Author's Musings:

Well I seem to be sticking to a weekly update schedule or so. Although this might end up being published just after midnight so that's technically not a week (update: yeah I missed it by a few minutes). Oh well. Still have more ideas to write about so expect more. This story seems to be developing into something with actual story events since every scenario I concoct just expands as I write it. I did not expect that to happen when I conceived this idea. Hopefully you enjoy the ride as much as I do.

I would like to note something about the mechanics of Fate/Stay Night. While I consider myself fairly well versed on how things work, I am not perfect. I will attempt to fill in any knowledge gaps I have using the internet, but I can't promise anything. I may also make a few tweaks to better fit how the story is flowing. For example, last chapter Rin mentioned that non degrading projections are practically a true magic. Technically this is not true since you could easily duplicate an item and not have it dissolve using technology. My personal opinion is that Tracing is a lot closer to sorcery than people give it credit for. The item creation may not qualify, but the recreation of an item's history so that it can be used with the skill of its previous owners seems close to me. I digress.

In response to some reviews:

UnknownValor: The alternate universe section is not going to be a separate fic, those sections will appear intermixed in this one as I come up with them. It's basically the story of future Baker! Shirou being summoned into the fifth war. As for Archer... you will see.

Ideagetthe: sou-chef will now eventually make an appearance in this fic. Thank you for the idea!

I know some of you wanted a fight earlier, so I tried to write one. Let me know how my first attempt at it went.

As always, let me know what could use work or what you really liked. Enjoy!

Disclaimer:

I do not own anything related to Fate/Stay Night or anything else that is referenced below in any way, shape, or form.


The Clocktower: Even More Time Later

Rin always enjoyed lecturing Shirou. He wasn't sure why, but he wouldn't begrudge one of the most talented magi of their generation, who also happened to be his friend, a little cheer. He was totally not letting her do it because he liked her or anything.

"Focus Shirou. Remember to channel the proper intent into it."

"I know," groused Shirou, covered in sweat and hand outstretched, "thanks for the reminder," the last word was nearly a gasp and in a glimmer of blue light he was finished. Exhausted, his posture slumped and his arm came back to grip his bandana, which he moved up and down to wipe the sweat off his face. It made him feel better but did little to help with his flushed skin and still warm magic circuits.

"Hmmmm. Not bad. Visually it certainly is up to your usual standards," Rin was busy examining the results of his hard work. As part of her ongoing research Shirou was assisting Rin in seeing if his near perfect projection could be applied to objects other than food. She surmised that since the world didn't break down any food he made, it might be possible to make other things with the same properties. It wasn't going so well. Not that there wasn't progress since he was certainly getting better at tracing non-food items, but they didn't carry over any of the properties that made his food, and especially pastries, so special.

Shirou stood up, staggered slightly due to a head rush, and also examined what Rin now held in her hand. It was a block of unremarkable wood the color of a browned scone. Rin had determined that it might help the process if as many variables as possible were the same, hence the color and the fact that the wood was in the shape of a scone as well. If one looked closely there were even bumps that alluded to fruit beneath the surface and small cracks that would have formed during the baking process.

"Exquisitely detailed, but let's get to the real test. Strukturanalyse." Despite there being no visual cues whatsoever, Shirou had a good idea of what was happening in Rin's mind as her eyes unfocused. As someone who used structural analysis almost unconsciously he was familiar with the sensation of being able to sense the composition of objects, the level of detail depending on how skilled the caster was. Waiting patiently for Rin to process the information she was receiving gave Shirou time to look around the room that he was currently in. While he had been there before he hadn't had a chance to see if anything had changed. Rin had practically dragged him in and 'asked' him to start tracing before he got his bearings.

Rin's small lab looked much like it usually did, cluttered and organized at the same time. Each individual portion of the room was meticulously clean and ordered. Everything was in its own place with nothing out of line, but the sheer volume of materials, books, workstations, tools, specimens, etcetera, was more than the room could comfortably handle. The gemstone shaping table butted up against and was overshadowed by one of the massive bookcases, which were all overflowing with tomes and scrolls. Display cases full of gems shared space with locked chests full of miscellaneous materials that might be needed for future projects. A few small owls, carved perfectly from amethyst, Rin's familiars, perched wherever they could find purchase on the other odds and ends throughout the room. The only exception to the packed room was the center where Rin and Shirou stood. Carved on the floor was an intricate formalcraft circle to prevent the interference of external prana sources. A must for magical experimentation.

