Author's Note: Geh…want school …to…be…over….eh…. Three weeks to go till break and I managed to get this done in between writing papers for almost every one of my f-ing classes. Yay for me. Ah well, at least I finally got around to watching the rest of the series (via MY spanking-new DVD set ^_^) and End of Eva over at my friend's place. So when all is said and done, what did I think of the series after such a long wait? The first part of this installment is based on the conversation Zach (current friend, former Eva dealer) and I had walking back to my dorm after we finished.

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or any other licenses mentioned below, either anime or alcohol related.

INT. MISATO'S APARTMENT. LIVING ROOM. NIGHT.

Yossarian sits, staring blankly at the TV, its glow the only source of light in the room. On the table in front of him is a bottle of Absolut Citron (minus one half its contents) and a six-pack of Smirnoff Ice, five of the six bottles already empty. He ignores the fact that the TV is showing nothing but snow, or that the lights are turned off.

Shinji enters. He looks around and approaches hesitantly. Yossarian doesn't blink, let alone acknowledge his presence.

Shinji shuffles his feet for a few moments before finally breaking the silence.

Shinji:

So…I uh, heard that you finally got around to watching End of Eva.

Silence.

Shinji:

What did…um….what did you think of it?

More silence. The kind of turgid silence you'd expect after seeing Shinji choking Asuka beside a sea of fucking blood.

Misato enters. She gives Yossarian a quizzical look and moves to turn on the lights. Shinji makes the negative gesture.

Misato:

(To Shinji)

What's with him?

Shinji:

Just finished watching the series…

Misato:

Oh.

Shinji:

…and End of Eva…

Misato:

Oh….

Shinji:

…all in one evening.

Misato:

Oh shit.

Shinji:

Yeah.

They stand for a moment, silent.

Yossarian:

(Monotone)

Shinji?

Shinji:

Yeah?

Yossarian:

Why did you kill the world?

Misato:

Well see, he didn't really-

Yossarian:

What's that?! Oh, I'm sorry, I can't hear it when DEAD PEOPLE talk!!! As far as I know, you took a round in the gut and then got liquefied with the rest of the world when that Rei/Angel thingy did whatever the hell it did!!!

Misato stares, aghast. Shinji moves to apologize. His laughter comes out as a nervous titter.

Shinji:

Ah…heh-heh…um, sorry, he's just had a rough day is all and is feeling somewhat….confused right now.

Yossarian:

Oh no, nononononono – "confused" is when I wonder where I put my wallet last or when I try to take a Geology exam! Right now the more appropriate description of my mental state would be something like "depressed to the point of drinking one's self into stoicism"…

(Finishes the last of the Smirnoff and drops it onto the table, scattering the other ones about)

…and even THAT isn't working!

Asuka enters. Looks at the raving author and asks the question on everyone's mind-

Asuka:

Hey scheisskopf, what the hell's YOUR problem?

Yossarian:

Oh, nothing. I just saw everyone I'd grown to care about over twenty-six episodes die in the span of one full-length movie. Y'know, the usual.

Asuka:

(To the others)

End of Eva?

Misato:

…and the series finale.

Asuka:

(Slaps her forehead)

Great.

Shinji:

Um…you want to talk about it?

Yossarian:

Fine. Lets talk about Unit One hanging like Christ on his cross above Earth's orbit. Lets talk about poor Maya in tears, hugging a fake Ritsuko before she bursts into fluid. Let's talk about seeing Asuka skewered like a pig on a spit by giant fucking spears! Let's have an avid discussion about the fact that EVERYONE IS DEAD!!!

He collapses onto the sofa, both weary from his litany and disoriented from the booze.

Silence creeps in again. He covers his face with his hands. The others take it as a sign to leave.

Misato:

Wait…that's not MY Citron, is it?

Shinji:

Not now, Misato.

The two of them exit.

Asuka waits a second longer, looking at the forlorn author. She moves to leave-

Yossarian:

(Quietly)

Asuka?

Asuka:

Yeah?

Yossarian:

Just one thing…

Asuka:

What?

