kin Killer! Is that all you got?!" Followed by the challenge from what seemed like a Hobgoblin in armor.
"What is going on?" The Elf Bard questioned out loud. "How are there talking Goblins? How are they so… smart?" The face of the Shaman came back to him. "What is with their eyes?"
The forest offered no answer, just swaying leaves in the wind.
'Goblin Slayer is alive.' He thought to himself. 'Or I guess Kin Killer to these Goblins. But they want him for something. Can I go get help?' He wondered to himself as his hand reached up to grab the Porcelain Tag around his neck, marking him as a member of the Adventurer's Guild. 'The Guild will still be open by the time I get there but everybody will probably be drinking or eating dinner. We wouldn't be able to get back here until morning… assuming anybody cares to help me.'
"I… I have to save him." The Elf Bard admitted to no one. 'Whatever they want him for it can't be good and we could lose them in the time it takes to get back here.' He reasoned as he moved away from the dead Goblins. "Oh Guardian of this Forest," he said as he started to walk deeper into the forest, "please watch over this stupid Wood Elf and help keep him hidden from the foul Goblin's sight."
Goblin Slayer woke up to the unusual sensation of something cold and damp being applied to his pounding forehead. He did not open his eyes when he woke but instead remained completely still and listened to what was happening around him.
There were shuffling footsteps all around him but no spoken words or what passed for a language among the Goblins. He could hear the soft sloshing of water and the clang of plate or bowls being set down. The fluttering of a large fabric all around him that indicated that he was in a tent. There was a clanking sound of metal being moved around. Distantly he could hear the sounds of Goblins crying out about something or other and the crackle of a large bon fire.
Moving onto touch Goblin Slayer could feel that he had been stripped of his armor and boots and had left in his plain clothes barefoot. The air was cool inside this tent so he could guess that he had been unconscious long enough for it to become night. He could also feel ropes tying his hands behind his back and some even tying his feet together. They did not want him going anywhere.
The wet cloth on his forehead was lifted and he chose this moment to open his eyes.
One of the silent Goblins with a red claw marking on its chest stared down at him, holding the wet clothe in its claw. Goblin Slayer's eyes flicked around the tent he was in and found himself surrounded by these strange Goblins. There was on carrying a bowl of fruit, another holding a jug of what he presumed was water, three were in the corner cleaning his armor, and finally four more were merely standing off to the side staring at him.
"Don't." He hissed as the Goblin with the wash cloth moved to soak it in its bucket again. "Touch. Me." The Goblin got the message and bowed to him before it picked up the bucket and carried it outside. "Stop. Touching. My. Armor." He commanded as he pulled himself into a sitting position to glare at the Goblins cleaning it. They also stopped what they were doing at once and turned to stare at him. "Get. Out." He growled out.
This command they did not obey.
"Is he awake?" An unfamiliar voice asked outside of the tent and in stepped a Shaman with Human pink eyes. "Ah! You are!" He smiled as he crouched down in front of him. "My Little Brother did a number on you, you've been out for hours. Of course you did the same to him, he won't be using his right arm for a while."
"…You're supposed to be dead." Goblin Slayer said after a moment, recognizing the Goblin Shaman in front of him as the dead one that the party of young Adventurers had discovered.
"I was pretending." The Shaman answered with a grin. "Surely you've seen that trick?" He pointed to the bandage on his shoulder. "Although we did have to take it pretty far, had to be sure that it would fool you."
"Your eyes were normal. Was it magic, to trick me?" Goblin Slayer asked and the Shaman's smile was all the answer he needed. "…Why are you here?" He asked, wanting this beast out of his face so he could begin planning his escape.
"I came to speak to the man my Father was named after," Goblin Slayer twitched angrily at that reminder, "and who he says is one of the greatest warriors our kind has ever faced."
"I'm not a warrior." Goblin Slayer responded fiercely. "A warrior goes to conqueror and take from their enemies. I want nothing you have. A warrior fights for honor and status among their peers. My rank is nothing and the other Adventurers don't care for me. A warrior wants a world where there are always battles to fight. I want a world where there are no Goblins and I am not needed." He glared at the Shaman. "I am not a warrior. I am an exterminator."
