Part three. There's one more part after this, the epilogue.
There is a part of this chapter that was based on a mixture of two things: A scene from a film called 13 Going On 30, and a particular episode of Friends. :-)
Is it Tuesday yet?
I don't own Glee.
By Your Side, part 3.
The weeks leading up to the wedding were the hardest of Kurt's life. Blaine called once or twice but he couldn't bear to talk to him. Even hearing Blaine's voice would cause him acute pain.
Kurt would go to work, come home and sleep. He rarely did anything else. He'd talk to Rachel. He'd cry and on a bad night he'd have a few drinks.
He'd think about Blaine all the time. Every night, and every day. He dreaded the wedding while at the same time some sick part of himself looked forward to it.
Not the whole seeing Blaine permanently tie himself to another man part. Just the seeing Blaine part. Seeing Blaine in a suit. Kurt knew he had to stop, knew how hard the wedding was going to be. He'd considered not going, considered it so much, but he knew he had to. Not just because he wanted, no needed, to see Blaine so badly, but because he felt he owed it to Blaine, in a weird way. He'd hurt him so much, and the fact he regretted it, wished he could take it back, knew it was stupid, he couldn't. The least he could do was support Blaine at his wedding.
Two days before the wedding, Blaine, Carole, Finn, Tina and Artie flew in. Wes, David and assorted other friends and family of Blaine weren't coming from as far, so Kurt would see them on the day. He met his parents and brother at the airport, and guided them to their hotel. Tina and Artie were staying with a friend, so he agreed to catch up with them later.
His friends and family all seemed to be giving him worried looks, and he knew it wouldn't be long before his dad gave him some kind of pep talk.
Sure enough, he was right. Kurt had barely walked him and Carole up to their room, while Finn settled in next door, when his father sat down on the bed and tapped it.
"Come and have a seat, Kurt. We need to talk." Kurt sighed and walked over to his father, sitting down and feeling about sixteen years old again.
"Dad, I'm not going to ruin Blaine's wedding." Kurt sighed, eyes downcast.
"I just...kid I'm worried. You seem so down. And don't bullshit me and say you're fine, cause you sure as hell are NOT fine. You look like you've barely eaten or slept in about a week, and it can't go on this way. Blaine's marrying someone else. And yeah, I guess we all thought you'd end up together but you haven't. It was obviously not right between you and Blaine. So just support Blaine, be there for him but most of all look after yourself, ok buddy? I don't want you getting yourself sick over this." Burt rubbed his head worriedly as Carole unpacked the wedding clothes and pretended not to listen.
"I know Dad." Kurt replied tiredly. He leaned against his father and Burt pulled his son in for a hug. "I know."
So the weeks passed, and finally the twenty eighth of January dawned. It was a beautiful day, cold and bright and sunny and crisp. Kurt hadn't slept much the night before, and he woke up with a feeling of dread in his stomach. It wouldn't shift as he tried and failed to eat breakfast. It wouldn't shift as he phoned his dad and Tina and agreed to meet them all at the Four Seasons. It wouldn't shift as he put on his suit and did his hair. It wouldn't shift as he complimented Rachel on her admittedly lovely Marc Jacobs green dress. It didn't shift as he got a cab to the hotel, or as he talked to Wes and David and everyone.
Kurt adjusted his tie and glanced around the group of guests, some of whom were all chatting, laughing and smoking, while others were already heading into the hotel.
Burt, Carole and the others all took their seats, while Rachel and Kurt went to take theirs, which were in a different part of the room, a little nearer the front. They walked in and followed the directions. The function hall was grand and pretty and beautifully decorated. Kurt felt sick when he realised it could have been him marrying Blaine here if he hadn't fucked things up so monumentally.
He and Rachel presently took their seats, but once they had done so Kurt couldn't sit still. He glanced over at a door that he had a feeling would lead to an antechamber.
An antechamber where the bride or groom might be.
Kurt knew he couldn't stand it anymore. He realised too late he HAD to speak to Blaine one last time before he got married. He physically couldn't wait until after he'd done it, it had to be NOW. It was now or never.
