Think of Me
Sequel to So I Thought
D Gray Man
The Earl's Plans
It was warm in the bed. Safe. Raina felt both Devit and Jasdero by her sides. She knew they were both near her and that she had fallen asleep in their room with them. She held their hands in hers. She looked at them, hurt from falling when fighting Lenalee. She knew it had been Lenalee. It obviously was Lenalee. Who else had Innocence-Boots? No one that she knew of. She didn't want to think too hard about Innocence though because she missed her Innocence. She really did. She wanted to look at her hands, wanted to look at where the rings used to be but it hurt to think that she destroyed her Innocence. How could she use the power of the Dark Matter? She had been an Exorcist. Maybe the selfishness she had – the want for Exorcists and Noah to be able to get along – had allowed her to steal some of the Dark Matter, to use it to destroy her own Innocence, allowed her to remain alive...
She stopped thinking of such things. It gave her a headache. She let go of their hands and stood, still in yesterday's dress. She would soon be put to use for the Earl. She would soon have to work for him, soon have to do...do what? What would he do with her? What would happen to her? Where would he send her? She was a weak Human. She had no strengths now, she had no powers. She wasn't a Noah, she wasn't even an Exorcist anymore, she was a plain old human. She hated that the most. She couldn't defend the people she cared about. She couldn't shield her loved ones anymore. She was defenseless and they had to defend her.
"Pitiful" she sighed, the word rolling off her tongue.
That was how she felt. The sigh caused a reaction though. She heard Devit stir and she turned to look at him, to see if he was indeed rising. He sat up, rubbing his eyes, smearing the makeup he had fallen asleep with on across his cheeks. She walked back to him, the few steps she had taken away from him and leaned down, wiping the makeup off his cheeks with her fingers. He looked up at her, golden eyes still groggy from sleep. She smiled lightly at him.
"Mornin' Rain" he said, and then he yawned and stretched before standing up. He was several inches taller than her now. He had gotten taller, but she didn't mind. He walked past her and got into a drawer with clothes. He started digging through the drawer. She waited for him to get through the drawer. He stopped and she could see that he took something from the drawer and stuffed it in his coat pocket. He then started to walk out of the room. She hurried after him, stumbling slightly in her haste and over something on their floor. He walked out into the hall. He was obviously letting Jasdero sleep a little more. Jasdero must not be feeling well or he wanted him to get more rest so that he could let his arm heal. She noticed Devit was limping a little less, not dragging his bad leg as much.
"How long till your leg is healed?" she asked him, as they walked down the hall.
"Not very long Raina" he answered, his voice gentle with her. She knew it wouldn't take long, he was a Noah he healed even faster than she did, but he was still hurt pretty bad. He opened a door and held it open for her to walk in. It was her room. "Take off your dress, let me see your scars"
Not an unusual request.
She did as he said, taking off her gloves as well. She stood there wearing only her underwear, but not feeling awkward. Devit had seen her naked after all. She didn't need to feel awkward just standing there with her underwear.
He took her one hand and held it lightly in his open palm, looking at the scars that traced over the back of her hand. Only her middle finger was scarred. The back of her hands carried scars that looked like fire, flickering on her hand, burning into her nerves. He flipped her hand over so he could see her wrist. The scars there were duller, almost as if they were fading – she could only hope – but she remembered how long it took for her to be able to move her wrist correctly, how long it hurt.
"How much does it still hurt?" he asked.
"My shoulders sometimes...sometimes it's hard to breathe." She answered.
His fingers were rubbing her shoulder then, as if that could get rid of the pain. She wished it could. She wished she could be herself for him. She smiled lightly, trying to assure him that everything would be alright. Maybe not right now, maybe it wouldn't be alright for a long time, but it would be alright soon. Someday.
"I got you a gift" he said suddenly and she looked at him. "I noticed when you look at your fingers...you get sad" He frowned now, looking at her fingers as well. She looked down at her fingers as well. His hand reached into his coat pocket. "I got these for you" He took out a box and opened it. Inside it were two rings, silver with Celtic loops designs on them. "I didn't remember what your old ones looked like...but I wanted to get something close"
She looked at the rings for a long time. She felt tears prick her eyes for some strange reason, emotions boiling up inside her.
