For any of you who were confused by the fact that all my chapters were messed up due to my re-writing...here is my token of forgiveness. A new chapter ready to go! Enjoy! :)
E-E-E
So this is what his final curtain call felt like, Double D thought. Strangely, he imagined that it would have been more ominous. Instead, it seemed just a bit too ridiculous for his tastes.
Until he had a plan in his head, it was obvious that there was no escape for Double D. His lips having retreated into his mouth out of fear of being kissed, Double D could only watch as Marie Kanker circled him like a shark circling a shipwrecked sailor. There wasn't much grace in her steps, mostly due to the fact that she was becoming increasingly annoyed the longer she circled Double D.
And he knew exactly why she was so ticked off. She wasn't happy that he had gotten gum in her hair when she had tried to steal a kiss from him earlier. So in a form of vengeance, she gave him only one supposed "solution" to this dilemma of him. All Double D had to give Marie Kanker was a single kiss on the lips.
Unfortunately, that kind of thing was easier said than done for someone like Double D. Not only did the idea of kissing anyone terrify him, but he definitely didn't see Marie as his ideal person.
"You can't keep this up forever, Double D. I'm going to get some willing lip action from you if it takes all night." Marie stated as she stopped in front of Double D. She stared down at him with her arms crossed and a devious look in her eyes.
"This is so unnecessary..." Double D said quietly. He didn't fully understand what Marie was trying to accomplish with all this. She had kissed him so many times in the past, with each kiss being more unwanted than the next. Why was it so important that she force to Double D to give her a kiss instead of her just assaulting him as usual? And why did it have to be on the lips?
Double D felt like sulking, and as he tried to force himself to relax, his lips relaxed and Marie saw her chance. The sock-headed Ed yelped as he felt her grab him by the jaw. Slowly, he could feel himself being forced to face Marie at eye level. His body shaking once again, the sock-headed Ed watched helplessly as Marie fluttered her eyelashes as if trying to coax Double D into kissing her already.
"Come on, Double D. Aren't I pretty to you?" Marie asked in her best innocent voice, but Double D didn't really know what to say.
"Do I have to answer that question?" Double D inquired politely, but his manners were lost to Marie, who simply made a nasty expression and roughly pushed him away from her. Double D spun around in his chair before he tipped over and fell onto the floor. Luckily, he managed to land sideways.
"You're supposed to say yes!" Marie exclaimed angrily in response to Double D's statement. She was trying to somewhat curb her attitude because she believed it would make getting a kiss out of Double D easier.
However, she was beginning to want to rip her hair out at his lack of a spine. She was supposed to be having fun with Double D; not getting annoyed by him. After all, her sisters were doing her a big favor keeping the other two Eds "distracted" while she had Double D all to herself.
Double D knew he couldn't do much at a time like this but sigh. He was still very afraid, but he began to wonder if there was even a point to being scared. As long as he continued to remain in fear, it would always be like this. Marie liked his fear. She enjoyed watching him running away, cowering from her, and pushing her away when she tried to kiss him.
As Double D lay on the floor, still tied the chair, with an annoyed Marie Kanker above him, a spark ignited in his brain. It was a sudden revelation, and Double D felt stupid for not realizing it sooner.
He knew the reason why the Kankers had such a hold over him and his friends. It wasn't because they were necessarily better or smarter than them, and it wasn't blind luck either. As Double D processed it in his brain, he deduced that they had an advantage that the Eds didn't have. There was a reason Lee had been able to eventually see through their reverse psychology attempt, even after all that time that the Eds had the Kankers running scared.
Double D felt his chair being set upright again. Marie was glaring at him, clearly waiting for something. He tried to glare back, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.
That was his weakness at work. It was the advantage the Kanker Sisters had over Ed, Edd n' Eddy since the day they'd met.
Fear. It was nothing more than simple fear. And as long as they kept the Eds afraid of them and their kisses, the Kanker Sisters had power over them. No amount of reverse psychology, brilliant inventions or restraining orders could stand up against the fact that Eds were always being weakened by their own fear.
"Don't you want to go home, Double D? Back to your warm bed?" Marie teased, hoping she might be able to get enough of a rise out of her "boyfriend" that he would submit to her wishes already.
"I would like to, but the prerequisites you've placed before me are not very appealing." Double D responded articulately. Unfortunately for him, Marie seemed to be reaching her limit. Her face began to turn red, and she gritted her teeth angrily before reaching for hair as if she really did plan on ripping it all out.
Finally, Marie grabbed Double D by the collar and screamed in his face, "This is stupid! Give me a kiss right now...or else we'll see just what's under that hat of yours!"
Marie was clearly reaching her boiling point. While she enjoyed having Double D in fear of her, this was just starting to become aggravating. One thing was for sure; Mom had been right when she said that men were nothing more than spineless worms.
Double D gulped. Now he really didn't have much of a choice at all, because he definitely didn't need anyone else finding out what he kept hidden underneath his hat.
