The Harry-Potter-Fan-Fiction-Addiction-Syndrome
aka - Humpty Dumpty Chronicles Syndrome
Part 3: "7 is the Magic Number"
By: D.J.J.L.D.H.B. 'M-PC' 7th / Steve's Place
As the young 16 year old player, Daniel, sat in the very pink, Dr. Doris Jean Dumbridge's, therapy office, and waited for Dr. Dumbridge to enter. Daniel pulled out his wallet and removed a piece of identification that said his name was. . .
"Daniel, James, Jacob, Larry, Darry, Harry, Barry, 'Mobil-PaddCliffington' the 7th;"
. . . was apparently the 7th son, of a 7th son, and he seem to know this was significant in some forgotten way, but couldn't quite wrap his absent wand, around that memory, then shrugged, blinked several times and shook his head in dismay, and then muttered again.
"Bugger; that even puts the ever twinkling, candy soaked, and psychedelic pajama clad, Double-Dork to shame, if that really is my name? I do appear to be awake, but, if I am awake, that name and this flushing pink office are certified nightmares, each on their own!"
And then he continued his muttering whisper with. "Bloody Hell, I need several aspirins if I have to sit through this detention in this blushing, pink, nightmare for an hour, much less talk to that sickly sweet, pink toady Doctor, that can't seem to expand her color platter, beyond pink!"
With so many names it was no wonder he didn't know exactly who he was anymore. On top of that he had a Player's Guild, identification card that read . . .
Introducing . . . "Darry JJ Rockcliff" . . . from Europeans Prestigious and most specialized, Players studios, and a highly ranked member of the "World Wide Players Guild."
It would also seem, he was being treated for extensive Harry-Potter-Fan-Fiction-Addiction or (H.P.F.F.A). ---- As he pulled out from another pocket in his black leather, knee length coat, a previous prescription bottle for something called. . .
"Multi-Pal, Personaskit-sagetonelif" 10mg
Pronounced. . . Multi-Pal, (Personaskit-sag-e'tone-alif)
'Take one tablet every 2 hours exactly and just before bedtime. Follow all directions and warnings 'to the letter.'
WARNING: Do not eat or drink any of the following within 3 HOURS of taking this medication: NO Alcohol, NO Fruit Juice, NO Milk, NO Cola, NO Tea or Coffee, NO Hot or Cold Chocolate Milk, NO Candy Bars, NO Crisps or Chips, NO Poopcorn, NO Meat, NO Potatoes, NO Eggs, NO Buttered Toast, Definitely NO Peanut Butter, Peanuts or any nuts for that matter, NO PIZZA or Pasta in general, NO Fast Foods like that served by MacDaniels or Bugger King, etc., NO Chinese Foods with the one exception, Dry Fortune Cookies fresh in the last 15 minutes, 3 maximum in 24 hours, fortunes not necessarily included, Obtained only from Ying & Yang's in San Francisco, or 4 Fortune Cookies from Wing & Wang's in China. And definitely NO Egg Rolls Period. And lastly and above all other warnings, NO PASSING GAS as this could have highly explosive potential, even without a flame.
YOU MAY: Drink 1 glass only of distilled water every 8 hours after 30 minutes pre-boiling and then cooled to 32.5deg Fh or .06deg C for 30 minutes while keeping it wrapped in tinfoil. YOU MAY eat, 1 slice of DRY toast only, recommend lightly toasted, not burnt and 1, that's, ONE, Red only, Chilly Pepper in 12 hours, dry, no chaser of any kind!
Take medication EXACTLY as prescribed and obey ALL WARNINGS for 10 days and then call you're Doctor, or . . . in the most unlikely event, any one of these side effects should occur.
SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE: Pain in multiple Places, times and intensities, Rash of any kind, anywhere, Excessive Sweating, Rapid Blinking, Muttering, Pinching one's self, Sudden Screaming, Biting Lower Lip, Facial Twitching, Tossing and Turning in the sleep cycle, Itchy Buttocks, Passing Obscene Gas, Bleeding from the left eye and right nostril at the same time, Hungry, Thirsty, Constipation, Diarrhea, Sudden Mood Changes, Violent Behavior, Delusions, Dreams or Nightmares, Signs of Memory Loss, Excessive-Compulsive Behavior, Multi-Personality-Disorder Symptoms or anything else not quite normal for the patient.