"Devit...they're...They're...I...thank you" she reached for the rings with trembling hands. She touched them and they were ice cold. She slipped them onto her middle fingers, they fit perfectly. She looked at them and she felt the tears run down her cheeks. "Thank you" she whispered again.
"It's not something you have to thank me for..." he said, his voice soft as well. "As long as you're happy." He wiped at the tears on her face. "So there's no need to cry okay?" his voice sounded stressed as he said that. She realized that he didn't like seeing her crying, that he thought he upset her. She laughed through her tears at him.
"Devi…" Her voice was amused and almost her. "I'm crying because I'm happy!"
He looked at her for a long moment and wiped at more of her tears. "Girls are so weird" He muttered, not really sounding like he meant it. "Get dressed, we'll go wake up Jasdero and have breakfast" She smiled and hurried to get dressed. For the first time she didn't feel the need to put on gloves. She didn't want to cover up her new rings.
Her dress was a light blue that day, short-sleeved and long, tighter at the top, but it hung a bit more loosely at the bottom. She wore slipper-like shoes and let her hair loose that day. She made sure to wash her face, so it didn't look like she had been crying. When she was ready, Devit had already left to get ready himself and she hurried after him, feeling like her old self. She didn't know why she felt good that day. Maybe it was because Devit gave her a gift. Maybe it was because rings now sat on her fingers and that was something familiar. She wasn't sure which it was but she was happy, closer to who she had been before.
They hurried back to where Jasdero was still sleeping. He was curled up on his good side, still sleeping peacefully. Raina sat on the bed next to him and gave the blonde boy a gentle shake. He didn't stir. She shook him again and there was a slight grunt from him but he was clearly not waking up. She put her hands on her hips and looked at Devit who stood at the door looking at her, a amused smirk on his face. He looked like he used to when she was a little younger, when she had been a little stronger. She looked back down at the ever-so-innocent looking Jasdero. She stroked some of hair back from his face, in a gentle movement. She smiled and then looked back at Devit.
"Hurry and wake him" he urged. "I'm hungry"
"Alright, alright" then she shook Jasdero again, harder bit she was still careful on account of his arm. He swatted at her with his good arm. "Jasdero!" she shook him again. Finally his golden eyes fluttered open and he looked up at her. She smiled. "Sleepyhead, it's time to get up."
"Rai...? You almost look like..." He rubbed his eyes with his good hand and sat up, yawning, his hair a mess. "You almost look like how...you were" He said the words carefully as if he didn't want to insult her. She laughed, looking carefree.
"Are you still asleep? It's breakfast time Jasdero. C'mon" She jumped off the bed and went to Devit's side, feeling lighter than she had in a long while. She hugged Devit carefully, not wanting her scars to act up and ruin her day.
Devit seemed worried about something and he eyed her carefully. She gave him a reassuring smile and released him from her embrace, turning to go back into the hall. Jasdero got up and ambled after her, straightening his hair with his fingers. Devit followed when his brother was at his side. They watched her and she knew they were watching her. She tried to tone herself down a little. Had she really been so bad? Had she really been so...dull? She'd have to try and slowly change...back. She knew she had been bad. She knew she had been...wrong, but she hadn't realized how bad she had been.
She had to try and be better for them.
They arrived in the dining hall. Fae wasn't there. Tyki was and he looked up at Raina. She smiled at him. He gave her a shocked look. She sat down in her usual chair, Devit sitting next to her and Jasdero sat on the other side of him. She looked at the breakfast that was already set up and reached for her plate so she could put her food on it and eat. She had just grabbed a pancake when Skin sat down, clearly in a bad mood. She looked at him, her violet eyes almost questioning and he shoved her over a little, so he could get to the sweet food. She nearly fell off her chair.
"Skin, watch what the fuck you're doing" snapped Devit.
"Shut the hell up clown" he growled and proceeded to eat. Raina put a hand on Devit's arm, as if to calm him and he looked over at her and pulled her chair closer to his and further away from Skin's, as if that would protect her from the large Noah. She knew that if that larger Noah really wanted to hurt her, he would. He hated her because she used to be an Exorcist and saw her as a threat. She rolled her eyes at that. She was no longer a threat. She thought about this while she ate. She really wasn't, which left no reason for the man to hate her. She didn't even know why he bothered to waste the energy.
