Chapter 3: The Guilty Ones


"Well, this is it," said Michelle warmly, "our home. Your home, now, too."

Michelle was the opposite of everything Bella had expected. She was middle-aged, but looked younger, and had that rare natural beach blond hair that didn't quite coincide with green Forks, Washington. She was also easily turning out to be one of the most cheerful people on the planet, and having her husband's first wife's daughter show up out of nowhere with piercings and tattoos in tow apparently did nothing to deter her.

"Thank you," replied Bella, "really, for everything. You're being so nice to me."

Michelle creased her forehead. "Well, don't get too ahead of yourself, dear, I couldn't manage to get either of the boys to break their plans. Charlie will be home soon for dinner. James... well, he'll be home eventually."

This was about the fourth time Michelle had apologized for the absence of Bella's new father and step-brother--her new step-brother whose name was James... which was the last name of--

Don't, thought Bella as she filed this thought away routinely.

"Really, it's fine," assured Bella again, "I didn't want to make a fuss anyway."

"Nonsense, dear," said Michelle as she showed Bella to her new room, "you're family. And after poor Renee's death, it's the least we--"

"I'd rather not talk about that," said Bella, averting her eyes.

"Of course, sweetie. Well, this is your room... I do hope it's not too small."

Bella looked around curiously. They appeared to be on a remodeled section of the bottom floor. Her room was roughly three times bigger than anything she'd had with Renee and it was already stocked with a huge lush bed in the center, a desk and computer to the right, and a phone on a stand beside a couh to the left. In the back stood a door that looked suspiciously like it led to her own bathroom.

"It's wonderful," said Bella honestly, "I love it."

"Good!" replied Michelle, "I have to go check on a few things for dinner. I'll let you unpack."

Bella waited for Michelle to leave before she collapsed on the bed, surprised at how comfortable it was. She tried to think of something boring that would keep the impending and unwelcome thoughts at bay, like what Charlie and James were out doing... James. The name sent shivers up her spine again. Bella felt horribly guilty for leaving him--and Natalie--behind without an explanation, but it was truly better this way. Bella had been a tornado destroying everyone in her path. It was best to get out before any further damage was inflicted.

She peeled herself from the bed and started unpacking. She had a significant amount of more possessions than the last time she'd moved out since she'd been able to take whatever she'd desired from Renee's. Bella now wore a diamond heart pendant around her neck, really the only thing of value Renee had owned, as a reminder of what she'd left behind and what she could never let herself be.

She decided not to check her e-mail; there were sure to be worried inquiries from Declan and Natalie. Part of her wanted to contact them, just to let them know she was okay, but she didn't want to be tempted to say anything more. Not yet.

So instead, she downloaded music to the computer and lost herself in the lyrics until Michelle popped her head in to announce that Charlie was home.

Bella started to get nervous as she walked out to greet him. Meeting Michelle was one thing--meeting the biological father you thought was dead was quite another.

Charlie was sitting at the table, already spooning food on his plate. Michelle had told her that Charlie was anxious to see her, but it was obvious that the man was a bit deficient in showing emotion. Like father, like daughter, she thought. Charlie looked up and nodded, saying, "It's good to have you here," which was almost as many words as he'd said on the phone when she'd first called him. As much as Bella wished she had grown up in this household to begin with, she was pleased to see that Charlie had done much better with his second wife than his first--Michelle was the picture perfect mother, and her exuberance complemented Charlie's almost silent nature.

Michelle did most of the talking during dinner, eliciting an occasional one word response out of Charlie. When Bella took her portion of food from the dishes, she told her she was too skinny and offered more. Bella looked down but accepted the food graciously. You'd think that after the incident she'd have learned to take better care of her body, but what happened had only fueled her mistreatment. Now, more than ever, she didn't feel she deserved to be taken care of.

When they were finishing up, Michelle exclaimed, "Oh, and Bella! We bought you a car."

Bella looked up, surprised. "You didn't have to do that. That's really nice of you."