"Be right back." He whispered to Rachel and disappeared before any of his friends or family could realise he was missing or where he was. He pushed the door open and held his breath. If It was Lucas he'd have been in a load of trouble.
He thanked his lucky stars as he opened the door and saw Blaine doing his tie up as he stared sombrely into a mirror. Blaine looked lovely, and for a second Kurt forgot everything he'd been about to say.
No he didn't just look lovely. He looked absolutely breathtaking in his suit and waistcoat and tie, his beautiful dark curly hair tamed with only the smallest amount of gel, his hazel eyes as big and kind as ever.
"Kurt?" Blaine spun around and hissed his name as he noticed his presence. "You cannot be in here. Lucas would go crazy!"
"I'm sorry...I just needed to see you before you did...this." Kurt replied, shutting the door behind him.
"What makes you think you c-?" Blaine began but Kurt stopped him, his voice raised, his eyes wet.
"WHY DID YOU MAKE ME GO YOU STUPID BASTARD? I WOULD HAVE STAYED IN SHITTY LIMA FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE FOR YOU, BLAINE!"
"I stand by my decision! How would I have felt if you'd stayed in Lima just for me? New York was always the right place for you!"
"Where you are is the right place for me, Blaine!"
"Kurt, you can't come in here and say things like this to me. I'm getting married in twenty minutes. Please, I'm begging you!"
"I just need you to know that if you gave me another chance I would never fuck you around again. I promise! I'd never let you go again, never be so stupid as to break up with you again. We're Kurt and Blaine, we're always going to be Kurt and Blaine!"
"I'm getting married, Kurt. It's not gonna be Kurt and Blaine again. We're too late, we've come too far."
"You can't let me go, Blaine. Please." Kurt began to cry, his sobs bitter and broken.
"Don't cry, Kurt. Please it breaks my fucking heart. Listen to me. I love you. I will always love you, until I'm in a wooden box six feet under the ground. But we're not...we missed our chance. And now I've got this new chance. Nothing will ever be like it was for you and me...but this is what I'm getting now. I never thought I'd be happy again after you. And now, I'm...this is my new happy and I'll take it. If you'll let me. Please. Please Kurt." Blaine was nearly crying too.
Suddenly Kurt realised how terribly, horrifically selfish he was being. He took a deep shuddering breath, and he knew Blaine was right. This would hurt like hell, but he had to let him go. It was the very least he owed this man, the kindest, sweetest, most gentle, courageous and loving man he'd ever know. If this would make Blaine happy, if this was what he wanted, he deserved it. Deserved someone who might give him all the love that Kurt had been stupid enough not to give him.
"You're right. You deserve to be happy. And if he makes you happy...I want you to go out there and marry him and live the most wonderful life you can, ok Blaine?" Kurt whispered through the sobs. Blaine looked torn.
"Oh, Kurt." He whispered, taking in his heartbroken face. "I..."
"Really. I'll be ok." Kurt swallowed back a fresh round of tears. "And we can be friends now, right?"
"Best friends." Blaine replied, taking Kurt's hand and squeezing it hard. "Forever."
"Just know I'll love you forever, Blaine." Kurt smiled through his tears, and with that he left him in the antechamber and took his seat beside Rachel. She didn't say anything, just took his hand and held it. He smiled despite the niagra falls running down his face and laid his head on her shoulder.
A few minutes later the wedding begun. Kurt turned his head and watched Blaine walk in. He didn't think he'd ever seen anyone look so beautiful. He felt like all the air had been knocked out of him, he knew he'd never feel 10% of what he felt for Blaine about anyone else on earth. Blaine was perfection personified.
He caught Blaine's eyes as he walked up the aisle, so much was said in a one second glance that Kurt wanted to run away, far away where he wouldn't have to live the pain of watching Blaine marry someone else. But he stayed. He watched Blaine walk up the aisle and reach Lucas. He watched the Minister take his place in front of the two men.
