Retrieval Saga
A Can Full of Clones
Chapter 3: Spike
Well, it started out like a typical day in Kauai. Typical, that is, for an experiment hunter or a Viral Clone hunter. Today, Matt, Chris, Draco, Chip, and Morph were chasing after a Viral Clone that had just activated. They didn't get a good look at it before they started chasing it, and it was moving too fast to really see it, but they followed it by the noise it made as it ran threw the woods. "This little fella's fast," said Matt. "Don't worry, we'll catch him," said Draco, "There's a clearing up ahead.
The group eventually caught up to the Viral Clone in the clearing. Matt had just enough time to see a porcupine-like creature snarl at him before he had to dodge the spines it threw at him. "Watch out! It's Spike's Viral Clone!" called Chip, "Don't let him prick you!" "You're telling me," said Chris as he just ducked out of the way so some more quills. Draco, Chip, and Morph jumped behind a log to escape the quills, but then Viral Spike turned and shot his quills through a hollow in the log. This caused the three experiments to get a butt-full of spines and made them jump up with a yelp. Matt was about to jump onto Viral Spike to grab it, but it sent out one last barrage before running away.
"Drat!" said Matt, "oh well, we'll get him next time. Right, Draco? Draco?" Draco's eyes had gone noticeably blank and were looking a bit cross-eyed. He stuck out his tongue and said, "Duh!" "What's with him?" asked Chris. "Spike was designed with a toxin that increases one's goofiness by 99 percent, leaving 1 percent clever," explained Chip as he removed the spines from his butt, "I'll have to get a new exo-body now." "How comes you're acting like Draco?" asked Matt, pointing at Draco who was currently trying to catch his own tail. "Three reasons, one, I have two brains, two, they're both half machine, three, I'm built like Jumba. Even 1 percent is clever enough." "How long will this last?" asked Chris, who was trying to keep Draco from licking him. "It should wear off in 48 hours," said Chip, "wait, where's Morph?"
Morph had just gotten up and said, "I don't feeling so good." Suddenly Morph started spazzing out and making lots of weird noises. When Morph got back up again, he said slowly, "I…wanna... talk a bit about what's going on, because I think that this is a rather intriguing phenomenon. What Chip said was right. The original Experiment 319, or Spike if you will, does cause this, well, I hate to call it insanity, but let's say it is a temporary lapse of intellect." Matt did a double take because Morph was speaking in a much higher manner than usual, and with a British accent no less. "Uh, what's up with you?" he asked. "Excellent question, Matthew, the reason for my heightened sophistication is because Spike's venom causes one to have a 1 to 99 ratio of cleverness to silliness." "So?" "Well, in average state of mind, if it can be called that, my cleverness to silliness ratio was .001 to 99.999." "So, it actually made you a thousand times smarter?" asked Chris, trying to take it in. "Quite right, Christopher," said Morph.
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'Clever people are important…they make better blasters for a start.' This was a saying from the Disperse International merc manual that Matt had borrowed from Chris to read. He pondered this as Morph wandered round the house. He was already winding Matt round the bend. He'd hacked Matt's online profile he used for contracting and altered the description to a 'more accurate' profiling. It now read, much to Matt's horror, "A young man whose brain has been addled in almost any way you can imagine with a penchant for instruments of destructions."
While this had tripled his contract offers, Matt was very secretive of his private files, hence why our hero has lead Morph to the tumbledryer. "Really…Do you really think this can fool me?" said Morph, yawning. Matt grinned giggling insanely "Nope…just distract you so I can do this!" and with that, Matt punted the experiment inside it. It took Stitch, Lilo, AND Chris to restrain him from hitting max temperature.
Matt finally took a deep breath and walked off, muttering "I know where you sleep, Morph," before turning the corner. A cry of 'FOOODY!' was heard followed by a cry of 'WHAT THE HE…MMMPH!!' and Matt walked back in. The reason was that Draco currently had his jaw clamped around his head. "Someone, Get, Him, Off," said Matt in a muffled voice before saying, "This has to end…either we cure them, or I go postal on them."