Most normal people would see the room as needlessly full. A cramped storage space at best. Most magi would scoff at the use of such a small room. They would look down on anyone who was unable to even afford a 'modestly' sized workshop. To Shirou it spoke highly of Rin's dedication to her craft and drive to grasp anything that might be remotely useful to her at some point. The sheer number of topics pursued by the raven haired magus was astounding, and was supported by her status as an 'average one', or someone with an affinity for all five of the standard elements: Fire, water, air, earth, and ether. There really wasn't a branch of thaumaturgy that Rin couldn't gain at least some proficiency in, and she was taking full advantage of it. Unlike Shirou, whose element had been 'sword' and was now something else that was equally as specialized. He could barely use any thaumaturgy at all.

So, all in all, Shirou would never make a disparaging comment regarding Rin's accommodations or research avenues within the Clocktower. He had far too much respect for her to do anything so crude…. That and she had thrown one of her owls at him when he suggested getting her a larger space using his influence.

Shirou stopped mulling over Rin's behavior and obsessi… dedicated studying habits (he really wasn't in any position to lecture about obsessiveness as he had been busy planning what he was going to make everyone for lunch all morning) and stepped closer to Rin to get a better look at the wooden scone. Their shoulders bumped lightly and Rin twitched at the contact, slowly blinking and coming out of her structural analysis of the fake pastry. Or rather fake, fake pastry.

She looked up at Shirou and seemed startled by his proximity, her face was red too. Maybe he wasn't the only one who was pushing his magic circuits hard at the moment. But she wasn't doing anything too prana intensive, so her still reddening face didn't make much sense to Shirou.

Rin abruptly stepped away and held up the food facsimile between them like some sort of barrier. If a few inch wide block of wood counted as a barrier of any kind.

"I-I-It's still suffering degradation you dolt!" she stuttered at him. Why was she always mad when things didn't go right? Shirou gave a sigh, the sigh of one used to his lot in life, and looked at his projection again, but this time analyzing it with structural grasp. It didn't show on her face, but Shirou knew Rin resented him at least a little for being able to do so without touching the item, even if it was very basic thaumaturgy. Ignoring the data about wood composition, moisture content, and even molecular distribution Shirou focused on the prana arrangement of his creation. Rin was right as usual, around the edges the stability of the object was beginning fray and unravel. Eventually the whole thing would collapse into prana again. Shirou thought back to the tracing process.

"I am having a hard time keeping the proper intent Rin." he stated calmly. Rin composed herself and gestured at Shirou with the wooden scone, her other hand going to her hip.

"I don't see why you are having trouble with it. You are extremely thick headed when you set your mind to something. It should be easy. Just intend for it to be food so that it forms with near perfection, but also keep in mind that it isn't food and won't spoil. That way it doesn't vanish in a day or two anyway," Rin scolded him like a child as if she hadn't said the same thing after the last four experiments.

"I might be distorted Rin, but I can still see that believing something is food and isn't food at the same time might be a bit… difficult," Rin's face scrunched into an odd expression containing irritation, exasperation, and…. Was that concern? Shirou continued despite his confusion, "I thought we were making more progress with the pudding."

One of Rin's earlier ideas had been to create a food item that contained an extractable non-food material. Upon creation the non-food could be separated out and hopefully retain the right mix of properties. The plan had been to remove water from the more liquid pudding and see what happened. The results had not been pretty and they still didn't know why. Pseudo permanent pudding was tough to remove from all sorts of things, especially when propelled by explosive decomposition. Problems aside, if the duration of the stains were anything to go by, the pudding had been more successful than this last test.

"I thought I told you never to mention that….ever," Rin's response was icy, but she suddenly adopted a much different look. After what seemed like an internal struggle, the woman began tapping her chin looking almost…. Mischievous. That didn't bode well for Shirou.