Double D closed his eyes and sighed again. His mind, normally used to calculating, was now being told that he was in fact not afraid of the girl before him. For the minute he needed to kiss her, Double D would cast aside all fear. Remembering the exercises from his psychology manual, Double D purged his mind of the idea that he, Ed and Eddy were afraid of the Kanker Sisters. Instead, he imagined himself in a field of flowers, surrounded by colorful butterflies of all kinds.
When he opened his eyes, he imagined that he was staring at a very pretty girl, with sparkling eyes and pristine white teeth. In his moment of delusion, Double D made a wide gap-toothed grin. Having decided his next course of action, Double D did exactly what he never imagined himself doing.
Double D puckered his lips and just went in for the kill.
It wasn't a very long kiss, but it lasted long enough that Double D eventually realized he was overdoing it. Detaching himself from Marie Kanker, Double D wondered if he should ashamed or proud of what he just did. Not wanting to ruin his chances of escaping Marie's clutches, Double D remained silent as his state of self-induced hypnosis faded.
The sock-headed Ed smiled. He was actually beginning to feel a little proud of himself. In fact, Double D was becoming proud enough of his accomplishment to the point where he almost didn't care if Marie just tricked him into that kiss. He still managed to do it, and that was quite a feat in and of itself.
"There. Now you said I'd be free to go." Double D stated, but surprisingly, he got no response. He raised an eyebrow in confusion at the sight of the girl in front of him. Marie was sitting on the ground cross-legged, her face pasted with what looked like a very lovestruck expression. Hearts were visible in her eyes, and she seemed to be rocking back and forth while laughing softly.
Naturally, Double D couldn't help but wonder if something was wrong with her, because that was not at all the reaction he had been expecting. Double D imagined that Marie was going to tell him that his kiss hadn't been good enough and that he was going to need proper "lessons" from her.
"Marie...?" he said, but she seemed to be ignoring him. Still bound with ropes, the sock-headed Ed wondered how he was to escape these bonds if Marie was distracted like this.
But much to his surprise, a familiar voice on the other side of the door gave him all the hope he could ever need.
"He's in there, Eddy!"
That sounded like Ed.
"Alright, Ed! Time to put the hard head of yours to good use!"
And the other voice was definitely Eddy.
"Okey dokey, Eddy! Ram Ed is ready for ramming!"
Double D heard shuffling on the other side of the door, and then the sound of someone running fast in his direction. There was a loud crash, and the door to the room flew over right Double D's head and bounced against the wall behind him.
Standing in the doorway was Eddy, and he was holding a laughing Ed as if he was some sort of battering ram. Though he could feel relief washing over him, Double D had trouble believing that his two friends had really just escaped the Kankers unscathed. From what he could see though, neither Ed nor Eddy had any sign of kiss marks anywhere on their persons.
"Hahahaha...rescue time, Double D!" Ed stated, while Eddy held him like one would hold a weed whacker as he approached the bound Double D. All this time, Marie Kanker seemed to be oblivious to the situation around her, still rocking back and forth with the same lovey dovey look on her face.
"Let her rip, Ed!" Eddy told his larger friend, and Ed grinned stupidly before he opened his mouth and began to chomp down on the ropes holding Double D. It was a crude effort, but it worked, and in a couple seconds Ed's teeth had gnawed through the ropes completely, releasing Double D.
"Ed! Eddy! How did you...?" Double D began, but Eddy was quick to cut him off.
"Ah, don't worry about it, Sockhead. Ed's got the nose of a bloodhound." he replied, and Ed proceeded to chuckle before adding in his two cents.
"You smell squeaky clean, Double D!"
"Why thank you, Ed." Double D said with a smile. Now free from those ropes, he took the liberty to hug himself and know that he wasn't trapped anymore. Partially distracted by his newfound freedom, Double D almost didn't hear Eddy's comment when the shortest Ed noticed Marie still rocking back and forth.
"Hey, what's with her?" Eddy asked, before waving a hand experimentally in front of Marie's eyes to see if he could get a reaction. As he expected, Marie didn't seem to notice and just giggled before saying, "You're a good kisser, Double D..."
Eddy looked back at Double D and immediately wondered what she was talking about. Double D rubbed the back of his neck nervously and tried to divert Eddy's attention.
"Maybe we should go. She might snap out of that trance soon." he suggested. Luckily, Eddy didn't question any further.
"Yeah, let's split. I've run enough from Kankers for one day." Eddy said, before leading Double D and Ed out the doorway. As the trio left, Double D couldn't help but glance back at Marie. She was still in her trance. Double D felt a knot beginning to form in his stomach.
Something felt strange. He could only wonder if what he had done was in fact the right thing,
Sighing to himself as he followed Ed and Eddy out of the Old Abandoned House, Double D decided to let the questions sit for now, and he wished only for the comfort of his labeled bed.
E-E-E
Ed laughed in the face of the skull in his hand, hoping in the back of his silly mind that the skull would laugh back. Unfortunately for the biggest of the Eds, his fantasy remained a fantasy, and the skull remained as silent as always. Nevertheless, Ed kept laughing as he put the skull on top of his head and held his arms out like grasping claws.
