April's vision blurred. Her eyes had gone over the same lines of chemical formulas about a hundred times, and it still didn't make sense to her. None of it made sense.

Hoping to uncross her eyes, she looked up from the book and surveyed the room. Her dad sat on the one end of the couch with his head tilted back; all of the papers had slid from his lap and he was snoring softly. On the other end of the couch, Mei sat with her head propped up against several throw pillows. She too had fallen asleep.

From her place at Mei's dining room table, April couldn't see the clock. But she didn't have to in order to know that it was past midnight. It couldn't be good for Mei to fall asleep on the couch like that while her injuries were still healing.

As April wearily glanced back over the formulas, she found herself wishing that Donnie could be there to help her out. Her heart twisted at the thought. She missed Donnie. It was seventeen days now since he had be un-mutated.

Seventeen days. The same length of time that April had been in coma.

And like the coma, the seventeen days felt like an eternity.

The thought made her wince involuntarily as phantom pain shot through her arms. She had almost died. And it had been her own fault. With multiple vicious strikes of a knife, she had spat in the face of everyone she loved, hurt everyone she loved…

..hurt Donnie.

She didn't blame herself for the accident – she had tried to several times, but her dad and Mei had helped her get past that particular distorted perception of reality. But she regretted that the last days of Donnie's sentient life had been filled with so much grief and turmoil.

Because of her.

I'm so much stronger now, Donnie, April thought, as she mindlessly doodled on her notepad. Healthier. Happier, even. I'm getting better.

I wish I could share that with you.

She was startled out of her thoughts by a particularly loud snore that her dad issued.

It startled Mei, too – she moaned softly as she woke up and looked around. "April? What time is it?"

"No clue," April muttered.

"Why are you still here? You need to be rested for your visit from the social worker tomorrow."

April's stomach tightened. The social worker! CPS had started sniffing around when April was reported missing from school; with some quick computer hacking, Mei had made it appear that April's father had pulled her from public school and was now homeschooling her. Nevertheless, it had not been fast enough – even though Mei had back-dated it – and April and her dad had been notified that a social worker would be coming to interview them. "Oh my gosh. I forgot."

Mei glanced down at April's arms. "Well, don't forget to keep your sleeves rolled down when she comes."

April followed Mei's gaze. It had been so warm in the apartment that she'd rolled up her sleeves, revealing the ugly raised scars that had been deep, life-threatening gashes a few weeks ago. The social worker would certainly take interest in such a thing – and that was the last kind of interest that April wanted. Hastily, she pulled down her sleeves. "Good catch." She looked back up at Mei, who was suddenly staring off into space, a tiny hint of panic in her eyes that vaguely reminded April of the time that Mei – going by the name Atsuko then – had struck her unconscious. "Are you all right?"

Immediately, the panic was gone. April wondered if she had imagined it.

"I'm fine," Mei said. "Just tired."

April had a strong feeling that Mei was keeping something from her.

"Kirby?" Mei said loudly. "You and April ought to be going."

April's dad snorted and sat bolt upright. "Huh?" His eyes fell on the clock. "Dang it. Come on, April, let's get packed up."

"Just leave it," Mei said. "You'll be back tomorrow, and we don't want the social worker to see this stuff anyway."

"Good point. Let me help you get to bed."

"I can do it myself."

"Now, you know that the doctors said you need to wait at least another week before moving to and from the wheelchair without assistance."

Mei frowned.

April hated seeing Mei like this. Somebody as fiercely independent as her could not have found accepting this much help easy.

"April, go on home and get some sleep," Kirby said. "Between the two of us, you need to look healthier."

April wanted to stay and help Mei, too, but she had discovered that Mei did not like multiple people fussing over her. "Okay. Good night, Mei. Love ya."

Mei's lips formed a smile. Since her jaw was wired shut due to the fracture she'd sustained, her smiles were limited – but April could see in Mei's eyes how much it meant.

With that, April headed home, trying not to think about how much she was dreading tomorrow.


Mei watched as April left. The door clicked shut.

"Your daughter is a gem, Kirby."

"I know. Maybe that's why the Kraang are after her."

"You know, I still haven't met the Kraang."

Kirby shuddered. "Count yourself fortunate. Hey, you've seemed…off tonight. How are you doing?"