"Unless you just wanted to see me take off my sweater again?," teased Rin. Now that, Shirou had not been expecting. She was usually much more reserved or angry around him. Not this.

"Uhhhhh." It wasn't like he hadn't seen Rin without… well anything on before, but he had learned enough not to point that out. Besides that had been an act of necessity during a life or death battle, even if he did kinda like Rin. Topics like that were dangerous and could likely set off the often confusing magus. He could always say something about how good she looked, but Shirou didn't think Rin thought about him in the same light. He was a friend and a puzzling experiment to be solved in her mind for sure. So what should he say?


Rin was ever so glad she had managed to throw off any embarrassment at Shirou's mention of the pudding incident. It had taken some effort, but the result was satisfying. Now what would Shirou say? It was bound to be interesting.

Shirou was saved from having to answer by a knock on the workshop's door.

"Who is it!" Shirou grasped onto salvation as hard as he could. Rin was disappointed.

The door swung open and one of the apprentices who usually ran messages around the Clocktower poked his head into the room.

"Sir Sir Emiya, Lady Tohsaka, I am sorry for the intrusion, but it's nearly noon. People are beginning to gather for lunch," the scrawny man, boy really, wiped a bit of drool from the corner of his mouth.

"Thank you for the reminder. I must get to the kitchen," Shirou smiled honestly. The kitchen was so much less confusing than beautiful women.

"Ah. Ah. Shirou. We aren't finished here yet," Rin arched an eyebrow, "you can't just leave until I let you."

"I/He can't?" came the reply in stereo. The two males looked at each other then back at Rin who had crossed her arms and was tapping her foot.

"Now Rin," came a new voice, one that had Rin paling, "you can't keep a man from his most important duties," An aged pinky curled around the doorframe, followed by three more digits of equal age. Rin's stance wavered, "in fact," another pinky appeared, "I must insist," the rest of the second hand wrapped around the frame, "that," A head of short, spiked, and unruly grey-white hair, with a full beard too, popped sideways into view, "he get back in the kitchen!" finished the Wizard Marshal Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg with an exuberant laugh that had Rin wincing.

The grandfatherly 'man' didn't so much move into the room as flow, pulling his obviously unneeded straight cane from somewhere within his dark mantle. Underneath the mantle, which was held on his shoulders by golden cords, was a dull shirt with white trim and black slacks. Rin noticed that the messenger behind the 'man' had mysteriously disappeared. She was unsure if that was because he saw the sense in running from Zelretch, or because the Wizard Marshal had done something to him. You could never be sure with Zelretch.

The messenger issue was a minor one in the grand scheme of things and took a backseat to Rin's more pressing issue. What to do now that Zelretch was here. In her workshop. Looking quite happy. She had been trying to avoid him while she thought about the offer he had given her a few weeks ago.

The magus in her was exuberant at the chance to study under one of the few remaining true magicians, or sorcerers as they were sometimes called. Especially since her family had already inherited some tutelage from him. It was any aspiring thaumaturgists dream to be given the chance to learn true magic, which was thaumaturgy that couldn't be duplicated by other means such as technology.

But… she had some reservations. First, he wasn't actually a man, but an apostle ancestor. A member of the aristocratic elite of the bloodsucking dead apostles, commonly called vampires. Not that he went around eating people all the time, but the crimson eyes were a little off-putting and his kind was not exactly well thought of (more hated, feared, and killed really). Second, his apprentices had a bad habit of ending up maimed, either physically or mentally. Or they just disappeared altogether. Not something she wanted to happen to herself. And third, the man was even crazier than Shirou.

After thinking about it, Rin decided she should probably switch the first and third reasons with each other.

Shirou, completely oblivious to Rin's thoughts, and just how serious the situation in general was (at least in Rin's opinion) spoke first.

"Ah hello Zel, what brings you here?" Rin went from slightly off-balance to panicked, then immediately onward to terrified before circling right back around to being calm.

"Shirou, did you just call one of the most powerful beings on the planet by a nickname?" This was an important question.

