Chapter Three - Anders is Confused

"Hey, Fenris," Garrett said from Fenris' front hall. "Got a minute?"

"Hawke. Is there something you need?"

Isabela looked around with distaste. "Can we take this upstairs? This room is making me nostalgic for my last prison cell."

"Very well," Fenris said.

"What I need," Garrett said after they were all seated in Fenris' only clean room. "Is to stop having to choose between taking my fireball tossing healer or my favourite meatshield out on jobs.'

Fenris' eyebrows rose. "Meatshield?"

"It's a real mercenary term!"

"It is not."

"Well, the point is, I'm tried of being the main target in our battles. I had to start wearing chainmail! Do you know how much that chafes? You've got to get over this little tiff with Anders. I want my comfy leathers back."

Fenris scowled. "Speak to the mage, I tried talking to him already. He was not receptive."

"You tried talking to Justice, from what we've heard," Isabela said. "More than once. I think the Fenris rants are actually getting more annoying than the templar rants. I'd be very cross with Anders if It wasn't obvious the poor man is just dying of jealously."

"Nonsense," Fenris said. "I could not take Justice away from the mage even if I wanted to."

"Oh, he's not jealous of you, sweetling, he's jealous of Justice."

"I ... do not understand."

"Please, darling, the sexual tension between you and the mage is simply delicious. You really should just have a tumble and get it over with."

"There is no tension."

"Gary agrees with me, don't you? I know these things, it's a gift."

"Isabela, you think Meredith and Orsino are going at it," Garrett said.

"Should be going at it. I said I think they should be going at it."

Fenris winced. "That is a disturbing thought. Nearly as disturbing as your thoughts about me and that Tevinter-loving mage."

"Oh come on Fenris," Garrett said. "You've been around Anders long enough to know he doesn't want to be a magister any more than I do."

"Hrm."

"Which I don't," Garrett said. "Just in case that was in doubt."

"I have gone down to that cesspit he lives in enough times. Tell the mage to come here if we must talk" Fenris said.

"The mage didn't call you an animal," Garrett said.

Fenris eyed him warily. "Not an animal. I said mages were not animals."

Garret frowned. "You really thought that needed to be said?"

Fenris winced and looked down at a wine stain on the table. "It seemed appropriate at the ... uh, is that why you've been taking the mage instead of me out on jobs?"

"Not at all," Garrett said snidely. "I've just got a feather fetish."

"Ooh, you should have mentioned that before, we can have some fun with that," Isabela said. "And he sort of did. I mean Anders sort of called Fenris an animal. Remember? Right after you starting bringing your Mabari to our card games? Anders said he was like a tamer, more intelligent version of Fenris."

"That sounds unlikely," Fenris said.

"No, he really did compare you unfavourably to Froo-froo," Garrett said.

"Or maybe favourably," Isabela said. "What? I find untamed much more enticing than tamed. Maybe Anders does too."

Fenris scowled at Isabela. "I meant unlikely that his dog plays cards."

Garrett shrugged. "Varric taught him."

"He's much better at diamondback than Anders," Isabela said.

"Who isn't?" Fenris asked.

"Don't you miss cleaning Anders out at every card game?" Garrett asked.

"Not particularly," Fenris said.

"Sure you do, go talk to him."

Fenris crossed his arms. "Nothing short of saying I think mages should be free would please that man."

"Don't you?" Garrett asked.

"What?"

"Think mages should be free?"

"Of course not!"

Garrett leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on the table. "So should I expect to get knocked out and dragged to the Gallows some day?"

"I ... what?"

Garrett pointed to himself. "Mage. Free mage. Unshackled, uncontrolled, living the high life, mage."

"That is ... you are Hawke," Fenris said. He brows drew together. "You deserve your freedom."

"Do I?" Garrett said.

"Oh, foo, are you going to get all serious on me?" Isabela asked.

"Just a little," Garrett said.

"Garrett," Fenris said. "Do I have to remind you of what happens when mages are free?"

"Oh no you don't," Garrett said as he pulled his feet off the table and leaned forwards. "You do not get to whine about Tevinter and evil magisters today. Do you know how much I've had to kiss Cullen's ass the last few days? I needed him to get Sebastian under control. It seems your little thing for Justice convinced Choir Boy you were under some form of mind control."

