I Can See It. I Can See It.
"Oh mother of-"
Carly swore that she was going to lose her mind if not right now, then very soon. She'd forgotten what it was like to live with someone, what it was like to have to compromise and share everything. She was not good at it.
Sam had within a matter of a few days overshadowed every part of the flat that she loved so much. Everywhere she looked, there was Sam, Sam, Sam and it was completely driving her mad. Everything was divided into two and sharing was not something she'd been accustomed to for the last ten years or so.
Carly threw the newest edition of her favourite magazine onto the floor of her marble bathroom. Everything seemed to spin around before her eyes and she was certain that if she didn't manage to calm herself down somehow within the last minute or so, she was gonna blow into millions of tiny pieces and Sam would find the remains of her when she – at some point – decided to care about something other than meat.
The brunette stomped her foot into the ground in angry beats. "She did not!" she spat to herself, bending down to pick the magazine up again. She hadn't had time to read it yet, but had placed it on top of the stack of magazines she kept in her bathroom for when she decided to rest in the tub. Everywhere, at every page she turned, someone – or something! - who was neither masculine nor Santa Claus had 'grown' a beard.
She wasn't furious. She was more than that. She was hurt, tired and disgusted with the immaturity that Sam possessed, because this was not funny. She was not laughing.
Everywhere, which ever page she turned, she found Sam's childish penmanship and drawings, either stating something completely foolish in a bobble or an evil Hitler beard.
Feeling the rage within her burn again, she threw the magazine to the ground once more and stomped into the living room, where Sam was currently napping. She ripped the blanket off of the blonde woman and let it fall to the floor in a heap. "There's just some things that you don't do!" she hissed.
Sitting up in the couch, Sam rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. "What do I don't do?" she yawned and looked up at Carly with that innocent look she wasn't so good at.
Petting her brown mane to her back, Carly continued, "You don't draw on other peoples' magazines. New magazines! I hadn't even had a time to read it yet!"
Sam looked confused for a second or two, before a light seemed to dawn on her. "Oooh." she laughed. "That was your magazine! I just drew on Lindsay Lohan because I thought she'd look better with the beard."
"It's not funny!" What the fuck was wrong with her? Who did she think she was to just stumble into her perfectly ordered life and mess everything up, draw on her magazines and eat her food?
Sam continued to laugh. "I thought it was pretty funny."
Don't laugh at me! Don't laugh at me when I'm being serious!
"Lighten up, Carls." Sam mumbled, before she laid down onto the couch again and closed her eyes.
CARLY SAYS.
Carly: Hello fellow insomniacs! You have tuned into Freedom 570 KVI and I'm Carly Shay.
Freddie: Freddie Benson here.
Carly: And this is Carly Says!
Freddie: Certainly is.
Carly: If you're here, chances are you know what we mostly like to talk about which is, of course, good versus bad behaviour. I like to discuss what to do and what not to do, and like with so many other things, when you are given hospitality by a friend, there's a certain way to act, but there is certainly also a way in which not to act.
Freddie: I smell something coming.
Carly: Well, you will be able to smell her, that's for sure, because it seems to me as if she never showers.
Freddie: Wait a minute! Are we talking about Sam again? I had no idea.
Carly: You don't know how to be sarcastic Freddie, so cut it out. Do I seem to find it funny?
Freddie: Gosh, someone really pissed you off, huh!
Carly: Not someone.. Sam!
Freddie: So tell us about it.
Carly: Well, as all observant listeners may know, I currently have our ex-best friend and the other host of iCarly staying with me after we haven't spoken for about ten years... And I've had a very good life so far after we split, very calm and in order, just the way I like it, and oh so suddenly, she shows up and now everything is messed up in my apartment! And guess why? Because she doesn't know good behaviour!
Freddie: She certainly does not and she never has.
Carly: Nope. So you see, things are getting pretty weird in my apartment with the two of us living there. Just this morning, I found my favourite magazine – the newest edition, which I hadn't even read yet – coloured with beards and immature comments, and let me tell you, that did not go down very well with me! You just don't do that when you stay at someone's place, am I right?
Freddie: What had she drawn? Was it something funny?
Carly: Well she drew a beard on Lindsay Lohan.
