Ondine, chapter 3

"Saavik, I think that Joka is happy with his new home."

Sitting cross-legged on her mattress, Saavik gazed at the terrarium beside the bed. "He is a lizard. Lizards have no emotions."

Beside her, Uhura smiled. "He might not have emotions like Margaret or me, for instance, but he can feel happiness. In a, uh, very basic, lizardy sort of way."

Raising an eyebrow, Saavik thought about it for a moment, then said, "He does appear content. Is that an emotional state?"

"I think it is. Watch how eagerly he's eating that banana. That's because he likes it. Why, he has food, water, a cozy home, and someone to scratch his back every now and then. What more could he want?"

"It does not take much to make him happy."

"He's an uncomplicated creature. His needs are simple, but as long as they're satisfied, he's happy. I suppose you could say the same thing about any of us."

"It takes much more than an overripe banana and a back scratch to satisfy me, although I would certainly not refuse a back scratch."

Chuckling, Uhura said, "Oh, your needs are definitely different than his, but what I meant was that for any of us, if our needs are met we're happy. If our needs aren't met, we're unhappy. It's pretty fundamental, really."

"Perhaps."

Obviously bored with the discussion, Saavik jumped up and lifted Joka out of his cage, where he was rooting around in search of more banana. She settled back onto the bed and tickled his back, completely captivated by her new pet.

As Uhura watched, she thought about what she'd said. If your needs are met, you're happy. If your needs aren't met, you're unhappy. Was it really that simple? She'd been awfully unhappy recently. Evidently her needs weren't being met. So, what were her needs? She folded her hands in her lap as she thought about it.

Career? Going great. Friendship? Ditto. Laughter? Generally speaking, lots of laughter. Love? Well...

That one wasn't so easy. If all she needed was to love someone, she should be fine, because she certainly loved Spock with all her heart. So, evidently just loving someone wasn't enough. Being loved in return? Spock wasn't demonstrative. "Love" didn't even mean the same thing to him as it did to her, but she'd understood that right from the start. And she'd always been okay with it. She'd known that he loved her in his own way.

So what was the problem?

Recently he had been so distant, as if he was holding some part of himself away from her. He'd always been aloof, but that was actually one of the qualities that had first drawn her to him. Why would it bother her now? Because...

Chewing on her lip as she thought about it, she frowned and looked down at her hands.

Because he seemed so unhappy.

That was it.

He'd always been very protective of his personal space, but now it was different somehow. He appeared almost fearful of opening up to her, whereas before he had merely been self-contained. She'd seen a look in his eyes recently, something she had seen many times before but never in response to her, a troubled withdrawal that was almost always a reaction to some external force with which he couldn't cope.

No, that wasn't quite right...

Not just an 'external force,' but specifically a person who invaded his emotional space or a situation that goaded him into an emotional reaction. Very few of his crewmates could read him well enough to pick up such subtle changes in his behavior, but she had always been able to spot them. His unhappiness had always been clear to her. How could she have missed it? And for so long? Because now that she actually thought about it, she saw that it had been evident as long ago as their trip to England.

So why was he unhappy? This brought her back to her original notion—which of his needs were not being met?

She needed intimacy. Maybe... he needed privacy. She needed lots of physical contact. Maybe he needed space. She needed open, honest sharing. Could it be that he required distance? She needed a love that would never stop growing, but had he reached his limits, stretched beyond his endurance and his capabilities? Could it be that what she needed was in direct opposition to what he needed? Could it be that her own happiness could only make him miserable, and vice versa?

Could it be? Could it?

"Nyota!" Saavik jumped up and put the lizard back in his cage. "May we listen to some music? Margaret and I have our very own player now."

Uhura forced her thoughts back to the moment and tried to smile despite the agitated, miserable tightness in her chest. "Of course, Saavik. What do you want to hear?"

"Debussy." Saavik reached up to the shelf and brought down her small audio unit. "As you can see, I have programmed it with a wide selection of works."

"All right." Uhura turned it on and studied the display. "How about 'Clair de Lune'?"

"No, we listened to that yesterday. I want to hear something new."

"Well, that rules out over half of these. Hmmm... Here." Keying her selection, Uhura said, "Here's one I'll bet you've never heard. It's for the piano. 'Ondine.'"

"'Ondine.' That is a curious name. It is not descriptive like most of Debussy's other names."