Matt, Chris, and Kala left soon afterwards. It didn't take long for them to decide that they couldn't wait 48 hours for Draco to sober up and Morph to stop being a smartypants. Especially when Draco ate Kala's make-up collection and Morph filled up Chris's MP3 with classical music. So now they were looking for Viral Spike. The trail was a bit hard to find since Viral Spike had stopped firing his quills, but they found it and were following it. "You sure this will work?" asked Matt. "I'm not sure," said Kala, "but in theory, if I can get some of his DNA, I should be able to create a cure not just for the virus, but for the toxin." "I certainly hope you're right," said Chris, "those two are driving me bananas."
They paused when they heard voices up ahead. In fact, it sounded like a fight was breaking out. Instead of sticking to the path, they decided to move through the undergrowth. They crept quietly until they were near where the noise was coming from. They peeped through the branches into a very small clearing. NegaMorph was standing, apparently having just beaten Viral Spike from the way he was holding him and the number of quills lying about. "You were a tough little fighter," said NegaMorph, "but I won out in the end. I always get it in the end." "There is no way I'm letting that over-inflated shadow take that Viral Clone," muttered Matt and he shot a super-hot ball of plasma straight into NegaMorph's rear. It didn't take long at all for NegaMorph to notice. He jumped high in the air with a yelp, dropping Viral Spike. He landed a considerable distance away in a spring. Some of the water evaporated when it came in contact with NegaMorph's flaming butt, but he just let out a sigh of relief. Matt quickly grabbed Viral Spike with the gloves he was wearing and put him in a capture container. "Let's get out of here before Mr. Hot Cross Buns recovers," he said.
When they got back to the house, Contrinus opened the door. Matt noticed that she was missing a few wing feathers and tail feathers. "Oh, thank goodness you're here with that thing," said Contrinus. "What happened to your feathers?" asked Kala. "Draco plucked some to make an Indian headdress," said Contrinus. "Why would he want to do that?" asked Chris. A second later, a plunger arrow flew through the air and landed in the middle of Chris' forehead. Then Draco ran out into the living room, wearing the mentioned headdress and riding a broom like a horse. "Would you mind?" asked Contrinus. "I'd love to," said Kala and she grabbed Draco and administered the cure. Draco's eyes snapped back into focus and he asked, "Have I been under that Virus Clone's stupidity poison?" When the others nodded, Draco said, "I thought I felt funny. Can I keep this headdress?" "Not until I grow my feathers back," said Contrinus, snatching it.
At that point, Chip walked into the room. "What are you guys doing?" he asked. "We just cured Draco from that Spike toxin and now we're gonna do it to Morph," said Matt. "Do you really have to do that?" asked Chip, "I find Morph to be a lot more tolerable when he's not acting like a moron. In fact, it's nice to have someone intelligent to have a conversation with. By the way, where is Morph?" "Over there," pointed Contrinus.
Morph was curled up in a large wing backed chair with a book nearly as large as himself. He was wearing a red dressing robe with a matching fez. He was also wearing thick glasses on his main eyes and blowing bubbles out of an old-fashioned calabash pipe. "I see you were victorious in your indenture to retrieve the rogue intellect inhibitor," said Morph, "I congratulate you." "Hey!" cried Chip, "That's my big wing backed chair! And that's my sophisticate bubble pipe!" Morph sniffed disdainfully and said, "I think that my increased IQ entitles me to use these commodities. Besides, I believe that they are far more suitable to me than they could be for you." Chip glared at Morph and muttered to Kala, "Cure him."
Morph didn't notice Kala walking towards him and was continuing on, "Indeed, in fact there is an often-said phrase regarding the superiority about intellect. And that is," suddenly Kala administered the cure to him, "duh." Morph's air of sophistication instantly vanished and the clever look in his eyes was replaced by one of very simple-mindedness. "Is he back to normal?" asked Matt. "Only one way to find out," said Chris and he removed the plunger arrow from his head. He tied a string with a Twinkie on the end to the end of it and stuck it on Morph's forehead. Immediately, Morph yelled, "Twinkie!" and started running about the room, trying to 'catch' the Twinkie. "You know," said Matt, "I'm wondering if we were better with him being a smartypants." As Morph ran by again, they all said a simultaneous "NAH!"
There's another chapter. I know this one's really short, but I really want to get on with the other chapters, which should be much more interesting. Keep an eye out for it, please review.