Freddie: Damn that's good! I thought that maybe-
Carly: Freddie! Freddie that's not good! That's rude behaviour, and you know what? In fact, I'm gonna give it a ten on the Carly scale of bad behaviour.
Freddie: What more did she do then? I'm sure the drawing is not all.
Carly: And you're right to be sure, because it's not. She does all kind of rude things, and when I confront her about it, you know what she says?
Freddie: What does she say?
Carly: She says "Well Carly, nobody's perfect".
Nobody's Perfect, You Live and You Learn It.
"Saaam!"
Turning around to meet her, Carly leaned against the side of her kitchen counter with a sigh.
"You hollered, my fair lady?" Sam teased her in a fake British accent, while she did an over-exaggerated gentleman bow that had her nose to the ground.
Carly was not amused. "What's this gunk in the sink?" she questioned then and turned back around, poking with a fork at the weird mass of... something, which had currently taken up residence in her kitchen sink.
Sam stood right beside her and bent down to sniff it. "I don't know. Food?"
Carly gave her a look. "Well, you put it there, so you should know."
"I think it's just the remains of food and stuff. I thought it was easier to throw it there because the garbage can was full." Sam explained in her usual whatever-voice.
"Sam!" Carly hissed and turned around to stare at her fully. Her arms were crossed and she took in a deep breath. "You can't just throw stuff in the sink. If the garbage can is full, then you take it downstairs and put it there."
Sam made a face. "But then I'll have to walk down there, won't I?"
How someone could be so lazy and clueless, Carly had no idea. How she had ever managed to be friends with Sam was an even bigger question to her at that moment. "Don't be so lazy, Sam!"
"Hey!" Sam fired right back, raising her voice and glaring up at her. "I might be lazy, but at least I'm not a complete control freak like you are!"
"I am not a-"
"Well Carly, nobody's perfect."
Carly paused and blinked. Did she just say-?
"Nobody's perfect, I gotta work it, again and again 'till I get it right! Nobody's perfect, you live and you learn it, and if I mess it up sometimes, nobody's perfect!"
Was she just singing and dancing that corny Hannah Montana song from the second season? Oh. Wait a minute. How did she even know that it was from the second season? "I've been watching too much TV." Carly mumbled to herself and backed out of the kitchen.
Don't Give Us None of Your Aggravation. Saturday Night is Alright for Fighting.
Saturday night and nothing to do. That was pretty much how it went every weekend. It was one of the two evenings where Carly didn't have to work and she usually spent it in front of the TV watching old reruns of Sex and the City, Friends and Gossip Girl.
Some people might call it quite sad, but Carly was feeling alright. She was in her night gown, resting in her bed with a cappuccino, her hair was thrown back in a messy bun like usually and she was watching Carrie and Mr. Big try to solve one of their usual problems. This was how she wanted to spend her Saturday night – just Carly, Carly and Carly. Nothing better than that!
She was going to watch telly and then go to bed at a reasonable hour for once. Watch me with my perfectly planned evening. Everything is just so wonderful!
Bursting through the door to her bedroom, Sam rudely interrupted Carrie's rant, "Hey Carls, you wanna go out for a couple of-" she paused in a complete still pose when she saw Carly on the bed. "Don't tell me you've gone to bed already?"
Carly placed her cappuccino on the night stand next to her and flattened her quilt. "I am enjoying a nice night in."
"Is this how you wanna spend your Saturday night?" Sam continued, now stepping into the room fully, completely blocking Carly's view at the TV. "This is one of the only nights you don't have to work, and there you are, going to sleep? Why not go out and have some fun?"
"This is fun!"
Sam shook her head. "Carly. I know fun. That ain't fun."
Carly sighed heavily. "To me it's fun."
"No." Sam said, turning around to turn off the TV before Carly could object. "No way. You're coming with me. You need to get out more, Carls. Get out and live your life! You're stuck in the same old boring routine everyday, and you're only yourself. This is the time that you wanna spend experiencing all the things you won't be able to do when you get a family."
"Oh, like go to jail and lose my job and my flat?" Carly sarcastically fired back at her. I'm not doing this. I'm not going to give into her shenanigans. If she wants to go out and get drunk, she can. I will stay here with Carrie and Mr. Big because those two have always been there for me.
