A/N: Hello everyone, I've been very slow with updates due to school... I'm very sorry about not updating when I promised a new chapter soon after the one before... *bows*

Anyhow, now I am updating on a regular basis with this story. Not to worry anyone, I promise Nowaki and Hiroki will have happy endings... Now read and enjoy! :3


When Nowaki next opened his eyes, he stared up at a white ceiling. It was a sickening white that was painted on the walls surrounding him. He then realized that he was in a hospital bed.

"Oh look, he's awake doctor!" a nurse exclaimed happily before running out of the room.

How long have I been asleep?

"I'm glad to see you awake young man." A doctor smiled brilliantly before settling himself into a chair next to Nowaki, "The man that brought you here was in a huge panic, I'm sure he'd be happy to know today that you're doing better."

"What do you mean?" Nowaki asked, noticing his voice was rather raspy.

"You were in a comatose state for quite some time." The doctor replied while checking over papers concerning Nowaki's health, "You were in extremely bad shape when you came here, thin, sick, and you were hardly rested. We've been trying to determine what exactly made you fall into a coma, sadly we don't have an answer yet."

"How long have I been asleep?" Nowaki asked worriedly.

"About two months." The doctor replied.

"Did the man who brought me here ever come back?"

"Once every day, but he hasn't come recently. We last saw him two weeks ago, he hasn't visited since then."

Nowaki's parents came to visit him every so often, just to check on him. They'd come to see him when he was able to walk around and socialize with the people at the hospital. Tsumori came as well telling Nowaki he'd have a lot of work to catch up on when he got better, smiling as he teased the younger. Hiroki never showed.

When it was time for Nowaki to be released from the hospital, a bouquet of flowers was sent from an unknown person. There had been no number or address left behind to contact the person.

Nowaki went back to the apartment that had once belonged to him and Hiroki, only to find all the books and belongings of Hiroki removed. The apartment was organized and cleaned, not at all the place that had once been cluttered with books.

As he made his way through the rooms, he found a small note.

I'm glad you've finally woken up Nowaki. You sure took your time! Err, I shouldn't say that should I? Anyway… I'm glad. I sent you flowers as a start.

Don't worry about anything concerning Shinoda… we're finished. The day I drove you to the hospital was the day I left Shinoda's place. I kinda stayed here for a bit… sorry. I'm taking everything with me; I've finally found a place where I can be at peace. Don't worry, just focus on getting back on track with everything. Maybe one day we'll see each other on the street or something, get together or whatever… anyways, good luck.

Nowaki, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

I love you, now and always…

Hiroki

P.s. Don't try looking for me, keep your head held high and walk forward. Don't take steps back you'll hurt yourself.

Nowaki stood staring at the note, confused and angry at the words written. Did Hiroki think this piece of paper would make him feel better in any way? Of course the fact that Hiroki left Shinoda was good, but everything else tore an even deeper hole in his chest. He slammed his fist into the wall next to him and read over the note again and again.

Please don't do this to me again…

Nowaki turned towards the room and searched, for anything really. A small fragment left behind of Hiroki, just something. He ran his hands on the walls and over the left furniture. All of Nowaki's clothes were neatly folded in the drawers and closet. The closet.

Nowaki rushed to it and looked up, the box that had once held all of his letters from America were gone. He reached to feel the spot where it had sat, a paper was the only thing left. He took it and expected another letter, but it simply read:

I'm taking these.

Taking the advice from the letter, Nowaki kept walking forward. The hospital took him back in a heartbeat and he soon found himself even more successful than before. Working kept him busy enough to forget the loneliness of his old apartment, though eventually the apartment became lighter and the atmosphere was easier to handle. He redecorated it and changed all the furniture.

"You've really changed Nowaki." Tsumori remarked casually one day, taking a cup of coffee.

"Haha, you think? I think I'm the same…" Nowaki smiled at the elder.

"Huh…" Tsumori sighed, "Maybe it's just me."

"Probably."

Switching the subject, Tsumori asked, "Do you want to go out tonight?"

"Sure." The other answered with a faint smile.

"Great, we'll leave after your shift." Tsumori walked away.

As the two walked down the street later that evening, Tsumori was absolutely sure the sudden change of character was because of him. Nowaki had worked so hard to prove himself to him only to be thrown away like a rag in the end. On so many occasions, Tumori had tried to get together with Nowaki but he had always been in the way. Of course Nowaki would never have been unfaithful to the other, it would have killed him.

As he stared out of the corner of his eye, he saw Nowaki's smiling face as he talked about the children who had tried climbing him earlier that day. If Tsumori hadn't already known everything about Nowaki's face and actions, he wouldn't know that the boy was still upset.

"I told them to wait their turns but they just refused! It was really funny senpai!" Nowaki laughed.

"Enough Nowaki."

The boy stopped, his eyes widening, "What?"

"Stop pretending that you aren't hurt, it's so damn annoying to have to watch you." Tsumori noticed they were in a very secluded area of town, there wasn't anyone in sight, "When can you finally let go of him?"

"What do you mean…?" Nowaki asked quietly.

"When can I…" he walked towards Nowaki, grazing the younger's cheek softly with the tips of his fingers, "When can I finally have you for myself?"

Just as Tsumori was about to lean in, Nowaki gently pushed him away, "I can't."