"…And here my Little Brother told me that you were the quiet type." The Shaman said after a moment. "You always this chatty or do we bring something out of you? But we should be getting to dinner, the stew should be almost ready." He rose and turned to the tent opening before stopping and turning back around. "But before we do… I have a question." His face lost the smile and got serious as he looked down at the tied up man before him.
"What made you become "Goblin Slayer" Alexander?" He asked and Goblin Slayer felt the now familiar rage come bubbling back up. However this time he didn't fly into a rage like the previous times and settled on the harshest glare he could give. It was enough to make the Shaman take a nervous gulp before he continued. "Father does not know why and I suspect that's one of the questions he'll ask you. Were you the victim of a Goblin raid? Did someone close to you get killed or bred with?"
"…I'm going to kill all of you." Goblin Slayer stated as he continued to glare at the Shaman. "Until the day I die or your filthy species has been wiped out."
One by one the Goblins with the red claw marking all bowed their heads and kneeled.
"Well, alright then." The Shaman coughed as he rubbed his head. "You more or less confirmed my suspicion so in the interest of fairness I'll let you ask a question. Just don't get to personal now." He warned with a smile, but the sweat on his forehead betrayed his desire to be out of this tent and away from Goblin Slayer.
"…Your brother said that there are hundreds of you. How?" Goblin Slayer asked after a moment of thought. "The average Human woman can be impregnated by a Goblin and give birth 24 to 48 hours later. Dwarves in 28 to 56 hours. Elves in 38 to 64 hours. Gnomes and Halflings in 9 to 13 hours." He explained. "Regardless of species the average woman will likely give birth 3 to 4 times before dying due to either the toll of repeated births in such a short amount of time or the rough handling of the Goblins. This drops to 1 to 2 times if there is a ratio greater than 5 Goblins to every woman."
"We're not animals." The Shaman commented. "Well… not my family at least. We take care of the women and don't force them to give birth more than twice a week. We haven't had any of them die in months." He smiled. "My wife has given me many children over the past two months, unfortunately only one batch has given me proper sons. The rest…" He gestured outside the tent to where the miniature horde of Goblins no doubt waited.
"Batch?" Goblin Slayer said confused. "Women can only give birth to a single Goblin at a time." The Shaman grinned evilly and knelt back down to get eye level.
"Tell me, what do you know about heathen fertility cults?" The Shaman asked as Goblin Slayer began to feel a pit develop in his stomach.
'I'm fucking dead.' The Elf Bard thought as he once again sat in a tree and looked at the Goblin camp before him.
The camp was about three large bonfires scattered across a large clearing that the Goblins were dancing and singing around. Or maybe they were just jumping around and yelling at each other, it was hard to tell. However off to the side near the tree line was three tents of plain white fabric in a row facing towards the bonfires with only a few Goblins milling around, some even appearing to stand guard.
These few separate Goblins however didn't do anything to ease his comfort about the small horde of over 45 Goblins dancing around in front of him.
His worries were interrupted when out of the closest tent the Goblin Shaman that had killed his party members walked out followed by what he assumed was Goblin Slayer. His steps were small and the Elf Bard could see that on top of his rope bindings restraining his arms they had tied his feet together. Slowly Goblin Slayer was guided to the middle tent by the Goblin Shaman and a small following of 8 Goblins without weapons. Goblin Slayer walked in and the Shaman shooed away his following of Goblins before going in after him.
'Okay, they're keeping him in the closest tent and are all in the middle one.' The Elf Bard thought as he dropped down from his tree branch and moved to crouch behind a bush. 'Let's find out what's in the farthest tent.' Moving nimbly through the trees The Elf Bard never spent more than a moment in the open, only long enough to jump behind the next tree or bush. Slowly he edged closer and closer to the clearing until he crawled up behind the farthest tent.
Listening he couldn't hear anything inside the tent so he laid down on the ground and dug a small hole under the tent fabric with his dagger. Peering through the hole he saw no Goblins inside and that the opening flap was closed. Working quickly and quietly he dug a larger hole until it was big enough for him to squeeze through, leaving his lute behind.