After breakfast, Raina went with the boys for them to get their wounds checked out. It seemed that it would take Jasdero another day or two to heal, while Devit got off a lot better with his wound. He'd be better by the next day. That was a relief to Raina. She wanted them to take it easy that day, so she went to the living room and read by the fireplace, sitting on the couch while Devit and Jasdero sat on either side of her. Devit had his one arm possessively around her waist, but she didn't mind as she read the book.
Noah came and went in the room. Lulubell wandered in, in her cat form of course, to lap at a bowl of milk sitting in the corner and to lay by the fire and take a nap. Sometimes when she was in her cat form she would let Raina pet her, but other times she wouldn't. It depended on who was in the room. Right now, she knew that Lulubell wanted a nap though, so she left the black cat alone.
Tyki came in once or twice. He'd talk to Devit and Jasdero but he left her alone since she was reading. She was kind of happy for that. From the tone of his voice, though she didn't look up at him, he sounded annoyed about something. She didn't pay attention to what he was telling the twins though. It was nothing that had to do with her and she had found a long time ago that her mind worked better when it wasn't stressed over things that she had no play in.
Road came in and actually demanded Raina's attention. She shoved some doll in Raina's face, one that an Akuma was still in the process of finishing. The Akuma stood behind Road, fluttering, as if nervous. The doll resembled a mix between herself and Fae. The doll had long nearly-white hair, pale skin, but no scars. Road seemed to really like the doll. "I'm going to use this to find new dresses for you" she said, stroking the doll's hair. "I think I want to do your hair tomorrow. It's too bad Fae won't be back yet" She sighed. "Which room will you be staying in tonight?"
Raina had to give a blank look.
"I know you sometimes spend the night in Jasdevi's room" She smiled, an all too knowing smile and Raina remembered that Road wasn't the child she appeared to be once again. Devit and Jasdero had warned her of that when she first came to stay in the Noah Manor.
"Oh. My room." she answered finally. She looked back at her book to hide her blush, the bruise too easy to see on her neck. Devit turned towards her, leaning his head against her neck, but the bruise was on the other side.
"Devit, you should be more gentle with your toy. She'll break you know. She's only human now."
"She's not a toy" Devit sat straight up now, his pose nearly aggressive. "I love her" He had a lot easier time saying that now. Before he wouldn't want to admit it, but now he said it. He said it and she knew he meant it.
"Whatever you say, Devi" Then she turned, tossing the doll to the Akuma, and walked away. She threw one more grin at the trio. Raina promptly returned to her book, not wanting to think anymore about what Road said. She just wanted to read and forget.
The day went by quickly after that incident. Raina didn't look up anymore when someone approached but it was usually an Akuma anyway. That night she went to her room alone, just as she told Road she would be, but it wasn't long before Devit showed up. When he showed up, it never took long.
She was in her nightgown, she had just changed into it and she looked at him. He looked at her, his eyes confused. She looked at the rings on her fingers, the joy still very deep for him giving them to her. He was looking at her rings too when she looked up.
"If I would have known that those rings would have made you so happy, I would have given them to you sooner" He sighed then.
"Do I really act so..bad?" she asked. He looked at her now. "Everyone seems so shocked about how I'm acting..." She frowned now.
"Raina you haven't been yourself for a very long time." his words were gentle. "It's just a shock about the change that you've had within...the course of a few minutes really" he was frowning now too. She bit her lip, unsure how to take this. She knew she hadn't been herself, but she had worried them that much? Really? She hadn't meant to but it had been hard for her to accept the fact that she was a normal weak human and worse she'd never be able to protect Devit and Jasdero again. They'd always have to protect her. She hated that.
"I'm sorry" she said, her voice soft. She felt bad. "I'll...try to be like my old self though. I'll try to be like I was"
She knew it was a hard promise to make and it was one she knew she might not be the best idea to make it. She wanted Devit happy though, she always had wanted him to be happy, even when she didn't love him. She had wanted it anyway. She decided to change the subject to something easier to think about.
"Do you remember when we were children? When you climbed up that tree so high? I cried because I thought you were going to fall and that got you to come back down"
"I only did it on a dare" He said, rolling his golden eyes. She smiled though. She leaned closer to him, her warm breath on his neck.
"A stupid dare. You could have been killed" She leaned away, raising one of her eyebrows at him. He frowned at her. She turned, flicking her hair and sat down on the bed, the nightgown coiling around her feet. He looked at her and then walked to her.
