Happy Holidays everyone!
So yeah. Whoever wrote this play must have been on crack or something, because it appears as though this play is going insanely fast. Well, I guess you could compare it to Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare. The whole play was written in the course of a week. Well, okay. I mean the whole play was performed throughout the course of a week. Or less. Basically, Romeo found Juliet on Sunday, they got married Monday, he got exiled Monday, and they died together on Tuesday. Or something equally retarded like that. Have I mentioned that in the one version of the movie Romeo and Juliet, the lead role, Romeo, looks like an English version of Zac Efron? Even more reason not to go and watch that version. If you're going to watch Romeo and Juliet, please watch the Leonardo DiCaprio version, because we at least know that he isn't gay. Except for the whole Titanic gig, "Oh, Jack, Jack, stop it, Jack! You know this piece of wood here only has room for my fat ass!" Yeah. Whatever.
Skyskater really likes Titanic for some reason. I can't understand it. I suppose most girls like that movie because it's all romantic and lovey dovey and everything. But she let Jack freaking DIE. Couldn't they have lain on top of each other on that piece of wood? Seriously! And how do you miss an iceberg THAT FREAKING HUGE?! Heck, even Tousen would be well aware of its presence! And he's BLIND!
Right. But we're in Scene Two. Basically, here, Matsumoto and I are at a Christmas party. It just happens to be held by Orihime, who is Matsumoto's friend in the play and in real life, who hooked up with one of my friends, in the play. Orihime hooked up with Renji (poor girl! I can only imagine what Renji is going to do to her when he realizes that he is now hooked up with her...) and they held a Christmas party. And since the challenger who requested this story (cough cough ArisatoM) always needlessly complicates things, we now have to hook up at said Christmas party.
Ulquiorra is being restrained in the audience. Because, well, he's Jewish, and he disapproves of Christmas things whatsoever. Except it didn't seem that way in my guide to high school, which you should all be reviewing rabidly by now if we ever want to beat Theresa Crane's story "Inner Hollow." How DARE she take my title of "Most Reviews in the Anime/Manga Category?!" How DARE SHE! The audacity of you mere mortals.
So we were at the Christmas party, in which, let me tell you, the scenery was completely and totally fake and everybody could tell that much, and suddenly all the lights shut off, except for the one placed directly on me and Matsumoto. I mean, yeah, this is a play about me and her, but STILL! There are times when even I don't want to be the center of attention!
Thank God we don't actually have to have intimate contact any time during this play. And thank God for Ishida's impeccable and very, very bad timing. Because without him, I think Matsumoto would probably have suffocated me in her rather large appendages with a "hug." Because Ishida wants to kill me in the play, and possibly in real life as well, because I insulted his sewing abilities. But yeah. So he was running across the stage, with a sewing needle in his hand (the plastic one, let me tell you. Why? Because his Daddy probably doesn't want Ishida to ruin his flawless skin or whatever). and he was shouting like a samurai, like he was gonna attack me. And he pounced on me and we had a little grapple over a sewing needle.
Matsumoto said something to the likes of, "Oh, now boys, don't fight, don't fight, there's enough of these" - indications to her rather large chest - "to go around."
I ignored this, but Ulquiorra, however, didn't seem to like this. He stood up, breaking through his bonds, in a MATERNITY swimsuit donated generously by Satscout, and yelled, "Hey! The Quincy trash is MINE!!! MINE MINE MINE!" And he jumped up onto the stage, grabbed Ishida, and ran off with him, cackling something about a 'harem' in the land of No Existence....
Alright...
If you don't get why Ulquiorra was even in a maternity swimsuit in the first place, you'll have to go and check out Hitsugaya's Guide to High School, where all the shitload of crack that is referenced in this story is.
So anyway, after Ishida was dragged off stage, the play could not go on, because he was supposed to knock me out and injure me very badly, and since he did not do that, I could not go to the hospital for the next scene where Matsumoto is supposed to mourn over my broken and battered body in a hospital bed and where I'm supposed to console her and everything and tell her that I'm going to be okay and whatnot. So we just ended Scene Two by using Renji to stab me with a spork. Of course, being the stupid primate that he is, first he stabbed me, and then he stabbed himself with the spork. And let me tell you, I was not even aware that sporks could go in so deep in a gigai. But they did. So, Renji has been deported to the hospital (seriously) and the next scene will take place with me in the hospital (not seriously).
Actually, things could be pretty good for me. With Renji out of the picture, I think I can finally get a break from him. Of course, last time he was in the hospital, it looked as though his room had been invaded by Ulquiorra with the contents of half a landfill and then some because he was complaining about the lies of the advertising market and how '100 percent Welch's Banana Juice was a complete fraud' and how he wanted his money back. So...well...Renji is the hospital's problem now.
Please excuse me while I go dramatically stagger about on stage from my spork wound.
December 24 - Christmas Eve
Wednesday
Staggering about on stage due to a spork wound
Hitsugaya
Please review this and Hitsugaya's Guide to High School! In fact, review all of my stories if you want to! But most important is Hitsugaya's Guide to High School.
Later!
Skyskater