"I ... "

"Yeah, and just the thought of growing up in the Circle and having to kiss templar ass every day of my life gives me hives," Garrett said.

"The Circle ..."

"Uh, uh, uh, I'm talking," Garrett said. He stood up and started pacing. "I deserve freedom, you say? Just me and no other mage? I wouldn't even exist if a templar hadn't risked his life to smuggle my Dad out of the Circle. Why wasn't there some way for Dad to earn his freedom and a chance to have a family without becoming a criminal in the eyes of the Chantry?"

"Well ..."

"I'm still talking," Garrett said. "You think I'm free? I say I am, but I'm really not. What I am is incredibly lucky. I was able to get both the Viscount and the Knight-Captain indebted to me. Plus there's all that wealth I pulled out of the deep roads. As long as I make myself useful, as long as I'm discreet, as long as I continue giving liberal 'donations' to the templars and the city, they'll dismiss any rumours about me being a mage."

Fenris opened his mouth to say something, but shut it quickly and just slouched down in his chair when Garrett glared at him.

"You think I'm free?" Garrett asked. "Did you know that fucker Cullen had a phylactery made from my blood?"

"So he is keeping an eye on you ..."

Garrett stopped pacing and looked at Fenris.

"... which he should not do." Fenris said quickly. Then he frowned. "Although ... I mean if you do lose control ... uh, perhaps we should discontinue this discussion?"

"Please stop," Isabela said as she raised her head from where it had dropped on to the table during Garrett's speech.

Garrett sighed and scratched his chin. "Just ... think about it, Fenris. And until the day I walk into the Gallows and beg to join the Circle, you better accept the fact that I agree with everything Anders says about mage freedom."

"Can we go now?" Isabela asked. "Not that I disagree with anything you said, but it's terribly boring when you get all serious on me."

"My apologies. Do you want to go defile some dark corner of the Chantry?"

"Oh, yes. Can we time it so a templar guard 'accidentally' discovers us?"

"After," Garrett said. "We can time it so the guard discovers us after."

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"It hasn't even been one day, Hawke," Fenris said as he hurried down to his front hall. "Can't you give me until the morning to think it over?"

Anders waved at him from where he stood just inside the door. "Sorry, no Hawke. It's just me."

"It is past dark, mage," Fenris said. "Is it safe for you be wandering around Hightown alone?"

"It's safer than wandering around up here during the day. Since when do you care?"

"I do not care."

Anders scowled. He looked at the door, looked back at Fenris, and then sighed. "So, uh, Garrett talked to you too did he?"

"He did," Fenris said. "Did you have to tell him everything I said to you instead of just keeping your damn mouth shut?"

"Garrett was angry with me," Anders said.

Fenris frowned. "So you thought it would be better if Hawke was angry with me, instead."

"Of course it would be better. It didn't work too well, though, Garrett's still pissed at me. What ...uh, did Garrett speak to you about?"

"Hawke said that I cannot continue to insist all mages belong in the Circle while aiding a free mage like himself. He ... has a point."

Anders scratched the back of his head. "That sounds more fun than my lecture. Garrett explained very thoroughly why you, and other people, have real reasons to be afraid of mages. He also went into great detail about what Tevinter society is like."

"And?"

He made a grimace of distaste. "Justice wants to overthrow the Tevinter Imperium now."

"Before or after you destroy the Circles?"

He laughed. "Both? Justice isn't too good at understanding mortal limitations."

Fenris looked over his shoulder, and then back at Anders. "I am willing to concede that the Circles should, maybe, be reformed. It is possible some mages could be, if not free, perhaps ... freer?"

"Did it hurt to say that?"

"Yes, very much so."

Anders took a deep breath. "Garrett was right. It was selfish and childish of us to make him choose between us on jobs. I spent years cracking jokes and smiling at templars I wanted nothing more than to beat the shit out of. I can work with you."

"You want to beat the shit out of me?"

"That may not have been the best analogy," Anders said. He held out his hand towards Fenris. "I meant that I can work with you, if you can work with me."

Fenris took Anders hand hesitantly. "Is Justice still upset with me?"

Anders went to pull his hand away but stopped when Fenris tightened his grip. "Not that I can tell. What it with you suddenly wanting Justice's approval, anyway?"

"He had faith in me, not as a fighter, but as a ... a person."

"I'm pretty sure Garrett has faith in you."

He grimaced. "Hawke has demonstrated faith in people he should not have before."