"Beware puny mortals from the wrath of the two-headed Zombie Brain Muncher! Feed me your brains or face your doooom!" Ed exclaimed in his best movie monster voice. Eddy, who sitting on Double D's bed and waiting, just looked at Ed and wondered how much of that monobrow hair actually went back into his brain.
"So you still haven't told us why little miss Kanker was acting weird when we found you," Eddy began, "I figure since me and Ed saved your skin back there, you owe it to both of us that we get all the juicy details."
Double D, who was busy inspecting the ant farm with his magnifying glass, didn't really want to answer Eddy, but he knew he had to. Unfortunately for Double D, Eddy actually knew quite a bit more than he was letting on. The shortest of the Eds could only guess that Double D had to have done something embarrassing to get one of the Kankers to act like that. Eddy could already taste the blackmail.
"Trust me Eddy, you don't want any details. I had to do something extreme so that she'd let me go." Double D replied, his tone of voice implying that he didn't really want to explain anymore. Eddy could tell that Double D was holding back however, and Eddy was not one to let a good secret go to waste. He grinned before jumping off Double D's bed and putting an arm around Ed's shoulder.
"Hey Ed..."
Ed let the skull roll off his head, "What is it, Eddy?"
"I know what Double D's not telling us..." Eddy said with a sly tone of voice. Ed began to smile wide as he leaned in so Eddy could whisper in his ear.
But as Ed listened, Double D could easily see that his expression changing rapidly. It went from a dumb smile to a look of pure horror. Unable to fully believe what Eddy was telling him, Ed gasped before shouting, "No way! That's so gross, Double D! How could you survive such a hideous encounter with a life-sucking alien!"
"I can't wrap my brain around it either, Ed. If only Double D would tell us everything..." Eddy stated as he continued to grin at Double D. Double D, feeling extremely uncomfortable now, put his magnifying glass down so he could give both Ed and Eddy his full attention.
"If you must know, I had no other choice! But while the two of you joke around, I'll just be sure to keep the secret to why the Kankers always best us to myself, thank you!" Double D stated with his hands behind his back and a disapproving look on his face.
Eddy's smug expression seemed to fade in an instant. He jumped on Double D's chest, grabbing him by the collar and yelling right up in his face, "Secret? What secret, Sockhead? What do you know?"
"Please get off me, Eddy..."
Suddenly having a thirst for Double D's knowledge, Eddy managed to comply and let go of Double D. Brushing off the front of his shirt, Double D cleared his throat.
"In his first inaugural address, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt said and I quote, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." I realized yesterday that his words speak volumes to all three of us, Eddy. It pretty much sums up our predicament with the Kanker Sisters." Double D began to explain. Eddy seemed interested in what he had to say, for once, but as usual Ed was distracted by something, namely Double D's ant farm.
"How's that got anything to do with our problem?" Eddy asked while giving Double D a confused look.
"Our problem is fear, Eddy! The reason reverse psychology didn't work on the Kanker Sisters is because you let them know you were afraid at a crucial moment!" Double D stated, leaving Eddy to look at Double D like he was pronouncing him as a criminal.
"Hey, that stuff ain't easy, Sockhead! I can't help it if they creep me out." the shortest of the Eds replied as he crossed his arms and gritted his teeth. He wasn't going to admit it, but Double D was right. If he hadn't shown that glimmer of fear, then maybe they wouldn't still have to deal with the threat of the Kanker Sisters on a daily basis.
"That's our weakness, Eddy. I've figured out that the reason the Kanker sisters are so successful in their conquest against us is nothing more than simple fear. Once we cease being so scared of them, I imagine they would become bored of us and finally leave us alone forever!" Double D announced with a gap-toothed smile.
"But Double D...I don't like kisses very much." Ed commented.
"Lumpy's got a point. You just expect us pull this act of yours out of nowhere?" Eddy added. Unfortunately, Double D didn't exactly have an answer to that.
"Well...that's the part I still have to figure out. My psychology manual says that it's very possible for one to convince oneself the existence of something that really isn't there. It's a gamble, but it might just work if executed properly." Double D replied while rubbing his chin and thinking just how this idea of his was going to be pulled off.
Of course, Double D failed to mention that he had used this method on himself with Marie Kanker the other day. He really didn't want to go back into the details of that night, especially because Double D couldn't really remember any feelings of unpleasantness during that kiss. And just thinking about that notion made Double D's stomach turn.
"Trust me, Eddy. This will work if we do it right..."
Eddy was no doubt skeptical of the idea Double D was proposing. To him, it sounded like all it was going to do was humiliate them. Nevertheless, Eddy decided to put his doubt aside for now, and trust that Double D knew what he was doing, "Fine. We'll go with your plan then...if you're so sure."
"This sounds hard, Double D. I don't know if I can resist kisses for long..." Ed said with a worried expression.
"Don't you worry, Ed." Double D reassured him, "I've got it all covered. Before you know it, the Kanker Sisters and their kisses will be things of the past for us!"
But the more Double D thought about it, the more he realized just how risky this plan of his was going to be. Because if he got captured by Marie like that again, Double D did not even want to speculate what kind of things she'd put him through...
