A/N: I wrote this story one year ago, and I am not entirely happy with the style, nor with my grammar. I still wanted to post it though, I've re-written certain parts but I am not completely satisfied.
A/N2: The characters in this story will be OOC sometimes, this is necessary for the story and plot. Also, the pensive incident never happened.
Sirius noticed something was wrong, since Harry didn't seem to enjoy their prank on Remus and refused to speak about Ron and Hermione's departure. He decided a trip to Diagon Alley would cheer his godson up. He himself had to leave for his mission, in a few hours, so he asked the Order to appoint one of them to take Harry along. The Order had been very busy with chasing Bellatrix and unfortunately only Severus had been available which had resulted in an awkward and very short visit.
Harry groaned at the mere thought of that fiasco.
Sirius hadn't been happy either that his godson would be protected by his biggest fiend and had literary begged Remus to come along instead, but unfortunately the friendly wolf had already made other plans, involving a new truce and Fenrir's werewolf pack.
Sirius, realizing no one else would be able to take Harry along, had waited impatiently in front of the fireplace. After a few minutes of, in Harry's case, watching his godfater pacing and muttering, the flames turned green.
Immediately after Snape had stepped through the flames, Sirius had threatened to kill him if he would spoil his Godson's trip. He then proceeded to hug Harry, and to make things even worse, had whispered far too loud to be overheard in his ear:
"Don't worry little prongslet, try levicorpus if the sour bat tries anything nasty."
Snape had merely sneered in response and thrown Harry his ugliest look, the one he always saved specially for The Boy Who Lived.
Immediately after Harry had bade his goobyes to Padfoot, still a little ashamed of his Godfathers behaviour, Snape had grabbed him by the shoulder and painfully jammed him into the wall next to the fireplace.
"Listen Potter" He spat, looming over the smaller boy with menace.
"I have to give up some precious hours to accompany you, and, how surreal it might seem to the lazy brat you are, there are other things that require my attention. I refuse to spend amounts of time on shopping, we will leave after exactly two hours. It seems you need your mutt of a dogfather around all the times to save the day, but he is gone now and I warn you, if you try anything, I swear to Merlin, I will use every part of your pathetic little body as a potion ingredient. Did. I. Make. Myself. Clear?"
Harry nodded quickly.
"Yes Sir"
Snape had released him reluctantly, and they'd left for the leaky cauldron. Harry hadn't really understood what exactly had upset Snape so badly, for until then he'd never touched Harry, only insulted him and looked at him like he was an unpleasant cretin.
To his embarrassment, Harry discovered he really didn't blame the man, for his anger, Sirius had been very immature and impolite to the bat, Snape had every right to feel insulted.
So he had followed the potions master silently, not even trying to keep up some small talk.
The rest of the trip went relatively pleasant, Snape murmured some sarcastic remarks at the products Harry bought, varied by insults directed at him, his father and the 'Dog', but otherwise it had been lovely.
Harry was relieved to smell some fresh air again and had to restrain himself from jumping around like an idiot, for he was sure Snape would stun him and simply leave him behind if he'd pull such a stunt.
It even seemed the trip would take a turn for the better, as he'd met George just outside the twins new shop. The redhead had hugged him tightly and kissed him on the cheek.
"Ron floocalled me" he stated. "Jerk."
He hugged Harry again, completely ignoring Snape, who stood beside them, rigid like a statue, sneering at the display with complete disinterest.
"Professor Snape" George greeted his former professor and offered giving the two of them a tour through his shop. Snape refused, scowling in disgust.
"No thank you, Weasley. I am sure loads of students will buy that rubbish, undoubtedly I will become acquainted with it far too soon for my liking."
George smiled and nodded his head in respect.
"Some other time then" he stated.
"Hardly" Snape retorted.
Harry chuckled and ignored Snapes rised eyebrow.
"Listen, can I talk to you for a minute?" George excused himself and pulled Harry a little more aside. Snape stared discreetly in another direction, tapping his foot impatiently.
"I am truly sorry. My brother is an ignorant little brat, but I'm sure he will overcome his childish predictions eventually. I don't think, however, that he deserves your forgiveness, ever."
Harry shook his head.
"Don't worry about it George. He will get over it at, but by then I'll have found some new friends. That's life."
He shrugged.
"That's my boy" George ruffled Harry's hair.
"How are you coping?" Harry asked, he was concerned for the friendly redhead.
"Ron is a prat. I always knew there there had to be a malfunctioning part in his brains. Like I said, he will overcome his predictions at some point. Mum and dad are furious, I'm sure that will fasten the process."