Yossarian sits up, a faint smile on his face for the first time tonight.

Yossarian:

I just want to say that….that fight between you and the Mass Produced Evas was the coolest action sequence that I have ever seen in any anime, ever. Kudos.

Asuka blushes, not knowing how to respond.

Asuka:

Really…? Uh…danke.

Yossarian:

Bitte.

Asuka hesitates a moment more before finally exiting the room. Yossarian lies back down. He stares at the ceiling for a few seconds before a voice from behind snaps him out of his reverie.

Rei (o.s):

Are you feeling alright, Author Yossarian?

He sits up again as Rei enters and joins him on the sofa.

Yossarian:

Not really.

Rei:

Anything you need?

He considers.

Yossarian:

…I could use a hug.

They sit in silence for a moment.

Rei:

I fail to see what good that would do.

Yossarian:

Could you…humor me?

Rei's mouth forms the impression of a smile.

Rei:

Of course.

And she does. They hold each other in their arms for a while.

Rei:

What did you think of the movie, then?

Yossarian:

Most depressing thing I've seen in a while…

(A pause)

…and I loved every second of it.

FADE TO BLACK.

---

THE FOLLOWING PREVIEW HAS BEEN RATED PG-13

Music: "Hummel Gets the Rockets" – The Rock soundtrack

FADE IN:

INT. GEOFRONT. TWILIGHT.

In the distance, we see the pyramid of Nerv HQ. A convoy of military vehicles moves into view, heading towards the facility.

Voice Over:

Underneath the metropolis of Tokyo 3, a secret military organization controls the fate of millions...

FADE TO:

INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER.

V.O:

…They have the armed forces of a small nation…

FADE TO:

INT. MISSILE SILO.

V.O:

…a nuclear arsenal comparable to that of a first world country…

FADE TO:

INT. NERV COMMAND CENTER. EVA LAUNCH BAY.

The three Evas stand at the ready.

V.O:

…and control the three most powerful bio-weapons in the history of mankind, each with the power to destroy the planet.

FADE TO:

EXT. NERV HQ. CHECKPOINT.

The driver of the lead jeep shows a pass to the gate guards. The guard checks it and goes around to the side to look in through the back window. He nods at –

Guard:

Welcome to NERV, Pilot Nagisa

Kaoru nods back, smiling.

V.O:

The organization known as Nerv holds the fate of the world in their hands.

FADE TO:

INT. NERV COMMAND CENTER. CENTRAL DOGMA.

Kaoru and a contingent of troops walk onto the bridge.

V.O:

But what they're about to learn…

A technician approaches the group.

Technician:

Excuse me, can I see your authorization?

V.O:

…is that power…has a price.

Soldier:

Here's my authorization.

Kaoru smiles as the soldier pulls a handgun and levels it at the technician's head.

BANG!!!

CUT TO SCENE – Chaos ensues. Flashes of gunfire as the group subdues the guards on the bridge.

RESUME:

INT. CENTRAL DOGMA.

Bodies line the floor. The remaining crew cowers under the watch of the gunmen. Kaoru steps up onto the nearest console and fires several shots into the air to gain their attention.

Kaoru:

Ladies and Gentlemen…welcome to my nightmare.

FADE TO:

INT. MILITARY BASE. DAY.

Commander Ikari enters a conference room, advisors jump out of chairs to get his attention.

Gendo:

What's the situation?

Misato:

As of approximately twenty hundred hours this evening, Nerv was seized by a renegade contingent of JSDF special forces.

CUT TO:

INT. NERV COMMAND CENTER.

Kaoru strides down the hall holding his hands behind him, flanked by two heavily armed guards.

Fuyutsuki (v.o):

…Their leader is Kaoru Nagisa, former Eva pilot and self-styled leader of the group.

INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER.

Fuyutsuki (v.o):

They currently have access to all levels of the compound, including the airbase…

INT. MISSILE SILO

Fuyutsuki (v.o):

…our nuclear stockpiles…

INT. EVA LAUNCH BAY.

Kaoru gazes at Eva Units five through ten of the mass production series as workers prep them for launch.