'Yeah, mud isn't going to ruin my clothes anymore then the blood is.' The Elf Bard thought as he crouched down in the tent and began to look around. There was two bedrolls on opposite sides of the tent, a pile of weapons and equipment in a corner that he recognized as his party members, and a few packs in another corner. 'Rather minimal living.' He thought as he moved to the pile of equipment.
'Oh Gods, this has all been one day.' He realized as he looked at the equipment of his dead teammates. 'I… I can't take their stuff back to their families. I don't even know where they came from.' With a deep sigh he gathered up the short sword and small shield that belonged to Goblin Slayer and pushed them out through the hastily dug hole. Moving over to the pile of packs he opened and rummaged around them.
The first few contained nothing but food stuffs but then he came across one holding Health and Stamina Potions, vials of oil, matches, cloth, rope, and a coin pouch. 'This must be Goblin Slayer's.' The Elf Bard thought, neither he nor his party members had thought to buy Health Potions before the adventure. Not that they would have done them any good, that Shaman's spells had killed the Fighter and Gnome Wizard instantly. He took Goblin Slayer's pack and pushed it through the hole as well.
But it was the last pack that held his interest the longest.
Picking it up he heard the familiar sound of coins and opening it confirmed this. But opening it and picking up a coin revealed one that he had never seen before.
It was a gold coin, a bit dirty, that bared the visage of a Dwarven king on one side and a pick and axe on the other side. Fairly standard for a Dwarven currency but it was the lettering around the edges of the coin that interested him. He knew both Modern and Classic Dwarven, to better convey old Dwarven legends and songs, and he could see elements of those languages in the letters but it was still unreadable to him.
'Why would Goblins have a bag filled with Dwarven gold coins? …Why would they have a bag filled with money in the first place?' He wondered as he tossed the bag through the hole and crawled after it. 'All this sneaking and stealing, I should have registered as a Rogue.' Gathering up his lute, Goblin Slayer's sword, shield, pack, and the Goblin's gold bag the Elf Bard moved to the middle tent.
"It's childish to simply glare at your food instead of eating it." A deep voice he recognized as the Hobgoblin's. There was silence in response. "You'll have to eat eventually, we're in for long trip back."
'I got to get the talking Goblins away from him.' The Elf Bard thought. 'I won't stand a chance against either of them.' Thinking quickly he set down everything that he was carrying and opened Goblin Slayer's bag, pulling out a vial of oil and the matches. Going back to the tent with the hole he poured the vial of oil at a corner of the tent a lit it on fire with a match. He quickly went back to the middle tent and put everything back on and drew his dagger, ready to act.
Soon a Goblin guarding the tents let out a cry when it smelled the smoke and soon all of the Goblins in the tent area were running to watch the tent go up in flames. "What the fuck is going on?!" The Hobgoblin screamed as he stormed out of the tent. "If one of you bastards started this we'll have you skinned!" The Shaman continued, following the larger one.
'Now!' The Elf Bard thought as he gripped the tent fabric and stabbed his dagger through it. Pulling it down quickly he tore open his own entrance in the back and walked in to find Goblin Slayer sat on the ground in front of a fire with a cook pot filled with stew and a full bowl. He looked rather surprised to see him.
"We have to be quick!" He whispered harshly as he cut Goblin Slayer's bonds.
"I need my armor." Was his only reply, taking his short sword on the left side of his hip, shield on his left arm, and tying his bag to the back of his waist.
"There's no time!" The Elf Bard argued. "We got to go!" Goblin Slayer was about to answer only for the heavy foot falls of the Hobgoblin to begin returning to the tent. We no other words both of them turned and fled through the tear in the tent, fleeing into the forest.
Soon a cry went out through the Goblin camp and the horde followed them into the trees.
With their longer legs and head start Goblin Slayer and the Elf Bard managed to maintain a sizeable distance from the horde of Goblins. They both managed to duck and weave around tree and bushes and jump over rocks and logs with nimble movements. Goblin Slayer due to his fitness and year as an Adventurer and the Elf Bard due to his heritage and youth as a Wood Elf.
