And another chapter!
Gilbert didn't notice when Ludwig came home. He was too busy typing up a new post and responding to a few select comments.
"Brother, are you here?" Ludwig called from outside Gilbert's door. He knocked a few times but Gilbert ignored it, a bit too focused on a certain anonymous user hell-bent on making every response into a joke about spilled milk. He was staring at the screen, contemplating how to respond to the most recent taunt when Ludwig threw the door open. At the sudden noise Gilbert jumped up and spun around.
"Oh hey! You scared me! What did I say about knocking?" he joked. He closed the page of hateful comments before Ludwig could see what it was. The younger brother folded his arms.
"I did knock," he stated flatly. Gilbert self-consciously tugged at the end of his sleeves though he knew there was no way Ludwig could see the fresh cuts.
"Ah, sorry. I was just working on something," he said. Ludwig seemed unconvinced.
"Shouldn't you have worked at school? You went home early again," he said. Gilbert tried to think of an excuse he hadn't used on Ludwig yet.
"I didn't have my essay for English done and it was worth half a grade. I figured if I told her I was sick that I would get an extra day or something," he finally said, the lie rolling off his tongue easily. Ludwig frowned.
"Oh, so you're certain it has nothing to do with the dried milk in your hair," he said. Gilbert felt something like a rock drop to the bottom of his stomach. He forced his smile to stay and for a laugh to make its way through his lips.
"You know how clumsy I get when I'm distracted. I was trying to drink milk and type at the same time again and -"
"I saw what happened," Ludwig snapped harshly. Gilbert froze, a too wide smile still on his face. It shrank just a bit as he thought.
"Did you hear anything?" he blurted out. He had to know if Ludwig had heard what Roderich was saying about his post. If his brother knew about the countdown or the plan...
"Besides laughing? Nein," Ludwig said. Gilbert allowed a bit of relief to fill him.
"Good! Lovino was cursing and I can't let my little brother to hear that," he laughed.
"Gilbert, I hear you curse all the time. Besides, that's not what I needed to talk to you about," Ludwig said. Gilbert tried to imagine what they would need to talk about if Ludwig didn't know about the countdown. He raised a pale eyebrow and waited for his brother to continue. His younger brother sighed and dropped his arms.
"I spoke to Roderich and Elizaveta again. It needs to stop. You need to stop," he said simply. Gilbert tensed as he had a feeling of what they had spoken about.
That damn Austrian. He lied to my brother again I bet. I bet they all did. I wouldn't be surprised...
"Stop what?" he asked, hoping that it was a different topic than every other time Roderich spoke with Ludwig. That hope shattered when Ludwig looked up with a vicious glare.
"You need to stop making scenes and drawing attention to yourself," he explained harshly. Gilbert's jaw dropped.
Okay, so it is different. A bit vague, but at least it's something new.
"What! Are you freaking kidding me?" he asked. Ludwig's glare lessened a bit, but not by much. If anything, it was a form of disappointment.
"I told you, I saw what happened. You ran out to ditch school without apologizing to Lovino or Roderich," Ludwig said.
"What did I need to apologize to Roderich for?" Gilbert screeched.
Come on! Don't keep me in the dark any longer, tell me what the liars said this time!
"He and Lovino had to clean up the mess you made when the milk spilled. Not to mention that they had told me how it happened," he said. Gilbert leaned back on his desk and closed his eyes. Now they were getting somewhere, even if it was a place Gilbert didn't want to be.
"What did he say this time?" he asked slowly, his voice a bit too calm. Ludwig didn't seem to notice as he recounted the story he had been told. Gilbert braced himself and held his breath.
"He said that you had harrassd Elizaveta again this morning. When he confronted you about it, you got upset and tried to leave. That's when you rushed into Lovino and the milk tipped over. I saw that part at least," he said. Gilbert let out his breath in a long hiss.
"How was I harassing her? Did he say?" he asked.
"Brother, we all know how you can get," Ludwig said. Gilbert grit his teeth and closed his eyes even tighter.
"What. Did. He. Say?" he asked again. Ludwig dropped his arms to the side in defeat.
