Chapter 3 - A Friend In Need

"Just stay out of it!" Thomas warned.

"But, I was only..."

"It's nothing to do with you!" Thomas interrupted.

He stood up from sitting on the servants stairs and turned to go, but then froze momentarily where he was. Who was Jimmy to ask him why he was bitter with life? He had asked completely out of the blue. No warning, no tact. It was just plain ignorant!

The gong rang for dinner and Thomas walked towards the exit. He glanced back at Jimmy and gave him a disapproving stare before he left.

Jimmy sat there for a moment, taken aback. 'Well that went pear-shaped' he said to himself. He had spent ages working up the courage to ask him, but he hadn't imagined offending Thomas so completely. He screwed up his face. I don't know why I bother with him really he thought.

"James! Where are you?" came the cry from Mr Carson and Jimmy shifted himself pretty sharpish to the kitchen.

...

Thomas strode purposefully towards the dining room, still smarting. He stood attentively at the door as the family entered, his face stone-like, no hint of emotion.

As the family sat down, Jimmy and Alfred entered carrying the large silver serving dishes of food. Thomas caught sight of Jimmy and his heart immediately softened. He felt bad for shouting at him now. He was sure now that Jimmy had only asked out of concern, but like any sore spot, when it's prodded, the immediate feeling is pain. The truth was, he had hoped, one day, to tell Jimmy about his past. Perhaps Jimmy was the only one to whom he ever could.

As Jimmy past him by, Thomas tried to catch his eye; but Jimmy, pride hurt, refused to look at him. Dinner seemed painfully slow this evening to the young men and both couldn't wait for it to be over. Alfred sensed the atmosphere.

"What's going on?" he asked Jimmy.

"Stay out of it" Jimmy warned him with a glare. Hmm. The exact same words Thomas had said to him! He looked over in Thomas' direction.

Thomas was staring at the floor. His stone facade had cracked, revealing the intense anxiety now on his ghostly white face. He was shifting uneasily, clearly agitated.

Lady Grantham noticed Jimmy's gaze and followed it.

"Barrow, are you quite well?" she asked.

Mr Carson raised an eyebrow in alarm. Dinner was no time for servants to be unwell!

"Uh...no milady. I'm not feeling so well" Thomas replied, trying, but failing to look at his inquisitor.

"You'd better go" Mr Carson said disapprovingly to Thomas. "Ask Mrs Patmore for some castor oil and then go straight to bed."

"Yes Mr Carson" Thomas answered miserably.

He headed for the dining room doors but halted momentarily in the doorway. He turned and glanced back at Jimmy, sadness in his eyes.

Jimmy sensed his pain. He couldn't help but feel sorry for Thomas as he watched him leave.

...

It was almost bedtime and Jimmy had just escaped a boring evening with Alfred, Mr Carson and Mr Bates in the servants hall all talking about the great houses of England. They were all the same to Jimmy, places where you had to work hard and give your life to in service. Nothing special about that, thought Jimmy.

He had said his goodnights and made his way up the servants stairs.

Thomas had been on his mind a lot of the evening and so he crept quietly outside Thomas' room and gave a light knock.

"Thomas" he whispered loudly. "Thomas...are you alright?" All was quiet.

Maybe he was asleep? Jimmy decided to speak to him in the morning if he got chance.

He went back to his room but before he could change for bed a knock came at his door. To his surprise it was Thomas. They stood staring at each other for a moment.

"Are you any better?" Jimmy asked. "I was worried...you looked very ill."

Thomas couldn't seem to answer him.

Jimmy was perplexed. His expression invited Thomas for an answer.

"I...I need to talk to you" Thomas eventually spoke.

Jimmy stood back and let Thomas enter. Thomas suddenly stopped in his tracks. It was the first time he had been in Jimmy's room since the incident and a feeling of guilt swept over him.

Jimmy read it in Thomas expression and started to go red, but broke the awkwardness by grabbing a chair and handing it to Thomas.

"You need to talk to me?" he asked.

"Yes...yes I do" Thomas replied. He sat down and stared at the floor, the words he wanted to say sticking in his throat. "I...owe you an apology..." he muttered despondently. "I always push people away...but I don't want to lose your friendship Jimmy" Thomas confessed earnestly. He looked at Jimmy, trying to gauge his reaction.