Harry studies his shoes, suddenly finding his laces very interesting as he hesitantly asked:
"What..about the dream.." His voice was merely above a whisper.
George tightened his grip.
"Nobody really cares, Fred even thinks it is funny as hell, and so does Bill. Like I told you before, those dreams just happen sometimes,"
"Evenifi'mactuallygayanditisn'treallythatinnocent" Harry mumbled quickly.
"Sorry? I didn't quite catch that"
Georges voice came from near his earlobe and Harry was reminded of his dream. This caused him to blush a bright red as he repeated the sentence:
"I'm gay"
George forced Harry to meet his eyes.
"Harry, my little one, I don't care if you are bisexual, gay or straight. The dream happened, how you felt about it is none of my concern. We had an intimate conversation and, well, it happened to continue itself in your fantasies."
Harry nodded, he felt more relieved now then ever.
"Did you know?"
"Know what?" George released him, but stayed close.
"Did you realize it, me being gay, before I did?"
"I am sure even Ron has dreamed once about another guy. But, well, seeing your hesitation to talk about it yesterday I presumed it."
Harry nodded.
"Thanks. For the talk and everything."
"I'm glad I could help. And, if you ever want to visit a hot gay-club, I'm in, my lion." George whooped and winked. Harry casted a nervous glance towards Snape, but the potions master stood rigid as a statue, only tapping his foot once in a while and glancing over to the two of them with his piercing gaze.
George followed Harry's gaze and whispered:
"I will visit you this year, do you still have the Map?"
"Of course! Owl me!" Harry whispered back.
George led him back to the waiting Snape and took his leave.
The trip would have been truly wonderful if Harry hadn't managed to spoil it in the end. Harry had bought a little present for Draco, of course Snape didn't know this, and a few new clothes to match his new robes. They were on their way back, and Harry just couldn't keep his mouth shut.
"Professor?"
"What is it Potter" Snape barked impatiently. "Must you annoy me all day?"
"Er.. I just wanted to apologize for Si.. for my Godfather. He really doesn't know how to act properly sometimes."
Snape stayed silent, and Harry continued rambling, unable to stop, oblivious to the fact he was bringing himself closer to his own execution with every word.
"I know the two of you didn't quite get along in the past, I have no idea what happened, don't want to know actually, but I am sure it must have been something like me and Malfoy, for you hate my dad as much as I hated Draco. And, well, Sirius can be a little Gryffindork sometimes." Harry finished his speech a little breathless.
Snape stopped walking so abruptly that Harry walked into him. He saw the look of pure hatred and utter disgust in the eyes of his potions master and knew he made a mistake. A very big mistake.
Snape grabbed his arm for the second time that day and opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something. Then closed it again and finally spat:
"A beautiful speech Potter, you sound even more idiotic then your pathetic father. I don't want to hear your arrogant apologies, so don't dare to bother me again with your time-waisting ramblings."
Snape seemed ready to kill Harry on the spot, he shot the boy his most loathing glare.
"In my eyes, you are no better then your filthy dogfather, a waste of space and a loss of human brains. We will return to the mutts cave, I will walk in front of you and you will not speak to me, nor fall behind."
Snape started walking, his impressive black robes billowing, and Harry followed, cursing himself for his Gryffindor tendencies. He tried to ignore it, but he felt a little twinge of disappointment at Snape's refusal to accept his apologies, though it hadn't even been Harry who had insulted the professor in the first place.
So, yet, another day had passed and turned out in in a big disaster. Harry hadn't told Snuffles about his 'conversation' with Snape. After the man had practically thrown Harry through the floo, the man had left without even exchanging a word with Moody who was sitting in the living room, awaiting their arrival. Harry had stared after the long strides of his professor, who apparated himself back to wherever he had come from, his robes billowing, and sighed. Nothing was going according to plan lately. And he was wondering at which point during the holidays, Malfoy had become Draco, and their feud had become a truce.
Sirius came and left again, Harry had fun days and utterly depressing moments. Sometimes he and Remus set up the most ingenious pranks, only for one of them to become a victim themselves because of their clumsiness and Sirius' sneaky ways to creep up behind them, sometimes he could be sneakier then Snape, which concerned Harry.
Harry had had a few more dreams involving George, and sometimes, but he refused to admit it aloud, Bill Weasley, but had still been having a hard time telling others about his new found discovery. He could, of course, owl George, or some of the other 'more accepting' Weasleys, but he would never dare to tell Draco, or some of his other remaining school-friends. Though he doubted there would be much of them left, after Ron's rant. Neville maybe..
Sirius wasn't really there for him, and somehow he was reluctant to tell his godfather all of the sudden.