"We need to find a spot to fight." Goblin Slayer said as he jumped over a log, the night grass cool on his bare feet.
"Are you insane?! We can't fight them all!" The Elf Bard fired back, ducking under a low hanging branch. "And you're Human! You can't see in the dark!"
"I have plenty of experience fighting in the dark. And we don't need to kill all of them, I just need their blood." Goblin Slayer explained and got a confused look in exchange. "Goblins have a good sense of smell, they'll be able to track me down unless I mask my scent to match theirs. You are covered in blood, it's what allowed you sneak up on their camp so easily."
"Y-yeah, I knew that." The Elf Bard lied. "I used up all my spells for the day so…"
"You are a Bard correct?" Goblin Slayer asked rhetorically. "Play a song."
Coming to a clearing Goblin Slayer drew his short sword in his right hand while the Elf Bard ran to a nearby tree and quickly climbed it. Pulling his lute off his back he checked to make sure that it was in tune.
"Got a request?" The Elf Bard asked nervously as he did his best to hide his body behind some leaves.
"No." Goblin Slayer answered. 'Without my armor I can't wait for them to make attacks and react. I have to get aggressive.' The bushes that they had previously jumped through began to rustle and soon the clearing was filled with a fast tune from the Elf Bard.
"Oh, come near all brave young lads!" The Elf Bard began to sing and Goblin Slayer felt himself become lighter and his muscles begin to lose their ache after the run.
"Kash!" A Goblin cried as it burst out of the bush, wielding a sword. Goblin Slayer rushed forward and blocked the Goblin's sword with his own before driving the rim of his shield into the Goblin's eyes with a left punch. The beast cried out and Goblin Slayer quickly drew his sword back to thrust it into the Goblin's belly. "GRAHH!" The Goblin puked blood and dropped his sword.
"1." Goblin Slayer said as he lowered the Goblin and put his bare foot against its stomach to pry his sword free.
"Hear the song of the Elf warrior, green and true!" The Elf Bard continued as two more Goblins burst into the scene, one with a mace and the other a dagger.
Picking up the fallen Goblin's sword Goblin Slayer wielded both to swing and cut the leg of the mace Goblin and stab the foot of the dagger Goblin, with his sword. As the Goblin with the dagger cried out in pain and the other fell down to clutch his leg Goblin Slayer swung his current sword to cut their throats quickly.
"3." He said as he picked up the mace with his right hand and readied for the next attack.
"He was swift and quick, a blur of gold hair and shiny blade!" The Elf Bard sang as five Goblins pounced in, this time split into two groups on opposite sides of Goblin Slayer.
"Tagh furhj!" A Goblin with a spear cried out as he rushed to skewer Goblin Slayer. On the opposite side two Goblins each with sickles ran to entrap him.
Goblin Slayer swung around to fling his sword like a throwing knife and sent it sailing into the skull of one of the two Goblins with sickles. Turning back he dodged the thrust of the spear wielding Goblin and grabbed the weapon with his now free left hand. Pulling the weapon forward the Goblin holding it tumbled forward far enough that he could bash his brains in with a solid strike from the mace in his right hand. Swinging the spear around he whacked the remaining sickle Goblin in the head with its end. As the Goblin saw stars he further the problem by bringing his mace down to crack its skull.
"6." Goblin Slayer continued to count as he sighted on one of the remaining Goblins, who stood there with a dagger watching this with shaking legs and a clear desire to flee. Goblin Slayer threw the spear in his left hand like a javelin, his inexperience and the weight of the shield on his left arm throwing off his aim. Instead of hitting the Goblin center mass it instead struck the inside of the Goblin's left thigh. His cries nearly masked the footsteps of the other remaining Goblin as it ran to chop Goblin Slayer in the back. Dodging to the side he narrowly avoided the axe this Goblin held and tackled him before he could turn to attack Goblin Slayer again. Pinning the Goblin's arms with his legs Goblin Slayer straddled the Goblin, pried the axe from his claws, and drove it into his skull. "7."