"It didn't cost us much," Charlie interjected unexpectedly, "My friend Billy Black is in a wheelchair now and doesn't need it anymore, so he sold it to me cheap."

"It's outside if you want to see it," added Michelle.

To Bella's intense surprise, she loved it. She'd walked out to an ancient, sturdy red pick-up truck that fit her like a glove. Of course, she probably wouldn't be able to speed in the thing unless she wanted to give it a heart attack, but that was hardly a concern when she was being handed a free car.

"Thank you so much," said Bella when she walked back in, "I'll pay you back."

"Of course you won't!" said Michelle, "We wouldn't take the money."

"I don't want to impose," replied Bella seriously, "You've already given me so much. I'll look for a job in town soon."

"You're not imposing at all, honey, but a job is an excellent idea! See if you can get James to take on some responsibility too, will you?" she asked with a laugh.

Bella smiled, announcing she was going to lie down for a bit. When she reached what was indeed her very own bathroom, she spilled the contents of Michelle's cooking in her toilet. She returned to her room and laid on the couch, examining the walls mindlessly. The only problem with the room was that it was frilly and pink--Bella might be a girl, but she was hardly girly. She wondered if Michelle would mind if she redecorated. Probably not, she thought. In fact, she could probably bring boys home to have loud sex in Michelle's bed and she would knock to see if they needed anything. However, there was something about Charlie's new wife that made her want to obey the rules--or, at least, not let her know she wasn't doing so. With Renee, Bella wouldn't have cared less, even if Renee would have given a shit what she was up to. But Michelle was so infinitely nicer than Renee that Bella found herself wanting to please her. She wasn't going to go crazy and do something like give up smoking, but she did wait until Michelle and Charlie had gone to bed to walk to the end of the driveway and light up.

She was just putting out the filter when three boys walked up, laughing. The one closest to her had shaggy, sandy-blond hair and baby blue eyes. The others had short, spiky, bleach blond and wavy dark hair. The sandy-blond one looked at her curiously and said, "Are you my new step-sister?"

Bella laughed. "You sound like you ordered me from a catalog."

"I didn't know you had a stepsister," said the other blond.

"Neither did I," laughed the boy who was apparently James.

"That's alright," said Bella as she pulled out another cigarette, "I didn't even know I had a dad."

"How does someone not know that?" asked the brunet.

"Well, of course I knew I had a dad, but Renee told me he was dead. Want one?" she finished, offering the boys the pack. She handed them her lighter as they accepted the offer and said, "I'm Bella, by the way."

"I'm James," said her step-brother, handing back the lighter, "and this is Mike Newton"--he pointed to the blond--"and Tyler Crowley."--pointing to the brunet.

"Are you gonna be going to our school?" asked Mike.

Bella shrugged. "Probably," she answered, "I haven't really gone in about three months."

"That must have been nice," said Tyler wistfully.

"To be honest, I think I prefer school over the real world."

"Why's that?" asked James.

"Less freedom," Bella acknowledged, "but less stressful."

"Did you have a job?" Mike inquired.

"Working construction," Bella responded, nodding.

James laughed. "Are you serious? You look like you couldn't even lift a 2x4."

"I mostly did the nailing and the hammering." She smiled softly, remembering how Declan had always offered the hard work for her, even when he had his own.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" asked Mike boldly.

"Not anymore," replied Bella, "but I'm not looking, either."

"Ouch!" exclaimed Tyler, punching Mike in the arm.

"It was just a question," Mike muttered, blushing.

"Sure it was," mocked James before noticing Bella's wrist, "Hey! Sweet tattoo."

"Thanks," she replied, turning to display the one on her shoulder as well. Before Bella left, she had returned to the tattoo parlor to inscribe 'Ne jamais oublier' along the back of her right shoulder. She'd spent a long time deciding on a phrase, and had eventually settled on French for 'Never forget.' "I got my wrist done a few weeks ago, and they just did my back the other day."