Apparently, this is a rather nasty, and very, very, serious addiction, that had first been diagnosed in several European teens over the past few years, and seemed to be spreading all over the planet like a bad Computer Virus. It had recently spread to, and infected several adults, as well. (Apparently, including this writer)
Harry, Larry, Barry, Darry, Daniel or whoever the hell he was, had been going through serious (or was that Sirius) (H.P.F.F.A) withdrawal since his parents had grounded him from reading his beloved Fan-Fiction stories, just a week ago. But Larry, Darry, Barry, Harry, Daniel had managed to sneak into his computer several times to get his fix, and had several, subsequent nightmares, as a result. Were they nightmares? Or, maybe they were Medication Induced, Delusion-O'Ramas? Also-Known-As (M.I.D.O'Rs), seems a likely possibility?
Daniel, Harry, Darry, Larry, Barry, just didn't know what was real anymore. What seemed to be very real, appeared to be a nightmare and what seemed to be a nightmare, appeared to be very real?
To top all that off, he had been prescribed medication that had the singularly, most Riddikulus set of instructions, warnings and side effects, accompanying it, that anyone could have dreamed up, even including, what seemed to be, spelling errors, that only added to his ever increasingly, increasing, confusion, and come to think of it, hunger and thirst as well; and then there was this nightmare Doctor Pink Toady, to deal with. He really wished he was back in the clouds, or would settle for any dream or was any of it a dream? Or just about anywhere, other than here, in this cotton candy detention.
At that moment, Daniel, Darry, Harry, Larry, Barry also asked himself who he would choose to be, if he could make that choice. Then the pink toady Doctor entered the room and the room seemed to get even pinker, if that was possible. It was probably due to the three pieces, pink-pant-suit and the pink, Doctors' lab coat; she was wearing with a pink ribbon in her reddish black hair. This was where the phrase "EYES-SOAR", took on its true meaning.
"This can't be real, this has to be dreaming, no, no, not a dream, this was a Category 5, Richter Scale 10, Triple A; Stamped then Chiseled in Stone; Certified Nightmare! This is even worse than the last nightmare, if that was a nightmare?" Harry, Darry, Larry, Barry, Daniel, muttered, just a little too loudly and blinked several times, very quickly, in an effort to try and clear his blinding pink vision, and the facial twitch that had developed since he walked in this room and the number of names someone had managed to register, as all belonging to one person, apparently him.
"Ahem. . . Ahem. . . Darry. . . why are you pinching yourself, you're leaving nasty red lines on the back of your left hand. I admit they are very pretty, but doesn't that hurt you? Ahem, if you don't stop doing that I will have to give you another blood sedative, to quill your destructive behavior."
(Insert a screaming that was so loud, it became silent in its effect)
-----
Then Harry seemed to wake up, yet again, and found himself in front of his, polished white Marble, home in the clouds, looking at a sign that read. . .
"Prospect Point, on Cloud Nine,
Home of the bringer of the light,
To a world in dark decline. . ."
"I'll take this over the pink toady Doctor, any day." Muttered, Larry, Harry, Darry, Barry, Daniel, MOBIL, he still could not be sure who he was, or if he was awake or dreaming, yet again, as he blinked several more times and then shook his head, to get that last very pink image, clearly, out of his mind.
And then he yelled rather loudly. "Please, please, for the love of Magic, no more rhymes, or I'm surely going to lose, all of my minds!"
Then he seemed to will a table in front of him and proceeded to bang his head several times on the top of this suddenly appearing table.
-----
(Sirens screaming in the background, getting louder now.) (Loud thumping sounds connected to his head.) (Rattling and Shuffling Sounds.) (Pain on the back of his left hand.) (Then Muttered, Broken Up, Whispering.)
"Dr. Dum . . . . . . . , . . . . happened?"
"H. . passed . . . I think . . had gone . . . . . coma . . . . . minutes ago. . . kept yel. . .g, NO, . .O, NO, . .is C. .n't . . . Hap. . ning! I want . . .t! Let me ou . .!"
Dr. Dumbridge said as she tried to catch her breath after running for help. Then she continued and the muttering seemed clearer for some reason.
As Harry, Larry, Darry, Barry and Daniel was lifted onto a medical gurney, after he had fallen into a deep coma caused by (H.P.F.F.A) or the equivalent, addiction withdrawal symptoms of Dehydration, Malnutrition, Extreme Sleep Disorder, and other Multiple Medication Side Effects and Schizophrenia, he heard her say.
". . . and then he muttered some poetry . . . ahem, ahem . . . oh dear, what was it he said now? Oh yes, it was . . ."
"Prospect Point, on Cloud Nine,
Home of the bringer of light,
To a world in dark decline"
The-Magic-Of-the-Boy's-Infinite-Light
Will need to choose, what to do,
But he knows, what is right.
The-Magic-Of-the-Boy's-Infinite-Light
Will need to choose, what to do,
At the 7th stroke of mid-night."