"Friends and family, loved ones. We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of two people; Blaine and Lucas." Kurt sat forward, his heart thumping so hard it actually hurt his chest. "Now, repeat after me, Blaine. I, Blaine."
"I, Blaine," Blaine replied, his eyes looking far away and misty.
"Take thee, Lucas."
"Take thee, Kurt."
It took about three seconds for total pandemonium to break out.
Kurt barely heard anything. Just a roaring in his ears, and Rachel and several hundred other people murmur "oh my god." He began to shake uncontrollably, his legs numb. Did he just say my name?
The assembled guests began to whisper and everyone looked in total shock. Tina and Artie were staring at Kurt, guests Kurt didn't even know began to tap other people's shoulders. He heard the same words all around the room.
Who is Kurt?
Lucas was staring at Blaine with a look that Kurt simply could not describe. It was beyond anger.
Blaine looked out at the guests and for a second his and Kurt's eyes met. Kurt shrugged his shoulders slightly and bit his lip, too shocked to even begin to describe his emotions, let alone wonder what was going on in Blaine's head.
Blaine turned back to the minister and Lucas. Lucas leaned forward, and Kurt heard him mutter "can you give us a minute?" The minister nodded and ducked back into the antechamber.
"Just give us five minutes, guys." Lucas called, and the crowd began to chatter without shame, most still looking out for the mysterious Kurt. Kurt himself ducked his head. He could feel his father and Carole's eyes burning into him. Rachel was still sat, mouth agape, and he was pretty sure Tina and Artie looked the same. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Wes and David staring at Kurt. Was it just Kurt, or did Wes look...not pleased, but not surprised. Sort of like they expected it to happen, but not in such a monumentally train wreck-esque way.
"Kurt?"
"Who's Kurt?"
"Certainly not his fiance that's for sure!"
The whispers continued and Kurt felt his cheeks burning up.
"Kurt..." Rachel began, her voice on edge.
"Ok just to be clear I have no idea what happened." Kurt breathed, not wondering what to do from here. He decided to sit it out, though his face was crimson and his heart was thumping and he didn't know what to do, all he knew was that for a second he felt a flash of hope. It was so wrong. That hope wasn't his, and oh God Lucas must be spitting blood...
"Hey, Kurt buddy." Kurt turned around at the sound of his father's voice. "Come outside a minute." Kurt stood up and followed his father out.
"I-don't know what's going on." Kurt mumbled, staring at the ground, hard.
"Me neither, kid. But I know one thing; he sure as hell shouldn't be marrying that guy." Burt replied, fidgeting awkwardly in his tight suit. Kurt sighed. He was so jittery he could barely stand still and he was feeling faintly sick. He stared at the door to the antechamber wondering what was going on in there between Blaine and Lucas.
"Dad..." Kurt sighed and stared down at his feet. "He needs to do what makes him happy. For too long he focused on my happiness, and now I've finally realised it needs to be what he wants."
"Kurt, the guy just said your name when he was supposed to be marrying someone else. I think it's pretty damn obvious what he wants."
At that moment the antechamber door opened. Blaine skulked out, he was also the colour of tomatoes, right to the roots of his curly hair. His eyes met Kurt's, and he walked slowly over.
"Lucas wants you in there with us." Blaine's voice was barely a murmur, but the crowd had, funnily enough gone silent, and every neck was craned, every ear listening.
If it wasn't obvious who Kurt was before, it was now.
Kurt and Blaine headed back toward the antechamber. They walked in and closed the door on the crowd, who had begun to gossip again. Kurt walked in and when the door closed he looked up, swallowing hard.
Lucas was standing before him, his face screwed up with rage.
"You've been fucking my fiancé, haven't you?" His voice was low, but there was no calm to it, no, he was furious, and before Kurt could answer, Lucas walked forward and pulled back his fist, punching Kurt hard.
The right side of Kurt's face felt like it was on fire so hard was the punch that he actually felt his cheek split, and felt the blood trickle down to his neck and drip onto the white collar of his dress shirt.
"Lucas, what the fuck!" Blaine yelled, grabbing at Kurt and sitting him down on a chair. "Kurt, are you ok? Oh god. Oh god."
