Chapter 3 - Stand Up Again

It was his dad. Kurt could hear his voice through the phone. His hearing had become sharper since the accident. Sebastian conversed with Burt and told him to go ahead and start on the car. Whatever she needed, his parents were paying, since it was their fault she was in this foul state in the first place. Burt told Sebastian that it would take some time and that there was no need to rush back. Sebastian assured him that he and Kurt were fine before hanging up.

"Dad?" Kurt asked Sebastian once he hung up the phone. He knew that Burt had called to notify Sebastian about what was wrong with the car and how much it would cost to fix it. Sebastian told him that he was right that it was the sensor. "I guess that means I get one more question," Kurt said hesitantly as they kept walking slowly. He thought about what he wanted to know about Sebastian. Really, there was so much he wanted to know, but perhaps he would start with something that was burning inside of him. The curiosity was nearly killing him. "Sebastian," Kurt said hesitantly, a tremor in his voice, "have you...have you changed a lot since high school? I mean how you used to look?"

"You don't have to use your question for that. I'll just answer that one because you should know and since you can't see for yourself, I'll try to do the best I can. Save your question for something more important or at least better than wanting to know how much I've changed," Sebastian informed him. "Well, I didn't get much taller. I'm 6'2" now. I'm still very active. Though it isn't lacrosse, I do what I can to maintain my physique. I'm a little broader across the shoulders. My upper body is about as toned as my lower body was from lacrosse. I've balanced out a bit, I suppose you could say. The CW hair is gone. I've gone with a much more classic and timeless haircut. Still just a bit of a coif to it, but nothing exaggerated. You can feel it if you like. Do you do that with people yet? My grandfather would do it with the family use his hands to be his eyes, to an extent. Ummm...What else? Oh…Still the same green eyes. Smirk's a little less bastard, a little truer, with earned confidence. I shaved this morning, so no stubble. Yep, still pretty much me, just a little older," Sebastian explained.

Kurt shook his head to let Sebastian know that he'd never actually tried to 'see' with his hands. After some deliberation, Kurt decided that maybe he should be brave and try this. After all, there were so many worse faces to 'see' for the first time than Sebastian's. He tried to swallow but found that his throat was completely dry. He stopped walking and turned to his right, in the direction he assumed Sebastian was standing. "You'd do that for me?" Kurt asked, suddenly feeling a bit overwhelmed by Sebastian's extreme kindness and patience up until that moment. Everything was a little overwhelming.

"Come on. There's a bench about six steps to your left. It'll be easier if we're sitting. Not that I'm much taller than you. I think I've only got three inches on you, but you won't have to worry about anything else and it should help you focus more. I don't mind. I do it for my grandfather every time I go back to visit. He's always curious to know how much I've changed," Sebastian explained. He guided Kurt to the bench and sat down. Taking Kurt's hands, Sebastian placed them on his face and closed his eyes in order to let Kurt 'see' him.

Kurt took a breath before he allowed his fingers to ghost over Sebastian's face, tracing his forehead, his eyes, the bridge of his nose, and his cheeks. His breath hitched when the pad of his thumb traced over Sebastian's lips. He could feel the smile on them and it was so amazing. It was literally like he could 'see' Sebastian manifest in front of his eyes, like he was painting a picture with his fingers. Why hadn't Kurt done this before? Suddenly, he had an urge to 'see' his father again. He knew what he was going to do when he got home tonight!

He found he was holding his breath. When he released it, he had no control over the words that followed. "You're perfect," his voice sounded breathless. "I don't remember you being this good-looking even when I pictured you in my head." It was out before Kurt could stop it. Shocked, Kurt's hand flew to his mouth clamping over it. His face turned bright red. 'Oh God, did I just say that out loud?' Kurt thought, horrified. He wished more than ever before that the ground would swallow him whole.

Sebastian stayed as still as he could. He understood the process because he'd done it with his grandfather. At least Kurt had something to reference. Sebastian's grandfather had never seen him with his own two eyes, just his hands. He was a little surprised by the words that flew out of Kurt's mouth, but said nothing. He just took it all in until Kurt started blushing. "Nothing to be embarrassed about Kurt, time has been kind to me. Nice to know that you find me attractive though, just saying, but you... you're stunning. Despite what I said in the past, you always have been, just so you're aware," he said sincerely.

"Your grandfather is lucky, Sebastian," Kurt said desperately trying to change the subject. He couldn't believe he just admitted to Sebastian that he had thought about him in the past. He also couldn't believe that Sebastian called him stunning. Him - Kurt Hummel! New resident cripple. On the one hand, it felt nice to hear the words. On the other, he was sure that Sebastian was saying them strictly to be polite. Kurt knew that even before the accident, when standing next to Blaine, Sam, Mike, Puck and even Finn, he was always considered the Baby Penguin. Even Artie Abrams had more game than Kurt. Something squeezed around Kurt's heart, a kind of sorrow. He didn't want Sebastian's pity. The look must have registered on his face because he felt Sebastian squeeze his hand as a form of comfort.