"Ahem, ahem . . . yes, yes, that was it." Dr. Dumbridge stated in a matter of fact, sickly, sweet tone.
-----
Darry, Harry, Larry and Barry was transported by ambulance to a newly built medical center for the study of (H.P.F.F.A) and its treatment medications, multiple side effects, and severe (H.P.F.F.A) withdrawal Symptomatology.
Aug 7, 1996: 11:59pm GMT
"Daniel, James, Jacob, Larry, Darry, Harry, Barry, 'Mobil-PaddCliffington' the 7th;"
. . . lay in a deep coma in the K. R. J. Paddfootington, coma wing of the Elmer Fudge-Skeater-Dumbridge, Addiction Research Foundation; Center for the cure, located in the quiet, retirement quarter, of Maidenhead. Just around that corner and beyond that tunnel, over there. (The Author pointed off into the distance for the benefit of that same, no one in particular, or everyone in general, who just might happen to be listening, watching or even reading.)
"Daniel, James, Jacob, Larry, Darry, Harry, Barry, 'Mobil-PaddCliffington' the 7th;
Or known by his fans as . . . "Darry JJ Rockcliff"; was also known only as "MOBIL" in his new permanent residence of cloud nine." He had made his mid-night decision just as Big Ken, could be heard in the distance, chiming for the 7th time.
"So, you can just call me, 'MOBIL MIDO'Rs.' As I'm paddling here without any ores!"
-----
Is it any wonder at all, that this young lead player, "Darry JJ Rockcliff", of the "Humpty Dumpty Chronicles";
A series of 7 stage plays; Actually, fell off his wall?
Was it his (H.P.F.F.A) or the withdrawal symptoms, or was it the medications, side effect, (M.I.D.O'Rs) to treat this condition?
Or, could it even be the stress of being a lead player in the "Humpty Dumpty Chronicles!"
A series of 7 stage plays, no less.
No one knows for sure but, my best guess would be, all of the above.. (Hiccup)..
-----
PS. . . to the above mentioned. . .
"Daniel, James, Jacob, Larry, Darry, Harry, Barry, 'Mobil-PaddCliffington' the 7th;
. . . or whoever you might be. . . or how many of you, there are. . .
Sorry, Please don't sue me, as I just couldn't stop myself from writing this.
And just incase no one remembers Humpty Dumpty. . .
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the Kings horses and all the Kings men,
Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty, Back together again.
-
THE END
Because
The Acme Anvil fell out of the sky.
Hitting this plot bunny right in the eye.
And then it was over quick like a fly.
As this little plot bunny laid down to die.
And Because
I hate rhymes and I need to take my medication;
"Multi-Pal, Personaskit-sagetonelif" 20mg
for the new Adult Syndrome. Or (AS-H.P.F.F.A)
Take one tablet every 2 hours and before bedtime.
Follow all Directions and Warnings 'exactly.'
-
Ok then, one final little Special Authors note:
This little ditty had a specific design;
To make the reader laugh, at least one time.
If you found no humor and your understanding seems fine;
You are now free to leave, the scene of this crime.
If, on the other hand, you managed even a smile;
I hope you will post comments, for me to compile.
(Oh dear. . . Ok, Rhyme Time is over.)
Ending Note:
When I wrote this little, bitty, ditty. I had no idea there was a medical condition called "Humpty Dumpty Syndrome"; Which is why I re-named the story, nor did I know of, or could have imagined in my own craziest dreams, nightmares or Potter induced imaginings that someone would actually write a play, book or movie, called "The Humpty Dumpty Chronicles"?
I have to wonder now, if there really is a diagnosed "Harry-Potter-Fan-Fiction-Addiction-Syndrome", or a medication called "Multi-Pal, Personaskit-sagetonelif" ((note - *Multi-Pal, Persona-skitsa-get-one-lif* )) Pronounced. . . (Multi-Pal, Personaskit-sag-e'tone-alif) and the accompanied set of insane Directions, Instructions, Do's & Do Nots and the side effect warnings, that go with this invented medication; and then there's the now, seemingly, even more possible, Parallel/Alternate Universe, to consider?
EEE Gads; could there be a real "Daniel, James, Jacob, Larry, Darry, Harry, Barry, 'Mobil-PaddCliffington' the 7th; in any universe? Honestly, I made all this stuff up, on the fly. My little story is meant to parody, no one in particular and everyone in general. Any similarity to any individual real life Events, People, Medical condition or Medications etc.; is nothing more than a very, very strange coincidence.
Cheers From
Steve -- (Someone's Bad Dream)
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