She took a last drag, blowing smoke rings in the night air as she put it out. The boys spent the rest of their cigarettes trying to mimic the action, but only succeeded in coughing up clouds.

"We better get going," said Tyler, "See you on Monday, Bella."

"Gee, thanks," said James, "I'll see you on Monday, too, you know."

"Yeah, but we don't care about that," Mike replied as they walked away.

"Bye," called Bella before turning to James, "Going in?"

James nodded and followed her inside. "You going to sleep?" he asked.

"Nah," said Bella, "I don't really feel like sleeping. Wanna stay up with me?"

"Sure," responded James, and then added mock-sincerely, "We can have some precious sibling bonding time."

Bella laughed and patted him on the shoulder mockingly. "Step-sibling bonding time," she corrected him.

"I'll make the coffee."

Bella sat at the table rickety wooden table, James joining her after prepping the coffee machine. "So how's life in Forks for you?" she asked him.

"It's alright, I guess. A bit boring, but what can you do?"

"Move out, join the mafia, acquire a concubine..."

"I didn't mean it literally," James stopped her in amusement.

"And yet I proceeded anyway," she replied, "So how's the romance life? Got a girlfriend?"

"Nah," said James, "I broke up with her a week or so ago."

"Ah," replied Bella knowingly, "Didn't put out, did she?"

James threw his head back and laughed. "No, I had the opposite problem, actually--"

"She cheated on you?"

"No, she--"

"Sucked at sex?"

James sighed in mock aggravation. "Will you let me finish, woman?"

Bella mimed zipping her lips, folded her hands, and smiled at him sweetly. She motioned with her hand for him to proceed.

"Thank you," said James, "now, where was I? Oh, I--"

"Was about to tell me why your girlfriend was a whore," Bella interjected before gasping theatrically and throwing her hands to her mouth, "My bad. Just kidding. I won't interrupt anymore, I promise."

James rolled his eyes. "Anyway, she's had a crush on me for as long as I can remember, and I've known everyone here since we were babies. We were both at a party a few months ago, she'd only had a few wine coolers, but I was really drunk. One thing led to another, and.. well, I suppose it wasn't the brightest move to have sex with her, but it happened. The next day in school, she was acting like we were official or something, and when I tried to talk to her about it she told me that the night before had been her first time. I mean, how horrible is that supposed to make me feel? So I went out with her to try to make her happy, but after a few months I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't have any feelings for her at all."

Bella stared at him before laughing uncontrollably.

"Gee, thanks," said James, "laugh at my misfortune a bit louder, why don't you?"

"I'm sorry!" apologized Bella through her snickers, "But first of all, that was her first time? Get real."

"What are you talking about?"

"Okay," started Bella, "I'm going to teach you something about this... what was her name?"

"Jessica."

"Right, this Jessica. She's had a crush on you for as long as you can remember? And she wasn't very drunk, but decided to sleep with you anyway and then use it to her advantage the next day? And when she realized her chance was slipping away, she tried to make you feel guilty by saying it was her first time? That's classic manipulation, step-brother dear. Even if it was her first time, she made the practically sober decision to lose it to someone who had a lot less control over his actions. You had every right to walk away."

"You really think so?"

"Of course! Don't you know anything about catty teenage girls?"

"Not really," admitted James, "Why do you guys have to be so damn confusing? Why can't you just ask the guy to go out with you?"

"Well, first of all, let's not include me in the catty teenage girl category. And second, this is high school you're talking about. Obviously, girls are retarded and are going to be confusing as hell."

James shook his head. "If you're right--"

"And I am."

"--then at least I don't have to feel guilty about breaking up with her anymore."

"That's the spirit!"

James got up and filled two mugs with the steaming and now ready coffee. Bella declined cream and sugar when he handed her one of the mugs, getting an, "Ugh, you drink it black?" in response.

"Not exactly," Bella laughed, pulling out a flask from her purse and dumping in a few shots.