"Blaine, I'm fine." Kurt's voice was muffled as he held his horrifically sore face with his hand and looked up at Lucas, who was breathing heavily and cradling his fist into his chest.
"No you're not, Kurt." Blaine pulled Kurt's hand away and hissed at the purple blossoming on Kurt's face, the split in his cheek, the darkened eye.
"Listen." Kurt was a little unsteady on his feet because the pain was still making him feel a little sick, and the smell of the blood that was still slowly dripping onto his collar was strong, but he ignored it and walked slowly towards Lucas. "I understand why you did that. But I promise. I swear, on my father's life, my best friend's life, my step brother's life, on Blaine's life that we have not slept together, not kissed, nothing. Blaine is such a good person and he would never ever cheat on you or any other person. I've seen Blaine once in the past three years. Yes we dated, I don't know if..."
"Yes he has told me about you." Lucas didn't sound quite so mad anymore. "He told me he will always love you a little bit, but not as much as he loves me. That all he wants is to be your friend now."
Tears began to drip down Blaine's cheeks. "I'm sorry." His voice was hoarse and no one was really sure who he was saying the words to.
Lucas sat down and Kurt sat down beside him, because the room was still spinning.
"I'm sorry you both got hurt because of me. I hate myself, I never wanted anyone to get hurt I just wanted to stop feeling so sad all the time. I'm so sorry, Lucas. I just...I..." Blaine continued to cry bitterly, reaching out for Lucas.
Lucas stood up and put two gentle but firm hands on Blaine's shoulders. "Blaine, stop it. Stop thinking about the past, stop thinking about the future. Stop thinking about everyone else. What do you want? Who do you love?" His voice was raised, but not angry.
"I'll always love Kurt the most." Blaine whispered, his voice shaking, tears dripping down his cheeks. Lucas nodded. When he looked up his eyes were tight and his jaw was clenched hard.
"This is partially my fault. I knew you were still in love with him but I forced this wedding on you. I just...hoped we had a shot I guess. But I was wrong to think that. You were always his, and you always will be."
"I'm so sorry, Lucas. I never wanted to hurt you. I thought I was over him. But you deserve better than me anyway. But I promise I never cheated on you."
Lucas was crying but his smile was genuine. "I believe you. Kurt...I can't say I'm sorry about punching you because I kind of hate your guts because I'll never be able to compete with you." He took a long, deep breath. "I guess I need to go and find my own Kurt, huh?" Blaine nodded tearfully and wrapped his arms around Lucas.
"Thank you." He whispered in Lucas' ear, and Lucas nodded and brushed his wet eyes before turning to Kurt. Despite the bruise and the blood and the dishevelled state of Kurt, Lucas didn't think he'd ever seen anyone's eyes shine with so much love and hope for the future.
"Good luck." He said, reaching one hand out to Kurt. Kurt looked surprised and touched at the gesture, and grabbed his hand. Lucas shook it and then dropped it, smiling sadly one last time at the two of them before exiting the antechamber, his shoulders still shaking.
For a few seconds there was silence. But it wasn't awkward, or uncomfortable. It was natural, like the silence after a storm, or when the last piece of the puzzle had finally been slotted in.
Blaine closed the gap between them both physically and emotionally and wrapped his arms around Kurt, leaning his head on his shoulder, just enjoying the peaceful moment with Kurt, something he'd been denied for three long pain filled years.
"I've missed you s-so much." Kurt's voice cracked halfway through the sentence, and Blaine pulled him closer still, if that were possible. "I haven't been whole for three years."
"Me neither." Blaine smiled back, though he was crying again too. They stayed entwined in each other's arms until Blaine pulled away, sighing. He knew he had to deal with everything, with about two hundred people who were expecting a wedding, half of which were Lucas' family who probably wanted to lynch him. "But now I need to go and deal with everything out there." He sighed. "Stay with me?"
"Where else am I gonna go?" Kurt replied, and he followed him out of the room towards the waiting crowd.