Jimmy contemplated Thomas' words. "I said I was your friend didn't I?..and when I say something, I mean it." Jimmy's tone was colder than he had intended - he still felt hurt at how Thomas had reacted.

"You were only trying to help me, I realize that now...but I wanted to explain why...why I was..."

"So upset?" Jimmy tried. "I didn't realize how sensitive you were about your past."

Thomas stared at him transfixed. The pounding of his heart was deafening in his ears, as memories of his past life, memories he had buried so deep within him, began to resurface.

Jimmy looked on concerned, Thomas had begun to look really ill again.

"I want to tell you about my past...but..." Thomas' voice grated as he spoke. Both pain and panic were in his expression; he blinked nervously as beads of perspiration began to form on his brow.

Jimmy suddenly felt the panic also. This was a much deeper well than he had imagined. Thomas was making him feel anxious and he wasn't sure he could cope.

"Don't worry about that now" Jimmy said, suddenly standing up and placing his hand on Thomas' shoulder. "Come on, let's go and have a nice cup of tea shall we?"

Thomas looked into Jimmy's eyes searching for help, a million emotions running through him at once.

"Come on" Jimmy repeated softly, helping Thomas to stand. "You'll feel a lot better after a cup of tea."

Like a docile child, Thomas let himself be guided out of Jimmy's room and down the stairs. Thomas walked slowly and there were rather a lot of stairs so it took a while. Reaching the kitchen, Jimmy sat Thomas down on a chair. Fortunately all the servants had gone to bed so they were alone.

"Right. Let's put this kettle on shall we?" Jimmy said, trying a smile. He filled the kettle and put it on the stove. Then he grabbed a stool and started searching through the cupboards.

Thomas looked like a lost little puppy as he watched his friend.

"Aha!" Jimmy said presently. He got off the stool and walked to the kitchen table carrying a large and delicious looking fruit cake, a huge grin on his face. Thomas would normally have made Jimmy put the cake back, but at present he was a different man.

Jimmy cut two large pieces of cake, one he gave to Thomas and one he put on his own plate. The kettle began to boil and he made two big mugs of hot steaming tea for them both.

"We'll get in trouble" Thomas protested weakly, pain still in his eyes.

Jimmy looked at him squarely. "My friend is not feeling well. I'm willing to get in trouble, so that he feels better" he said proudly. "Don't worry, I'll take all the blame for this" he added.

Thomas looked at his friend, his mind absorbing the kind words Jimmy had just spoken. Could someone be so kind to him, when he had experienced so much unkindness in his life? It warmed his heart to think of it. His mind slowly shifted focus from his past to watching Jimmy eat the cake; Jimmy's antics were highly amusing.

"Mmm, the candied peel is so tasty" Jimmy declared with his mouthful. Well that is what Thomas thought he said, but he wasn't quite sure.

"Aren't you eating yours?" Jimmy asked.

Thomas shook his head. "You have it" he said, pushing his plate in Jimmy's direction.

"Are you sure? This is the best cake I've ever tasted! Are you sure you don't want it?"

He put a large chunk of the cake straight into his mouth so that his cheeks bulged as he began to bite.

It made Thomas smile.

"I'm ravenous!" Jimmy said, explaining his greed. "They're so lucky upstairs!"

Thomas had to grin.

Jimmy grinned in return, his mouth so full of cake he couldn't close it properly. Thomas chuckled and that started Jimmy laughing. As he laughed fragments of cake shot out from his mouth, which only made him laugh more.

Jimmy almost choked on the cake as he inhaled for air, and Thomas had to shield his face as bits of cake were sprayed at him. Soon Jimmy was almost crying with laughter. It was infectious and Thomas began laughing too, a laughter which was like a release of all his pent up emotions.

After another cup of tea they realized they had better clean up the mess and then get some sleep before the morning's work began.

They stood outside Thomas' door, careful to whisper so as not to wake up the others, Mr Carson in particular.

Thomas looked at Jimmy with an appreciative yet sad smile on his face. "Thank you Jimmy. I needed that."

Jimmy smiled. He thought for a second, suddenly feeling braver about the whole situation and a little guilty too.

"Thomas...when you're ready...I'm here when you need to talk about...well...anything."

Thomas closed his door with tears in his eyes. Those words meant so much to him. As he got into bed he choked up from overwhelming emotion and wept.