Harry groaned and pushed the old mattress beneath him. This only caused him to sneeze violently, this room really needed some dusting.
So, his life became more solitude, he still didn't fully understand everything, he was supposed to be happy, yet he felt like he was missing something so essential it caused him to be sad. He spent the
days Sirius was at work alone in this room, sometimes even when Sirius was here, when his presence suddenly annoyed Harry or simply became too much for him to handle. Harry sometimes could get upset with Sirius for nothing in particular, he sought more and more solitude, saying he was learning, doing homework or practicing some Quidditch tactics.
Sirius noticed they spent less and less time together, but he figured the teen needed his own space.
He still hadn't discovered out what had happened between his godson and his two former friends, and Harry wanted to keep it that way, he really wasn't in for this kind of conversations with Snuffles right now.
Harry couldn't wait any longer to finally leave his home and get back to Hogwarts. He was careful not to let Sirius know, he was sure his godfather would be disappointed. But he truly needed to
disappear from this depressing environment. In his boredom, he had started to share some longer drabbles with the youngest Malfoy, and to his surprise, Draco had responded his scribbles. The short notes once ore twice a weak were a real respite. Nothing serious, no problems were discussed, no heartbreaking confessions made, just little notes, fun stories or even some gossip.
Harry now knew that Lucius Malfoy was secretly addicted to strawberry cheesecake. The man kept a secret stock in one of the cupboards in the west wing. A few times a day he would sneak up to said cupboard and eat at least one pie, checking the corridors for his family or house-elves every other minute. Draco had observed this strange occurrence once by accident and was now blackmailing his father. Draco now received a huge chocolate pie every other day, because Lucius, in fear of Narcissa's wrath at his low appetite almost every lunch, needed his habit to be kept hidden and would do everything to keep his secret.
Harry wondered how both Malfoys managed to kept their stunning tall and slender figures if they really ate sweets like madmen, but Sirius and Ron were other examples of those lucky bastards who could always eat, and always stayed thin. Harry himself wasn't broad either, but he just didn't carry such a huge appetite.
In exchange, Harry had told Malfoy about Sirius' underwear collection, and Draco had confessed that he himself owed a few printed boxers and had sent Harry a pair for his birthday, green silk briefs with a little moving snake along the waistband and the slogan: "Can I Slyther-in?" printed in front.
Harry had almost chocked on his own Saliva, but had afterwards decided to wear them, they really didn't look that bad on him.
The last weeks Harry thought he truly started to dilute. He had nightmares, some about Sirius leaving him, others were homo-erotic scenes, every dream included a certain figure with no face,
unrecognizable, with a harsh but husky voice who was very eager to please Harry's needs. He woke up, with a wet pillow or wet sheets, and it got worse and worse the longer Sirius was away, but as soon as Padfoot came home and Harry started to converse more with his godfather, his wet dreams became more violent and he became grumpy and tired during daytime. He was aware of his lost friendship with Ron and Hermione, but he truly didn't care for them anymore: Ron judged him
based on his sexual preference and Hermione had accused him without a question, not even willing to hear his side of the story.
Their loss, he thought angry, but, unfortunately they still had each-other and Harry, well, Harry had no-one.
Except from Draco of course. And Sirius and Remus, whom he considered to be close friends as well. It was enough, but Harry felt he missed something. He knew deep inside he missed the person from his dreams, he sometimes couldn't wait to go to bed, but always woke up frustrated because he had no idea if this person even existed. He doubted it.
Thats how he ended in Regulus' room, brooding, thinking, and, for the first time in his life, experiencing true hormonal and teenage problems that didn't include a masochistic mass-murderer or an abusive whale. Oh joy.
This was the last weak of summer break, and Harry still didn't know if he was happy or sad about leaving Grimmaulds place. He would, to be honest, be delighted to be in Hogwarts again, even without his former two best friends by his side. On the other hand, his hart ached a little at the
thought of leaving Grimmaulds and Sirius. He would miss him, despite his uncomfortableness around his godfather and his sometimes odd feelings about the marauder, and he would miss Remus too. He closed his eyes, inhaled a long and dusty breath.
"Why, I pray, must everything be so complicated" he drawled in a perfect imitation of Snape's silky and bored tone.
~~~~HPSB~~~~
"Mister Potter"
Harry's stream of thoughts were interrupted by a familiar stern voice. Startled he jumped from his bed and greeted his visitor:
"Good afternoon, Professor McGonnagal. I hadn't noticed your arrival, otherwise I would have come downstairs.."
"No problem, Remus let me come through the floo. Are you alright?"
"I am fine headmistress." Harry bowed his head.