Fuyutsuki (v.o):

…and even the dummy plug system.

RESUME:

INT. MILITARY BASE.

Gendo:

Have they made any demands yet?

CUT TO:

INT. NERV COMMAND CENTER. LILLITH CHAMBER.

Kaoru and the JSDF gaze upon the giant pinned to the cross.

CUT TO:

CLOSE-UP: A briefcase being opened. Inside a small dark fetal creature encased in a glass container.

RESUME:

INT. MILITARY BASE.

Fuyutsuki:

(Pause)

They want Adam.

Gendo:

Get me the children.

HOLLYWOOD PICTURES PRESENTS

Music: "Diamond" - Klint

CUT TO:

INT. AIR FORCE BASE. HANGER. DAY.

A sparring match between several off-duty pilots. Misato and Fuyutsuki watch as one pilot gets knocked to the floor. Pan over and we see Rei, impassive as always, dusting her hands.

Misato (v.o):

Pilot of Unit One and First Child, Rei Ayanami…

CUT TO:

EXT. APARTMENT. MORNING.

Fuyutsuki and Misato knock on the door. It's opened moments later by Asuka, obviously not expecting visitors, as she's clothed in a tank top and sweatpants. Eating a piece of toast, she stops in mid-bite at the sight of the NERV logo on their uniforms.

Misato (v.o):

Pilot of Unit Two and Second Child, Asuka Langley Sohryu..

CUT TO:

EXT. PARK. DAY.

Shinji sits on a bench while feeding Pen-Pen. Misato and Fuyutsuki enter and sit on either side of him. Shinji does a double take and attempts to flee, tripping over Pen-Pen's leash. Misato helps him up and sits him down forcefully on the bench.

Misato (v.o):

Pilot of Unit one and Third child, Shinji Ikari…

CUT TO:

EXT. AIR FORCE BASE. DAY.

Rei:

Next.

Misato and Fuyutsuki exchange wary glances.

Fuyutsuki:

You…talk to her.

CUT TO:

EXT. APARTMENT. DAY.

Asuka bolts back into the apartment.

Asuka: (o.s):

Oh no! No way in hell am I going back!

Sighing, Fuyutsuki catches the door before it closes, as Misato runs into the apartment after her.

CUT TO:

EXT. PARK. DAY.

Shinji:

You want to tell me what this is all about?

Fuyutsuki:

Pilot Ikari, you've all been selected for a mission of the utmost importance.

Shinji:

And what's that?

Fuyutsuki:

To save the world.

Shinji laughs hysterically.

INT. BRIEFING ROOM.

The three children sit, listening to Misato.

Misato:

Listen up. You'll be trained in combat tactics, firearms, hostage negotiation, counter-terrorism measures, and other tests conducive to the mission you're about to undertake. But first…a clinical evaluation.

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM.

A small room with padded walls, a chair, and a desk. Shinji sits in the chair, facing a psychiatrist behind the desk.

Shinji:

Okay, I'd have to say that this is the most uncomfortable room I've ever been in.

CUT TO:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM.

Same setup, only Asuka now sits where Shinji was. She is fiddling with a Rubix-cube. Within a matter of seconds, she solves it and slams it down on the desk.

Asuka:

Done. You want to compare degrees? I graduated from Heidelberg University with a 4.6 accume, a B.A. in Applied Physics, AND landed a position as an Eva pilot before I could even drive. You, meanwhile, are stuck performing remedial inquisitions that any intern who knows shorthand could deal with. Kinda puts things into perspective, doesn't it?

CUT TO:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM.

Same as before. Rei now sits in the chair as the psychiatrist holds up inkblot cards.

Rei:

A Rorschach test.

Shrink:

Well, yes….but what do you SEE in it?

Rei:

I see a Rorschach test.

Shrink:

LOOK at the picture. What does it remind you of?

Rei:

It reminds me….of…

(Pause)

a Rorschach test?

CUT TO:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM.

Shinji:

I loved my momma. I'd never diss her or anything.

Shrink:

I'm not dissing your momma, Mr. Ikari.