Anders winced and this time did pull his hand away.

"I meant Merrill," Fenris said.

"Merrill, right. Look, I don't know why Justice is so fond of you. But when we were in the fade, before you struck us down ... sorry, still a bit of a sore spot ... I felt like a passenger, a prisoner in my own body. It gave me an idea of what Justice must feel like everyday. If it makes him happy to be friends with you, then I can let him have that much. It's actually easier if you are ... um, fond of him, too."

"Friends?" Fenris asked. He reached for Anders' hand again. "Isabela was here with Hawke. She had some interesting ideas."

Anders laughed nervously. "Isabela, I can just bet what type of ideas she had. It's best not to take her seriously."

"What does Justice think?" Fenris said as he stepped close to Anders, still holding on to one of his hands, and used his other hand to cup Anders' face.

Anders stepped back. Fenris followed him. "Justice thinks ... um, you have to understand Justice is very ... very innocent in a lot of ways. The fade isn't ... spirits aren't really physical beings."

"But you are," Fenris said. "And since you and Justice are now one ..."

"Fade spirits don't have sex," Anders blurted out.

Fenris frowned. "Who said anything about sex?"

"Oh ... uh, you said Isabela had some ideas and I just assumed ..."

Fenris smirked. "And your thoughts went straight to sex. Have you been thinking about us together?"

"I have not! Much. It's hard not to when Justice keeps obsessing over you."

"So tell me, is it hard when Justice obsesses over me?"

Anders groaned. "Andraste's knickerweasels, you've been spending way too much time with Isabela."

"And you've been thinking about us."

"It doesn't mean anything!"

Fenris narrowed his eyes. "I believe Isabela would say that is for the best. When sex doesn't mean anything."

Anders pushed Fenris away from him. "Look, Justice learned about relationships from his first host ... did I ever mention Kristoff?"

"You mentioned him to Hawke, and he told me what you told him."

"Oh course he did, the big gossip. You have to understand Kristoff was married. As in faithfully and happily married. Justice got some really strange notions from him, he is a hopeless romantic. I tried to teach him differently after we merged but Justice thinks I'm broken."

"Broken?"

"In the Circle, mages aren't ... relationships are not encouraged. It is unwise to form attachments. Apparently it is unjust to never hope for more than a casual tumble or two," he said and then sighed. "Kristoff has a lot to answer for."

"Only Kristoff? Why did you come to Kirkwall because a former friend and lover asked for help if you did not care for him?"

"Just because it's unwise to form attachments doesn't mean you won't form them anyway. I'd like to think even without Justice I would have come for Karl but ... I was not the sort of person who would risk my life for someone else."

"You think Justice made you a better person?"

He looked rueful. "And I made him worse."

Fenris looked at him thoughtfully. "I think your friend would not have asked for help if he didn't think you would come for him."

"Yeah, well, Karl was always an optimist."

"I think Justice would not have merged with you if he did not see something admirable in you." Fenris put his hands on Anders' shoulders and stepped up to him again. "I think Justice would like me to kiss him."

Anders frowned. "Never mind what Justice wants. I think this is a really, really bad idea."

Fenris' lyrium brands flashed briefly. "What do you say now, mage?"

"Guh."

"Are you ... drooling?"

Anders swiped a hand across his mouth. "No. I mean yes. To the kissing! Yes please."

Fenris kissed him hesitantly and then pulled away. Anders licked his lips, stared at Fenris for a moment and then plastered himself against him as he kissed him hungrily.

Anders pulled away after a moment. "We should ..."

"Take this upstairs?" Fenris said.

Anders tilted his head and moaned as Fenris nibbled on his ear. "Stop. We should ... stop."

Fenris lifted his head away from Anders' neck and growled. "Why?"

"Why? Who were you kissing, Fenris? Me or Justice?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes it matters! You hate me! Would you even touch me if it weren't for Justice?"

Fenris shrugged. "Would you touch me if it weren't for Justice?"

"Honestly? Before Justice I would have been all over you like taint on a Warden. As long as you kept your mouth shut about mages, anyway."

"Taint on a ... I'll assume that's a yes. Again, why does it matter? You don't see me complaining because Justice only wants me because of my lyrium brands."

Anders rolled his eyes. "If that was true then I could just spend the night with a bottle of lyrium and Justice would forget all about you."

