A/N: There weren't enough romance scenes in the game for m!shep/kaidan IMO, so more unrepentant scene tweaking (or outright overhauling) ahoy :D ufufu


This has to be a nightmare, Kaidan thought numbly, amazed at how steady his hands were. First the attack on the Citadel, and now this.

He stared down his gun at his old friend and prayed for a miracle. Let me be wrong. Please don't let this be what it looks like.

"Kaidan." Shepard's voice was firm but soothing, an odd contrast to the hard look in his eyes. His gun remained raised, though it wavered just the slightest as Kaidan put himself between the Commander and his target. "You don't know what's going on here. Step aside."

"Are you insane? I'm not going to let you kill a Council member!"

"Damn it, Alenko, move," Garrus barked, his own rifle unwaveringly aimed just past Kaidan's shoulder. Udina stepped to the right a bit to put himself more directly behind Kaidan and out of the line of fire.

Shepard hissed a curse and lowered his gun, signaling Garrus and Vega to do likewise. "Kaidan, you have to trust me."

Kaidan stared back at him, torn. All of his training told him not to back down. He was a Spectre now, and it was his duty to protect the Council, even from other Spectres. Still, his resolve wavered in the face of Shepard's olive branch. The man's dislike of Udina was not exactly a secret, but it was still hard to believe Shepard would pull a gun on the man without a good reason.

He faced his friend down, wrestling with his head and his heart. A detached part of his mind, the part still hoping this was all a bad dream, began pointing out odd nonsensical things. The distant sound of screams and gunfire. How damned scary a turian with a rifle looked when you were facing him on the wrong side of the scope. The way the nervous sweat trickling down his back was beginning to itch maddeningly. The quick, frightened breathing of the Asari Councilor.

And the unmarred surface of Shepard's face. It was still odd to him, seeing the man without the jagged scar that had once cut a line down the left side of his face. He'd explained it to Kaidan once, shortly before their arrival on Illium. "Got it back on earth," he'd said with a faint smile, turning his glass of water for the light to catch on it and make faint rainbows. "Some rival gang member came at me with a broken bottle. He cut up my face. I cut up his stomach." He'd downed the water as if it were alcohol, as if the drink could wash away the memory. "I was a scared angry kid trying to make a name for myself. I don't even know if he got to a hospital in time."

There was no scar anymore. Not after Cerberus had... rebuilt him. It was one of the things that nagged at Kaidan's mind, planting suspicions. For the umpteenth time the paranoid thought- is this really Shepard? –crossed his mind. The man's blue eyes bored into him, willing him to listen, to trust him. To step aside.

It was time for a leap of faith. He either trusted Shepard or he didn't. It was as simple as that. He took a slow breath. "I'd better not regret this," he said with feeling.

Shepard inclined his head slightly, acknowledging the difficulty of the decision. "You won't."

Clenching his teeth, Kaidan turned and leveled his gun at the outraged Councilor at his back.


The tension in the elevator was palpable. Kaidan stood with his back against the wall, trying not to look as nervous as he felt. Shepard obviously hadn't been expecting to run into him so soon after their standoff with Udina; he'd taken two steps, noticed the other Spectre, and come to a dead halt. He eyed Kaidan a little warily, but with a stubborn set to his jaw. I'm not going to apologize for shooting the bastard, his body language said loud and clear.

I'd have done it, too, Kaidan reminded himself. Udina had signed his death warrant by pulling a gun on a fellow Council member. Though perhaps Kaidan would have kneecapped him instead. Then maybe C-Sec could have gotten some intel out of him. Still, what was done was done, and he knew Shepard well enough to know it was an argument better left untouched.

"Hackett's offered me a new assignment."

Shepard shifted his weight, gaze moving away. His brow furrowed for a moment. "They had to find you work sooner or later," he said, trying for a light tone and failing.

Kaidan nodded, crossing his arms over his chest because he felt like he didn't know what to do with his hands. "I'd turn him down in a second if I thought I'd be welcome on the Normandy again," he said quietly. He waited, breath held.

Shepard looked back at him quickly, startled. A pleased smile was already creeping across his face. "Of course. I- we would love to have you back on board, Major."

A lot of the tension eased out of Kaidan's frame, and he smiled back, though more reservedly. He straightened, hand lifting for a salute, but Shepard stepped forward suddenly, grasping his shoulder fondly. "You belong on the Normandy just as much as I do. And if this fight's going to be the war to end all wars, I want people I trust at my side."

Kaidan flushed, touched and ashamed all at once. Just days ago he'd still been wrestling with nagging doubts about Shepard's loyalties, and here the man was, placing complete trust in him again. He felt like a heel.

Shepard's smile wavered for an instant, his eyes flicking over Kaidan's face. There was something in his eyes that Kaidan didn't understand, but he was suddenly acutely aware of just how close the other man was, a mere foot of empty space between them. His fingers twitched with the sudden dangerous urge to touch that unmarked cheek. The almost irresistible urge to prove that Shepard was real, was still alive. Was still the Shepard he'd fought beside three years ago.

Was it his imagination, or had Shepard swayed just a little bit clos-?

The elevator gave a buzz that made them both jump.

"Please select your destination," the canned voice reminded them over the loud speaker. Shepard stepped away from Kaidan quickly, looking a little flustered, and punched the button to take them directly to the Normandy's airlock. "Liara and Garrus will be glad to see you again," he said lamely.

"Yeah," Kaidan muttered, staring out of the glass sides of the elevator at the view. He wasn't sure he could look at his Commander just yet.

He just hoped Shepard couldn't hear the way his heart was banging nervously against his ribcage.