"He asked me to. It's only polite,"

Rin didn't know what to say to that. Her mouth opened and closed several times before Zelretch let out a chuckle while twirling his cane, more a long rod capped with a spherical red gem, absentmindedly. His eyes were twinkling with mirth, although how blood red eyes could do so was a mystery to Rin.

"I'm flattered you think so highly of me Rin,"

Suddenly, after having seemed to disappear, Zelretch was at Rin's shoulder and threw an arm companionably around the shorter magus's shoulders.

"But you could also call me Zel if you want," Rin froze. She wasn't certain if it was fear, surprise, simple discomfort, or some combination of the three that caused it. No matter the source of her actions, it was a fact that she was actually touching an unpredictable vampire who had a penchant for practical jokes and was backed up by near infinite power. Not to mention that Zelretch had an unconventional sense of humor, which meant his 'practical jokes' might not leave people intact.

Zelretch completely ignored Rin's imitation of a statue.

"But back to business. I stopped in to let you know I'd be here for lunch today." he gave Shirou a meaningful look and the undisputed master of the Clocktower kitchens perked up.

"Of course Zel. You would like your usual then?" Shirou smiled brightly.

"If it wouldn't be too much trouble. I'll be down to pick it up in a bit. Just have to finish my conversation here," Zelretch replied as his arm tightened around Rin to indicate what he meant.

"I'll keep it warm then," drifted back into the room as Shirou vanished at speeds he could only reach when he was on the way to the kitchen. Rin kept her thoughts of vengeance on Shirou for abandoning her to herself, but managed to find her voice.

"But you don't eat normal food…" was the first thing that came to mind that Rin could actually say. It was shaky, but she didn't stutter.

"Ah well you already know how special his cooking is. As for the rest about me. That," he leaned in close to Rin's ear and she felt his beard brushing against her head as he whispered, "is a secret." Still not releasing his grip around her shoulders Zelretch leaned back and laughed. Rin's angry glare went ignored or unnoticed.

"Since you seem to be functioning again my dear. Perhaps you have given some thought to my offer? It won't stay open forever you know. Just imagine it though. Learning the secrets of every universe. Limitless power and potential. Drama. Intrigue. Danger. Adventure." he swept the arm that wasn't around Rin, cane included, in a gesture around the room, as if indicating something that wasn't there, "all could be yours if you could master the Kaleidoscope."

Rin heard the capital K and admitted to herself that it was still, and probably always would be, an extremely tempting offer. Zelretch's personal true magic, the Kaleidoscope, was the operation of parallel worlds. Meaning he could travel between alternate universes, transfer power or knowledge between them, or simple do pretty much anything he wanted within the multiverse. It was far from unlimited power, but he had access to pretty much all information ever, and could generate the raw power to be able to utilize just about anything he could learn. While age and other factors had slowed Zelretch somewhat, according to rumors at least, he still was far beyond anything else that could be encountered at the Clocktower, servants included.

Forcing down the last of her fear Rin ducked away from the sorcerer, reasoning that he wouldn't directly hurt a prospective student.

"While I am flattered by you offer, that's a pretty big 'if'," and it was. True magic was absurdly rare for more reasons than there only being five known magics remaining, "I have yet to decide on my path," it was at best a noncommittal answer.

"Understandable, but they all say yes eventually." Zelretch folded both his hands over the top of his cane as he set it against the floor, "in light of that, let me offer you an early lesson."

Rin considered herself intelligent, and so said nothing. It would be the height of folly to refuse a freely offered lesson. Even if the context was a bit ominous.

"When doing anything. From living, to cooking, to courting, to studying the Kaleidoscope. Unexpected things can happen. WHEN they happen, and they will, there is one response that is best," the vampire looked at Rin expectantly.

"And what is that?" she obliged.

"Improvise," Zelretch turned and walked slowly towards the door, adjusting his mantle as he went. He kept talking, addressing no one in particular, "I suppose I should use the back door to the kitchens. Wouldn't want to disturb the other guests," He paused in the doorway and looked back over his shoulder, "Oh I nearly forgot. Rin you should head to the entrance hall about now,"

"Why? What happened?," was Rin's confused reply as she began to process the last few minutes.

"Something unexpected." and he was gone.


