"Songwe Village... Songwe Village..." Paul drove down what passed for a highway in this part of the world. "What were those directions you got at the gas station again?"
"The guy said go back the way we came and once we pass a big tree, turn right." Stephanie answered
Paul pulled off to the shoulder and slammed the brakes. "You're fuckin' kidding me, right? Turn right at a big tree... I don't know if you've noticed, but that's all there is around here... big fuckin' trees. Should I just pick a random tree and turn right, is that it? God, next time I'm getting the directions."
"You never ask for directions. What makes this time so special?" Steph screeched
"Usually, getting bad directions doesn't cost us one million dollars." Paul edged back onto the dirt road. Why didn't I bring Shane instead?
...
"That was rather fun. I wish we could do it again." Jillian bubbled. A little nervous at first, especially when she saw the second part of the detour, but exhilaration soon took over.
"Me too, but Brian and Paul are on our heels." Amy replied
"Yeah, but Brian is chickening out on the pendulum swing." Jillian stated
"Poor guy." Amy sighed "Paul'll make him do it, no worries!"
"I'm sure he will." Jillian replied, tearing open their clue. "Roadblock..."
...
"Turn here." Jim was reading a road map he'd bought from some local just after they'd gotten their clue at Victoria Falls. "It says Songwe village... oh, wait... Songwe Point Village. Could that be the place?"
"Only one way to find out." Jerry suddenly turned the car onto a dirt path, immediately swerving to avoid a native woman walking her two dogs.
"King... you almost ran over the puppies!" Jim shouted, then burst out laughing.
"I guess I did, didn't I?" Jerry had to pull off to the side when he started laughing. Neither man noticed another 4X4 pass them during their attempts at composing themselves.
"Looks like we just passed Jerry and Jim." Matt looked over his shoulder.
"Car trouble, ya think?" Jeff asked
"I dunno. It's not our concern." Matt drove on. "I'm a little nervous about what African delicacy we're going to have to eat."
"Matty, we just bungeed to the bottom of a gorge... how hard could this be?" Jeff was still on a high from the adrenaline.
"Don't ask." Matt smiled. Day two of the race and I'm already shaking.
...
"Come on, Brian... it's just a little step." Paul yelled up.
"I can't..." Brian was shaking uncontrollably.
"Are you ready, Brian?" The head rigger asked
Brian took two steps back, cringing.
"Just take a step. That's all. In three.."
"Brian, please! For me!"
"One... two... three... Go!"
At 'three', Brian screamed. "Ahhhhhhh!" he stepped off.
...
Linda heard the scream while Vince was finishing the zip line. "That doesn't sound good."
"What does, honey?" Vince asked
"I heard a scream up ahead." She replied. Vince craned his head, hoping to hear it again.
"I don't hear anything." He said "Are you sure."
"I'm pos..." Linda was interrupted by a blood-curdling yell, that sounded like Joey Styles shouting "Oh my God!"
...
The second that his feet left the ground, Brian did start screaming. "Oh my God!!! Oh my God!!! Oh my God!!!" He yelled as he swung back and forth, his eyes screwed shut. After what seemed like an eternity, his back and forth momentum began to wain. Only when his feet touched the ground again, did he open his eyes.
"I'm so proud of you." Paul hugged him as soon as he was free from the rigging.
"I never wanna hear you say that I won't do anything for you." Brian tried to look stern, but couldn't quite pull it off.
"With a little coaxing, eh?" Paul nudged him in the ribs before they grabbed their clue and ran back to their car.
...
"So what's this African delicacy?" There were eleven stations set up in one of the large huts in the village. Underneath a cloth was the item to be consumed as well as a hot plate and a large frying pan. Matt raised the cloth and smiled. "That's one motherfuckin' big egg!"
Jeff looked over his brother's shoulder. "I'm not sure I wanna know what laid that."
"Ostrich, maybe?" Matt looked at a native woman who was 'running' the roadblock. She nodded, seeming to be impressed with the younger man's knowledge.
'What do we do with that?"
"The Roadblock thingy said one of us has to cook it and we both have to finish it off to receive our next clue." Matt stated "I said I'd do it so how do you like your egg, Jeffro?"
"Scrambled." Jeff replied
"Scrambled it is..." Matt looked at the egg, about the size of two dozen regular eggs, then back at Jeff. "Any idea how to open this thing?"
...
"It's about time we got here." Sean complained "I can't believe that we get here and right away we take the wrong turn." Joanie and Sean were the last team to arrive at the detour.
"We last?" Joanie asked
"Couldn't tell ya." He replied. Even if he knew for sure, the rules prevented him from divulging any information that might give teams an unfair advantage. Joanie and Sean were the tenth team he'd rigged, but there was always a chance that one team had taken the "Land" option or had found the fast-forward, which Adam and Jay had. They were currently relaxing in a couple of chairs beside the fire pit check-in and enjoying a mango juice cocktail before dinner.
Joanie took the lack of a direct answer to mean yes, and she was determined to find some way to move ahead. All they needed to do was pass one team to stay in the race.
Without hesitation, they finished the zip line and pendulum swing detour and got the next clue.