The insult didn't even effect the blonde woman. "I'm living me life in the moment, Carly, come join me, will ya'? You're gonna regret it."
She flattened her quilt again. "I will not."
Sam wasn't backing down, it seemed. She sat down at the foot of the bed and determinedly continued her pursue. "Carly please! I'm not doing this for me, I have plenty of other friends I can go out and get wasted with. It just kills me to know that this is what your life has become like. We used to have so much fun."
You! You used to have so much fun! I used to follow you around trying to make sure that no one got permanently injured!
"Freddie tells me that this is all you do." Sam said, her voice slowly getting closer and closer to shrill. "He says that the only people you ever hang around with are him, Spencer and his wife! You need to get out more! Let your hair down."
Carly could feel the lump in her throat. Because no matter how much she loved her life, she knew that there weren't many people in it, and that Sam had really hit home. She swallowed. "Get. Out. Of. My. Room. I don't wanna go anywhere with you."
Sam seemed to get that she had lost this battle and slowly got off the bed. With on hand on the knob, she turned back around once more. "Let your hair down." she repeated.
When the door closed behind her, Carly's left hand immediately flew to the bun on her head. "My hair's perfect the way it is." she stiffly said to no one but herself.
Green Reminds Me of Everything We Did. It Blinds Me.
Carly felt completely rested when she woke up the next morning at around nine. She had fallen asleep watching Sex and the City, but now there was some cooking program running across the screen, and as she reached for the remote to flip it off, she thought she was crazy for a moment because she actually thought that she could smell the scrambled eggs through the screen.
She could hear the shower running from down the hall, and knowing Sam was in the there, she saw the perfect opportunity to grab something from the kitchen without having to face her. She really didn't want to look her in the eye after what happened between them last night – it was just too awkward and not exactly her cup of tea.
The brunette slipped her feet into her slippers and continued out of her bedroom and down the hall. She paused though, when the sound of rattling in the kitchen suddenly overshadowed the sound of the shower running, and a delicious smell of breakfast filled her nostrils as it had often done since Sam arrived.
But how-
"Good morning!"
In the middle of her kitchen was a strange redhead only wearing one of Sam's oversized shirts. She was wrapped up in it with Carly's apron outside and she was – apparently – cooking some sort of breakfast. Which smelled delicious.
Bigger picture here, Carly! There's a complete stranger – almost naked! - in your kitchen and you're thinking with your tummy?
"I'm Agnes." the redhead introduced herself with a huge smile covering her freckled face.
Carly shook the hand she held out. "Carly Shay."
"You're from Carly Says!" Agnes warmly smiled as she turned to handle her omelet so it didn't burn. "I listen to your show sometimes. But mostly I know you from iCarly, I was completely obsessed with your web show when I was younger."
Carly didn't really know what to say to that, so she asked the most obvious question. "Uhm where's … Sam?"
Agnes laughed. "Sorry! Sam's in the shower, I wanted to cook her breakfast before I leave. There's plenty if you wanna join."
Carly sat down by her round kitchen table and poured herself some freshly squeezed orange juice. She gulped down a long sip before talking once more. "So where do you and Sam-?"
Agnes interrupted her. "We just met last night. I was out with my friends, but when I saw Sam, I just knew I had to talk to her – she hasn't changed that much since iCarly, I was certain it was her – so I just went up and started dancing with her and we really hit it off! I had no idea I was gonna end up here though, but we got carried away."
Carly glanced at her expensive leather couch and tried not to imagine what they had been doing on it all night. She didn't know what was worse: That Sam picked up random strangers at clubs and brought them back to the flat, or that it actually annoyed her to no end that this Agnes person was the most gorgeous model-type of girl she'd seen in a while.
"Uh! Seems like the shower has stopped." Agnes told Carly and placed a plate in front of her with an omelet on it that was just so mouth-watering good that Carly almost drowned in her own drool for a second there.
Agnes took off the apron and threw it across the back of a chair and sat down opposite Carly. She reached for a piece of pineapple from the ball of fruit she'd sliced up. A smile was on her face the entire time as the silence rose between the two of them. It was easy to hear when Sam's bare feet came padding down the hallway towards the kitchen.