"He told me that you were 'grabbing' at her and making rude suggestions. You continued this behavior despite obvious protests. Ivan had to tell you to leave her be," he said. Gilbert refused to open his eyes. He counted to ten, multiple times, until he felt that his voice wouldn't lash out in denials. He knew from experience that the multiple 'witnesses' that Ludwig had spoken to were much more sincere than he could ever be. After a while, Ludwig continued to speak.
"Don't try to come up with another excuse, both Elizaveta and Ivan were able to confirm it. You're lucky I don't call our Vater. He would-"
"Vater never comes home anyway!" Gilbert shouted, all calm he had forced himself to gain gone. His eyes flew open angrily.
Ludwig said nothing. Gilbert ran a hand through his hair and scowled at the feeling of the dried milk.
"Have you ever stopped to listen to what I tell you? Do you really think I hadn't learned my lesson with Liza? She hates me, Roderich hates me, they all hate me! Stop bringing it up!" he shouted with a shaky voice. Ludwig didn't show emotion and Gilbert didn't expect him to though a part of him may have wished that it wasn't going to be like every other time a rumor has popped up. He took deep breaths but they helped nothing.
"Stop overreacting and stop lying. I'm not angry with you but I'm not surprised either. Gilbert, you know that Roderich had a right to face you about Elizaveta. There was nothing wrong in that action, you would have done the same thing had the roles been reversed, though I imagine you may have done it in a more dramatic way. You always have loved the attention, like today when you stormed off. There was no reason for that kind of reaction, a simple apology would have sufficed. Roderich is quite forgiving despite what you may believe," Ludwig scolded. Gilbert avoided his eyes and tried to pretend that his brother's words were hitting him like a ton of bricks, forcing him deeper into the ground, into the grave.
"What do I look like to you, brother? A villain? A liar? Or just an idiot? Please tell me, because I want to know why my brother doesn't trust me," he said quietly. Ludwig walked over and grabbed his brother's arms.
"I just want what is best for you. Do you think I like seeing you laughed at?" he asked. Gilbert pulled away quickly in pain as his brother held tightly over the places he had just cut. Ludwig, mistaking the gesture, hardened his features and stepped back.
"If you apologize to Elizaveta and Roderich by the end of tomorrow I'm sure your 'reputation' will still be intact," he said. Gilbert laughed, though it lacked any real humor.
"What reputation? The one where I'm desperately in love with Elizaveta and a suicidal idiot?" he asked, resisting the urge to flinch as he realized how true he had made the second half of the rumors.
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start learning to take responsibility for your actions," Ludwig said before leaving. Gilbert collapsed back into his chair and resisted the urge to cry out or scream. When he heard his brother calling for him again an hour or so later, he crawled into bed and forced himself to sleep.
Stupid
Prussia stopped running once he saw his home, the only place he belonged now.
Useless
He walked to the backyard instead of going in and sat with his back against the house.
Pathetic
Words from the World Meeting, words from insignificant countries but countries nonetheless, echoed through Prussia's mind relentlessly. He groaned and pressed his head against the wall. He felt like screaming.
"Stop," he whispered. The words, if anything, got louder.
You're not a country...
Prussia closed his eyes.
You're not needed!
"I am a Prussian, know ye my colors?" he said, trying to distract himself. But the words came out a bit broken, a bit faint. Prussia grit his teeth angrily.
"The flag floats black and white before me," he continued. Again, his voice was wrong and the words refused to be higher than a whisper. Prussia took a deep breath.
"That for my freedom's sake my fathe- oh Fritz, why?" he begged as the words broke in the air again but the thought of his loved leader only made the pain worse. Faintly, though, the thought passed through his mind if he will see Fritz again when the countdown is over. His hands dug into the ground as he attempted again and again to drown out the accusatory voices ringing through his mind.
Idiot
His throat began to ache.
Unneeded
He couldn't seem the remember the words and thinking was beginning to become hard.
Weak
Mistake
Fool
Prussia gave up, pulled his knees up to his chest, and listened the voices that refused to go away. Even as he slept, they were still there.
It started with fog. It was calm and cooling where it touched. Prussia would have felt at ease if the voices weren't still there.
Why are you even alive?