The first lilting tone clusters danced softly into the room. Trying her best to think about nothing more than the music, Uhura took a deep breath. "Oh, but it is descriptive. Very descriptive. Have you ever heard the legend of Ondine?"

"No." Saavik's eyes were big. "Will you tell me?"

A playful, ethereal flurry burst from Saavik's audio unit as if tiny elfin feet had brilliantly scampered up the keyboard. A moment later, the upward movement was echoed in another passage, but this time it was soft and enigmatic.

Uhura leaned toward Saavik and murmured, "Listen. There is magic in this music."

"Really?"

"Yes. Can you hear them? Mysterious, mythical creatures, beings of light and water, the essence of the earth, the sky, and the sea."

"Is Ondine one of them?"

"Yes! She is."

Suddenly, the notes began moving rapidly, the fluid, chromatic tones blurry as they swept gently up and down, back and forth.

Saavik pressed her lips together in concentration. "This sounds like water, but it's not big enough or fierce enough to be the ocean."

"Very good, Saavik. According to legend, Ondine lives in a lake. She's a water nymph."

A beautiful, clear melody rang out over the top of the watery tones, calling out enticingly for all to hear. The song was brief, however, and gradually the music became dark. Twisted now, the melody returned, but it whispered menacingly, driving forward to the accompaniment of a rhythmic, low rumble.

"Is a water nymph a good being or a bad one?" Saavik asked in a subdued voice.

Uhura matched her tone to Saavik's. "No one knows. They're capricious and unpredictable, but their intentions? Your guess is as good as mine. They hide themselves away, inhabiting all the lakes and rivers and streams. And Ondine is the queen of not only the water nymphs, but of the fish and the eels, and every creature that lives in the water."

"Tell me the story of Ondine, Nyota."

The music changed again, ebbing and flowing around them now, all danger banished in the face of a lazy, comfortable murmuring. After a moment, another voice was added, and then another, each blending sweetly to create an alluring ensemble that rose gently upward.

"As I said, Ondine was the queen of all creatures who lived in the water. She was beautiful, so beautiful, and she lived in a magnificent castle at the bottom of the largest, clearest lake. No one ever saw her, for she never left her castle, demanding instead that all her subjects come to her."

Uhura paused as the music continued to build, beckoning her forward in her tale. "But Ondine was lonely. She wanted a king to share her castle, and no matter how hard she looked among all her subjects, none of them captured her interest."

Saavik snorted softly. "I would not care to marry an eel, either."

"So you see her problem. One day, however, she happened to peer up to the shore, and whom did she see but a mortal man. He was strong, tall and handsome, and she fell in love with him immediately. She knew that she had to have him. Making her decision, she left her castle and swam up through the cool, clear water, and without hesitating another moment she rose from the surface of the lake."

"How did she do that?"

"Magic."

Saavik frowned but appeared to accept it, so Uhura continued. "Singing her most enticing song, she called to him. She begged him to come, to marry her and rule the kingdom of the water with her."

"What did he do?"

The music grew, sweeping lightly up the keyboard as Ondine sang her seductive song.

"He took one look at her and knew that he would give anything, anything at all to marry such a beautiful creature. He agreed, and she was overjoyed. She drew him into her arms and pulled him under the surface with her as she retreated to her magnificent castle."

Saavik's eyes were wide. "And he became her king?"

Fading now, the notes continued to sweep up and down.

Uhura shook her head sadly. "No. He drowned. You see, he was never meant to live in her world."

The music paused, then ended on a single sweet, perfect chord.

In the silence, Saavik whispered, "She killed him?"

Uhura could hardly speak. "Yes. Ondine loved him, but she took him where he was never meant to go."

Saavik considered it for a moment, then sat straight. "Well, they were both very foolish," she said briskly.

Uhura watched as Saavik put away the audio unit and retrieved her lizard again. The young girl was chattering about something, but Uhura didn't hear. Instead, her own words echoed through her mind.

She took him where he was never meant to go.

And he drowned.

...

"...and as a result of our innocent attempt to increase production at mine 2c, that Andorian tyrant brought in his troops!"

Ambassador Gavis punctuated his remarks with the staccato of his hoof on the tabletop. Predicting that this remark would not go uncontested, Spock steepled his fingers as he turned toward the Andorian ambassador. Kirk emitted a heavy sigh next to him.

As expected, Ambassador Thrin was not pleased. Although his restrained demeanor did not match the Tellarite ambassador's theatricality, outrage was obvious in the hissing sibilants of his cold voice.