James stared at her wordlessly for a moment as if trying to determine the best response before settling on, "You're disgusting."

"What, you don't want any?"

"No, I do," he assured her, "just not in my coffee. Ugh."

Bella laughed again, but humorlessly. "I find it makes anything taste better if you need it enough."

James raised an eyebrow. "Alcoholic?"

"Not really."

"Not really?"

"I don't think I have a problem."

"For the record," James teased her, "that's exactly the sort of thing someone with a problem might say."

Bella grimaced. "Maybe, but you don't have to worry. I'd rather not follow in Renee's footsteps."

James raised his eyebrows. "Renee's your mother, right?"

"Was," Bella answered nonchalantly.

"Right. I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be," she replied, suddenly overwhelmingly bitter, "I'm not."

James looked at her appraisingly. "Was she really that bad?"

Bella sighed and pointed to her still some-what swollen lip and the jagged scar she'd received when Renee slashed at her with broken glass. "She gave me these, and a bunch more I'd have to strip to show you," she said, determined to be casual, "And she threw me out a few months before she killed herself."

"Wow," said James in surprise, "Why did she throw you out?"

"I'd rather not talk about it," Bella answered shortly. James just nodded. "Besides," she continued, "you don't want me to bore you with all the gruesome details anyway."

"I'm sorry," James said for the second time, looking at Bella somewhat differently than just a few minutes ago.

"But anyway," Bella went on, "the other reason I was laughing at you was because almost the exact same thing happened to me, except I was the guy."

James grinned, glad for the change of topic. "Is that why you asked not to be included in the catty teenage girl category?"

"That, and do I look like a catty teenage girl to you?"

"No, you're looking more and more like a man."

Bella giggled, the effects of drinking on an hours earlier emptied stomach already having an effect on her.

"So what was his name?" James inquired.

"Declan."

"And what happened between the two of you?"

"He's had a crush on me for forever, like Jessica. When Renee threw me out, I took a bus to his place and asked him if I could stay there. We got really drunk, I got really upset, and I led him on. In the morning, I just decided to let him be happy."

"And it was okay for you to stay in your awkward relationship, but not for me?"

Bella shook her head and continued revealing personal information she probably wouldn't disclose while sober. "It's different. I made him think I loved him. I was the one doing the manipulating."

"Did you love him?"

"I think so," said Bella sadly, "after a while."

"So why'd you guys break up?"

Bella groaned. "We didn't, really. I left without telling anyone where I was going."

"Why?"

"I was freaked," answered Bella defensively.

"Because of your mom?"

"No."

"Then, why?"

Bella stood up and rinsed her now empty mug out in the sink. She turned back to James and quickly swallowed the remaining vodka from her flask. "I'd rather not talk about it."

James nodded. "It's probably best to tell me when you have full control over what you're saying."

She smiled in response. "That, too."

They stayed up for an hour or so longer getting acquainted with each other. At one point, they realized that Bella was a month and three days older than James, and she proceeded to tease him mercilessly about being the "baby" brother. Bella was surprised at how well they got along--it would be just her luck to be stuck in a house full of step-relations she didn't like who made awkward conversation only when required. But instead, she had somehow ended up with Michelle, probably the best mother in the world, and James, someone she was on the way to being genuine friends with. Maybe the universe was favoring her for once in her life.

Don't get too hopeful, she thought.


A/N: The votes were overwhelmingly for the Cullens being vampires, so that's what I'm going to do. I'm contemplating whether or not it would be too much work to write a corresponding human story.. to be continued.

Other than that, I don't really have anything to say today, other than I had front row center seats for Spring Awakening on Broadway yesterday and it was the best fucking show ever. I've been listening to the music for about a year now and loved it, but it was so infinitely better onstage. Plus, Moritz was played by Blake Bashoff, who played Carl on Lost! Go buy tickets, or buy the CD or something (the title of this chapter is a title of a song from it--look up The Bitch of Living on youtube, they have a music video on.) D