He swallowed and walked forward, trying to figure out where he was. The mist seemed to go on forever. Prussia was faintly certain that he was going numb, though he didn't understand why. He reached out one more time, as if he could push the fog to the side. He didn't expect his hand to hit something solid.
"Hey!" a familiar voice shouted in an agitated tone. Prussia took a step forward only to freeze at what he saw.
A replica of himself stood before him. Everything seemed to match him, except for the clothing. Prussia tilted his head to the side but widened his eyes in shock when the other him didn't do the same.
"Are you supposed to be some form of alter ego or something?" he asked. The copy scoffed.
"As if, it's the other way around idiot. Is...is this supposed to be one of those psychotic dreams where I meet myself and realized just how important life is or some crap like that?" he asked. Prussia didn't respond but flinched when the voices started to shout.
You're life isn't important, just die already!
"So...you're Prussia, though? Right?" he asked, wondering if this made up him was right about it being like those dreams that change a person's life. He couldn't tell whether he wanted that or not. He was broke out of his thoughts as the other one started to laugh.
"What the Hell am I talking about? I'm Gilbert, though I am Prussian," he said with a smile Prussia felt was a bit forced. It looked a bit too much like the ones he gave to everyone.
No, you're not anything. You're nothing.
This time the other boy, Gilbert, flinched as well. He looked around with a pained expression.
"They won't stop. You can hear them too, can't you?" he asked, almost pleadingly. Prussia nodded slowly and looked down at where Gilbert was scratching his arm. His sleeve had ridden up to show a series of cuts. Prussia quickly looked away.
"You're not me. We aren't the same person," he said, though he felt his arm to check that the dream hadn't manipulated him in some way.
"Yeah, and this isn't a dream," Gilbert said finally. Prussia looked up into the familiar crimson eyes.
"How can you tell?" he asked. Gilbert's eyes seemed to gain a level of sadness as he gestured towards his cuts.
"It...it hurts," he admitted. Cruel words forced their way through the air.
You should hurt. I hate you and you're horrible.
"Why are we here?" Prussia asked. Gilbert smiled again.
"I don't know but I don't mind it. I'd rather stay with you and the voices than with the people where I come from," he said. Prussia laughed.
"Yeah sure, they couldn't beat the people I know," he said. Gilbert looked away.
"I doubt it," he said in a quiet voice. Prussia raised an eyebrow.
"Wanna bet?" he joked. Gilbert looked at him incredulously before raising a hand seriously.
"Yeah, I do actually," he said. Prussia stopped laughing at looked at the hand. With a grin, he reached out to shake it. Once he allowed his hand to drop down, a pain shot through his mind.
"Ah! What is that?" he asked with a look at Gilbert only to see that he was grabbing his own head in pain as well. Prussia fell to his knees and felt suddenly sick. Gilbert fell to his hands and knees with a frightened expression.
Loser!
You lost!
Just die!
You shouldn't have ever been born!
Prussia covered his ears with his hands as the voices grew to a roaring thunder that threatened to crack his skull with the volume. It didn't seem to work. He could still hear Gilbert saying "please" and "stop" over and over beside him with his eyes closed. Prussia closed his own eyes and waited for the noise to go away.
It felt like an hour but it could have been a minute. The voices were merely a whisper now and Prussia was lying on his side with his hands still clamped over his ears and his eyes still shut. He didn't dare open his eyes or move, even when it sounded like his brother was calling for him.
I feel like it took me too long to get this up. It was nothing but me typing up what I had written in a notebook but I sat here for an hour typing while playing Mein Gott on repeat...
Anyways, I think there's only one translation but I have a few explanations as well:
-Nein: German for No (if I'm wrong forgive me, I meant to place that on the last chapter's translations as well. I apologize for I only have the reliability of the internet)
-Prussia is attempting to say the lines to the Prussian Anthem (again, I apologize sincerely if this is incorrect). The whole of the line he cut off on was "That for my freedom's sake my fathers died".
-Prussia is also referring to Frederick the Great, one of Prussia's most loved leaders. He is referred to many times in Hetalia by Prussia, in fondness of course. He refers to him as Old Man Fritz, or General Fritz, and Fritz.
Well, I believe that is all so please leave a review of some sort! I really don't care what you say as long you say something!
Goodbye my dears, until next time.