"A tyrant? You would call our esteemed regent a tyrant? He has been more than patient with your attempts to encroach on his territory. Repeatedly he requested that your people obey the strictures set forth by the treaty; repeatedly they ignored him. Finally, what choice did he have? None of this is his fault."

"Gentlemen." Sarek calmly interrupted the bickering. "Perhaps our time would be better used if we put aside the determination of fault for the moment. Each party obviously possesses legitimate grievances, but I suggest that we work to clarify the exact terms of the treaty so as to avoid such... 'confusion' in the future."

Gavis and Thrin glared at one another from either side of the table, but neither spoke. Apparently deciding to accept that as an affirmative response, Sarek keyed up the treaty. Again. As a matter of fact, he had been through the treaty four point two times since the beginning of this meeting, the last attempt having been interrupted by this argument. Spock was quite impressed by his father's patience.

Sarek looked up to ensure that he had the ambassadors' attention. "The first article of the treaty clearly states the exact cubic tonnage that may be exported by..."

Since he knew every word of the treaty, Spock saw no need to devote all his mental resources to Sarek's recitation. Instead, he decided to review his and Nyota's upcoming schedules in an attempt to determine a time when they could see one another. His computer search two nights ago had been unsuccessful, but perhaps there was a factor he had overlooked.

Immediately upon completion of the Coridon assignment, the Enterprise was scheduled to ferry medical supplies to the Aliki homeworld. While his presence was hardly crucial to that mission, the ship would pass near an inconsistent and unknown source of gamma radiation, and he would not want to miss the opportunity to scan that area of space. After the Aliki mission, Spock had agreed to serve as a guest lecturer at the upcoming quantum electrodynamics symposium while the Enterprise docked at Starbase Nineteen for routine maintenance. Upon completion of repairs, both the Enterprise and the Constellation were slated to participate in the testing of the Excelsior prototype engine. The upcoming trial was already the focus of considerable attention, and as co-lead of the warp statistics team, Spock knew that he would find no time for any other pursuits.

The Lexington, on the other hand, still patrolled the neutral zone near Nistras Three. While the Klingons had largely accepted the explanation of Torsall's manipulations, there was still a great deal of uneasiness and mistrust to overcome, and it was unlikely that the Lexington would be free to depart anytime soon. Cautious talks had proceeded between the Klingons and Starfleet personnel, but progress was slow. Indeed, if it were not for the five-day observance of the Klingon holiday QI'lop, Nyota would not have been free to attend Saavik's graduation.

"'... and in exchange for these mining rights and the cooperation extended in the interest of goodwill, the citizens of Coridon will receive immediate consideration for membership within the Federation.'"

Spock brought his attention back to the proceedings as his father quoted the final clause in the treaty. Nyota would be back on board the Lexington late tomorrow. He would have to contact her then and explain that he could not discern how they could see one another within the next forty-three Standard days.

...

Adjusting the reading light, Uhura looked down at her padd again and focused on the words beneath her nose. The shuttle was very peaceful, and this could be the last quiet time she would have to herself for a while. Try as she might to take advantage of it, however, she couldn't find the inner serenity to match the tranquillity of her surroundings.

She smiled sadly as she thought about her parting words with Saavik:

"Nyota, remember! You said that you would take me back to the beach sometime."

"You bet, Saavik! We'll have to find a place with even bigger waves."

"That would be agreeable. And this place must have many shells! I would prefer not to compete with other people for the good shells, however. Perhaps we can locate an island somewhere so that it can be only the three of us. All alone!"

"Wouldn't that be nice? We'll see what we can do."

Uhura had given everyone hugs, despite the fact that Saavik had done her best to dodge the embrace, and then she walked down the corridor toward her shuttle. She had been smiling and laughing as she left, but inside the heavy sensation had returned. Saavik's innocent fantasy was so sweet—three happy people, living in a world all their own—but that's really all it was. A fantasy. A dream, a hope...

A sudden spasm contorted her face, and she turned toward the window and closed her eyes. Oh, how she had hoped and dreamed of a future for her and Spock, but was it really meant to be? What should she do? She just couldn't go on like this. Was it the best she could hope for? Hope. That wasn't hope. That was a lack of hope.

What did someone do when the hope was gone?

Finally, she turned off the reading light and tried to make herself comfortable in her seat. This would be a long, long flight, with nothing but her churning thoughts to keep her company.

End chapter 3