Wade Wilson walked up to his house and opened the door. As soon as he crossed the threshold, he heard his phone ring. He picked it up and answered.

"Wade Wilson, Merc With A Mouth Services, how may help you?"

"Hey, man." A guy on the other end answered.

"Oh, Jack! Seriously, every time I hear your voice it reminds me of that guy from Transformers."

"Whatever, dude." Jack Hammer replied. "Whenever I see your face I feel sorry for all your girlfriends who had to see that."

Wade chuckled. "Well, what's goin' on?"

"Okay, so I'm working at Hellhouse right now."

"You mean Sister Margaret's School For Wayward Children?" Deadpool asked. He lowered the phone and whispered to you. "It's a backstory trope. Roll with it."

"Right. So I overheard some guys who look like hitmen talking about some data they stole from you. They were goin' on about how they wanna take down S.H.I.E.L.D. or something."

"Oh boy. I figured selling government secrets might've been a bad idea. Who are these guys?"

"I only caught a glimpse of the guy doing all the talking. He has a beard, like he's got this James Harden thing going, although this man is white."

"Are they regulars?"

"Oh yeah in fact they're still here. You should get over here before they leave."

"Gotcha Jack. Thanks for the heads up." Wade hung up.

Deadpool's shadow stood in the doorway of Sister Margaret's School For Wayward Children. He strolled in, holding a crude drawing based on Jack Hammer's description. "Has anyone seen this man?"

The patrons looked uneasy and confused.

Deadpool put the paper away. "Okay, let's try this. Which one of you is the white guy with a James Harden beard?"

A glass was dropped and crashed on the ground.

"Oh, there you are. Come here." Deadpool spied the guy who looked the most frightened. He did have a beard. He also was hesitating. "Oh, come on. Don't make me count to three."

The guy pushed his two buddies towards Deadpool. "Take him out."

Deadpool unsheathed both swords. "We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way." He looked at you. "I love saying that. It guarantees me a decent action sequence."

The thugs pulled out their guns and cocked them. "Get out," One of them menaced.

Deadpool cowered and dropped his swords. "Oh no! Weapons! This is worse than that time I got my swords stolen and was stuffed in a cage! I know this is the end."

"Yeah, buddy." The bigger thug pulled the trigger on the pistol, and Deadpool fell, writhing in pain.

"Oh! You used the hard bullets!" He cried. "Now I'm a victim of senseless gun violence."

The two thugs stood over him and each shot him once in the head. Deadpool's body went limp. "Let's get outta here." One of them said.

They turned and walked back to the man they were with. He handed them each a couple hundred dollar bills. He also gave the Jack Hammer a wad of cash. "Keep the change." He told him. "Let's go."

Bang! Bang! Two gunshots rang through the air. The thugs froze, a look of shock coming across their faces. Then they crumpled to the ground.

Deadpool was standing, shirt full of bullet holes and gun smoking. He winked at you. "I'm a good guy with a gun."

The bearded man stood alone, trembling with fear and rage.

"So I decided to announce a recall on that S.H.I.E.L.D. data." Deadpool quipped.

"Uh, uh, I can't..."

"C'mon, it'll be easy, especially since I still have some bullets left."

"If I give it to you, will you let me live?" The man asked.

"Maybe."