A brief flicker of grief passed the otherways calm exterior of the new headmistress, the memories of Albus were still fresh and she had difficulties coping with his loss sometimes.
Harry noticed, and started apologizing
"I am so sorry.." he began.
"It doesn't matter, mister Potter" Headmistress McGonnagal interrupted him briskly. She adjusted her glasses.
"I am here to talk to you about a few necessary precautions we need to make. It is important we can make sure you arrive safely at Hogwarts."
Harry nodded and offered McGonnagal a seat, a bit embarrassed about the state of the room he was currently residing in. If the headmistress was surprised to find him here, she didn't show it. She
declined his offer to sit though, eying the only chair, a dusty stool that looked ready to collapse, suspiciously.
"Term starts next week, and we want to apparate you directly on platform 9 3/4. Moody and Shaklebolt were able to convince Scrimgeour to make an exception, with regard on your 'situation'. The two of them are now in the possession of a license giving them permission to apparate you into the station."
Harry didn't know there was a license required to apparate on the platform, but it made sense, since he had traveled every year through the massive wall that was the secrete passage to the wizard station.
"The day before the departure of the Hogwarts Express, we will send a few Order members over to guard you during your trip to Diagon Alley. We will do our best to attract as least as attention as possible, you will be surrounded by friends and 'family.' I assume you don't wish the rest of the Wizarding world to know Bellatrix Lestrange is on the loose and after you?"
Harry shuddered in horror at the mere thought of more newspaper articles and thanked his Headmistress.
"Well, I better get going, there are still plenty of things to arrange before the start of the new term."
Harry opened the door and walked the strict professor to the stairs. The slide, looping included, still existed, occupying the whole right side of the stairs.
"Do you wish to take the shortcut, professor?" Harry smiled and pointed towards the slide.
"I believe Remus warned everyone to never set foot on that contraption." Professor McGonnagal shook her head and started walking.
"Goodbye Professor" Harry smiled as he heard Remus chuckle from downstairs. Eavesdropping wolf.
"Goodbye Harry" Minerva gave him a friendly smile and continued to walk downstairs.
"Harry?"
Remus called him from the couch near the fireplace before Harry could retreat to 'his' room. The amber eyed man emerged from his seat and appeared at the bottom of the stairs.
"Care to come down for a second?"
Harry shrugged and made his way downstairs. Remus smiled.
"I haven't seen you that often lately, are you alright?"
Remus' amber eyes showed concern and Harry felt guilty for upsetting his friend. He hadn't meant for Remus to hurt just because he was selfishly isolating himself.
"Nah" Harry said, Don't worry Moony"
Remus' smile faded, but only slightly. He grabbed Harry by his shoulder and nudged the boy towards the comfortable red rimmed sofa.
"Sit down cub" Remus tone was almost pleading, and Harry sat down immediately.
"I'm sorry if I worried you, I didn't mean to concern you or to seclude myself.." Harry began helplessly.
Remus took a seat on the couch next to the rambling boy and nudged him slightly in his ribs.
"Calm down Harry" Remus' voice was soft.
Harry stopped dead in his tracks and shot Remus an almost pleading look.
"I only want to talk to you pup." Remus placed one hand on the boys shoulder and forced Harry to look at him.
"Could it be you are suffering form a minor depression?" He asked gently.
"A lot has changed after the final fight, it isn't uncommon you know."
He stroked Harry's cheek with one of his long fingers and brushed his wild raven bangs aside.
"I noticed you are neglecting your friends and I wondered.."
A volcano, buried long ago, erupted within Harry and he jumped up from the couch.
"Don't blame me for neglecting my 'friends'," he shouted, spitting the last word out with so much venom that Remus flinched.
"They chose to abandon me! Just because.." Harry paused and started pacing frantically.
"Harry", Remus leaped from the couch and approached his raging cub.
"Ron decided to turn his back on me just because of a dream, and Hermione.."
"HARRY!" shouted Remus and Harry snapped his mouth shut. His eyes were tearing up, his fist were balled in an uncontrolled anger and his whole body was trembling in a fruitless attempt to calm down.
Remus took another step towards Harry, enveloping the flustered teen in a warm hug, pulling him back on the sofa.
Harry cried into Remus' warm broad shoulders. His forehead was pressed against the wolves' bare collarbones, his lips touched the soft grey muggle shirt, which chocked his sobs.
"Shhh" Remus combed his fingers through the thick black hairmop. Harry hiccuped, unable to stop shaking. Remus pulled the boy into his lap and rocked him softly back and forth. It took a while for the trembling to subside and another while for Harry to calm down enough to speak.