"I obviously wasn't though" His hand touched her shoulder and he leaned down kissing her more passionately than should have been aloud. She didn't want to touch him, to encourage his touch, but her fingers slid against his chest. He pulled away from her panting. "I swear you're going to be the death of me" His voice was low and husky though.
She liked it.
She put one hand on his shoulder, sliding her leg up his until she could lean it against his hip. He looked down at her his eyes burning and she smiled, ever so slightly. She felt coy, teasing...she wanted to tease him.
"Or I'll drive you mad" She replied. "Which ever one comes first" She made her voice sound husky too and really she was feeling it. It was like her nerves were on fire. She needed something to quench that fire and he was defiantly it.
"Then drive me mad" He leaned back down to her lips but the kiss was short lived. He nipped at her lip and then her neck. His lips touched the sensitive base of her neck "I'll be more careful this time" His whispered, pausing only for a moment. She pushed off his jacket, looking him straight in the eye.
"I like it when you're rough" She whispered roughly. He sighed, looking away. She dug her nails into his bare skin. He gasped, but he wasn't in pain and she knew it. "You like it too" she said, but her voice wasn't accusing.
"I'm going to kill you one of these days" It wasn't a threat, merely a statement of the fact. She heard the fear behind his worlds. She kept looking into his eyes, digging her nails deeper into his skin. She saw ruby red on her nails.
"Until then, this will be one hell of a good time" She removed her fingers from his skin and he looked at the crescent shaped cuts that dripped red. He looked at her, his mouth set in a frown but she wouldn't have any of it. She kissed him, harder than he kissed her, digging her fingers into his hair. She pulled him onto the bed with her.
He pushed himself up, so he was over her. Her fingers were still in his hair. "Raina, you're being an idiot" he growled.
"Or you're being a jackass" She growled back. He jumped up, ripping himself out of her arms to stalk across the room. She sat up, glaring at him. "Why the hell are you being like this?"
"Shut up!" He growled and he twisted away, so he was no longer facing her. "Damn it Raina – Damn it all!" He hand his hand in his hair. Raina noticed that the cuts she had left in his skin were already closed and healing. She looked at him, at the back of his head.
"I'm sorry Devit" her voice was soft. "I don't know myself anymore"
He turned fast, a motion that was a blur to her eyes. "You don't know yourself? I barely fucking know you anymore!" His words stung and she felt the tears in her eyes. She stood then and pointed at the door.
"Then get the fuck out of my room" She said, her voice hurt. He looked at her for a long moment and sighed.
"Raina...I'm sorry" He said, his words were gentle and he took a step towards her.
"We're just not the same as we used to be Devit...What happened to us?" She sat back down on the bed, looking upset. He took a seat by her and brought her into his arms, holding her close.
"I don't know Rain. I'm sorry though. What I said was cruel and harsh" She giggled lightly, though it was hardly the setting for a laugh. "What?"
"I never heard you say sorry to anyone but me" She looked up at him, the tears lingering in her eyes.
"Because I never had a reason to"
That shocked her. She would have imagined that he might try to deny that. He didn't. He just gave her a reason, his voice even and honest. She looked down, her eyes glued to the ground, her bare feet and the gown that curled around them, soft and delicate. It was given to her for her birthday from her twin. She had given Fae and beautiful dress and a matching pair of shoes.
He sat with her on the bed. He took her hand and held it both tightly and gently.
"I love you Raina" She closed her eyes and she curled up on her bed, pulling herself away from him. He turned and looked at her. "I'll leave you alone tonight." Without another word he stood and left. She glanced at his face as he turned. He was upset, but she didn't want to say anything. She let him close the door and she pulled the cover her head.
The morning came and Raina was still alone. She felt stiff from being curled in a ball all night. She stretched and got dressed by herself – something she didn't often do because she was too unaware of the world. She felt...sad. She had fought horribly with Devit last night. She was combing her hair, her back to the door, and she heard the door open. She dropped the brush and spun around.
"Devit I'm so – Oh" She stopped, seeing it was the Earl instead of Devit.