"Ah… of course. I'll never be Hiroki to you." He grabbed Nowaki's wrists and forced his lips to the younger's, deepening the kiss after mere seconds.

No, I can't do this to him…

This can't be happening, it can't be happening to me…

I can't do this to him.

I can't.

No…

…NO!

Nowaki pushed even harder, but realized he was just swatting at the air. Again he found himself lying down in an unfamiliar room, one he couldn't recognize for the life of him. As he looked around and began to see whose room he was in, it dawned on him that the person lay next to him. Tsumori slept quietly with his arms extended as if they'd been previously wrapped around Nowaki. In horror, the younger crawled out of the bed and nervously walked around the room.

He'd done it; he'd done the unforgivable. How had it happened though?

Tsumori groaned before opening his eyes, focusing on Nowaki's guilty face.

"You a-and I…" Nowaki said less than audible.

"Yep, we did exactly what you're thinking." Tsumori sighed and rolled over to look at the time, "Though you only called out his name, never mine."

"I-"

"Nowaki, I'm willing to take my time with you. If you want to take this slowly, we can." The elder explained, "Look I know you feel bad, but take this chance. Stop chasing a shadow in circles because he's gone for good. He isn't coming back to find you or anyone."

Hiroki was restless as he sat in his new apartment, not bothering to unpack the books in the boxes in fear they'd fall on his if he stacked them. Amazingly he found a place near the ocean where he could calmly stay and think. Of course Nowaki was the only thing, or rather person, he could think about. His mind was clouded with thoughts of the boy, wondering if he was alright, what he was doing, what he was thinking…

I feel like some romance novel character… losing love and trying to find it again…

Nowaki, I want you to find someone else… another person to make you happy.

He rolled onto his side and stared at the one thing that had fallen out of the bag he'd carried. His favorite novel given to him by Nowaki, the one he brought almost everywhere but never told the younger because he felt embarrassed.

Without thinking, his hand reached for it.

"Hiro-san, I know you didn't want to celebrate but…" Nowaki pulled a rectangular wrapped object from his bag, "Happy birthday."

"You… what on earth am I supposed to do now?" Hiroki asked turning a light shade of red.

"Accept my present and celebrate?" Nowaki suggested.

"…Right…" Hiroki smiled and took the package, blushing. As he carefully undid the ribbon and ripped the paper, it took only a glimpse at a part of the cover to send him in Nowaki's arms, "How on earth did you find this?"

Returning the embrace, Nowaki smiled, "I searched the whole wide world."

"Haha," Hiroki leaned in closer, "I love you so much."

"I…love…you…" Hiroki whispered strangely, distantly as if he was never going to say those words again.

As he stared at the book, his urge to see Nowaki only grew. He wanted to see him but Hiroki couldn't help but blame himself for everything he made the younger go through. All the suffering, his hospitalization… it was all Hiroki's fault no matter how he tried to look at him. Their lives suddenly took a step towards different paths, leaving them at the famous crossroad of decision-making. Nowaki tried to walk two paths while maintaining his love; while Hiroki tried walking down the regular path they had once followed. How had it happened? What made them break apart so badly? Hiroki only wanted to keep holding on to him, to keep him forever in his grasp and love him… but he felt so guilty, he would crush the being known as Nowaki.

His phone brought him back to reality, he answered as if nothing were happening, "Hello?"

"It's Akihiko." The voice came after a few seconds.

"Well 'hello' to you to…" Hiroki laughed, "What's up?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to get together in a month. Since we haven't seen each other in a while and I'm basically scheduling this and making the gap of not seeing each other even longer."

"…You odd man." Hiroki smiled to himself, "Yeah a month from now is good. I don't have any plans for anything."

"Is everything else going alright?" the man asked on the other side of the line.

"I'm hanging on." Hiroki laughed bitterly.

"Shinoda's a dead man, just to let you know." Akihiko suddenly said before adding, in a quiet voice, "You can call me whenever you want."

"Thanks." Hiroki hung up.

He turned to his boxes, to his balcony and then back. He had to do something about getting settled in.

Nowaki refused the offer of his elder friend, explaining he wanted the time alone. He'd been in a relationship for so long he forgot so many things, though it may have just been previous habits he'd had. Tsumori was upset, admitting he didn't want to give up on Nowaki, to which he replied that he didn't.

"So you're saying you'll start going out eventually?" Tsumori asked.

"I know I had time to myself before, but I really want to think things through this time. I'm just not ready to have a serious relationship, not just yet." Nowaki explained as best he could.

"Alright then," Tsumori smiled, "I'm first on the list once you decide you're ready."

Just like that he'd promised to go out with him. Even a month later from that day, Nowaki didn't feel ready. He knew he was carrying things on longer and longer the more he waited for a sign… of course, none came.

Moving a step forward wasn't easy to say the least; Nowaki hesitated just as he was starting forward. He wanted to wait for Hiroki, he wanted to find him… all of his thoughts were of him.

He slowly drifted off to sleep, needing a nap to clear his mind…

When he next opened his eyes, it was about two in the morning. His phone suddenly rang, indicating that he received a text message. He hadn't really talked to anyone that day so he decided to ignore it. After a minute it stared ringing. Nowaki sat up and answered.

"Hello?" he asked drowsily.

"Hello this is Akihiko."