Second Chances

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : Trust me Weiß are so lucky I don't own them *knows they feel that way* I'm torturing them alot here!

Paring : Ran/Ken

Warnings : Yaoi, OCC, angst

Notes : Stuff written in Italic are thoughts. This chapter is short and I'm sorry but this fic is really hard to write *sighs* And I might as well warn you I'm pouring on the angst with buckets! *nods*

Chapter 2. Out Of Reach

Ran moved around in the small guest-room and sighed. He felt uncomfortable. Ken had changed so much in the eight years that had past. The brunette showed no signs of the sloppy smiling man he had used to be. His house was tidy and just felt so very wrong. Sighing again the redhead left the room and walked downstairs. He needed a drink. After having gone through every drawer and cupboard he realized that there wasn't a drop of alcohol in the house. Annoyed he went into the living-room and glared around. His amethyst eyes landed on some photos or more exactly on one. With a frown he walked up to it and took it in his hands. It was a wedding-photo of Ken and some black haired woman he had never seen before. So Ken was married? The brunette hadn't meantioned it and Ran didn't understand why. Feeling rather depressed he put the picture back and sank down on the couch. Earlier that day Ken had gone out and came back with clothes for Ran. He didn't think the brunette understood how much it had pained him that Ken still new what size he wore and what type of clothes he liked. It was all so familier and yet so out of his reach. He was close to Ken again and that was something he had wanted for so many years but unlike when he dreamt of it he wasn't allowed to touch, love or seek security in those strong arms anymore. Ran needed more then friendship. He needed Ken's love to heal him but he knew he wouldn't get that. The brunette was a man of his word which meant that he would never go back on a promise. Ran hugged himself and curled up on the couch. He was not alone anymore but just the same lonely. Aya-chan was gone and the Ken he loved was gone too. Suddenly tears filled up his violet eyes and he didn't even try to stop them. Crying like a lost child the redhead remembered the time when Ken had been his to love.

Ken quietly left his bedroom and padded down the stairs. He could have sworn he had heard noises. He stopped when he reached the living-room. On the ugly couch his wife had picked out sat Ran. His former lover was crying silently. The brunette felt his heart ache so badly. He had made so many mistakes in his life but this one was probably the worst. Some part of him had given up on ever finding the redhead which had lead to a marriage that made him so unhappy. In the beginning he had really thought that he could love Masami but it was impossible for him. Why? Because she wasn't Ran, she didn't understand him like the redhead did or had. A long time ago he had had the same hopes for a girl named Yuriko. Actually the two diffrent women were a lot alike. Both thought that they owned him, that it was okay for them to change him into something else. But unlike Yuriko, Masami had succeeded. He was no longer Ken, not really. What was left was a pale shadow of a man who now was locked away under a heavy lid of unhappiness. He would have to settle for being Ran's friend and that wasn't enough, it would never be enough. The brunette closed his eyes. Was it so much to ask for, to just once be allowed to have this one thing he wanted so much? He had had asked himself that so many times. All he needed was Ran but his stupidity had made sure he'd never get that. Ken opened his brown eyes again and with sadness and longing he watched the redhead he loved so deeply. He just wanted to run to him, seek comfort in those strong arms, hear that deep smooth voice tell him that everything was going to fine again. Unchecked tears trailed down his cheeks. Please, he begged inside, I just want to be his again. I just want that love back before I… His pleading didn't matter, it never did. Life wasn't fair and he'd never be Ran's again just like Ran would never be his. With his heart lying cracked into pieces around his feet the brunette left. Ken crawled back into his bed and cried himself to sleep. Even before he opened his eyes the next morning he knew that Ran was gone again.

The streets were empty as Ran slowly walked on. He had left Ken's house before the sun rose. It was impossible for him to stay there, it just hurt too much, brought back too many memories that he just couldn't handle. Before he had been able to supress his longing simply because he didn't know what had happened to Ken but now… Now he knew and it was destroying him. His former lover was deeply unhappy, all the kindness and care gone from his eyes and that hurt so much. Ken wasn't suppose to be like that! Ran wanted to help but he wouldn't be allowed. The moment he had realized that the brunette was married he had understood that no matter if the love they had for each other was still there he would never get another chance with Ken. Their time had slipped through their fingers without them even knowing it. The only one he could blame for it was Kritiker. Those people had forced them all apart, ripped friends from each other without even caring. The four of them had signed contracts stating that they were never to have any contact again. Why Ran had never understood and he didn't really care either. He had never had any intention of following that promise anyway. But he had lost Ken because of it. Angry and shuddering in desperation the redhead walked into a store. Moments later he exited hugging a bottle of sake close to his chest. Drinking always helped, it took away the pain and it moved him back to the past where he was happy.

Ken put down the phone and sighed deeply. His wife was killing him inside. It hurt to think that but it was true. She would never make him happy, she would always destroy him due to her lack of understanding. It wasn't really her fault it was just that they didn't work together at all. He needed understanding, love that came from the heart and he needed someone he could seek comfort in. She needed a perfect Japanese husband who followed the rules. Together with Ken she had gotten that but at the expense of Ken's heart, soul and happiness. For six years she had slowly been killing Hidaka Ken to make room for Narazaki Ken. The problem was that Narazaki was just a fake created to hide Hidaka who was supposed to be dead. Ken left the kitchen and walked out the door, not really going anywhere but away from the house he hated so much. His neighbours said good morning but he didn't reply, didn't even hear them. He was 30 years old and felt like a child who everybody made decisions for, claiming they knew better. Masami bought his clothes, decided what he should do with his time, she had even decided where he should work and Ken had just let her. It didn't matter to him, he was already miserable as it was. What diffrence would a few more things do? So he kept on smiling, nodding, obeying, dying… His wife was happy, her parents were happy, her friends jealous over her perfect husband and Ken? Nobody cared about Ken, not even Ken himself. At least it used to be like that until he stumbled over his former lover. Ran needed help and he was going to get it even if it hurt the brunette to be so closed to him. If Ken couldn't save himself he would at least save the one person he loved.

~TBC?~

I'm still not sure where I'm going with this and it's so hard to write *sighs deeply* The next chapter will probably take me a lifetime to get out but please be patience with me. Ja/Atsureki