Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

And. Fuck.

Such a satisfying word, isn't it? The word 'fuck'?

So succinct and strong. Just like the word cunt. James Potter is a fucking cunt.

I'm sorry, I'm not usually this graphic, crude and over powering but you must understand where I'm coming from. I just got out of the memory of James mercilessly torturing me for half an hour in front of the whole Common Room. It took both the Head Boy and Head Girl to get him to stop, and even then they had to threaten him with taking away his Quidditch privileges.

Seeing this memory again in 3D and Surround Sound only renews my hatred for that shmuck.

The memory began innocently enough; I was sitting with my friend Dorcas on a couch with James and his posse. The five of them were talking about some sort of aspect of the wizarding world that I was unfamiliar with. Upon my inquiry James sneered and began to badger me about it.

Dorcas tried to explain but he wouldn't let her; just taunted me and taunted me until I snapped and we began to fight.

It was an unfair advantage because even though James was just a Second Year like me, he had been living in the wizarding world since birth and picked up some nasty spells taught by cousins and such along the way.

The worst one that caused the Heads to interfere was a hex that transformed me into a helpless puppet complete with strings. James had me dance around the room singing a little ditty to the tune of 'Ring around the Rosey': 'I'm a fat know it all who doesn't know nothing at all, beat me, harass me just don't try to cheat off me, cos I'm a fat know it all…"

Etcetera, etcetera and etfuckingcetera.

The Man is staring at me while I'm fuming and finally says, "After all that, you still decided to date him? Do you have any self-respect?"

"He got better." I protest indignantly.

Hold the phone. Why am I defending him? More importantly, why DID I date him after that?

The Man changes the memory so that when I inquire about the wizarding world, Dorcas just explains it, and we go back to our studies.

If I'm honest with myself, even though the memory is gone of James humiliating me in front of the entire Gryffindor student body, the feeling of complete and utter heart break still lingers. How could anyone be so cruel at such a young age?

A sudden thought flits into my mind. "How difficult could it be to shift James into a different house? Slytherin for example?"

"Doesn't he hate Sly- Oh. You are bad ma'am." He says with a grin.

I smile and roll my eyes at him. We move onto the next memory where I am sitting at a table with Severus playing a quiet game of S.0.S. in the library. The game is simple enough; you draw a grid on a piece of paper and each player takes turns drawing an S or an O, the goal is to get as many 'S.O.S.'s as possible. Severus and I had always rather heated competitions and we'd whisper furiously at each other as we played.

Of course James thought that it was the lamest game possible and took every chance he could to tell us that. In this particular case Little James and Little Sirius were hidden behind a book case blatantly giggling at us.

"Oh Severus give me an O." Mimicked James in a high voice.

Little Me looks up warily and mutters to Severus to ignore them. Severus reaches for his wand and grasps it firmly in case.

"Just ignore them Severus." Little James echoes.

"Shut up!" Little Me calls.

"Ms. Evans, Do keep your voice down!' Hisses Madame Pince. Little Me blushes and looks to be on the verge of tears. Severus squeezes my hand in comfort, which Little James sees and makes him only provoke us further.

"Liiiiilllyyyy Eeeeevvvaaannnnssss who's hair is red as a piiiiiiiiiiiimple. Ugly, ugly Eeeeevvvvaaaaannnsssss, who's plain and stupid and siiiiiiiimmpleeee."

Little Me stands up, red faced and crying freely. Severus has jumped to his feet as well, the tip of his wand brandished just past my shoulder.

"Shut up James Potter! You're pathetic and low and stupid. I hope you drown in the Black Lake!" I scream.

Madame Pince comes marching up behind us and puts her hands on her hips. "Ms. Evans, how dare you disrupt the quiet atmosphere of the library." Little Me turns around, hands covering my mouth.

"Yes ma'am, we were just looking for a book, and I asked Lily if she saw it and then she yelled at me." Says James innocently.

"Ms. Evans you will leave immediately and will not come back for a week." Says Madame Pince shrilly.

I'm crying by now and horrified, I flee the library quickly and quietly.

The Man looks at me sympathetically and squeezes my shoulder. "Oh shut up." I snap.

-James POV-

James returned back to the flat he shared with Lily. It was still in disarray from the previous night, and James stepped gingerly over Lily's broken mug.

"Lily?" He called out.

There was no answer, and for that James was glad. He began cleaning up the fight, repairing the mug, wiping coffee stains off the walls and folding away the blanket and spare pillow he used for the couch.

He timidly stepped into the bedroom and saw the newly opened bottle of Fire Whiskey by the bedside table. James sighed and picked it up. About six shots were taken from it, which was a sufficient amount to get a non-drinker like Lily completely ossified.

The bed wasn't made and the acrid smell of puke wafted from the bathroom adjacent to the bedroom. He rolled his eyes. No doubt Lily was probably drunk and stupid staggering about London. Either that or hung over and bitter.

He found he couldn't quite bring himself to care. Especially once he saw that Lily didn't care enough to get proper aim for the toilet.

For the millionth time James found himself on his hands and knees cleaning up after the calamity of Lily's temper. With painstaking care, he placed all her toiletries back in their places, made the bed and washed the dishes.

-Me!-

We're almost done Second Year, I think just one more memory to go and we'll move on to third year, the peak of James' cruelty. I'm not looking forward to it, if it's anything like second year, I will spend seconds that feel like hours agonizing over each word spoken.

It's hard not to be spiteful when I see myself get pushed around by James. The question still rings in my ears. Why, James? Why did he have to be so cruel?

Any and all insecurities that I have ever felt stem from him and his low blows. Sometimes it's hard for me to be with him as a girlfriend knowing that at one point he saw me as ugly and fat.

I know, he was young and immature.

But still, there are moments that I wonder if he still thinks it. He was so adamant for three years that I was pathetic, what if I am just a good lay?

Even though he won me over, and succeeded in making me fall for him (which makes me question my sanity at present) when we fight, he knows exactly how to cut me down.

The Man is waving away James' disruptions in classes, dulling him down to just a presence in the back. It seems almost insulting to deprive the exuberant James of his glamour, but it's what I need. Sometimes Sirius is the one disrupting the class, or joking around, but for the most part, The Man transfers my life into an ordinary day to day.

It's nice.

"So, madam, how would you like me to craft this one?" The Man asks lazily. We're in the common room, and The Man has collapsed into a chair and is looking on in mild interest as James takes full advantage of my dozing form.

"Let me guess…he's going to cut your hair." He says. I nod, and sigh as James hacks away at my hair.

"Just have it that Peter is practicing something for Charms, it goes awry and my hair is caught in the crossfire."

The Man nods and I stagger into a seat as I feel the burning sensation at my temples.

"Should we take a break and retire to an idle memory?" The Man asks as he observes me weather a particularly bad burn. I shake my head and take a few steadying breaths.

"No, no I want this over with. Let's continue." I say. He merely nods and offers his hand as the sickeningly golden swirls surround us.

A/N:

Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize.

I feel the need to do some of the usual shout outage that writers do. And here I go.

Fortheheckofit: I wish you had a story I could review to give back the total gem you gave me in either this story or my other one. Thank you so much for it. I usually write in the ungodly hours of the night aka 3am, so my grammar is sub par. I apologize. ( (I agree with your profile, the new incubus stuff blows large chunks of ugly.)

And for the rest of you cherubs out there…expect me to ravish your stories with undulated lovin' because that's what you guys deserve and it's only natural that that I return the favour.

and i apologize if the word cunt offends anyone.

Until then….PEACE OUT!