Fenris' eyes glazed over.

"Whatever it is you're thinking about - stop it." Anders stepped away from Fenris and started pacing the floor. "I'm not sure if I actually want you, or if it's only Justice's influence making me think I want this. You should be with someone who isn't so ... confused as I am."

"Since when do you care?"

He stopped pacing. "I do not care. Fenris, you would be better off pursuing Garrett if you're looking to have a bit of fun."

Fenris narrowed his eyes. "You want me to pry Hawke off of Isabela."

"Not pry, so much as ... get between? I know Isabela doesn't mind sharing."

He crossed his arms. "I do not think I would like to 'share'."

Anders laughed and tapped his head. "I'm not exactly alone in here."

"That is not the same thing."

"Fenris, you hate me. I'm always just 'mage' to you."

"I hate magic, not mages. It is not an insult."

"Of course it is. The only time you call Garrett 'mage' is when you're angry at him."

"Hawke is ..."

"Allowed to be more than a mage. Let's leave it at that and call it a night."

Fenris frowned. "This is not over, mage."

Anders laughed. "Mage? See what I mean? It is definitely over."

"But the shiny ... aaagh. No shiny elf for you, Justice," Anders said as he walked over to the door and yanked it open. "Good night, you mage-hating menace."

Fenris smacked himself on the forehead after Anders was gone. "Venhedis. This is not over, Anders."

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"Varric, help!"

Varric gave a start and jumped up from his ledgers to open his door. "Blondie? What's the emergency?"

Anders shot into the room. "I kissed Fenris! Or rather he kissed me, and I ... participated."

"That is not an emergency, Blondie. You couldn't wait until the morning to brag?"

"This is serious, Varric."

"You're telling me. I owe Rivaini fifty silvers now."

Anders paced from one end of the room to the other and looked at Varric with wide eyes. "What do I do?"

"You're asking me? Were all those tales you told about the Fereldan Circle just wishful thinking on your part? Well, let's see when a boy and a boy, or a boy and elf ..."

"Oh, ha ha. Varric, what the fuck am I going to do? It was bad enough dealing with Justice's obsession without that fool elf getting an obsession of his own."

"Why me?" Varric asked the air. He looked at Anders and waved him to a chair. "Fine, sit. Tell me why you have a problem with this. I know you and Broody bicker all the time, but I never thought you really did hate him."

"That's the problem. I don't know what I really feel. Part of me wants to jump all over Fenris and let him do whatever he wants with me. Part of me wants to strangle that elf whenever the word mage leaves his mouth. How much of that is me, and how much of that is Justice controlling my thoughts?"

Varric spread his hands. "Blondie, I don't understand anything about you and that spirit of yours. How am I going to help you?"

"You have to talk to Fenris."

"And what? Warn him off pursuing you?"

"Yes! Exactly."

"What can I possibly warn Fenris about that he doesn't already know?"

"I don't know! I'm a possessed mage, that should be reason enough for him to back off."

"Except Fenris likes your passenger more than he likes you."

Anders hunched over and groaned. "That's another thing I'm not sure how I feel about. I mean, I'm pretty Justice is ecstatic because Fenris likes him, but I'm also not too happy about it at the same time. Can't you think of something to get Fenris to forget about pursuing Justice ... me ... us?"

"Alright," Varric said. He thought for a moment before nodding and lifting his chin. "Go talk to Hawke."

Anders waved his arms. "Garrett won't help. You know him, he'd just tell me to go for it and then let him know all the details. Never mind if Fenris ends up getting hurt."

"If Fenris ends up getting hurt?"

"Or me. I could be hurt, too."

"But you don't care about yourself, do you? Just Fenris."

"I do! Care about myself, but Justice cares about Fenris."

Varric sighed and looked at the ceiling for a couple of minutes. "Alright, Blondie. Let me ask you this. Are you and Justice ever going to be separate beings again?"

"No, I really don't think that's possible."

"Then there's no problem. However you feel. However Justice feels. That's not going to change."

"But I don't know how I feel!"

"Then you better figure it out," Varric said. "Goodnight Anders."

Varric drank down half a flask of ale after Anders left before going back to his ledgers. He had just started checking figures again when there was another knock on the door.

"Varric!" Fenris said from the other side of the door. "I must speak with you!"

"Shit," Varric said as he got up to let Fenris in. "When did I become everyone's best friend?"

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