"Good, good, you're awake. I know what I want you to do now. It's breakfast time and you weren't there. Come, I'll explain to everyone when we arrive." She hesitated, not wanting to go with the Earl. He gestured for her to follow him. She pulled her hair back and then followed him out into the hall. He had her walk in front of him, his hand on her shoulder. She stumbled forward, nervous and afraid of what was happening. She wished Devit had stayed the night with her. They finally entered the dining room and everyone was already sitting there. Everyone looked up at her and she stopped. It only lasted a moment before the Earl pushed her forward again. She saw Fae's chair was empty. She hurried to her seat though, to Devit's side. Maybe she would feel safe then.
She sat down, looking at her lap. She heard the Earl sit down then too and she looked up at him finally. His grin, as always, was on his face. He looked at her and she looked back down, her breath catching in her throat. What was going to happen to her?
"Raina, today I have decided your fate. It's too bad your sister is still on her mission and will miss this. She would be interested in this. I have decided to allow you to claim your fortune as the last surviving Fitzgerald. Your house is nearly finished you know. Soon you'll be able to move right in. I will be supplying you with servants" He leered at her and she felt the blood starting to drain from her face. She didn't like the sound of this.
"A...alright" she agreed softly. "What about Devit and Jasdero? What about Fae?" she asked. She had to know. She knew Devit was tense beside her, but the Earl sat at the other end so she could not see him.
"They will be doing their jobs as Noah. They will remain with the Manor" The words shocked her. She sat absolutely still. She swallowed hard, trying not to show too much fear.
"W...well what will I do?" she asked, she was trying to keep her head straight.
"You will do as I tell you to"
"And if I don't want to?"
It was silent for a long tense moment.
"You won't live much longer" She dared a glance at Devit just as he slammed his hand on the table. His face was aggressive. She knew before he had met her he had listened to the Earl without fail. She felt bad that she was endangering him and his brother.
"Don't threaten her!" he growled. "She can do whatever she damn well wants!" He slammed his hands down again, glaring at the Earl. The Earl looked at him evenly.
"You wanted her to get out of the manor, get some fresh air and now she can" He said and Devit clenched his fists, glaring downward. Raina didn't like the way he looked at the ground.
"I'll do it" she said. Devit and Jasdero's eyes were on her, while her eyes were on the Earl. "I'll pack and-"
"No need to pack, you'll just leave as you are in the morning." the Earl said, voice now pleasant. He was happy now that she had agreed to his plans. She figured that he would be happy after that. She bit her lip and stole a glance at Jasdero and Devit. Devit looked angry at her, Jasdero's eyes were widened with worry. Tyki was looking at her too, looking at her as if she was crazy. She supposed she might be since she was just giving up to the Earl's will.
"Alright" she said, her voice meek.
"Now everyone enjoy their breakfast!" He seemed gleeful and while most Noah did as he said, beginning to dig into their food. Raina stood and left. She heard Devit and Jasdero following her. She knew they would. She went right to her room and stood inside of it.
"What the hell were you thinking?" Devit snapped as soon as he had slammed the door shut.
"I was thinking of not letting you get in trouble like a dumb ass!" She said, frowning at him.
"Oh! So you thought it better that you go and disappear for a while, go play human?"
"If you forgot Devit, I am a fucking human!"
"Stop! Stop!" squeaked Jasdero. He hugged her as if shielding her from Devit's angry glare. She looked over his shoulder at Devit. Devit's gaze did not soften, in fact he looked angrier that Jasdero was trying to shield her. She sighed, eyes looking away from Devit.
"Raina, you can't go"
"You aren't the boss of me Devit"
"You can't" Jasdero added.
"Why not?" she asked, annoyance making her voice snap. She shoved Jasdero away. She only got away from him because he let her shove him back – otherwise she would have been fucked. She turned away from them. She knew why they didn't want her to leave though. She knew...
The Earl would have complete control of all three of them. Keeping her away from Jasdero and Devit meant that they couldn't protect her or move her away from the danger. The Earl could threaten her to get them to do what he wanted, and he could do the same to her.
"I have to do this" She whispered. She didn't hear and argument so she turned, found Devit behind her and buried her face in his chest. She knew Jasdero was holding onto her too. She felt the tears run down her face, she knew Jasdero was crying too. "I love you guys"
"We love you too"
Sorry this took so long! I've been trying to work on it but I haven't been able to just because I was so busy with college. Here it is though and I hope you enjoy the chapter. Fights and drama and lot of love. Raina seems a little more normal, but what will happen to her when she's separated from Jasdevi?