Shinji:

I don't like it when people talk trash about my momma.

Shrink:

I didn't bring up your momma, Mr. Ikari, you did.

Shinji:

I'd never do anything like that to my momma.

Shrink:

I didn't say that you did, Mr. Ikari.

CUT TO:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM.

Shrink:

If you could fight anyone, who would it be?

Rei:

The redhead.

CUT TO:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM.

Shinji:

My dad.

CUT TO:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM.

Points at the psychiatrist.

Asuka:

You.

CUT TO:

INT. COMMANDER IKARI'S OFFICE.

The psychologist slams a stack of reports down on the Commander's desk looking more than a little frazzled.

Gendo:

Well?

Shrink:

They're rude, smug, apathetic, and the most mentally unstable pre-teens I've ever had the misfortune to meet…

CUT TO:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM.

Shinji sinks out of the chair, whimpering.

Shrink:

The boy is a walking oedipal complex…

CUT TO:

EXT. FIRING RANGE.

Asuka practices with throwing knives. Shinji stands by, cringing, as each one hits with a resounding THWAP in the target dummy's crotch.

Shrink:

…The red head has an unhealthy fascination with pointed objects…

CUT TO:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM.

The psychiatrist aims and tosses a pen at Rei. It hits her square in the forehead and bounces off. She doesn't blink, much less move at all.

Shrink (v.o):

…and I can't even tell if the blue-haired girl is alive half the time.

Rei:

What are you doing?

Shrink:

Um…nothing.

RESUME:

INT. IKARI'S OFFICE.

Gendo:

(sighs)

I just need to know if they'll survive the mission.

A pause.

Shrink:

Frankly, I'm surprised that they survived the tests.

CLOSE UP:

A MANILLA FOLDER WITH THE NAMES OF THE THREE CHILDREN ON IT.

A large stamp comes down with a deafening thud, leaving: "FAILED" in big, red letters.

A second stamp comes down on top of this one. "NERV APPROVED" is left in block lettering.

Music: "Rock House Jail" – The Rock soundtrack

A FILM BY MICHAEL BAY

EXT. MILITARY BASE. DAWN.

Rei, Asuka, and Shinji watch as fighter jets scream by overhead

V.O:

Now, three young pilots…

CUT TO:

INT. HELICOPTER.

The children gear up, strapping on ammo belts and combat fatigues.

V.O:

…must stop a madman…

CUT TO:

INT. GEOFRONT. DAWN.

Snipers run into position. Kaoru surveys the horizon through binoculars.

V.O:

…from perpetuating Armageddon.

CUT TO:

INT. MISSILE SILO. CONTROL ROOM.

Several technicians work at terminals, the screens flash red warnings of "ARMED".

Kaoru (v.o):

There are currently over a hundred guided nuclear warheads under my control, each aimed at the heart of every major city within the Japanese island chain…

CUT TO:

EXT. MOUNTAIN RANGE. DAY.

A wave of transport choppers descends on the area.

Kaoru:

…If I do not receive the Adam sample by the deadline given, I launch. Refuse to hand over the sample and I launch…

CUT TO:

INT. MILITARY BASE. BRIEFING ROOM.

Kaoru's face appears on the communications screen. Everyone watches, silent.

Kaoru (v.o):

If any attempt is made to breach this compound, I launch. Do NOT presume that you are in a position to negotiate. You now have thirty-six hours left.

The screen cuts to static.

CUT TO:

EXT. HELICOPTER. NIGHT.

Armed troops rappel to the ground, fanning out as they land.

CUT TO:

INT. AQUEDUCT.

Asuka, Rei, Shinji and several others in full combat gear rise up from the dark water, automatic weapons ready. They scan the area.

Fuyutsuki (v.o):

Your mission is to stop the JSDF through any means necessary, either by disabling their capability for a launch or through termination of the group itself.

They remove their re-breather masks.

Close up on Shinji.

Shinji (v.o):

What about the Evas?

CUT TO:

INT. EVA LAUNCH BAY.

Asuka watches as flood lights come up on Unit Two.

Fuyutsuki (v.o):

Like I said…."any means necessary".