I almost don't have the energy to witness this.
As soon as Sam entered the kitchen, her face lit up, and whether it was at the sight of all the food or at the sight of Agnes only wearing her shirt, Carly wasn't sure, but she definitely had a huge smile on her face. The blonde crossed the room, trailing water everywhere, and before she took a seat, she made sure to kiss Agnes long and nauseating on the mouth, slipping a good amount of tongue in there.
"Stinky breath!" she whispered, and gently slapped Agnes on the cheek.
The redhead laughed and Carly looked into her plate, heaving in a deep breath.
"'Morning Carls." Sam said then and reached for the bacon right next to her plate. She didn't think twice before she whipped it all onto her plate without blinking.
Carly took in a deep breath and forced a smile. "Good morning."
Agnes licked her fingers and stood up from her seat, "I have to go use the bathroom, excuse me." she whispered, planting another one on Sam for good measure before she hurried down the hall.
Sam smiled goofily and poured herself a cup of coffee. She then emptied half the sugar bowl down there as well, before she took a slurp. "Did Carrie and Mr. Big solve their problems?" she questioned then, and Carly felt her heart skip a beat when she saw the obvious happiness in her old best friend's eyes.
"I feel asleep." Carly replied. Not that Carrie and Mr. Big will ever solve their problems anyway. "You had a good night, I see?"
Sam shrugged her shoulders. "She's a great girl."
Carly snorted. Great. Yes. Great on my expensive leather couch!
Sam paused. "Do you have a problem?"
"Do you really think it's appropriate to bring some random girl back to my flat?" she couldn't help but say. It just slipped out of her before she was able to stop herself.
Sam sighed and reached for a piece of toast. "Don't be so uptight, Carls. Just 'cuz you're not getting any, doesn't mean others can't, OK?"
Not knowing what to reply to that, Carly pushed her chair back and left Sam to butter her toast.
CARLY SAYS.
Freddie: I am hearing through my earpiece that we have a caller through on the phone. Taylor, am I right?
Carly: Taylor? I always thought that Taylor was such an interesting name! You never know whether it's a dude or a girl you're going to talk to until you actually see them or hear them speak. Are you a dude or a girl, Tay?
Taylor: I'm a woman.
Freddie: Great! Here at Carly Says we love women!
Carly: Freddie loves women.
Freddie: You love them too, you just admit it, Carly.
Carly: Sure, women are very interesting, but they can be a pain in the butt as well.
Taylor: You tell me about it.
Carly: You agree, Taylor? Even if you're of the female kind as well?
Taylor: You agree too, don't you, Carly?
Freddie: She's got a point there, Carls...
Carly: Yup! I agree too! And you know why I think women can be a pain in the butt also? That's because I know Sam. And how come I know her? I don't even know. She's just completely oblivious to other people's thoughts and other people's feelings, and it's like it doesn't even matter if she tramples around on everyone with her giant feet!
Freddie: Sam really pisses you off, huh!
Carly: She does, she does! But I'm a mature confident woman, who – to contrary beliefs – can actually let her hair down and lighten up! I know how to have fun. I – I sometimes put bobbles in my tub AND dance around in my apartment. How's that for letting your hair down, huh!
Taylor: You go, girl!
Freddie: Be careful there, Carls. You might do something completely off the scale if you're not careful.
Carly: Was that sarcasm? Freddie, was that sarcasm?
Taylor: I think it was, Ms. Shay.
Carly: That was SO sarcasm! Why are you using sarcasm on me, Freddie?
Freddie: I'm not using sarcasm.
Taylor: It was sarcasm.
Carly: It really was!
Freddie: You know what ? I think it's time for a commercial break! We'll be right back, and as soon as we are, we'll talk to Taylor about bad behaviour!
Hello everyone. I'm so sorry that it took me so long to update and I'm sorry that it's such a short chapter as well. I hope it was worth the wait though. I promise I'll try to update quicker the next time.
Please leave me a comment with your thoughts on this chapter. I'd love to know :)
Disclaimer; I don't own iCarly. And again – the titles are all from songs.