"He traveled the woods, shaded by-" The Elf Bard stopped singing when the cries of the Goblin with the spear in his thigh was stopped with a crunch.
"8." A deep voice said and Goblin Slayer looked up to see the Hobgoblin standing on the corpse of the Goblin, his right foot in the crushed gore that was the Goblin's skull. He had managed to put his crude plate armor on with only one arm, his right bandaged and in a sling after their fight hours ago.
"…Your brother did the same thing." Goblin Slayer said as he stood and pulled the axe out of the Goblin's skull with his right hand. "Before I bashed his head into a pulp."
"Give up Kin Killer, you won't survive a hit from my axe without your armor." The Hobgoblin warned as he hefted the great weapon in his left hand.
"If you can even hit me with your non dominant hand." Goblin Slayer replied as he gestured to the Hobgoblin's right arm in the sling. As the Hobgoblin growled Goblin Slayer reach behind his back to rummage around in his pack until he blindly found the familiar shapes of a vial of oil and his matches. Turning he threw these objects into the tree where the Elf Bard hid and hoping that the Elf had caught them turned back in time to see the Hobgoblin charge him.
"RAHHH!" The Hobgoblin shouted as he rushed forward, broad axe raised high. Goblin Slayer barely jumped to the side in time as the axe split the ground where he previously stood. With this opening he raised his own smaller axe and moved to bury it in the exposed skin in between the plate armor. Seeing this coming the Hobgoblin kicked his leg out and forced Goblin Slayer to jump back to avoid being kicked in the gut. The Hobgoblin wretched his axe out of the ground and began to slowly walk towards Goblin Slayer.
"I don't see why Father wants to meet you so badly. You're nothing more than a cowardly fighter who uses whatever advantage you can get!" He shouted as he lunged forward and Goblin Slayer used this to jump and run away to stand underneath the tree the Elf Bard was hiding in. Looking up he saw the Elf holding the open vial of oil in one hand and the matches in another.
'Probably only get one chance at this.' Goblin Slayer thought as the Hobgoblin chased after him and he loosened his shield. As the Hobgoblin neared with his axe raised Goblin Slayer took his shield and threw it at his wounded arm. The small metal disk impacted and the Hobgoblin cried out and slowed in his chase as Goblin Slayer jumped back one final time.
"Why you little!" The Hobgoblin shouted. "I am going to-" He stopped talking as something cool and wet started to fall on his helmet and pour down over his eye slits. When it stopped he looked up to see the Elf Bard sitting above him with a lit match in his hand.
"Burn in hell." The Elf Bard said as he dropped the match and it landed on the oil poured over the Hobgoblin.
"AHHH!" The oil caught quickly and soon the fire had spread over the Hobgoblins shoulder armor. The metal heating quickly the Hobgoblin dropped his axe and with his working left hand quickly started to rip off his armor. "YOU PIECES OF SHI-" He screamed as he pulled off his helmet and saw Goblin Slayer leap into the air in front of him, his axe raised high.
The Hobgoblin didn't manage another word before Goblin Slayer buried his axe into the Hob's skull, splitting his left pink Human eye in half.
"…9." Goblin Slayer breathed as he stepped away from the burning corpse of the Hobgoblin. He moved quickly to pry his short sword out of the foot of the dead Goblin and put his shield back on his left arm.
"We good?" The Elf Bard asked as he hopped down from his tree branch to find Goblin Slayer smearing blood all over his clothes. The sounds of the other Goblins were far off but much to close for his liking.
"…Yes, I am happy with this." Goblin Slayer answered as he finished smearing blood on himself and looked around. "We still have a lot of running to do. Let's go." With that they took off deeper into the forest, this time not pursued by the now smaller Goblin horde.
However as they made their way to cross a stream a cry traveled throughout the entire forest and made them stop to look back, if only momentarily.
It was the sound of the Shaman finding the charred corpse of his Little Brother.
I hope I managed to make the Elf Bard seem useful enough to be a good companion for Goblin Slayer. If only for this adventure.