The entrance hall stood empty, almost peaceful. The silence was broken by twelve loud tolls from the bell high above. The sound echoed around the cavernous chamber before fading away and all was quiet once more.

SLAM!

The doors to the Clocktower flew open, the noontime light throwing the opulent chamber into vibrant color.

"SHIROU EMIYA, I HAVE COME TO…. oh." A slight figure in a white chef's coat and white pants shrunk in on herself as she stepped into the noticeably empty room, "no one seems to be here,"

A second, taller, figure joined the first and simply nodded in agreement. This figure was also female and was unconcerned with the fact that she was blindfolded.

"Guess I'll just have to start looking around then. I'll find you… Senpai."


An Alternate Universe: Fuyuki City

Shirou did not know what to make of his look-alike. Yeah the hair and skin tone were different, but it was clearly Shirou Emiya in a cooking outfit standing over him. It was confusing. And that was before adding in the stuff about servants and masters that had been thrown around. Without any executive decisions being handed down by his overloaded brain, Shirou's body simply opted to sit still and look unthreatening.

"Look, me… Shirou," began, what had he called himself, Baker? "I can explain in a bit, so could you just say yes for formality's sake. Then I can go take care of Lancer before he gets impatient and comes back in here."

"Yeah kid! I'm being real considerate here!" came a faint call from outside the shed.

"Y-y-yes?" was all he Shirou could manage.

"Good. Back in a bit, just stay put," instructed Baker as he turned towards the door. His silver baking pan vanished in a cloud of blue prana particles and was replaced by a large wooden spoon. Perhaps large wasn't the proper description for something over six feet long with a bowl larger than Shirou's head on the end. With one more glance at Shirou, Baker stepped outside.

"Are you actually going to try and fight me with a spear… or polearm I guess?" came an incredulous question.

Shirou braced himself and staggered to his feet and felt his head throb. Even if it hurt, this didn't seem like something he should miss.

"You are too fast to let me take advantage of the reach of your spear by moving inside it with a shorter weapon. I stand more of a chance with something I can block easier with and has the same reach as your spear, Cu Chulainn." Baker's voice was level.

Arm pressed against his throbbing stomach, Shirou managed to make his way over to the destroyed shed doors and support himself on the empty frame. The two servants faced each other across the Emiya household's backyard. Luckily, it was fenced in and away from prying eyes. Lancer's eyes were wide.

"How do you kn… oh I see," he looked at Shirou directly, so did Baker. Shirou's double had a slight frown on his face, not disapproval, more resignation. Was it because he didn't stay put? Another flash of pain stabbed through Shirou's head and he groaned, "That wasn't a slip of the tongue earlier, he is you. Or I suppose you're him. That doesn't seem fair at all." Contrary to his words, Lancer's grin only grew as he kept speaking while Baker shrugged.

"Hard to deny it when we look so alike, but it does mean you already know my name," The chef gripped his spoon tightly and dropped into a ready stance, the spearman followed suit, "you can call me Shirou. May the best servant win."

"Alright! A real fight," the grin grew larger, becoming predatory, "Let's go!"

There was a sudden burst of dirt as the servants moved, leaping towards each other faster than Shirou could easily track. The two blurs, one blue and red, the other blue and white, collided in an instant with a solid thwack as crimson spear met wooden spoon. The two men were visible for a second, one grinning widely while the other had the slightest of smiles, before the fight became a blur of motion. Shirou, entranced by the sight in front of him, could make out maybe one exchange of blows in three.

"That's quite a weapon you have there," commented Lancer as he launched series of one-handed stabs at Baker with his body angled sideways to extend his reach. Each attack was batted sideways as Baker held his weapon in both hands and slammed it against the shaft of the red spear repeatedly. Multiple times a barbed, crimson head was only scant millimeters away from the silver haired servant's face, but it never connected. The flurry of blows ended with a final, lunging thrust, faster than all the previous moves.