"Thanks" He smiled weakly and stood from Mooney's warm embrace to splash some refreshing cold water on his hot cheeks.
As he emerged from the kitchen Remus was still sitting on the same spot on the sofa, his grey V-neck (A very tight-fitting shirt, Harry couldn't help but notice) stained with Harry's tears, but the werewolf didn't seem to mind.
He waited patiently till Harry came back and allowed the boy to snuggle close. Remus placed one arm around Harry's small shoulders and sighed.
"Better?"
"Loads" Harry smiled a true broad smile. Remus smiled too, there was something about the boys lopsided grin that made the man's hart jump whenever it was directed at him. Harry's eyelashes fluttered and he closed his eyes completely. He felt warm, the slight pressure of Remus arms made him feel comfortable. The crying had brought him a great feeling of relieve.
"What happened between the three of you?"
Harry felt the toned chest vibrate under his cheek as the wolf spoke, the low and soft rumbling in his ears made Harry smile unconsciously.
"We decided on.. going separate ways." He answered stiffly. There was a silence, and then Remus asked, hesitantly:
"Why?"
"They couldn't accept a few of my choices"
"Were those choices some of their concern?" Remus asked, his voice mild, but a with slight warning underlying note.
"It was something entirely about me. They just didn't like that part of my being." Harry stated sadly.
Harry felt Remus arms tighten around him.
"I am so sorry Harry."
And then, after another brief silence.
"Do you want to tell me what part about you they decided to 'dislike'?"
Harry tensed. He wasn't ready to tell his in almost everything but the law godfather about his attraction to men, he loved Remus, but he needed his time. He snapped his eyes open, only to see Remus' amber eyes looking directly into his, the wolf blinked slowly, showing the relaxed and
lazy expression Harry loved about Remus.
"Just tell me whenever you are ready" Remus murmured, not tearing his gaze away from the emerald orbs. Harry nodded slowly. He knew he had to tell Remus eventually, but he wasn't ready yet. He had told George, and it had felt relieving, but he know it was a different story with the werewolf. He just didn't know why.
Harry closed his eyes again, he liked it to relax like this, close to Remus. His head was resting now on the wolfs lap, Remus would occasionally brush the locks out of Harry's face and Harry would
smile, his eyes staying closed.
"Please, lets slide down the slide." Harry heard his own voice break the silence, he didn't know why he wanted to slide suddenly. He opened one eye, to see the werewolf's weary expression.
"If it makes you happy.." Remus sounded uncertain.
Harry opened his other eye and smiled.
"It would" He said.
"Only this one time then" Remus grumbled, he couldn't refuse if Harry was giving him 'the look'.
A few minutes later they were standing in the dusty old attics of Grimmauld place. Remus looked slightly pale, he felt nauseous at the mere thought of the newly added looping.
'I hope Padfoot knew what the hell he was doing', he thought.
He really didn't wanted to do this, but as he saw Harry's excitement, he couldn't bring himself to disappoint the boy.
"Let's go together?" Harry suggested. "It will be less frightening."
"I am not afraid" Remus retorted, ignoring Harry's teasing tone.
"Well, I am, and I want to slide with you" Harry folded his hands stubbornly over his chest and Remus chuckled.
"I never said I didn't. I just wanted to make clear that I am by no means afraid of a dusty, home made, mattress slide."
He said the last part a little bit louder, to assure himself.
"Of course Mooney" Harry winked and sat down at the start of the slide, impatiently waiting for Remus to take his seat behind him.
"I really think.." 'I really think we should make sure the thing won't collapse' Remus had wanted to say. But before he could finish his sentence, Harry had pulled the launch-off button, which provided them with a magically conjured shove, and they started sliding. Sliding was an understatement. They shot down the mattresses at a breathtaking speed.
Remus squeaked and tightened his grip around Harry, feeling the warm lean body move between his thighs. Harry whooped as they neared the looping. Remus screamed, Harry laughed.
Remus closed his eyes and he felt his stomach turn as they hung upside down, he clung to the boy seated in front of him as if his life depended on it (And frankly, at that point of the ride Remus had felt like it did) ignoring the soft thud indicated they had reached the end of the slide.
"Remus?" Harry's voice sounded soft.
The wolf groaned, refusing to let go of the warm and soft, and, above all, safe body in front of him.
He knew he was sitting on his bottom in the middle of the living room, crushing his pup, probably chocking him to death, but he didn't care. After a few minutes, and a few nudges from Harry he tilted his head, shooting daggers at the blushing and happy boy in front of him.
"Don't ever, make me do THAT again" He growled.
Harry laughed and patted his head.
"Alright Wolf" He smiled.
A/N: Please review :)