"You don't believe me. All this shook your confidence, tore the rug right out from under you and now you don't even know how to be you anymore...It's sad...You need to get off the pity train to nowhere and join the rest of us in reality. Denial Town is doing you no favors. I see the same stunning visage, but all the fire's gone out of it. So, you have to learn new ways of doing things, you have to make some changes, and sure it's scary, but you're not even fighting to get anything back. Where did the Kurt Hummel that used to verbally bitch slap me every chance he got go?" Sebastian asked, knowing this was likely going to spark off an argument, but maybe Kurt needed someone to set the fire ablaze again.

With every word that Sebastian uttered, Kurt felt the anger inside of him rise. How dare Sebastian make light of what was happening to him. He acted like Kurt could just pick up where he left off. Didn't he realize that without his sight Kurt Hummel couldn't do what he loved and that meant he wasn't Kurt Hummel. He'd lost everything. So what if he was throwing himself a pity party? He was entitled to mourn the life he'd lost. Wasn't he? Where did Sebastian get off? "Who do you think you are?" the words flew out of Kurt's mouth instantly. "You think just because we exchanged a few insults in high school you know anything about me? You have no idea what I've lost," Kurt said scooting back on the bench away from Sebastian until his back hit the arm rest on the opposite side.

"I don't think you realize what I've lost and I may never get it back," Kurt's voice was rising with each word he spoke, "so don't you dare tell me to get off of the pity train. I'll stay on it for as long as I like, and you know nothing about me." Kurt felt the tears sting at the corners of his eyes and he blinked them rapidly away. He'd be damned if he was going to cry in front of this self-proclaimed shrink of a meerkat. "Get lost, Sebastian," Kurt said angrily. "I don't think I can sit here with you anymore."

There it was. Good, the fire hadn't gone out completely. "Someone who knows you and this timid, shrinking violet is not you. You were a wild rose complete with thorns. You were vibrant and alive and interesting. I know what you've lost. I'm friends with Niff, remember? I know how far you'd gotten into the fashion world and now you're adrift. I get it, but what you're doing isn't going to help you get any closer to getting any of it back. You lost the world as you know it, but right here, you sparking off at me proves that you're still in there somewhere, Kurt. The fire lives! Let it burn again," Sebastian coaxed.

"When I heard what happened to you, I did research. I'm curious like that. I wanted to understand what happened especially since my grandfather is blind. He wasn't always, but the family doesn't talk about what happened. He's been blind for as long as I've been alive so maybe they're done talking about it. There's always going to be a chance that your body will finally figure out how to fix the damage and you might get your sight back or medicine might be able to fix it for you. There's a world of uncertainty because no one can tell you if or when, so it's "just deal with it". Learn this whole new way of living life because we have no more information to give you - right?" Sebastian asked.

"You can't see so you can't sketch designs anymore. You can't pick fabric colors. You can't cut and sew and make your visions come to life. Not with your own two hands, you can't. Though you could probably learn to sketch again but someone else would have to do everything else for you. You're scared and you hate it and you're wondering why the world threw this horrible thing at you. You want to rail at the universe and ask why you have to keep picking yourself back up off the ground. It isn't fair, but it's what you have to deal with. If my grandfather could do it back when there were even fewer options available for people who had lost their sight, then Kurt Hummel should be making this problem his bitch already. But, you're letting it own you. Maybe you're just not mad enough to fight it yet. There will come a time, Kurt, when you're either going to have to lay down and let the world make you its bitch, or you're going to pick yourself back up and learn to fly again," he said with conviction mixed with just the right amount of venom.

Kurt felt the anger rising inside of him, again. Who the hell did Sebastian think he was? He didn't know anything about Kurt's life. Everything that Kurt wanted he had to claw his way to get. Sure, he dreamt of Broadway at some point, but that was long ago. Even theatre and stage wasn't something that you could do without your sight. There were cues, costume changes, hell even falling off of the stage. It was so easy for Sebastian to talk, so easy for him to sit there and give advice and tell cute little anecdotal stories of his grandfather, but he didn't have to live Kurt's life.

"Okay," Kurt said as a deadly calm crept over him. Suddenly, he knew the right question to ask and with it he knew his role and it hadn't changed. As always, Kurt Hummel was there to make someone else feel better about themselves. "Here is my question. Why are you here exactly? I mean, you're Sebastian Smythe, for God's sake. We hated each other in high school, so what exactly are you doing sitting here spending your time with me? I'm sure I can't be the only swanky act in town. I'm sure you have far better places to be than here."

He watched Kurt get angry, and watched the life come back to the faded man. If nothing else, Sebastian could provide a spark. He was exceptional in that capacity. "I've evolved, Kurt. I'm not the same jackass you knew and loathed when we were in school. I didn't hate you, no matter how venomous your words became. My motivation was never hatred. If I had truly hated you, I wouldn't have even wasted my breath. I enjoyed the challenge you represented. I enjoyed the mental battle, the verbal game of chess we played. I merely performed my part to keep that fiery discourse going," Sebastian explained truthfully.