Maybe It Is Real, 3

/A little shorter then most, but I found it a good place to stop. Happy New Year!/

I lay on the bed of my new room. It's all mine. It's bigger then our whole old house. The bed is very large itself. It has satin sheets and pillows, carefully sewn quilts, soft mattress. It's perfect. But I don't like it. I miss the old worn out blue sheets from home. I miss the roughly sewn quilt. The mattress like cardboard. Smaller then this, yet I shared it with Prim. Now she has her own bed down the hall, and she couldn't be happier. She loves the new house.

I thought briefly over going back to our old shack, but I couldn't do that to her. This is so nice. It has everything you could ever dream. But it's not home.

I'll get over it. Someday this place will feel like a home. I hope.
I move off the bed and go over to the window. I have a nice view of Peeta's house, I think I can even see his room. I miss him, I've gotten used to spending every day with him in the arena. Spending nights curled up with him in the sleeping bag, him kissing me, him just-
I need to stop thinking about that. It's over. I sigh and turn my gaze to the sunset. It's almost dark, and we'll all be going to sleep. Maybe not me, the nightmares might come. Maybe since we're out of the capitol, they won't happen.

I take one last glance at Peeta's house, and I see his light turn out. I close my curtains and head to bed.

What did my mother mean when she said that about Peeta and I? She acts like she doesn't like Peeta, then she says that he is nice, but she knows me. What about me? Does she think I'll screw up any chance of a relationship with him? Does she through the lies that happened on the screen?

She's probably right. Peeta and I would never make it in a relationship together, because of me. I'm incapable of love. I am a horrible human being, I'll never be able to have feelings for anyone besides Prim.

But I already have feelings for him, don't I? Prim is right, every time Peeta is around I'm happy. I just like his presence. He's a good friend... But I don't guess friends kiss each other, or say they loved them since they were five.
Five? Why? How in God's name would any boy be able to love me for so many years? Peeta Mellark is a strange boy, I know that for sure now. I always saw him as the nice boy out of his brothers, who got abused by his witch of a mother. Why didn't they move in with him?

Why did they pass down a great house, with their son that they are lucky he is still alive? He could have died in the arena. If that had been my child, I wouldn't let him out of my sight. Poor Peeta, he must feel so unloved. I won't let him feel that way. I won't let him stay alone in that house everyday likeHaymitch.

I will be a friend to Peeta Mellark, I will make sure he will never be lonely. Maybe my company isn't a first choice, but I'll be good enough. I'll cut back on hunting time, we don't need the meat anymore anyway. Gale is going to start work in the mines soon, he will only be able to hunt on Sundays. It's been so long since I've had to hunt alone, I don't really want that again.

I fall into the sheets of my bed and smile. Maybe this new life isn't ideal, but it will be okay. I'll make sure of it.

/Thanks for reading, sorry if it sucks, I try.
- Reagan/