"Fuckin' A!" Sean shouted "We might be able to pull this off. That village we passed... that's where we're goin'... we'll have no problems finding our way. We ain't done yet." With Joanie right on his heels, he sprinted back to the waiting vehicles.
...
"How hungry are you, Jim?" Jerry looked at the frying pan where he was currently frying enough egg to feed most of the cruiserweights on the roster.
"Haven't eaten since the flight." To add credibility to that statement, Jim's stomach growled loudly.
"Good, 'cause there's a lotta egg here." Jerry looked at the pan, completely filled with fluffiness.
"What's another hundred points of cholesterol, eh?" Jim loosened his belt and waited for lunch.
"More like three hundred." With every stir, the thing got bigger. Like something out of "The Blob", it looked ready to start eating them instead of the other way around.
...
"Matty, Imma full." Jeff held his stomach. He'd wolfed down a large portion of eggy goodness, but there was only so much he could fit inside his small frame.
Matt looked at the frying pan. He too was quite full, but there was still a good six spoonfuls left.
"Three more big bites, each." Matt said "C'mon Jeffro, we can't take this home to Bunny so eat."
"Matty..." Jeff wailed
"Just be thankful this came after that zip line thingy." Matt closed his eyes and shoveled a big spoonful into his mouth. He was quite sure that after today, he'd never want to eat another egg again.
...
"They're kidding, right?" Amy looked at the Ostrich egg. "How the hell are we supposed to eat that? We're the two smallest people on the race."
"We could always just drink it. I've done the raw egg protein shake before." Jillian stated
"Thanks, but drinking something that looks like congealed snot is not what I signed up for. Get cooking." Amy ordered
"Yes, ma'am." Jillian saluted and flicked her hot plate on. "One three minute egg coming up."
...
Chavo and Vickie were discussing the 'african delicacy' from the moment they'd completed the detour. Everything from Wildebeest brains to Lion's paw, to Zebra meat was mentioned.
"Whatever it is, I just hope it's not egg." Vickie stated "I do not like eggs."
"Me neither. I'd rather eat a Rhinoceros kidney than an egg." Chavo agreed "Songwe village should be on our right... keep an eye out for it."
"Isn't Rhinoceros engangered?" Vickie asked
"I dunno.. I'm just sayin'. You watching'?" Chavo gazed ahead
"Yes, nephew... I think that's it."
"Here we go... into the mouth and past the gums, look out stomach here it comes!" Chavo sang
...
"Matty..." Jeff held his stomach. "Imma not feel so good."
"One more bite little bro and we're done." Matt spooned the last portion of egg. "Want big brother to do airplane?"
With exaggerated zooming noises, Matt whirled the egg-laden spoon toward his little brother's mouth. "Pilot to control tower... last one coming in... am I cleared for landing."
Jerry and Jim, who were making short work of their omelet, looked over and laughed so hard egg almost came out of their noses.
Jeff was completely filled, but since Matt was willing to do airplane, although he hoped this would be the last time he'd have to degrade himself on this trip, he swallowed the last mouthful of egg and kept it down.
"Are we good?" Matt showed the lady in charge the empty plate.
She nodded and handed them another envelope.
"Check in at the fire pit. The last team to arrive may be eliminated."
The walk to the fire pit was less than a hundred feet, where they were also greeted by the man in colorful garb.
"Matt and Jeff, you are... team number two!"
"Yay!" Jeff danced around, chanting "We're number two! We're number two!"
"Is he always this excitable?" The other man, who they would later learn was the host, Phil, asked.
"This is nothing." Matt watched Jeff caper around. "Just think what you'll see when we win the million bucks!"
...
Ten minutes later, Jerry and Jim checked in and were officially named the third team to arrive, followed by Amy and Jillian right behind them.
"I am impressed. You are two of the smallest competitors on this race and you wolfed that egg down in a hurry." Phil said, even though it looked like a lot of it ended up on their faces.
"I won't need to eat for another week." Amy held her stomach.
"Make that a month for me." Jillian added
"I guess I shouldn't tell you that the villagers are providing a feast in a couple hours." Phil looked at the girls.
"You're right... you shouldn't." The girls accepted the mango juice and sought out a nice shady spot where they could complain about how full they were in peace.
...
"Slow and steady, wife of mine. Slow and steady." Vince methodically cleaned the egg from his plate, then went back to the fry pan for more. Rather than overburden themselves with one huge serving each, Linda and her husband were taking much smaller portions. It made them feel less full, and as the oldest competitors on the race, they needed any bit of an edge they could find. Neither of them could figure out what had caused a disastrous blowout that had cost them all the time they'd gained since arriving in Africa, but they were determined not to let it get to them. After all, they didn't have to be first on every leg. Just the last one.
"Yes, dear." Linda shoveled the remaining egg into her mouth. While she swallowed, she was already filling her plate with the next order.
"If we keep up our pace, we can beat those other two teams." Vince stated. Paul and Stephanie and Joanie and Sean were in the early stages of prep.
"Yes dear." Linda replied
"Can you stop saying 'yes, dear'?" Vince frowned
"Yes, dear." Linda said
...