Instead of blocking Baker spun to the side, nimbly dodging the blow as he used his momentum to launch a spinning strike at Lancer's knees. Forced to leap backwards the blue spearman held his weapon above his head to block his opponent's overhand follow-up. As the weapons clashed again, he spoke once more,

"Didn't expect an overgrown ladle to be so durable. I must say though, you two still seem kinda familiar. Like I've met one of you before," As he mused, Lancer kicked out, this time forcing Baker to skip backwards. As the two closed the distance once more Shirou lost sight of the specific movements, only seeing the clash of red and brown blurs between the servants. The sound of impacts became nearly one long noise as the servants danced across the yard.

For a moment, Baker's spoon was knocked aside and overextended and Lancer lunged forward with his spear angled down. Once again, the chef pushed off the ground to dodge impalement. Pain flared in Shirou's mind and for an instant he knew this was what Lancer had planned. The downward strike missed and the red spear buried itself in the ground. It's wielder flung himself forwards and upwards, using the planted weapon as a pivot in an attempt to kick the airborne Baker with both feet.

Unable to dodge in midair, Baker managed to interpose his oversized spoon just in time. The force of the blow threw the silver haired servant through the air and slammed him into the side of the shed. Shirou felt the impact reverberate in the door frame and saw the cracks in the wall as his servant stood. The apron clad servant examined the wooden implement in his hands. It was fractured where he had blocked Lancer's kick, so he cast it aside where it shattered into prana motes.

Weaponless, he strode forward confidently.

"I really was only ever proud of my cooking, but I see I was arrogant about my fighting skills,"

He held his hands loosely at his sides as if holding invisible swords.

"I shouldn't have tried to fight you with something like a spear,"

Two oversized, silver sheened, chef's knives appeared in his hands. Baker's posture relaxed and the two knives, more sword sized really, pointed away and slightly upwards from his body.

"Not when I'm more familiar with this."

The occasional pains in Shirou's head merged and became one long headache. For a moment instead of knives Baker seemed to hold a black sword and a white sword while the world was replaced by a sea of flames. The world snapped back to normalcy and Shirou could see just how many openings Baker's stance had.

"That stance!" yelled Lancer as he charged once more, spear forward and seeking blood.

Before, the fight had been mobile and left the whole yard in disarray. Now Baker stood firm. Around him darted a blue blur training a line of crimson. An impossible amount of times the red lashed out, invariably aiming for a vital point left unguarded only for it to be turned away at the last second. One of the silver knives would deflect the deadly blow while the other sought to injure the spearman wherever it could reach.

"That's the same style as the Archer I just fought, Baker," accused Lancer as he made a wide, sweeping blow with his spear. Again, a knife met the blow, but could not hold it back on its own so its twin was brought to bear. Not wanting to make it a contest of physical strength Baker moved from where he had stood since he brought out his knives. Lancer gave chase, stabbing relentlessly as the whole yard came into play again.

"Something real strange is going on here!" the spearman was forced to backpedal as Baker suddenly changed direction and took the offensive, knives flashing. Temporarily inside the reach of Lancer's spear, the dual wielder had an advantage and pressed it mercilessly. Much like Baker earlier, Lancer now used both hands and both ends of his weapon to deflect the numerous strikes at close range. Finally, a mighty shove pushed both combatants apart, neither breathing hard. A single red line graced Lancer's cheek.

"But I'll ignore that for now," Lancer glared at Baker as he wiped a line of blood off his face, "because you are holding back,"

Baker inclined his head slightly, an acknowledgement.

"Just don't complain when it gets you killed!" Lancer's right foot swept back and was planted firmly. His hands widened their grip and angled his spear forward and down. An oppressive malice settled over the yard as the weapon began to glow. Twisted runes lit up and began to flow like blood along the shaft and barbed tip. Crimson flames flickered to life at the point and flowed along its length as an ominous wind began to blow.

Shirou felt as if he was once more on the floor of the shed and the spear was about to pierce his heart.

The cursed spear seemed to speak. To announce its presence to all who could see it. 'DEATH' it said.

"Behold, my mightiest blow!" It seemed more that the spear leap forward, dragging Lancer with it, than the other way around.

"GAE BOLG!"

A roaring lance of red light bore down on Baker, who dropped his knives and raised his right hand towards his approaching death.

"My body is made of scones."