Asuka:

Showtime.

Music: "Hey Man, Nice Shot" – Filter

FROM THE DIRECTOR OF "THE ROCK"

CUT TO SCENE:

EXT. TOKYO-3. – A Nerv VTOL craft jinks left as several JSDF jets unleash a volley of rockets.

INT. AQUEDUCT – Shinji pulls Rei underwater as a huge fireball quickly engulfs the tunnel.

INT. EVA LAUNCH BAY. – Unit Two rips free of its restraints and puts its fist through a wall, taking out several JSDF troops firing wildly.

AND THE PRODUCER OF "CRIMSON TIDE" AND "BLACK HAWK DOWN"

EXT. GEOFRONT. NIGHT. – Unit Two whirls around, impaling Units Five and Seven on the spear it's brandishing.

INT. CENTRAL DOGMA. – Fires blaze in the background. Rei takes aim with her M4 at Kaoru. From behind him, the wall explodes as Units Five and Six step through, roaring.

CUT TO:

INT. COMMAND CENTER.

Two guards hold Asuka captive. Kaoru strikes her across the face. She glares at him, refusing to be fazed.

Kaoru (v.o):

Down here, my word is law!

CUT TO SCENE:

EXT. TOKYO-3. DAY. – Unit Nine chokes Unit Zero from behind. Unit Zero fumbles on the ground for a moment before picking up a nearby Spas-12 shotgun. Without looking, it points the gun over its shoulder and pulls the trigger right in Unit Nine's face.

EXT. MOUNTAIN RANGE. NIGHT. – Unit One tears like heck across the landscape, plowing through several gun emplacements. The night lights up with explosions.

SHINJI IKARI

CLOSE UP:

Shinji whirls around to face the camera, drawing a bead on his target with his rifle.

CUT TO SCENE:

INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT. - Hanging from an elevator cable, Shinji catches Asuka's hand as she falls towards him.

REI AYANAMI

CLOSE UP:

Rei removes a pair of nightvision goggles, looking up.

CUT TO SCENE:

Slow motion shot of Rei with a Robar sniper rifle. She ejects the spent round, the brass casing flying into the air as bullets strike the wall adjacent to her.

ASUKA LANGLEY SOHRYU

CUT TO:

CLOSE UP:

Asuka wipes blood from the corner of her mouth, smirking.

CUT TO SCENE:

A guard holds a gun to Asuka's head. She spins around, grabbing the pistol and elbowing him in the face.

AND KAORU NAGISA

INT. MISSILE SILO.

The silo is lit by flashing red emergency lights. A bloodied Kaoru points a gun at Rei.

Rei:

You plan on fighting the whole world?!

Kaoru:

What's wrong with that?

THIS SUMMER

CUT TO SCENE:

INT. LABORATORY. – Shinji dives over a table, firing his pistol as the glass partition behind him shatters from a hail of gunfire.

GET READY

EXT. OPEN FIELD. NIGHT. – Asuka throws a LAW launcher to her shoulder and fires a rocket at an attack helicopter as it swings its searchlight towards her.

INT. HANGER. NIGHT. – Rei and Asuka race towards the exit as an Abrams tank comes crashing through the far wall.

FOR THE SIEGE

INT. MILITARY COMMAND CENTER. – Misato shouts orders into a headset as the monitor lights up with warnings of "MISSILE LAUNCH DETECTED".

CUT TO:

INT. MISSILE SILO.

Kaoru holds a communicator. He speaks one word into it –

Kaoru:

Fire.

CUT TO SCENE:

EXT. MOUNTAIN RANGE. NIGHT. – A missile streaks out of a hidden silo. Unit One races towards it, jumping to try and catch it mid-flight.

Shinji (v.o):

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

EXT. GEOFRONT. NIGHT. – P.O.V OF EVA UNIT EIGHT – Unit Eight turns around just in time to see Unit Two throwing its Prog knife. The camera cuts away just before it hits.

CUT TO WHITE

EVANGELION: INCURSION

IN THEATRES EVERYWHERE

JULY 2003