"Paul and Brian... you're team number five!"
The two ex-boyfriends jumped around jubilantly.
"I understand you two had a little trouble at the detour." Phil looked at them curiously.
"Nothing we couldn't handle, right Bri?" Paul looked at Brian, who wiped a tear from his eye.
"Yeah." He said "We'd still be there if it wasn't for Paul."
"We're running this race to see if we can find what first attracted us to each other." Paul said
"Paul has always been the driving force in our relationship. I forgot how much I needed that until today." Brian hugged him.
"I've got to realize that for us to work as a couple, I need to be more flexible." Paul said "I am workin' on it."
...
"We better find the right place soon. I am so sick of driving around this crappy area." Jimmy, Jr groaned. They had taken one wrong turn after another .
"Don't panic." Jimmy was the strong silent type. "We'll do this in our own way."
"Our own way doesn't seem to be working." His son growled. "Maybe we should try someone else's way."
"What would you recommend, boy?" Jimmy demanded
"This." Jimmy, Jr pulled off to the side of the road. "Someone's gonna drive by and I'm gonna get some friggin' directions... what we should've done right from the start!" He climbed out of the vehicle and waited, leaning against the quarter panel.
...
"Vince and Linda... you're team number six." Phil announced
Linda looked relieved, but Vince looked downright pissed off.
"We got off to a real good start, but we made one or two stupid mistakes. Next time we won't be so stupid." He stomped off.
"He tends to stress out really badly when things don't do his way." Linda shrugged, then followed Vince to a pair of chairs where she tried to soothe his bruised ego. In a race like this, being competitive is good, but being over-competitive can lead to not only bad decision-making, but catastrophe.
"We are not that far behind." Linda sat down and greedily accepted the offered beverage. "If you're really that put out, we'll go for the fast-forward on the next leg."
Vince grunted a reply. That seemed like a real good idea to him.
...
"This is disgusting." Stephanie looked at the egg cooking in the fryer. "And it's taking forever. I'm never gonna eat another egg after this."
"Me neither." Paul agreed. Less than ten feet away, Joanie and Sean sniggered to themselves. That's exactly what they wanted to hear.
"They're psyching themselves out and they haven't even started to chow down." Sean whispered
"Yep... dig in." Joanie was being sneaky. The clue only said that one person had to cook the egg, but it didn't say that it had to be cooked all at once. She figured that if she cooked half or a third of it at a time, they could have the first portion eaten by the time the next one was ready and save time that way. While they ate, they kept an eye on the Paul and Stephanie. As long as they were ahead of them, things were good.
...
"Twenty miles that way... excuse me!" Vickie screamed "I told you we were going in the wrong direction." She slammed her forehead off the steering wheel. "But oh no, you said this was the way." Tired of driving aimlessly, they had stopped to figure out just where the hell this Songwe village was. The answer they got was not good.
"I guess there's only one thing left to do?" Chavo backed up.
"Quit?" Vickie slumped in her seat.
"Not likely. Guerreros may lie, and cheat, and steal, but we don't quit. This time, keep your eyes open. At least we know we're heading in the right direction."
"A fat lotta good that will do if we get eliminated." Vickie retorted
"I'll drive as fast as I can." Chavo slammed the gas down. With a cloud of dust spewing from their tires, the aunt and nephew pairing were back on their way.
...
"Are you ready for more?" Joanie asked
"Bring it on, babe." Sean held out his empty plate. Their plan was working to perfection. Barely had they finished their first helping, then the second was ready for consumption. Paul and Stephanie were still waiting for theirs to finish cooking.
"I'm no egg fan, but this ain't half bad. If only we had some ketchup to go with it." Sean looked around. Maybe ketchup would magically appear?
"Whatever floats your boat, Seanie." Joanie scraped the last traces of egg onto her fork and swallowed them quickly. Once she had her second portion, she poured the rest of the egg into the skillet, smiling to herself. For all the blustering from some of the men on this race, she definitely felt that her womanly charms were going to serve her team very well. Yes, very well indeed.
...
"Yee-haw! We made it!" Cody shouted loudly.
"Christ, you sound like Dad." Dustin mumbled. Paul and Stephanie looked up briefly when the brothers from Texas sprinted into the Roadblock. Joanie and Sean paid them no attention, going about the business of eating the last bits of their egg in peace. They were safe, unless by some miracle four other teams arrived, cooked and consumed the entire egg within the next five minutes.
"Looks like somethin' one of mah chickens laid." Cody tossed the egg from one hand to the other. "Let's fry this bad boy up."
"We grow 'em big in Texas. This ain't nothin." Cody set to frying while Dustin looked at the other two pairs. Tipping his cowboy hat politely. "No offense to y'all, but we're gonna win this thing."
"None taken." Joanie said "Ready?"
Sean swallowed the last spoonful. "Yep. Let's rip ass on this thing." They were finished. Less than a minute later...
"Sean and Joanie, you are team number seven!"
"Lucky seven, babe." Joanie hugged Sean tightly. "It's a good sign."
"As long as we weren't the first ones outta here, I'm happy."
TBC
Seven teams have arrived... who will be the first to go?