"I don't understand it," Mei whispered. "I felt no fear at the time. So why – why am I so fearful now?"

Kirby was silent.

"I've started having nightmares again. Like I used to. About Kenshin and the boys, everything – he – did to me in Japan, and what happened two weeks ago. Even though he's gone."

"Well, in the moment, the brain has no time to process fear. Afterwards, when there is safety, the brain tries to resolve the issue – deals with the fear as if it's happening again. It's precisely because you are safe now that this is so difficult for you."

Mei sighed. That did not exactly help her. She had thought that ending Shredder's life would somehow undo all of the hurt she had suffered at his hands. Instead, it just seemed like he had been put out of his misery while she was forced to continue suffering.

"When was the last time you had a nightmare about the incident?"

Mei scoffed. "Which one?"

"Any of them."

"I only seem to have them when I'm alone." Alone, like she had spent most of her life after losing Kenshin and the boys. She had learned a way to cope with the nightmares – a way that involved being totally shut off from as much human contact as possible. But now, she had grown accustomed to being around people – people she loved, and people who loved her – and being alone with her reawakened fears was almost unbearable.

"Mei, can I ask you a question?"

Mei shrugged.

"Do you think poorly of yourself because you weren't afraid in the moment, but you are now?"

"Yes." Water collected at the fringes of her vision. "It doesn't make sense."

Kirby nodded. "Feelings usually don't. Being afraid now doesn't make you weak, or a coward, or anything like that. It's a sign that you were able to put your fears on hold long enough to survive the trauma. You're safe now – and we can work on dealing with those fears, right? You have meditation, that book about cognitive therapy I got you, and we can try other stuff, too." He was quiet for a moment. "I can't stay all night, Mei. I really wish I could, but April – well, two nights ago she had night terrors. She denies it…but I know that's what happened. I need to be there for her."

"I understand."

"Do you want me to call Splinter? I'm sure he could stealth his way up here."

"No. There's no reason to bother him."

"I don't think it'd bother him. I think he'd bend over backwards for you, to be honest."

"I know. But I also think he'd blame himself for this, somehow. He's been blaming himself for this whole Shredder mess for years." She felt a surge of guilt.

In your darkest hour…

She had blamed him, too. Finally, she had realized the blame was misplaced. Splinter had said that he had forgiven himself – but in order to forgive something, there had to be guilt.

He most assuredly still assumed the blame. She suspected that he blamed himself for her injuries, too – there was no need to pile on guilt over her emotional trauma, too yet.

Mei squeezed her eyes shut; a bead of water escaped. She sighed. "I thought that I was finally done with fear."

Kirby nodded and gently patted her on the shoulder. "You know, earthquakes do a lot of damage. Sometimes, the aftershocks cause more damage than the initial quake."

"So that's what this is? Aftershock?"

"It's one way of looking at it. We're all going to be experiencing it in some fashion or another. What's happened in our lives, here – it's just way too astronomical for any of us to escape the after-effects. Heck, Mei, I'm giving you all of this advice here, but I'm still having nightmares myself. About the Kraang, about being a mindless mutant..." Kirby shuddered slightly and drew a deep breath. "But as long as we hold onto each other, we'll get through this. All of us. We just have to ride it out, and wait for the tremors to stop."

Mei nodded, and used her good arm to wipe tears out of her eyes.

"Ready to try to get some sleep?"

"Yes."

Kirby helped Mei get changed into her pajamas – he was very gentlemanly, keeping his eyes averted as much as possible. Then, he helped her get comfortable in bed. He pressed her new cell phone into her hand. "Call if you need anything."

Mei nodded. "I'll need April to help me with my bath tomorrow."

"Sure thing. Once we've got the whole mess with this social worker figured out, I'll send her over." He chuckled. "I had to pick out all of this curriculum so I can prove that she's getting a good education at home. You know, I'm actually excited kind of excited about homeschooling her. She'll be able to have a more flexible schedule – which works perfectly for her ninja training and all of that. Gives her more time with her friends, too."

Mei closed her eyes. "Good night, Kirby."

"Oh yeah – sorry. Good night, Mei. Don't hesitate to call." He left, and the door knob clicked loudly.

Clicked like a lock she had once heard every night for months on end.